Marriage Blue

[kazuki 0]

Hi everyone. How are you? It has been two months since I got married my husband.

Well, now I have been facing problems psychologically.

I live with my mother in law and my husband because I cannot work. I know everyone here has to wait for EAD.

So, it can save money for us to live in this house with his mom. By the way, no one owns this house. We are renting.

Ok, now this mother in law makes me go crazy and also I still have a lot of guilt about my marriage. My parents are not happy about my marriage because of two reasons.

first, my mother in law has been divorced twice and has a lot of financial problems (bankruptcy and debt) and second, she has super bad temper. She gets upset easily and starts screaming F words all the time. And when she does banking, she always comes to me and speaks really loud that she is so broke, she has no money, she needs a roommate, her life is screwed. She is crazy. and I have to hear that all the time.

And she still wants to me to live together which is not gonna happen.

I decided to move out once I have a job.

my husband seems not even caring much because she is his mom and he says whats wrong with my mom? why don't you like to be here?

and since we got married, he has been with his friends more than ever and asks me to hang out with them every weekend. We have never spent a single weekend together. Always friends are around and I get so annoyed.

he still has debt which is from his college years. His mom did not help him to go to school. not even text books. So he used credit cards and government loan. She spent all her money for her dating and personal things. and now she says to us that we do not help her enough financially.

I have been having a lot of medical trouble like headache, stomach pain, sleep disorder. I take anti acid medicine everyday, and drink a lot of coffee to get rid of headache(i took so much pain medicine before).

I am thinking about going to counseling.

Does anyone face marriage depression or some types of problems due to international marriage?

My parents think that his parents are not very responsible and they are not very successful people either.

So they will never help me out about money because of my decision.

And I think that international marriage is more complicated and harder than regular marriage. Language, culture, religion, everything is so different.

I will be glad if you can share your experience with me.

Thank you.

[chris4gretchen 1]

Hi, i am sorry you are having a tough start. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your husband and explain that he and you need to come first. And that you and he need your own place. You cant have a normal life up under his parents or yours.

yes i agree international multi cultural marriages are harder, but the rewards i think are greater.

Your husband needs to be your support on this one and his mother is the third wheel. He needs to take care of his old debt and get a place for you two alone.

It is not your or your husbands place to pay her way financially when there is old debt and you dont have your own place.

Chris

[Jeraly 4]

Just a really small point - coffee is TERRIBLE for headaches as it is a diuretic - you are better off drinking peppermint tea

I agree with Chris though - you need to really speak to your husband about this - if you feel that you can't go on the way things are right now then it is in both of your best interests to get counselling TOGETHER so you can work through this

[Ana&D 0]

I'm so sorry you are facing all of this! Did you try voicing all ur concerns to ur husband? You are absolutely right on difficulties that come up in international marriages. Such unions require a lot more work to go around all those differences u mentioned. I really think u should try and seat down with your hubby and explain to him how u feel and what bothers you. I sincerely hope u guys will be able to work it out.

[warriorprincess 0]

I am so sorry you are going through this. From what you wrote the whole situation is causing you stress, which is not a good way to start you life with your husband. You need to sit your husband down and talk to him about this situation or it will continue to drive you crazy and your marriage will be in jeopardy. I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself. (F)

[kazuki 0]

Thank you so much everyone. I talked to him all this morning and we are going to move out as soon as I get a job. Two incomes and we will move out.

Well, yes, it is insane. I knew that his mom was crazy, but I could not imagine how crazy she was.

She acts all nice to me and says how much she cares about me, but it DOES NOT mean

that I can live with her all the time.

She even asks me to get a condo together, so we all can save money. Heck no.

How can we afford a condo in Southern CA, OC? she has so much debt to even take care of and now she says she wants to share an apartment and have a home eventually. so retarded.

so I told my husband that I cannot handle this lady's problem. If she has a problem, she needs to fix it and she is not allowed to share any of my income.

I will NOT let her ruin my life. She is so addicted to shopping, but it is not my problem and it is HER problem.

So my husband really understood and we will move out.

I really appreciate your comments.

My parents are all fed up with my decision and his parents' problems.

[Susita 175]

I'm so glad that you and your husband talked and worked things out

I think you two will be fine. Just handle the situation until you get a job (I know it is hard) but later on things will all work out.

