Any tips for maintaing sanity while in the visa journey process?

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Ok, everyone any help you provide to us is well appreciated! How can we protect our sanity and prevent a complete meltdown? We are just at the tip of the iceberg here and we know there is a huge moutain of "waiting" ahead of us.....so if we are worried and frigity right now.....how can we ever make it to the top? *Birinting nails* Please how can we cope with this? I work full-time and my wife juggles a part-time weekend job, college 3 days a week, helps out with her parents (some during the week) and takes care of children all week too.....still we have idle time to "think" about this loooooooooooong process we've gotten ourselves into. We know at the end we will be happy "if" we get approved but seeing all the people on here who have been waiting months or a year or so for an approval has both of us on the edge of our chairs! Please any tips on how to relax and please "be kind" and offer honest answers! We desperately need some input here!

Samir

Edited August 16, 2008 by ~Dream Love~

[STEPHnRIA 2]

I thought we would be in this process for 6 months, an unforseen event happened and now we are on our 7th month. So what do we do, break up? We couldn't do it and it was never an option. We would rather wait than lose each other. Think, can you live without each other? Will giving up make it easier or you happier?

Ok, everyone any help you provide to us is well appreciated! How can we protect our sanity and prevent a complete meltdown? We are just at the tip of the iceberg here and we know there is a huge moutain of "waiting" ahead of us.....so if we are worried and frigity right now.....how can we ever make it to the top? *Birinting nails* Please how can we cope with this? I work full-time and my wife juggles a part-time weekend job, college 3 days a week, helps out with her parents (some during the week) and takes care of children all week too.....still we have idle time to "think" about this loooooooooooong process we've gotten ourselves into. We know at the end we will be happy "if" we get approved but seeing all the people on here who have been waiting months or a year or so for an approval has both of us on the edge of our chairs! Please any tips on how to relax and please "be kind" and offer honest answers! We desperately need some input here!

Samir

[mRs StOcKwElL 1]

Communicate everyday like what we did ( do chatting & talking tru phone ) Don't think that you are apart from each other instead feel that he/she is just beside you like you can hug and kiss each other.

Hope you will have your approval soon!!!!

Edited August 16, 2008 by Rodge & Ninfa

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Thanks that was encouraging and now I think we know what to do. We love each other and the best thing to do is just stay calm and wait for God to make thing happen when designated to occur. I appreciate the comments!

Communicate everyday like what we did ( do chatting & talking tru phone ) Don't think that you are apart from each other instead feel that he/she is just beside you like you can hug and kiss each other.

Hope you will have your approval soon!!!!

Thanks I hope everyone will get their approvals in a short time!

I thought we would be in this process for 6 months, an unforseen event happened and now we are on our 7th month. So what do we do, break up? We couldn't do it and it was never an option. We would rather wait than lose each other. Think, can you live without each other? Will giving up make it easier or you happier?

Ok, everyone any help you provide to us is well appreciated! How can we protect our sanity and prevent a complete meltdown? We are just at the tip of the iceberg here and we know there is a huge moutain of "waiting" ahead of us.....so if we are worried and frigity right now.....how can we ever make it to the top? *Birinting nails* Please how can we cope with this? I work full-time and my wife juggles a part-time weekend job, college 3 days a week, helps out with her parents (some during the week) and takes care of children all week too.....still we have idle time to "think" about this loooooooooooong process we've gotten ourselves into. We know at the end we will be happy "if" we get approved but seeing all the people on here who have been waiting months or a year or so for an approval has both of us on the edge of our chairs! Please any tips on how to relax and please "be kind" and offer honest answers! We desperately need some input here!

Samir

[Gemmie 142]

We just started our process too.

Try to keep busy. Working, spending time with friends/family, hobbies... focus on the next time you'll see each other. Even if it's not until the end of the process, this time next year it will be over. And don't allow yourself to talk about the visa process everyday. I know it seems hard because it's on your mind, but the more you act normal (talk about your day, the future, plans etc), the faster time will fly. Worrying makes it slower.

[merijan 0]

Sometimes you feel as if it is going sooo slow. But keeping busy is good for both of you and it seems you are doing that. Just take each step as it comes and know thats one step closer to your destiny. Its hard sometimes, but just take each day to talk and communicate however you do, computer, phone. And expect it will take awhile . I know there where days that where more difficult and it seemed like an imposability. I also remember the anticipation and how if you think about it too much it gets to you. One step at a time is best. When that day comes you will be soo overjoyed and in the future when different things come your way in your relationship you can remember the struggle and the waiting to be together.

