Fiancée Having Second Thoughts

[Badgerella 5]

As you can tell already, men in the U.S. have earned a poor reputation in much of the world. Young women are told horror stories about how many American men treat their immigrant wives. Our government also has a poor reputation, and it shows up in the behavior of staff in many of our embassies. Short of "being there" for the interview, if she is willing to have you come over, there is nothing you can do to respond to your concerns. Yes, she might be washing floors unless you know of some way for her to resume her professional career. Yes, people come here and feel out of place. Yes, spouses are abused and abandoned. It's all true.

And if she is not marrying for a greencard and loves her husband, she will wash a floor like I would wash a floor to be able to make money to stay with the person I love. What gives with these high maintanace foreigners? I have washed floors, worked at daycares. Our reputation? Stay away. In the USA , people have more rights than anywhere in Europe. Horror stories? What the hell about all the Americans who have been used and a bused by foregners shopping for countries. People are supposed to marry us cause they love us, not because they are worried where they are going to work. Frankly I am fed up with alot of these foreigners who think they are entitled to more than americans in this economy. Its ridiculous. My mother kind of sat me down last week and asked me frankly if I realised just how much it costs to support another adult ( and my husband who is now back in home country but may return in 3 weeks) has worked a total of 4 weeks in 5 months and complained the entire time tht the work was too hard. For gods sakes, people are throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. these people work hard back home. But when they are shopping for a greencard, the work i s too hard.. It because they are lazy and they dont want to work hard any more and if they are complaining BEFORE they get here its because they arent in love with their spouse. Love doesnt complain and look for things wrong. I am sick of coddling someone and have killed myself to make things work and half these people wanna be on permanent vacation. In this economy , I have had to do plenty of things I havent wanted to do to survive.. I feel NO empathy

Excuse me, but this is - funny.

Only a.. (I will try to be nice here) mentally challenged person can have no second thoughts or can believe that love saves the world and that, if there's true love, everyone will live happily ever after. Excuse me, but the fact that I love my fiance does not feed me every day or pays my rent. Sure, it does help me get through the day, because it's, overall, a very nice and positive feeling, but.. around lunch time I really need to have money, not his love.

We're all aware that there are people throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. But I wish people (I don't want to be unnecessarily rude and say Americans, here) would stop assuming that everyone who is not an USC is miserable, poor, undereducated and can't wait until they have their greencard and can move into the promise land, a.k.a. the United States of America.

I have gone through years and years of school and practical experience in various fields. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be satisfied washing floors in the US, just like I wouldn't be satisfied doing the same thing here. I've invested time and money into my education and I see no reason, at all, why I couldn't or shouldn't expect to be treated the same as some American citizen, or whoever else you think should have an advantage. If my knowledge/experience/degree are in demand and I meet the requirements, I really am no worse (as a person, specialist, worker, whoever), at all, than someone who was born in the US or has been a greencard holder longer than I have been.

I'd like to repeat it once more - we, the aliens, beneficiaries, or whatever you want to call us, are not by default unhappy, poor, miserable, undereducated and dying to become American citizens. Many of us really don't give a damn about the US as a whole, or the opportunities it could give us. We just happen to be engaged, married or just in love with an american citizen and for reasons that nobody should care about, some of us will want or have to live in the States. It's not your place to tell us how to use our heads, or that love will solve all the world's problems. It won't, and it can't. For many of us, moving to the States is actually a 'necessary evil', so to speak. We're not coming to steal your food or take over your workplace, but at the same time, yes, we'll be looking to earn our own.

[Damian P 92]

Only a.. (I will try to be nice here) mentally challenged person can have no second thoughts or can believe that love saves the world and that, if there's true love, everyone will live happily ever after. Excuse me, but the fact that I love my fiance does not feed me every day or pays my rent. Sure, it does help me get through the day, because it's, overall, a very nice and positive feeling, but.. around lunch time I really need to have money, not his love.