[raymaga 25]

Glad you were able to talk to your husband. Lots of times, it's only a matter of talking problems through.

Good luck with your job hunt and finding your own "home"!!!!

[Moto-zutto 0]

Thank you so much everyone. I talked to him all this morning and we are going to move out as soon as I get a job. Two incomes and we will move out.

Well, yes, it is insane. I knew that his mom was crazy, but I could not imagine how crazy she was.

She acts all nice to me and says how much she cares about me, but it DOES NOT mean

that I can live with her all the time.

She even asks me to get a condo together, so we all can save money. Heck no.

How can we afford a condo in Southern CA, OC? she has so much debt to even take care of and now she says she wants to share an apartment and have a home eventually. so retarded.

so I told my husband that I cannot handle this lady's problem. If she has a problem, she needs to fix it and she is not allowed to share any of my income.

I will NOT let her ruin my life. She is so addicted to shopping, but it is not my problem and it is HER problem.

So my husband really understood and we will move out.

I really appreciate your comments.

My parents are all fed up with my decision and his parents' problems.

I think you made the right decision. If you are not happy then your relationship will suffer, and it seems his mther is the cause of most of it. Although you should not make him choose between family and you because both are so close, it seems he is a mama's boy. Soon he will grow up a little and move away from the "nest" and he can still see his friends every now and then, but you and your relationship should come first. Just being on this Journey, and the pain of waiting for your loved one to be together, you would think you want to spend all your time with them. Just hang in there. I'm sure once you move out things will look up..... P.S. Move far away from her!!!!! lol

[ginger1981 0]

Hi everyone. How are you? It has been two months since I got married my husband.

Well, now I have been facing problems psychologically.

I live with my mother in law and my husband because I cannot work. I know everyone here has to wait for EAD.

So, it can save money for us to live in this house with his mom. By the way, no one owns this house. We are renting.

Ok, now this mother in law makes me go crazy and also I still have a lot of guilt about my marriage. My parents are not happy about my marriage because of two reasons.

first, my mother in law has been divorced twice and has a lot of financial problems (bankruptcy and debt) and second, she has super bad temper. She gets upset easily and starts screaming F words all the time. And when she does banking, she always comes to me and speaks really loud that she is so broke, she has no money, she needs a roommate, her life is screwed. She is crazy. and I have to hear that all the time.

And she still wants to me to live together which is not gonna happen.

I decided to move out once I have a job.

my husband seems not even caring much because she is his mom and he says whats wrong with my mom? why don't you like to be here?

and since we got married, he has been with his friends more than ever and asks me to hang out with them every weekend. We have never spent a single weekend together. Always friends are around and I get so annoyed.

he still has debt which is from his college years. His mom did not help him to go to school. not even text books. So he used credit cards and government loan. She spent all her money for her dating and personal things. and now she says to us that we do not help her enough financially.

I have been having a lot of medical trouble like headache, stomach pain, sleep disorder. I take anti acid medicine everyday, and drink a lot of coffee to get rid of headache(i took so much pain medicine before).

I am thinking about going to counseling.

Does anyone face marriage depression or some types of problems due to international marriage?

My parents think that his parents are not very responsible and they are not very successful people either.

So they will never help me out about money because of my decision.

And I think that international marriage is more complicated and harder than regular marriage. Language, culture, religion, everything is so different.

I will be glad if you can share your experience with me.

Thank you.

To be fair, many parents can't help their kids with college loans these days. I have $50k in student loan debt...which yes will take a while to pay off. But if you manage your finances wisely and consolidate/refinance you'll be able to pay it off faster.

Honestly, whether it is an international relationship or not any mother in law like that would cause major stress. And it's already stressful enough being a newlywed AND an immigrant.

Thank you so much everyone. I talked to him all this morning and we are going to move out as soon as I get a job. Two incomes and we will move out.

Well, yes, it is insane. I knew that his mom was crazy, but I could not imagine how crazy she was.

She acts all nice to me and says how much she cares about me, but it DOES NOT mean

that I can live with her all the time.

She even asks me to get a condo together, so we all can save money. Heck no.

