marry or go home?

[payxibka 10,048]

so if I understand you, we can "technically" allow the K-1 to expire and continue to live together until and if we get married and then "repair" status? wouldn't they send her home if they discover we married past the K-1 expiration? and does this spoil my chances to apply for a K-1 with someone else in the future?

No she does not have to go home, if she stays beyond the 90 days before you marry then you file an I-130 in addition to the I-485...

[payxibka 10,048]

This is terrible advice. After 90 days, she is out of status and all bets are off. Can it be repaired? Possibly. But after 90 days she is treading in very unfriendly immigration waters and jeopardizing her ability to re-enter the country.

It is a path and this process is even detailed on the USCIS website... tell them it is terrible advice...

No re-entry issues until 180+ days of accrued overstay... i

Edited November 12, 2008 by payxibka

[Knoll 1]

thanks mox again, great advice. Just reading these comments makes me very aware how inexperienced I am at relationships in general, which is probably part of the problem in her not being attracted to me so much.

on the desperation comment, no not desperate, okay maybe a little but it is a normal emotional, it is how I play it out that is important. I can live with a lot of her faults because I like the good things I have seen (but need to see more)

[payxibka 10,048]

This process is even detailed on the USCIS website... tell them it is terrible advice...

It may very well be detailed on the USCIS website, but they are not offering it up as advice. They're offering it up as a procedure to follow if you've gotten yourself in that situation. I'm saying: Do not get yourself in that situation. Once you are outside the 90 days, you have violated the terms of your visa, and now an illegal immigrant.

but it would be a disservice to the OP not to inform him of all avenues available as well as the risks associated... Once the OP has the entire picture only then the OP can make his decision in light of the risks involved with those decisions. In the end, the OP lives with his decision whichever way he goes.

[Kotenochek 0]

Was it bad from start?Is she speaking english?How old is she?

How many times you visited her and for how long?was she this way when she arrived at first too?

Edited November 12, 2008 by Kotenochek

[ez2007 1]

Ponder a hundred times before making a decision. Marriage should be based on love and commitment not just to satisfy the I-94. I agree with Mox. It is better to part as friends than to part with lawyers.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Technically, you might be correct, but if it turns out that marriage is not in the cards, why would you propose that the alien cause a blemish that could impact the potential for a future tourist visa?

This is terrible advice. After 90 days, she is out of status and all bets are off. Can it be repaired? Possibly. But after 90 days she is treading in very unfriendly immigration waters and jeopardizing her ability to re-enter the country.

It is a path and this process is even detailed on the USCIS website... tell them it is terrible advice...

No re-entry issues until 180+ days of accrued overstay... i

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Pardon my bluntness, but it sounds like there is an absence of chemistry between you. While not essential in all relationships, it is important enough, and probably more important in relationships between parties that share very little else in common. Why push something that doesn't come on its own accord?

thanks mox again, great advice. Just reading these comments makes me very aware how inexperienced I am at relationships in general, which is probably part of the problem in her not being attracted to me so much.

on the desperation comment, no not desperate, okay maybe a little but it is a normal emotional, it is how I play it out that is important. I can live with a lot of her faults because I like the good things I have seen (but need to see more)

[payxibka 10,048]

Technically, you might be correct, but if it turns out that marriage is not in the cards, why would you propose that the alien cause a blemish that could impact the potential for a future tourist visa?

That is for them to decide based on the totality of the situation... only they know if there is something to salvage... certainly not any of us here can make that determination

Edited November 13, 2008 by payxibka

[solsoeur 0]

Hi All,

I would like some ideas from the VJ audience. I can make the decisions but I am curious as to what others would do in my situation. My fiancé is here in the United States (New Jersey) with me and her K-1 expires December 6th. We rushed the K-1 filing before letting our relationship develop. So when she arrived, we really did not know each other well. Things started out okay but have gone downhill since. In short, I feel like I have a roommate in my house and not someone who is falling in love with me, or if she is, she has a strange way of showing it. There is little affection and we sleep in separate rooms. We both have never married and are both inexperienced in relationships. We both have lived alone before now. We have had arguments but never anything violent and no yelling. I have been very clear that I want a serious relationship and marriage whereas she has not. She comes from eastern Ukraine and is paranoid about trust (which I am told is a common mentality there?). She has difficulty trusting anyone including me. So her big obstacle to opening up to me is trust, in my opinion. In any case, I am planning the marriage but I have her plane ticket to return home also if we don’t marry. My hope is she has a change of heart and warms up to me before she has to leave but it seems only a miracle can make that happen. So I am contemplating marrying her and hoping it works out. That seems our only option if we need more time together, short of her going home and re-applying for a K-1, etc.

Does anyone know someone who has married to satisfy the K-1 visa but shortly after divorced?

Please no wise remarks or clichés like “if it was meant to be, it will be”

Thanks

Tim

I would not marry anyone I was not sure of. To me marriage is sacred. I realize this might not be your belief but things you don't like when you aren't married only get amplified when you marry. Marriage does not reduce problems it amplifies them. Take it from one who has learned the hard way. Send her back home. If you have a change of heart you can always marry in her country and get a K3 or CR1. A little loss of time and money now is well worth the potential heart ache you might have later. Good luck to you.