We're all aware that there are people throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. But I wish people (I don't want to be unnecessarily rude and say Americans, here) would stop assuming that everyone who is not an USC is miserable, poor, undereducated and can't wait until they have their greencard and can move into the promise land, a.k.a. the United States of America.

I have gone through years and years of school and practical experience in various fields. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be satisfied washing floors in the US, just like I wouldn't be satisfied doing the same thing here. I've invested time and money into my education and I see no reason, at all, why I couldn't or shouldn't expect to be treated the same as some American citizen, or whoever else you think should have an advantage. If my knowledge/experience/degree are in demand and I meet the requirements, I really am no worse (as a person, specialist, worker, whoever), at all, than someone who was born in the US or has been a greencard holder longer than I have been.

I'd like to repeat it once more - we, the aliens, beneficiaries, or whatever you want to call us, are not by default unhappy, poor, miserable, undereducated and dying to become American citizens. Many of us really don't give a damn about the US as a whole, or the opportunities it could give us. We just happen to be engaged, married or just in love with an american citizen and for reasons that nobody should care about, some of us will want or have to live in the States. It's not your place to tell us how to use our heads, or that love will solve all the world's problems. It won't, and it can't. For many of us, moving to the States is actually a 'necessary evil', so to speak. We're not coming to steal your food or take over your workplace, but at the same time, yes, we'll be looking to earn our own.

Terrific post, Badgerella - good for you.

[Mrs.J06 4]

Only a.. (I will try to be nice here) mentally challenged person can have no second thoughts or can believe that love saves the world and that, if there's true love, everyone will live happily ever after. Excuse me, but the fact that I love my fiance does not feed me every day or pays my rent. Sure, it does help me get through the day, because it's, overall, a very nice and positive feeling, but.. around lunch time I really need to have money, not his love.

We're all aware that there are people throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. But I wish people (I don't want to be unnecessarily rude and say Americans, here) would stop assuming that everyone who is not an USC is miserable, poor, undereducated and can't wait until they have their greencard and can move into the promise land, a.k.a. the United States of America.

I have gone through years and years of school and practical experience in various fields. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be satisfied washing floors in the US, just like I wouldn't be satisfied doing the same thing here. I've invested time and money into my education and I see no reason, at all, why I couldn't or shouldn't expect to be treated the same as some American citizen, or whoever else you think should have an advantage. If my knowledge/experience/degree are in demand and I meet the requirements, I really am no worse (as a person, specialist, worker, whoever), at all, than someone who was born in the US or has been a greencard holder longer than I have been.

I'd like to repeat it once more - we, the aliens, beneficiaries, or whatever you want to call us, are not by default unhappy, poor, miserable, undereducated and dying to become American citizens. Many of us really don't give a damn about the US as a whole, or the opportunities it could give us. We just happen to be engaged, married or just in love with an american citizen and for reasons that nobody should care about, some of us will want or have to live in the States. It's not your place to tell us how to use our heads, or that love will solve all the world's problems. It won't, and it can't. For many of us, moving to the States is actually a 'necessary evil', so to speak. We're not coming to steal your food or take over your workplace, but at the same time, yes, we'll be looking to earn our own.

Terrific post, Badgerella - good for you.

Absolutely agree!

Hanging in there - if you are bitter about your own experience I understand, but ranting that all foreigners are just "shopping for Americans" for a better life isn't only unfair, it's plain old stupid - sorry to be frank! It's also pretty naive to think that Americans have more rights than people anywhere in Europe. I'm getting really tired of all the whining of the poor Americans who were taken for a ride! Take time to get to know your spouses, do not ignore red flags, and if you want to avoid the risk altogether, go find another perfect American!

There - rant over!

[panterchen 1]

Our reputation? Stay away. In the USA , people have more rights than anywhere in Europe.

Now it gets interesting! Do you really think this way?

I am always happy that in MY country there is freedom of speech, very little oppression, and individualism.

