marry or go home?

[Brad and Vika 129]

Brad & Vika:

I am curious about a few things, Since the time of the first post, when did she leave the apartment, and what did the OP decided to do?

I am also curious if she did get on the plane?

Thanks,

Dale

Dale - Her plane was due to leave today, and he was going to the airport to see if she actually left, but I haven't heard anything. I am a little hazy on the dates, but she spent several weeks away, and I think the trip may have been extended until a day or two ago. He was ready to go ahead and marry her until the end - hoping she would come to her senses at some point after that. I think he felt like he had so much invested at that point there was no stopping it. She apparently disagreed - and he dodged a bullet IMO. He also gave me a good bit of personal detail that I won't relate here - but I hope he does at some point. We have heard all of this enough times that we know there are others out there experiencing some version of what he went through.

[Brad and Vika 129]

A quick note to say that she did actually get on the plane. No explanation to her sponsor at all apparently, not even a thank you.

[JeroenAndMichelle 28]

Amazing story.. I haven't commented on it earlier but from time to time I read it and was amazed every time I read it..

Anyways, Noll, if you read this.. I am sorry it went like this and I wish you all the luck in the future. Remember that even being 45 does not rule you out, my dad was 56 when he met my mother at the time and I do believe they had (he passed away a couple of years ago due to old age) a very strong and firm relationship and marriage..

In life, anything is possible.. don't give up!

[vanee 13]

He was ready to go ahead and marry her until the end - hoping she would come to her senses at some point after that. I think he felt like he had so much invested at that point there was no stopping it. She apparently disagreed - and he dodged a bullet IMO. He also gave me a good bit of personal detail that I won't relate here - but I hope he does at some point. We have heard all of this enough times that we know there are others out there experiencing some version of what he went through.

Thanks for updating us on what happened. I'm sure we all feel for the OP, and I agree that he dodged a bullet. All we can do now is wish him the best and hope that his story helps other people.

I just read through his earlier posts, and a red flag was there right from the beginning. From his first post: "I am trying to find people who have been denied fiancé visas due to insufficient communication exchange. My biggest concern is frequency of communication exchange from my girl and more specifically, e-mail (or lack thereof)." And in the same thread: "The problem is, I can't get my girl to write e-mail more than once a month, if I am lucky."

Of course there are other forms of communication, but it sounds like communicating was a problem even a year ago. My impression from reading other people's stories here is that it's common (typical?) for couples who are separated to communicate daily, often more than once a day if circumstances permit. (Not everyone has a computer or access to an affordable LD phone plan, I know.) OTOH, in stories I've read here about relationships that didn't make it to marriage, one of the red flags was less interest in communicating by one party.

We all learn from hindsight, and I'm sorry that the OP had to go through such a difficult time with this. But I'm relieved that they didn't get married.

[vanee 13]

Anyways, Noll, if you read this.. I am sorry it went like this and I wish you all the luck in the future. Remember that even being 45 does not rule you out, my dad was 56 when he met my mother at the time and I do believe they had (he passed away a couple of years ago due to old age) a very strong and firm relationship and marriage..

In life, anything is possible.. don't give up!

Life begins at...40? 50? 60? New phases of our lives can start at any time.

My husband and I (married for over a year now) are in our 40s and 50s. We agree that if we'd met earlier in life, we probably wouldn't have connected because we were in different places in our lives then. We met at the right time for us. And there are other VJ couples in their 40s or older too.

Not that your next relationship will necessarily be a VJ-type one, but the point is that you aren't too old for a real relationship to happen.

[Old Dominion 26]

What were her reasons for coming over to begin with? Does she feel deceived at all?

[olux2008 0]

DON'T MARRY.

Since the relationship is not bona fide now, what makes you think the marriage will be bona fide? That's the test to get her the LPR.

Take care.

[Brad and Vika 129]

DON'T MARRY.

Since the relationship is not bona fide now, what makes you think the marriage will be bona fide? That's the test to get her the LPR.

Take care.

As she left the country, there is no chance of that. Good thing too.

What were her reasons for coming over to begin with? Does she feel deceived at all?

It didn't sound like that to me - maybe the OP will address it if he returns.

[HiTech 0]

Vanee:

Alyona and I met Oct 2 2007. There has never been a day where we have not spoke for at least 1 hour. On week ends we would spend 8 - 10 hours speaking via skype. We both wanted each other to be a part of the others lives every day.

I was also in a short term relationship that did not work out, It was night and day difference on her part. Alyona I could call at any time and she was very happy to hear from me, even if I woke her up.

So I would say lack of communication or rather not wanting to communicate show a lack of interest, and hence a huge red flag.

[KGSodie 0]

I think regular, lengthy conversations while apart (and when awaiting the visa) are a norm for couples who are serious. It is by no means a guarantee of a successful relationship, but it speaks volumes to intent. If you're just another fish on the hook then communication with you is an investment of resources that the other person might not want to commit, since they likely have many other men to converse with. But when it's serious and real, communication is what you both live for - it's all you have, after all. This isn't to say that some cons aren't more skillfully executed than others and caution is always warranted until you are personally convinced. What this requires is different for us all, and volumes have been dedicated to this topic here on VJ and elsewhere.

Sincere good-luck wishes are for the OP and please don't let a bad experience put you off entirely. There are real women out there, who want what you want.

[Brad and Vika 129]

Vanee:

Alyona and I met Oct 2 2007. There has never been a day where we have not spoke for at least 1 hour. On week ends we would spend 8 - 10 hours speaking via skype. We both wanted each other to be a part of the others lives every day.

I was also in a short term relationship that did not work out, It was night and day difference on her part. Alyona I could call at any time and she was very happy to hear from me, even if I woke her up.

So I would say lack of communication or rather not wanting to communicate show a lack of interest, and hence a huge red flag.

I agree - Viktoria and I talk nearly every day, in addition to text and email daily. I cannot imagine going a day without hearing from her. We share details of our day, opinions, plans, etc. The exchange definitely helps us to feel close despite the miles.