Oh no, that again!

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

...PMS

Fellow men, how do you ever deal with it?

Got her pregnant. Stopped the PMS right in it's tracks.

LMAO... great advice brother reinhard!!! just wait till she's well into the 3rd trimester!!!

you'll be wishing she ONLY had pms!!!

I know, it's bad strategery for fighting PMS.

[Sister Fracas 5]

lol

[Euro 3]

Arrrgh

God, cruel jokester!

Why did you have to slip in that quirky program we call PMS into Eve's biology when you created her. For what purpose, may I ask?

Fellow men, how do you ever deal with it?

learn to deal wiff it

[Ban Hammer 14,661]

perhaps that's why men like fishing so much....a way to escape

[*Robert* 2]

lol

Frances, that is *HILARIOUS* :lol:

I love it... I've got tears in my eyes!!!

[gimygirl 0]

Ux ...

i thought i saw your wife driving around town the other day!!!!

[Ban Hammer 14,661]

Ux ...

i thought i saw your wife driving around town the other day!!!!

i thought that was my ex wife's for a bit there...then i remembered that brooms don't have license plates

[Ladylethal 12]

Ouch!

[rclouse 0]

Dave: Hi, my name's Dave Foley, and, uh, something you might not know about

me is that .. I have a good attitude towards menstruation. That's right, I'm

the guy! The guy with a good attitude towards menstruation!

Oh, I know a lot of men are made uncomfortable by this monthly miracle. But

not me. No, I embrace it. Embrace it the way some men embrace the weekend.

Why, I anticipate it the way a child anticipates Christmas!

Did you know in a lot of native Indian cultures, menstruating women were

forced to leave the village, lest their powerful magic should overwhelm the

Shaman? If I were Shaman, I wouldn't be so competitive. I'd be more open and

giving. I'd be a shaman with... a good attitude towards menstruation!

'Cause after all, what is it? A cluster of blood vessels, awaiting a

fertilized egg. Providing a safe warm place for that egg to grow. And if a

life does not occur, the whole thing is flushed away, and the cycle begins

again. Now is that anything to be ashamed of or disgusted by? No, this is the

nesting stuff of humanity!

That's why the woman I shall love will be able to menstruate as fully and

freely as she desires. Even if her monthly flow should build in intensity to a

raging rust colored torrent! An unbridled river of life giving blood flowing

from between her legs! An awesome cataract plunging off the edge of our couch!

I wouldn't be fazed! No, no, even if Coureur des Bois would come up stream,

battling the rapids, and singing a 'jaunty song'! I would take no offense,

rather I would ford across that mighty womanly river, and fetch herbal tea and

Pamprin. And then I would mop her brow and admire her fecundity. For I...Have

A Good Attitude....Towards MENSTRUATION!

[Nessa 23]

perhaps that's why men like fishing so much....a way to escape

u're so busted when u decide to go fishing.

Ux ...

i thought i saw your wife driving around town the other day!!!!

i thought that was my ex wife's for a bit there...then i remembered that brooms don't have license plates

good one babe

[mercuryroad 0]

Dave: Hi, my name's Dave Foley, and, uh, something you might not know about

me is that .. I have a good attitude towards menstruation. That's right, I'm

the guy! The guy with a good attitude towards menstruation!

Oh, I know a lot of men are made uncomfortable by this monthly miracle. But

not me. No, I embrace it. Embrace it the way some men embrace the weekend.

Why, I anticipate it the way a child anticipates Christmas!

Did you know in a lot of native Indian cultures, menstruating women were

forced to leave the village, lest their powerful magic should overwhelm the

Shaman? If I were Shaman, I wouldn't be so competitive. I'd be more open and

giving. I'd be a shaman with... a good attitude towards menstruation!

'Cause after all, what is it? A cluster of blood vessels, awaiting a

fertilized egg. Providing a safe warm place for that egg to grow. And if a

life does not occur, the whole thing is flushed away, and the cycle begins

again. Now is that anything to be ashamed of or disgusted by? No, this is the

nesting stuff of humanity!

That's why the woman I shall love will be able to menstruate as fully and

freely as she desires. Even if her monthly flow should build in intensity to a

raging rust colored torrent! An unbridled river of life giving blood flowing

from between her legs! An awesome cataract plunging off the edge of our couch!