HERE I can get drunk and walk around on the streets having fun and not walking straight without being put into prison (as long as I don't hurt anybody).

HERE I can have an open bottle of beer in the car (and it doesn't even matter if I am drinking it or if it is just in the car).

HERE I don't have a government that tries to force our values on everybody else.

HERE I can get a good education even if I would be poor (because it is almost free).

HERE gays and lesbians can get married (because who am I to tell them right from wrong?!)

HERE abortion is a controversial topic but you are not judged whether you decide for or against it.

HERE I can do whatever I want and I don't have a bunch of religious idiots trying to convert me or save me from hell

(sorry, I don't want to offend anybody. I know most religious people are not like that but I have met these judgemental people in the US a lot)

I could continue this list. Europeans today have almost NO reason to go to the US and it is not viewed well anymore either. Why I still want to/have to leave Europe? Because of the one I love and because we were looking for whatever country would give both of us together the best opportunities. Europe will be our destination in a few years- when my fiancé is fluent in German (besides his French) .

I could throw up when I hear Americans talk like that while the rest of the world is either laughing about you or looking at you in anger for that kind of arrogance.

[milimelo 4,283]

Our reputation? Stay away. In the USA , people have more rights than anywhere in Europe.

Now it gets interesting! Do you really think this way?

I am always happy that in MY country there is freedom of speech, very little oppression, and individualism.

HERE I can get drunk and walk around on the streets having fun and not walking straight without being put into prison (as long as I don't hurt anybody).

HERE I can have an open bottle of beer in the car (and it doesn't even matter if I am drinking it or if it is just in the car).

HERE I don't have a government that tries to force our values on everybody else.

HERE I can get a good education even if I would be poor (because it is almost free).

HERE gays and lesbians can get married (because who am I to tell them right from wrong?!)

HERE abortion is a controversial topic but you are not judged whether you decide for or against it.

HERE I can do whatever I want and I don't have a bunch of religious idiots trying to convert me or save me from hell

(sorry, I don't want to offend anybody. I know most religious people are not like that but I have met these judgemental people in the US a lot)

I could continue this list. Europeans today have almost NO reason to go to the US and it is not viewed well anymore either. Why I still want to/have to leave Europe? Because of the one I love and because we were looking for whatever country would give both of us together the best opportunities. Europe will be our destination in a few years- when my fiancé is fluent in German (besides his French) .

I could throw up when I hear Americans talk like that while the rest of the world is either laughing about you or looking at you in anger for that kind of arrogance.

I second this

And why is it that now so many Americans are trying to track down their ancestry to Europe so they can get EU passport?

[LikeALadybug 2]

Well said! I agree completely and do not understand why on earth would you think European's have less rights than Americans?

I love living in the USA but I will tell you my American husband and I both have less rights here than we would if we lived in my country. And although I obviously really like the USA, otherwise I would not have moved here, I can promise you, no one I know back home envy me. They like to visit the USA and come often to visit but they would absolutely HATE living here. We have two good American friends who have both moved to Denmark with their Danish spouses and are appalled that we have chosen to stay in the USA and raise our child. They used to think America was the world too until they ventured abroad and realized there are better/different options out there.

Enlighten yourself a little instead, you are the reason so many foreigners dislike Americans.

You have a wonderful, lovely country with many great people but you are not any better than the rest of us.

[justashooter 430]

Well said! I agree completely and do not understand why on earth would you think European's have less rights than Americans?

I love living in the USA but I will tell you my American husband and I both have less rights here than we would if we lived in my country. And although I obviously really like the USA, otherwise I would not have moved here, I can promise you, no one I know back home envy me. They like to visit the USA and come often to visit but they would absolutely HATE living here. We have two good American friends who have both moved to Denmark with their Danish spouses and are appalled that we have chosen to stay in the USA and raise our child. They used to think America was the world too until they ventured abroad and realized there are better/different options out there.

Enlighten yourself a little instead, you are the reason so many foreigners dislike Americans.

