This almost killed me... I laffed so hard!

[Dixie_Peach 1]

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone

can top this one!!!

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how

legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm

lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,

because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned

that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to

coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy

to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's

wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was

no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard

my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. Honey! The garbage

disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protest through the shower

pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks

me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take

you a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent

outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her

behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and

stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning,

and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed

disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new

kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied

hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and

stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when

I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and

saged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,

blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of

kitten hanging from my masculine regi on.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.

Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know

this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the

sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact

knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are

not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the

kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were

all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while

trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it

back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation

out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too

painful to talk about, which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they

only knew!

Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

[almaty 19]

[*Robert* 2]

Lynne, that story is hilarious!!! I too was laughing my bum off, but at the same time, crying tears of pain!!!

[germangel 0]

I understand the Kitty, it's a great toy...

[munchkins 1]

Ooohhh, that poor poor man

[rebeccajo 14]

Lynne, why is it that I find this story and your jiggling dancing baby avatar so........................amusing?

Edited May 23, 2006 by rebeccajo

[Eveline 9]

Oh boy, that is hilarious. Thanks for sharing though...

[GaryC 7]

Oh God! That is rich!!! I can't imagin the pain an embarrasment you went through but that is FUNNY!!!!

[Fixer 0]

I don't remember being called to any incidents like that when I was on the ambulance.

This is one of the reasons why I avoid kittens. YAY NUDITY!

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Lynne, why is it that I find this story and your jiggling dancing baby avatar so........................amusing?

lol

becca... i'm happy to entertain! just wait for the 2nd act! yowza!

[rebeccajo 14]

Lynne, why is it that I find this story and your jiggling dancing baby avatar so........................amusing?

lol

becca... i'm happy to entertain! just wait for the 2nd act! yowza!

Umm..the point I was trying to make....the dancing baby kinda looks like a kitty target.............

[Melo 1]

This is hysterical

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Lynne, why is it that I find this story and your jiggling dancing baby avatar so........................amusing?

lol

becca... i'm happy to entertain! just wait for the 2nd act! yowza!

Umm..the point I was trying to make....the dancing baby kinda looks like a kitty target.............

hahaha... i did not think of that! lol

maybe someone could come up with a smiley for that! lol

*ouchies*

[lostinlove228 0]

Hilarious

[anya-D 8]

I cant stop laughing.. gonna have the picture of that story whole day now