I wouldn't be fazed! No, no, even if Coureur des Bois would come up stream,

battling the rapids, and singing a 'jaunty song'! I would take no offense,

rather I would ford across that mighty womanly river, and fetch herbal tea and

Pamprin. And then I would mop her brow and admire her fecundity. For I...Have

A Good Attitude....Towards MENSTRUATION!

When I read this......Kermit the frog came to mind.....the whole thing was in his voice.

[aussiewench 9]

Posted ages ago but worth posting again here

This is based on a lot of reaserch. You'll want to know this.

There are 28 days in a womans menstrual cycle. This cycle is what really determines how things go between you and her. For example, on Day 24 you should learn to duck. I talked to sex experts and discovered how the hormonal fluxes in a woman's body affect her moods-and your life-throughout the month. Now I have a handy schedule for you to consult when you want to know which days you're going to have sex, which days your going to get yelled at, and which days your going to get yelled at durring sex.

DAY 1 TO 5: She's ready to iron and fold

What's happening to her: She may complain of cramps a few days before this, but this is where the cycle really starts. Her estrogen levels are dropping, so there's only a 2% chance she'll get pregnate if you have sex. That would be great news, except you won't be having sex right now. Thanks to those low estrogen levels, she currently sees you as a large lump of cells in a stupid shirt.

Your strategy: Lack of estrogen can also trigger insomnia and restlessness, which is why many women feel the urge to clean and organize durring these days, says Christine Northrup, M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Widsdom (I read it so you wouldn't have to). My suggestion: Forget about sex and point her to the clothes.

DAYS 6 TO 9: She's up for anything

What's happening to her: She's calmer and happier now because her body is saturated in feel-good hormones and endorphins. "That means she's more receptive to new and creative ideas," says Northrup.

Your strategy: Break out the new and creative ideas! This is the time to settle old disputes and get buy-in on your golf trip with the guys.

DAYS 10 TO 14: She's horney.

What's happening to her: A rise in the hormone androgen has rekindled her interest in sex. This causes the thin lining of mucus around her cervix-deep inside er at the entrance to the uterus-to become thin and watery.

Your strategy: Your woman's so ready, you may not need more than a few minutes of foreplay. "Set the mood in a few seconds by telling her how much you want to have sex with her," says Tara Roth Madden, author of Romance on the Run--Quality Sex for Bust Couples. Your pants should be off before you finish the sentence.

DAY 15: She's really horney

What's happening to her: On the positive side, she CRAVES sex because she's at her most fertile. On the negative side, the sex doesn't necessarily have to be with you. Research shows she's mroe likely to be unfaithful during this time. In one study, researchers observed 500 women in nightclubs and found that they were more likely to wear revealing clothes and send suggestive signals to men in this pahse of their cycle. Naturally, the researchers still went home alone.

Your strategy: Don't let her out of the house by herself. Instead, take advantage of her adventerous mood by trying a new position or location.

DAYS 16 TO 23: She's a lesbian

What's happening to her: Her estrogen level is dropping again, so she's less fertile. Research shows that during these 8 days, she's mroe attracted to feminine-looking men because they appear more nurturing (as I call it, the Justin Timberlake factor). She's no longer looking for a strong man to provide sturdy genes and protection.

Your strategy: Shave and put on some Melissa Etheridge.

DAYS 24 TO 28 She could crack at any moment

What's happening to her: Estrogen continues to fall aas tantrum-provoking progesterone rises. This leads to premenstrual syndrome, during which she'll be extra sensitive to criticism, more neurotic about ehr looks, and more likely to thrrow a fit, or a Crock-Pot.

Your strategy: Play tennis or go run with her-vigorous exercise can reduce her symptoms. That way, if she "feels fat", at least she's doing something about it.

DAYS 26 TO 28: She's craving ice cream and jelly beans

What's happening to her: Her estrogen and progerterone levels are falling as her body prepares to start the cycle all voer again. Low estrogen causes her to crave high-fat foods such as chocolate, which studies show can elevate mood.