[missinbrazil 0]

My husband and I just celebrated our 2 year anniversary of when we met. Our I-129f and I-130 took around 7 months to approve and our interview is August 28th. I had many days where I thought I was never going to get through being away from my husband and one simple thought always got me through: I always thought about all of the families who are separated from their family members because their family members have gone off to war. Many of those families spend longer amounts of time away from their loved ones than we do, and they don't know if they're coming home alive. AT LEAST we know that we WILL see our loved ones again and that they are safe. All of a sudden the wait time doesn't seem so bad...... Just be grateful that you are loved and that you are all safe. The rest will fall into place.

[Reallyfrustrated 0]

We just started our process too.

Try to keep busy. Working, spending time with friends/family, hobbies... focus on the next time you'll see each other. Even if it's not until the end of the process, this time next year it will be over. And don't allow yourself to talk about the visa process everyday. I know it seems hard because it's on your mind, but the more you act normal (talk about your day, the future, plans etc), the faster time will fly. Worrying makes it slower.

Great advise! Staying busy is the key and being with friends and family is so important. We filed my wife's I-130 in October of last year. We heard nothing for the longest time. Now it is the middle of August and her interview at the American Embassy in Belgrade, Serbia is scheduled for September 30th. We text msg each other numerous times each day and I call her 3 or 4 times each day. This visa journey is a one day at a time process. It blows me away that some people are approved and have their interviews in months and others it takes a year or more. I wish you and yours the best of luck. Be patient and hope for the best.

[Morning Sunshine 0]

Thanks everyone for your comments, but I want to mention some of us are from countries which are dangerous and things go on daily that do put our lives at risk so not all of us are fortunate enough to have the luxury of being in "safe" countries. Some spouses do have the reality of worrying if they will ever see their significant other again due to problems in their spouse's countries. Like me, the area I live in is not the greatest and things do happen here which do cause alarm to my wife.

We will try to stay calm and be patient but the fact of all (me not being very safe in my home country) this is what is driving my wife "mad". She is very concerned about my safety and her own(due to the neighbors treating her cruelly. Please pray for us all of you and we will do the same for you. Again I appreciate your comments and encouragement.

Samir

We just started our process too.

Try to keep busy. Working, spending time with friends/family, hobbies... focus on the next time you'll see each other. Even if it's not until the end of the process, this time next year it will be over. And don't allow yourself to talk about the visa process everyday. I know it seems hard because it's on your mind, but the more you act normal (talk about your day, the future, plans etc), the faster time will fly. Worrying makes it slower.

Great advise! Staying busy is the key and being with friends and family is so important. We filed my wife's I-130 in October of last year. We heard nothing for the longest time. Now it is the middle of August and her interview at the American Embassy in Belgrade, Serbia is scheduled for September 30th. We text msg each other numerous times each day and I call her 3 or 4 times each day. This visa journey is a one day at a time process. It blows me away that some people are approved and have their interviews in months and others it takes a year or more. I wish you and yours the best of luck. Be patient and hope for the best.

Edited August 16, 2008 by ~Dream Love~

[filirican 3]

oh my gosh!! i think u should always talk to ur partner, share ideas all the time..thats what my husband and i did with all the tension and the stress we were fighting but love was so true and really holding on so im here back in my husband's arms..good luck!

[Imua 0]

Thanks everyone for your comments, but I want to mention some of us are from countries which are dangerous and things go on daily that do put our lives at risk so not all of us are fortunate enough to have the luxury of being in "safe" countries. Some spouses do have the reality of worrying if they will ever see their significant other again due to problems in their spouse's countries. Like me, the area I live in is not the greatest and things do happen here which do cause alarm to my wife.

We will try to stay calm and be patient but the fact of all (me not being very safe in my home country) this is what is driving my wife "mad". She is very concerned about my safety and her own(due to the neighbors treating her cruelly. Please pray for us all of you and we will do the same for you. Again I appreciate your comments and encouragement.

Samir

We just started our process too.

Try to keep busy. Working, spending time with friends/family, hobbies... focus on the next time you'll see each other. Even if it's not until the end of the process, this time next year it will be over. And don't allow yourself to talk about the visa process everyday. I know it seems hard because it's on your mind, but the more you act normal (talk about your day, the future, plans etc), the faster time will fly. Worrying makes it slower.