You have a wonderful, lovely country with many great people but you are not any better than the rest of us.

i know what the price of a car, and a motorcycle, and a house is in denmark. i know how much cheaper life is in America, in general, in comparison the average salary. i also know that most of europe is not as "free" as America, in terms of the limits governmnet places upon police process. i also know that europe is just a small part of this world, adn that people coming from asia, africa, parts of south and central america, india, russia, etc, are gaining benefit in moving to the US that you cannot imagine. if they weren't, the line wouldn't be so long to marry fat American women and older American men, many of whom don't even have a decent salary.

and no, i'm not fat, or old, and i have a good salary. i just happened to be living in china when i met a wonderful person.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

As you can tell already, men in the U.S. have earned a poor reputation in much of the world. Young women are told horror stories about how many American men treat their immigrant wives. Our government also has a poor reputation, and it shows up in the behavior of staff in many of our embassies. Short of "being there" for the interview, if she is willing to have you come over, there is nothing you can do to respond to your concerns. Yes, she might be washing floors unless you know of some way for her to resume her professional career. Yes, people come here and feel out of place. Yes, spouses are abused and abandoned. It's all true.

And if she is not marrying for a greencard and loves her husband, she will wash a floor like I would wash a floor to be able to make money to stay with the person I love. What gives with these high maintanace foreigners? I have washed floors, worked at daycares. Our reputation? Stay away. In the USA , people have more rights than anywhere in Europe. Horror stories? What the hell about all the Americans who have been used and a bused by foregners shopping for countries. People are supposed to marry us cause they love us, not because they are worried where they are going to work. Frankly I am fed up with alot of these foreigners who think they are entitled to more than americans in this economy. Its ridiculous. My mother kind of sat me down last week and asked me frankly if I realised just how much it costs to support another adult ( and my husband who is now back in home country but may return in 3 weeks) has worked a total of 4 weeks in 5 months and complained the entire time tht the work was too hard. For gods sakes, people are throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. these people work hard back home. But when they are shopping for a greencard, the work i s too hard.. It because they are lazy and they dont want to work hard any more and if they are complaining BEFORE they get here its because they arent in love with their spouse. Love doesnt complain and look for things wrong. I am sick of coddling someone and have killed myself to make things work and half these people wanna be on permanent vacation. In this economy , I have had to do plenty of things I havent wanted to do to survive.. I feel NO empathy

Wow hanginginthere- you are really spilling out your loss and misery on whomever is at hand, eh? Please be careful on your hateful blanket categorizations of foreigners. I used to be quite empathic about your struggles; but this shows me you have just turned into a resentful bitter woman. and like you said "I feel NO empathy".

I did not gained ####### by moving to this country. I moved here for my husband. And I can complain as much as I freaking want to. Perhaps this "love doesn't complain" was a huge factor in your marriage's failure. You should ask yourself what was it IN YOU that made you such an easy prey. It might surprise you.

[LikeALadybug 2]

Justashooter, life in the USA is NOT cheaper for me and my quality of life is a lot lower over here. I would be making a lot more if I lived in Denmark and I would still be working less hours with 6 weeks guaranteed holiday.Yes, things would be more expensive but after paying for insurance, medical bills, daycare, and education over here, my disposable income over here is even less than it would being "taxed to death" in Denmark. Daycare would be cheap,education would be free and although they ould technically be paid for trhough taxes, I would still be able to afford the same things if not more living in Denmark.

Really though, things aren't that cheap over here anymore and wages don't seem to be following suit. I pay the more for clothes and furniture and almost the same for groceries in the USA than I do in Denmark. Doesn't seem like such a good deal when my wages are so much lower....and I still have to buy my own insurance.

But maybe if you come from a very poor country the USA might seem like a relief....for many of us, I doubt we dreamt about living in the USA, it just sorta happened when we met our significant others. It's not a bad country, it's just not as great as some American's seem to think. It's really all about preference but at least I'm not under the impression that the Danish way of life is the answer to everything, I'm fully aware not every one wants to live that way.