How can we afford a condo in Southern CA, OC? she has so much debt to even take care of and now she says she wants to share an apartment and have a home eventually. so retarded.

so I told my husband that I cannot handle this lady's problem. If she has a problem, she needs to fix it and she is not allowed to share any of my income.

I will NOT let her ruin my life. She is so addicted to shopping, but it is not my problem and it is HER problem.

So my husband really understood and we will move out.

I really appreciate your comments.

My parents are all fed up with my decision and his parents' problems.

Good for you! I'm glad you stood up for yourself and your husband. I think we all agree this woman sounds insane. It seems that if she can't manage her finances in the first place, the likelihood of her leaving you with the financial burden of a condo is high. Anyways, what newlywed couple would really want their mother in law living with them? Has she no sense of propriety?

[kazuki 0]

I totally understand that!!!!!!! Who wants to live with this crazy lady? I went to a wedding today for my brother in law. Ok, now here come my mother in law. Dressed up like crazy rich!!! with 300 dollar bag! Acts so dumb and acts like sooo fancy and rich like Paris Hilton. I got so unhappy there. She gave me all complains every freaking day and now at the wedding, she pretends like she has tons of money. hell no, she has no money. She maxed up her credit card to buy those dumb rich bags, dresses and everyday, she complains that she is broke.

I hate her poker face. It was such a wrong decision to live with her from the beginning. My brother in law married a super super rice girl from super rich family. Of course everyone has so much money and even offered her a free beach house!

Oh my my. My parents are sooo disappointed and unhappy about my marriage with my husband. They do not have any complains about him, but they have A LOT to complain about his parents.

I do not expect her to pay his debt. But, who wants to hear that complains and annoying comments every day? from morning to night?

I am already having zillions of stress from being newly wed, unhappy parents, crazy mother in law under one roof.

Yes, I really think that I made a right decision to move out. Yes, my husband has 7000 debt on his credit cards, but 0%APR for one year. So I can manage it!

Thank you so much.

[Dr. Obvious 49]

first, my mother in law has been divorced twice and has a lot of financial problems (bankruptcy and debt)...And when she does banking, she always comes to me and speaks really loud that she is so broke, she has no money, she needs a roommate, her life is screwed. She is crazy. and I have to hear that all the time.

Ok, now here come my mother in law. Dressed up like crazy rich!!! with 300 dollar bag! Acts so dumb and acts like sooo fancy and rich like Paris Hilton. I got so unhappy there. She gave me all complains every freaking day and now at the wedding, she pretends like she has tons of money. hell no, she has no money. She maxed up her credit card to buy those dumb rich bags, dresses and everyday, she complains that she is broke.

Those parts sound EXACTLY like my mother, so yeah, I feel your pain. One of those people you want to beat with a STFU stick. I won't go into it because it is your thread, but believe me, I get it, and I hope you can get out of that situation ASAP.

[Jeraly 4]

first, my mother in law has been divorced twice and has a lot of financial problems (bankruptcy and debt)...And when she does banking, she always comes to me and speaks really loud that she is so broke, she has no money, she needs a roommate, her life is screwed. She is crazy. and I have to hear that all the time.

Ok, now here come my mother in law. Dressed up like crazy rich!!! with 300 dollar bag! Acts so dumb and acts like sooo fancy and rich like Paris Hilton. I got so unhappy there. She gave me all complains every freaking day and now at the wedding, she pretends like she has tons of money. hell no, she has no money. She maxed up her credit card to buy those dumb rich bags, dresses and everyday, she complains that she is broke.

Those parts sound EXACTLY like my mother, so yeah, I feel your pain. One of those people you want to beat with a STFU stick. I won't go into it because it is your thread, but believe me, I get it, and I hope you can get out of that situation ASAP.

We have a similar issue in that because Jeremy has worked his @$$ off to get a decent job, his family think we are rich (he earns about $31,000 a year which isn't rich at all!!) and expect to run around after them all the time and pick up the pieces of their screwed up lives... So yeah - I kinda understand a bit too - but luckily we don't live with them - the moving far away thing sounds harsh, but if we weren't living "only" 35 miles away then we wouldn't have half as much to deal with with them...

[melusine 5]

31k is rich in UK ??

[Jeraly 4]

if it was in GBP then yeah - but in USD no - it just about pays the rent and bills here. And especially as I am not working, we are far from rich