Your strategy: Indulge her cravings by taking her out to eat rather than bringing home some Ben & Jerry's. Reason? She'll eat the whole tub and blame you for letting herr do it.

[Nessa 23]

Posted ages ago but worth posting again here

This is based on a lot of reaserch. You'll want to know this.

There are 28 days in a womans menstrual cycle. This cycle is what really determines how things go between you and her. For example, on Day 24 you should learn to duck. I talked to sex experts and discovered how the hormonal fluxes in a woman's body affect her moods-and your life-throughout the month. Now I have a handy schedule for you to consult when you want to know which days you're going to have sex, which days your going to get yelled at, and which days your going to get yelled at durring sex.

DAY 1 TO 5: She's ready to iron and fold

What's happening to her: She may complain of cramps a few days before this, but this is where the cycle really starts. Her estrogen levels are dropping, so there's only a 2% chance she'll get pregnate if you have sex. That would be great news, except you won't be having sex right now. Thanks to those low estrogen levels, she currently sees you as a large lump of cells in a stupid shirt.

Your strategy: Lack of estrogen can also trigger insomnia and restlessness, which is why many women feel the urge to clean and organize durring these days, says Christine Northrup, M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Widsdom (I read it so you wouldn't have to). My suggestion: Forget about sex and point her to the clothes.

DAYS 6 TO 9: She's up for anything

What's happening to her: She's calmer and happier now because her body is saturated in feel-good hormones and endorphins. "That means she's more receptive to new and creative ideas," says Northrup.

Your strategy: Break out the new and creative ideas! This is the time to settle old disputes and get buy-in on your golf trip with the guys.

DAYS 10 TO 14: She's horney.

What's happening to her: A rise in the hormone androgen has rekindled her interest in sex. This causes the thin lining of mucus around her cervix-deep inside er at the entrance to the uterus-to become thin and watery.

Your strategy: Your woman's so ready, you may not need more than a few minutes of foreplay. "Set the mood in a few seconds by telling her how much you want to have sex with her," says Tara Roth Madden, author of Romance on the Run--Quality Sex for Bust Couples. Your pants should be off before you finish the sentence.

DAY 15: She's really horney

What's happening to her: On the positive side, she CRAVES sex because she's at her most fertile. On the negative side, the sex doesn't necessarily have to be with you. Research shows she's mroe likely to be unfaithful during this time. In one study, researchers observed 500 women in nightclubs and found that they were more likely to wear revealing clothes and send suggestive signals to men in this pahse of their cycle. Naturally, the researchers still went home alone.

Your strategy: Don't let her out of the house by herself. Instead, take advantage of her adventerous mood by trying a new position or location.

DAYS 16 TO 23: She's a lesbian

What's happening to her: Her estrogen level is dropping again, so she's less fertile. Research shows that during these 8 days, she's mroe attracted to feminine-looking men because they appear more nurturing (as I call it, the Justin Timberlake factor). She's no longer looking for a strong man to provide sturdy genes and protection.

Your strategy: Shave and put on some Melissa Etheridge.

DAYS 24 TO 28 She could crack at any moment

What's happening to her: Estrogen continues to fall aas tantrum-provoking progesterone rises. This leads to premenstrual syndrome, during which she'll be extra sensitive to criticism, more neurotic about ehr looks, and more likely to thrrow a fit, or a Crock-Pot.

Your strategy: Play tennis or go run with her-vigorous exercise can reduce her symptoms. That way, if she "feels fat", at least she's doing something about it.

DAYS 26 TO 28: She's craving ice cream and jelly beans

What's happening to her: Her estrogen and progerterone levels are falling as her body prepares to start the cycle all voer again. Low estrogen causes her to crave high-fat foods such as chocolate, which studies show can elevate mood.

Your strategy: Indulge her cravings by taking her out to eat rather than bringing home some Ben & Jerry's. Reason? She'll eat the whole tub and blame you for letting herr do it.

so very true

[*Robert* 2]

I don't remember where I heard it, or who said it... but it's something to think about!

"Anything that bleeds for 5 days and lives... is not human"!!!

[Nessa 23]

I don't remember where I heard it, or who said it... but it's something to think about!

"Anything that bleeds for 5 days and lives... is not human"!!!

duh

didn't u know we're from venus?