[minibadger 1]

i know what the price of a car, and a motorcycle, and a house is in denmark. i know how much cheaper life is in America, in general, in comparison the average salary. i also know that most of europe is not as "free" as America, in terms of the limits governmnet places upon police process. i also know that europe is just a small part of this world, adn that people coming from asia, africa, parts of south and central america, india, russia, etc, are gaining benefit in moving to the US that you cannot imagine. if they weren't, the line wouldn't be so long to marry fat American women and older American men, many of whom don't even have a decent salary.

You do realize it's not the 1950s anymore, right? Back then, the USA was #1 in all measurable standards of living and freedom. But... sir, the world changes, and it changes rapidly, as you have likely seen with the growth in urban areas of your country, China. 60 years is a long time.

If you want to talk about freedoms, rights and quality of life, according to various OECD and other independent studies, the US, I hate to break it to you and other Americans, just as I hate it myself as one, the US hasn't been #1 for quite a while. In infant mortality, education, lifespan, quality of life, income for services, press and individual freedoms and liberties, the US is anywhere from #5 to near the bottom of the barrel. And if you want to say that most of Europe has worse rights and experiences.... well, the countries that topped us are almost all European, especially Scandinavian. We still win in business and innovation, but even that's slipping, and it comes at a huge cost.

Life isn't so simplistic that tax rates and incomes are everything. Life is complicated and has different needs, and taxes in different countries come back to the public in different ways. It's not just money that's flown away. And life isn't just about buying something cheapest from Wal Mart or working 60 hours a week. Most people don't work just to work, they work for a goal, to get something back. The most satisfying things to work for, statistically, are not bigscreen TVs, but for a home and food for your family, a vacation and time together, support for your elders and children, and a good health and enjoyment for yourself. Other countries are much better at providing this -- for example, the US is the only industrialized country in the world that provides no maternity leave and also has the least amount of allowed vacation / relaxation days -- than the US, which is set up to be a consumer society above all, where sadly it seems people assume you can only have a good or better family if you spend more time away from home working to give them more money. Money isn't a parent, though, nor is it time.

If we're ever to tackle the problems we have, and raise our quality of life, the first step is to open our eyes and realize we're no longer even close to #1. The first step is to admit the problem. Then we can move on. But with people so blind, ethnocentric and hypocritical of standards of life outside American borders... it will be a hard slog indeed, and you hold us back at everyone's peril including your own.

--Minibadger

Edited November 26, 2008 by minibadger

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

As you can tell already, men in the U.S. have earned a poor reputation in much of the world. Young women are told horror stories about how many American men treat their immigrant wives. Our government also has a poor reputation, and it shows up in the behavior of staff in many of our embassies. Short of "being there" for the interview, if she is willing to have you come over, there is nothing you can do to respond to your concerns. Yes, she might be washing floors unless you know of some way for her to resume her professional career. Yes, people come here and feel out of place. Yes, spouses are abused and abandoned. It's all true.

And if she is not marrying for a greencard and loves her husband, she will wash a floor like I would wash a floor to be able to make money to stay with the person I love. What gives with these high maintanace foreigners? I have washed floors, worked at daycares. Our reputation? Stay away. In the USA , people have more rights than anywhere in Europe. Horror stories? What the hell about all the Americans who have been used and a bused by foregners shopping for countries. People are supposed to marry us cause they love us, not because they are worried where they are going to work. Frankly I am fed up with alot of these foreigners who think they are entitled to more than americans in this economy. Its ridiculous. My mother kind of sat me down last week and asked me frankly if I realised just how much it costs to support another adult ( and my husband who is now back in home country but may return in 3 weeks) has worked a total of 4 weeks in 5 months and complained the entire time tht the work was too hard. For gods sakes, people are throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. these people work hard back home. But when they are shopping for a greencard, the work i s too hard.. It because they are lazy and they dont want to work hard any more and if they are complaining BEFORE they get here its because they arent in love with their spouse. Love doesnt complain and look for things wrong. I am sick of coddling someone and have killed myself to make things work and half these people wanna be on permanent vacation. In this economy , I have had to do plenty of things I havent wanted to do to survive.. I feel NO empathy