[Knoll 1]

Thanks again to everyone for great advice and hopefully it may benefit other readers besides me. That was why I posted this to get information to make an "informed" decision, to know the possible things that can happen based on the path we choose.

Bottom line is I rushed the visa because I believed she would warm up to me once we were together in the USA. Mistake! She even admits it to me that she was not prepared, I think we both were not prepared.

while a agree with an earlier comment about chemistry required, there are a few cases where two people start out not really liking each other (even can't stand each other) and then over time as they open their mind and heart, love comes in. This is what I believe also. It is not always "instant" chemistry required. She came expecting a fairy tale perfection and did not come with open mind and open heart. Unfortunately, she has friends that reinforce this notion because one of her friends married American but he was rich and had everything organized for her very quickly, like Social number, driver license, etc. but I told her their relationship may have been different and more advanced before she came, I would have done same if you were in love with me before arrival, even if you were warmer to me when you got here.

so of course when her girlfriend bragged about how good it was for her having everything, this made her upset at me because I did not have the social number ordered right away and other things. On good note, she is starting to see that others like her don't have all the things in place yet either and she is less bitchy now. There is one Ukrainian girl she friends with now that is married to American man and has child and still does not have her driver license, for example. So her eyes are starting to open, I think, I hope.

Note to the ladies, don't expect so much perfection, us men are human and we make mistakes, everything does not go perfect like TV or the movies. We may get lost once out of the 30 times we take a trip. Remember the 30 times we got it right not the one time we got lost. But I digress

[payxibka 10,048]

Technically, you might be correct, but if it turns out that marriage is not in the cards, why would you propose that the alien cause a blemish that could impact the potential for a future tourist visa?

That is for them to decide based on the totality of the situation... only they know if there is something to salvage... certainly not any of us here

Well hold on a second here. It's one thing to say, as you said earlier, that this is just one of many options they have. But if you're going to present this option, then it is very important for the OP to understand the ramifications. As I said earlier, and as DM is also saying, it could affect the woman's ability to re-enter this country at a future date. Even worse, once she has passed the 90 days without being married, if she is picked up by immigration (it can and does happen, and it can be something as innocent as a speeding ticket), she could even be deported right then and there, and that would be a very heartbreaking end to their attempt to make their relationship work.

So yes, I agree that this is something "that is for them to decide." But they need to have all the information, which is what I and DM are offering up.

Maybe what you are but DM put in a "why would you propose"... I am simply offering up different roads... I am not trying to opine or propose what the OP should do, it is not my life....

[Brad and Vika 129]

Technically, you might be correct, but if it turns out that marriage is not in the cards, why would you propose that the alien cause a blemish that could impact the potential for a future tourist visa?

That is for them to decide based on the totality of the situation... only they know if there is something to salvage... certainly not any of us here

Well hold on a second here. It's one thing to say, as you said earlier, that this is just one of many options they have. But if you're going to present this option, then it is very important for the OP to understand the ramifications. As I said earlier, and as DM is also saying, it could affect the woman's ability to re-enter this country at a future date. Even worse, once she has passed the 90 days without being married, if she is picked up by immigration (it can and does happen, and it can be something as innocent as a speeding ticket), she could even be deported right then and there, and that would be a very heartbreaking end to their attempt to make their relationship work.

So yes, I agree that this is something "that is for them to decide." But they need to have all the information, which is what I and DM are offering up.

Mox - that bit about being picked up by immigration is not correct. If she is legally changing her status after her visa expired due to marriage she will not be deported. In fact, she cannot leave the country (for years) while the adjudication takes place without being denied re-entry.

Noll - This is still posted on the wrong forum. It appears that your fiance' is from Ukraine - not Russia. There is a forum that covers that, but some mods confuse the two when moving things. Some of the advice you are getting here sounds pretty far off too, but it comes from people who never had a fiance' arrive here in the same situation. Several of us on the Ukraine portal can help. PM me.

Edited November 13, 2008 by Brad and Vika

[Brad and Vika 129]

Mox - that bit about being picked up by immigration is not correct. If she is legally changing her status after her visa expired due to marriage she will not be deported. In fact, she cannot leave the country (for years) while the adjudication takes place without being denied re-entry.

What I meant is that on day 91, before she's changed status and is not married, if immigration picks her up then she's in trouble.

Thanks for clarifying. Mox - I know that you enjoy the web debate very much, and I respect your right to have an opinion. In this case though, I have to (once again) disagree. IMO suggesting the OP start again, so close to the visa expiration, given the situation, is really bad advice. The support obligations alone make it critical that a couple be on the same page before making such a leap. On the interpersonal side, if a woman from the FSU was "feeling the connection", when is her guy ever in doubt of that? They are not a married couple having a rough patch - this is square one.

[Blues Fairy 0]

DO NOT let her overstay 90 days unless a marriage takes place. If unsure, have her go back to UA and start your relationship from scratch (second K1 with the same fiancee is not a problem), if you feel it's still worth it. Bitching and lack of intimacy, however, is not a good sign.