Great advise! Staying busy is the key and being with friends and family is so important. We filed my wife's I-130 in October of last year. We heard nothing for the longest time. Now it is the middle of August and her interview at the American Embassy in Belgrade, Serbia is scheduled for September 30th. We text msg each other numerous times each day and I call her 3 or 4 times each day. This visa journey is a one day at a time process. It blows me away that some people are approved and have their interviews in months and others it takes a year or more. I wish you and yours the best of luck. Be patient and hope for the best.

I remember when there was a series of microbus bombings in KTM a year ago and Govi rides the micro every day... Now the situation in Nepal is more stable but who knows until the new government is in place, anything can happen.... Not to mention in some of those same countries communication/mail isn't the greatest so that adds more stress - Govi's extended family lives in the southern part of Nepal and there is little or no mobile or net access there, and the mail service in Nepal just plain sux... Last year he went to his family for Dashain and Tihar holidays and I did not hear from him for a month, I was going absolutely crazy and to add to it there has been conflict there... I am NOT looking forward to this year's holidays!!!

Edited August 17, 2008 by Pattu Rani

[MissStacey 1]

I always tell people not too worry too much- it will all be a repressed memory soon enough.

I look back to when I was waiting the 10 months until I got my visa to come back to the US- it all seems like such a blur to me now.

[nowhereman 1]

The process has been nothing short of torture for my fiancee and I. We first submitted an application in December 2007, but it was kicked back in April 2008 for an administrative error (I wasn't so upset that it was kicked back for an admin error, but the fact that USCIS sat on the application for 4 months made me extremely upset). Anyways we resubmitted an application in May 2008, applied & got approved for an expedite (based on national interest/military reasons) and finally got an approval in July.

OK so now our hope has been restored and my fiancee goes to the medical August 14-15. However the X-ray detects an "abnormality" and my fiancee is scheduled for a Sputum test August 20-22 (it takes 3 days). The worst part of this test is that the results won't be known for 8 weeks!!! Now instead of her coming to the USA in September we are looking at November (best case). She just had a chest X-ray in April and it turned out fine, so I am wondering if the X-ray done at St Lukes is a fluke. I asked my fiancee to ask St Lukes to redo the X-ray while there for the sputum test... I don't know if they will but it's worth a shot.

But to answer your question you keep your sanity by loving each other. Unlike other posters I do not feel that these delays are "God's will" or whatever, to me it's just senseless bureaucratic BS (being in the Army I know all about bureaucratic BS). It's infuriating but you have to keep your ultimate goal in mind, which of course is to be together!

[GlobeHopperMama 95]

Great advice so far.

Here have been our fortifying factors:

1) SKYPE! I know not everyone has computers/internet/webcams, but there are internet cafes round the world where these things are available. We would be in AWFUL shape right now if we didn't have the chance to see each other at least by video every day. We're expecting a baby in a few months, and the chance to instantly share news with my husband is something I would pay anything in the world for (And I am! Some of my monthly income is sent to my husband to pay for the internet service alone!).

2) Like others said, staying busy. Working, making plans with friends, reading books, learning new languages or skills (my husband is learning German, I'm trying to learn French!), playing sports.

3) Staying connected to those who are supportive and know what it's like to go through this. I'm lucky because my parents (who I'm currently living with) went through the Fiance visa process in the early 80s to get my dad to the US from Guatemala. They went 6 months without even being able to talk on the phone (apparently they had no money). So I know they have my back and they are with me 100%. But if they weren't, I would make sure to seek out those who DO understand. For example: VJ! Live on here if you have to, you will find that anything you're going through, dozens of others have been there, and it helps so much just knowing you're not alone! Try to find friends who are supportive and willing to hear you vent about slow processing times, false RFEs, messed up automated systems, etc. Again, if not in your daily life, then on here. Between this forum and immigrate2us.net, I have found the support I need to help me stay afloat.

This process is brutal, but you can do it! We're here for ya!

[PJB 0]

Our survival plan includes;

*working long hours and extra jobs (the money will come in handy when we file the affidavit of support)

*text or call every day or so (the phone lines are very bad in our town so we can't always get through, but texting usually works)

*send letters and packages to each other

*send messages and gifts via friends who have internet or are traveling between both countries

*I'm going back to language classes to improve my Russian language skills

*he's working on his English language skills

*send each other photos via internet

*he's slowly cleaning out our apt and getting things ready/packed for the move to US

*I'm slowly buying things we'll need to live together over here

*go to church a lot

*drink a lot