Wow hanginginthere- you are really spilling out your loss and misery on whomever is at hand, eh? Please be careful on your hateful blanket categorizations of foreigners. I used to be quite empathic about your struggles; but this shows me you have just turned into a resentful bitter woman. and like you said "I feel NO empathy".

I did not gained ####### by moving to this country. I moved here for my husband. And I can complain as much as I freaking want to. Perhaps this "love doesn't complain" was a huge factor in your marriage's failure. You should ask yourself what was it IN YOU that made you such an easy prey. It might surprise you.

Len, first, I always come to this board and look because it s an interesting board. Second frankly I dont think ALL FOREIGNERS are like this. But honestly, AMERICANS CANT GET JOBS RIGHT NOW. If people are getting warned about having to mop floors WHAT GIVES? No not all immigrants want a meal ticket or it easy. The haitians in orlando ( I work in sales) are the most hard workers I know. And guess what, after 4 years they own businesses. Mexicans work so hard and become business owners.. SOMEONE HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT WASHING FLOORS? To me this is absolutely ridiculous. I am not resentful . I work with clients from all over the world who work hard and THANK THIS COUNTRY FOR THE OPPORTUNITY.. Not sit around wondering if they want to come here or not because life wont be cushy. Moroccans working as cooks... making raise after raise...

as far as my marriage? My kid died. Give it a rest..

Our reputation? Stay away. In the USA , people have more rights than anywhere in Europe.

Now it gets interesting! Do you really think this way?

I am always happy that in MY country there is freedom of speech, very little oppression, and individualism.

HERE I can get drunk and walk around on the streets having fun and not walking straight without being put into prison (as long as I don't hurt anybody).

HERE I can have an open bottle of beer in the car (and it doesn't even matter if I am drinking it or if it is just in the car).

HERE I don't have a government that tries to force our values on everybody else.

HERE I can get a good education even if I would be poor (because it is almost free).

HERE gays and lesbians can get married (because who am I to tell them right from wrong?!)

HERE abortion is a controversial topic but you are not judged whether you decide for or against it.

HERE I can do whatever I want and I don't have a bunch of religious idiots trying to convert me or save me from hell

(sorry, I don't want to offend anybody. I know most religious people are not like that but I have met these judgemental people in the US a lot)

I could continue this list. Europeans today have almost NO reason to go to the US and it is not viewed well anymore either. Why I still want to/have to leave Europe? Because of the one I love and because we were looking for whatever country would give both of us together the best opportunities. Europe will be our destination in a few years- when my fiancé is fluent in German (besides his French) .

I could throw up when I hear Americans talk like that while the rest of the world is either laughing about you or looking at you in anger for that kind of arrogance.

I second this

And why is it that now so many Americans are trying to track down their ancestry to Europe so they can get EU passport?

Im not speaking to people who want to work. I am speaking to people who have to think about whether life is too hard here for people who SUPPOSEDLY are moving here for love

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

As you can tell already, men in the U.S. have earned a poor reputation in much of the world. Young women are told horror stories about how many American men treat their immigrant wives. Our government also has a poor reputation, and it shows up in the behavior of staff in many of our embassies. Short of "being there" for the interview, if she is willing to have you come over, there is nothing you can do to respond to your concerns. Yes, she might be washing floors unless you know of some way for her to resume her professional career. Yes, people come here and feel out of place. Yes, spouses are abused and abandoned. It's all true.

And if she is not marrying for a greencard and loves her husband, she will wash a floor like I would wash a floor to be able to make money to stay with the person I love. What gives with these high maintanace foreigners? I have washed floors, worked at daycares. Our reputation? Stay away. In the USA , people have more rights than anywhere in Europe. Horror stories? What the hell about all the Americans who have been used and a bused by foregners shopping for countries. People are supposed to marry us cause they love us, not because they are worried where they are going to work. Frankly I am fed up with alot of these foreigners who think they are entitled to more than americans in this economy. Its ridiculous. My mother kind of sat me down last week and asked me frankly if I realised just how much it costs to support another adult ( and my husband who is now back in home country but may return in 3 weeks) has worked a total of 4 weeks in 5 months and complained the entire time tht the work was too hard. For gods sakes, people are throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. these people work hard back home. But when they are shopping for a greencard, the work i s too hard.. It because they are lazy and they dont want to work hard any more and if they are complaining BEFORE they get here its because they arent in love with their spouse. Love doesnt complain and look for things wrong. I am sick of coddling someone and have killed myself to make things work and half these people wanna be on permanent vacation. In this economy , I have had to do plenty of things I havent wanted to do to survive.. I feel NO empathy

Excuse me, but this is - funny.

Only a.. (I will try to be nice here) mentally challenged person can have no second thoughts or can believe that love saves the world and that, if there's true love, everyone will live happily ever after. Excuse me, but the fact that I love my fiance does not feed me every day or pays my rent. Sure, it does help me get through the day, because it's, overall, a very nice and positive feeling, but.. around lunch time I really need to have money, not his love.

We're all aware that there are people throwing themselves into the ocean to get away from their countries. But I wish people (I don't want to be unnecessarily rude and say Americans, here) would stop assuming that everyone who is not an USC is miserable, poor, undereducated and can't wait until they have their greencard and can move into the promise land, a.k.a. the United States of America.

I have gone through years and years of school and practical experience in various fields. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be satisfied washing floors in the US, just like I wouldn't be satisfied doing the same thing here. I've invested time and money into my education and I see no reason, at all, why I couldn't or shouldn't expect to be treated the same as some American citizen, or whoever else you think should have an advantage. If my knowledge/experience/degree are in demand and I meet the requirements, I really am no worse (as a person, specialist, worker, whoever), at all, than someone who was born in the US or has been a greencard holder longer than I have been.

I'd like to repeat it once more - we, the aliens, beneficiaries, or whatever you want to call us, are not by default unhappy, poor, miserable, undereducated and dying to become American citizens. Many of us really don't give a damn about the US as a whole, or the opportunities it could give us. We just happen to be engaged, married or just in love with an american citizen and for reasons that nobody should care about, some of us will want or have to live in the States. It's not your place to tell us how to use our heads, or that love will solve all the world's problems. It won't, and it can't. For many of us, moving to the States is actually a 'necessary evil', so to speak. We're not coming to steal your food or take over your workplace, but at the same time, yes, we'll be looking to earn our own.

You may not be happy washing floors but I have a college degree and served in the military for this country and if it came to feeding my kids,, I d clean toilets wash floors and do whatever I have to support my kids. I am not too good for any hard work... I am American but I dont feel entitled and the people that wash the floors are doing honorable work.. They later become managers of stores and all kinds of other things..Someone has to wash the floors and I have done it and I opened a restaurant at 4 am and washed grill sheets. You do what you have to do to make it...

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

from experience....tourist visa interviews are alot different than the fiancee visa interviews.....the consular offficers are a lot nicer....if u have all the papers and you can prove what they ask for, there is no way they will deny you/her....her friend either told her a bunch of bs or she had something fishy with her relationship....they are very nice...id say try to convince her to go!!!

good luck!!

Consular officers, here in Croatia, are exactly the same. Same place, same people. I would assume their knowledge and behaviour don't mysteriously change either.

I fully understand WHY consular officers make the choices they do if people are telling other people life is too hard over here and that they will wash dishes..

I am not mad but guys think about how this sounds

Like dont have a kid cause the diapers are too messy. Life and love take and effort. Its crazy

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Well said! I agree completely and do not understand why on earth would you think European's have less rights than Americans?

I love living in the USA but I will tell you my American husband and I both have less rights here than we would if we lived in my country. And although I obviously really like the USA, otherwise I would not have moved here, I can promise you, no one I know back home envy me. They like to visit the USA and come often to visit but they would absolutely HATE living here. We have two good American friends who have both moved to Denmark with their Danish spouses and are appalled that we have chosen to stay in the USA and raise our child. They used to think America was the world too until they ventured abroad and realized there are better/different options out there.

Enlighten yourself a little instead, you are the reason so many foreigners dislike Americans.

You have a wonderful, lovely country with many great people but you are not any better than the rest of us.

I lived in northern europe for several years and graduated from school there in 1984. Its not the same as it was 24 years ago crime wise. Sweden has become flooded and crime stricken with criminals... It frankly not the same.. Why? I dont need to go into details but the social welfare system was not prepared to deal with supporting people who after years have not gotten work and some dont even try and they live in suburbs not even trying to learn swedish.

As far as my opinion. Its not for everyone. I think I feel harsh towards people who make decisions on being with someone they supposedly "love"based on economic decisions. If you love someone, you dont survey the economy. You go to where your spouse is or fiancee and make a go of it. Scandanavia has great social benefits but the taxes are hell and its very hard to start a business much less pay the taxes that go along with living there. Someone Danish or Swedish many times speaks more fluent English than many americans because they start learning it very easily and because they use English all the time, they adjust very easily to the USA. Denmark and Sweden are very empathetic to the hurting and the disadvantaged and unfortunately they now have a problem with criminality and people not working or even learning the language there because they dont really have to to benefit from the welfare system there.

when I lived there all new people had to take swedish classes. Now it s not compulsory. Jag kan still prata Svenska och Jag har inte bodde darborta en 24 ar. Jag lasse Svenska fortfarande och Jag kan forstar Svenska for att all studenten studerade svenka varje dag. Nu manga bor darborta och lasse och prata ingenting .

[Cassie 8]

I lived in northern europe for several years and graduated from school there in 1984. Its not the same as it was 24 years ago crime wise. Sweden has become flooded and crime stricken with criminals... It frankly not the same.. Why? I dont need to go into details but the social welfare system was not prepared to deal with supporting people who after years have not gotten work and some dont even try and they live in suburbs not even trying to learn swedish.

As far as my opinion. Its not for everyone. I think I feel harsh towards people who make decisions on being with someone they supposedly "love"based on economic decisions. If you love someone, you dont survey the economy. You go to where your spouse is or fiancee and make a go of it. Scandanavia has great social benefits but the taxes are hell and its very hard to start a business much less pay the taxes that go along with living there. Someone Danish or Swedish many times speaks more fluent English than many americans because they start learning it very easily and because they use English all the time, they adjust very easily to the USA. Denmark and Sweden are very empathetic to the hurting and the disadvantaged and unfortunately they now have a problem with criminality and people not working or even learning the language there because they dont really have to to benefit from the welfare system there.

when I lived there all new people had to take swedish classes. Now it s not compulsory. Jag kan still prata Svenska och Jag har inte bodde darborta en 24 ar. Jag lasse Svenska fortfarande och Jag kan forstar Svenska for att all studenten studerade svenka varje dag. Nu manga bor darborta och lasse och prata ingenting .

Hate to break it to you, but it does happen. Once my now-husband and I decided to get married, we seriously thought about where we would live. And economics came into play. Which country would we be better off in at this moment in time? Would we be able to afford my ongoing medical bills in the US? Would my husband be able to find work easily in his field in Canada, or me in the US? which would set us up best in the long run? After crunching through everything, we decided on me coming to the US for now, and we would eventually move back to Canada. If you don't take financial issues into play when deciding to immigrate, you're foolish, IMHO.

Oh, and we've just celebrated our fourth anniversary. Take that as you will.