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baxxy

Fear of it not working out

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I cant help but have this fear about things not working out when my fiancee arrives here, eventually. I mean shes coming here alone, she has no family or friends here, I am it for her. Now the thing is, what if things just dont work out for us here? Ive been to visit her a few times already and the most we spent together straight was 2 weeks. We had great times but that was just a vacation. You never really know anybody unless you live with them, it doesnt matter how much phone/IM communication you have. So what if things dont go like we thought? Does anyone here ever think about this? Does anyone know of this happening to anyone?

Edited by baxxy

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Well, that's just the risk one has to take. I'm sure we all think about this, but it's best to try and be positive. If you're too in fear of the negative, eventually it will affect you.

I'm lucky in that I'm with a person who is ready to be out of where she lives now. She's already moved to another country once before (for school) with a different language and culture, and experienced the preliminary "culture shock" that most people with vastly different cultures/languages experience. All I can say is, keep an open mind, your skin thick, and simply be there for one another as much as you can. Talk a lot. Be understanding, and defensive/sensitive as LITTLE as humanly possible. It's already enough stress being apart.

If you're confident enough in each other, like I am with my SO, you simply know you mesh well together. You both need the same mentality about each other and the relationship.

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make as many trips back as you can, and take the time to know


TIMELINE

04/04/2007 K1 Interview from H...w/the devil herself

06/12/2007 Rec'd Notification Case Now Back In Calif. only to expire

-------------

11/20/2007 Married in Morocco

02/23/2008 Mailed CR1 application today

03/08/2008 NOA1 Notice Recd (notice date 3/4/08)

08/26/2008 File transfered fr Vermont to Calif

10/14/2008 APPROVALLLLLLLLLLLL

10/20/2008 Recd hard copy NOA2

10/20/2008 NVC Recd case

11/21/2008 CASE COMPLETE

01/15/2009 INTERVIEW

01/16/2009 VISA IN HAND

01/31/2009 ARRIVED OKC

BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL, BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER AND THOSE WHO MATTER DONT MIND

YOU CANT CHANGE THE PAST BUT YOU CAN RUIN THE PRESENT BY WORRYING OVER THE FUTURE

TRIP.... OVER LOVE, AND YOU CAN GET UP

FALL.... IN LOVE, AND YOU FALL FOREVER

I DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, JUST NOT THE ABILITY

LIKE THE MEASLES, LOVE IS MOST DANGEROUS WHEN IT COMES LATER IN LIFE

LIFE IS NOT THE WAY ITS SUPPOSED TO BE, ITS THE WAY IT IS

I MAY NOT BE WHERE I WANT TO BE BUT IM SURE NOT WHERE I WAS

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I'm sure it happens all the time. Just like same Country couples.

It was 5 years before we met in person. But even that first day felt like I had always been around him.

We've had the liberty of living together for over a year and a half. Really, it reaffirmed everything I just know and feel.


timeline.jpg

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I cant help but have this fear about things not working out when my fiancee arrives here, eventually. I mean shes coming here alone, she has no family or friends here, I am it for her. Now the thing is, what if things just dont work out for us here? Ive been to visit her a few times already and the most we spent together straight was 2 weeks. We had great times but that was just a vacation. You never really know anybody unless you live with them, it doesnt matter how much phone/IM communication you have. So what if things dont go like we thought? Does anyone here ever think about this? Does anyone know of this happening to anyone?

You never know what life will bring. The best advice I can give you is to listen to yourself and trust in YOUR feelings. Sometimes a leap of faith is worth the risk!!! Good luck to you...


Our Story so far...

K-1

7/26/07- I-129F sent to CSC

8/02/07- NOA 1

12/13/07- NOA 2

2/12/08- Interview in Rio- APPROVED!

2/15/08- Visa Received

2/18/08- US Entry

2/20/08- Wedding Day

AOS

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Gabriel was born on January 12, 2010!

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I cant help but have this fear about things not working out when my fiancee arrives here, eventually. I mean shes coming here alone, she has no family or friends here, I am it for her. Now the thing is, what if things just dont work out for us here? Ive been to visit her a few times already and the most we spent together straight was 2 weeks. We had great times but that was just a vacation. You never really know anybody unless you live with them, it doesnt matter how much phone/IM communication you have. So what if things dont go like we thought? Does anyone here ever think about this? Does anyone know of this happening to anyone?

Another trip to the Phils wouldn't hurt...when the two of you can have an honest discussion about this concern. Will your family and your friends become hers as well? Are there other Filipinas in your community and if there are, they are quick to help a new arrival get settled and establish a network. A friend who is married to a Filipina said it took her a full year to get over being totally shy and quiet when they were away from their home. No matter what, in my experience, that first few months of adjustment will be difficult for both of you -- and USCIS is not there to help at all...lol

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That is the risk of long distance love when it finally comes time to be together.

Follow your heart. If it works, it works and you'll be happy. If it doesn't, you'll pick up the pieces and move on and eventually, you'll be happy again.

Don't you think she's worth that risk?

If we treated everything in life that way..."Oh what if this happens, what if that happens, I shouldn't do this because this could happen"... etc. etc. etc. we'd never get anywhere or take any chances and we wouldn't be happy. Some people don't follow their hearts and they heed to their own fears and end up living a life that they don't want.

Take the risk, follow your heart and keep true to you. Only you can make you happy and if you both want to be together, you both just have to go for it and work each day to make it work.

All the best.

Laura

Edited by ~Laura and Nick~

Let's Keep the Song Going!!!

CANADA.GIFUS1.GIF

~Laura and Nicholas~

IMG_1315.jpg

Met online November 2005 playing City of Heroes

First met in Canada, Sept 22, 2006 <3

September 2006 to March 2008, 11 visits, 5 in Canada, 6 in NJ

Officially Engaged December 24th, 2007!!!

Moved to the U.S. to be with my baby on July 19th, 2008 on a K1 visa!!!!

***10 year green card in hand as of 2/2/2012, loving and living life***

Hmmm maybe we should move back to Canada! lol smile.png

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I cant help but have this fear about things not working out when my fiancee arrives here, eventually. I mean shes coming here alone, she has no family or friends here, I am it for her. Now the thing is, what if things just dont work out for us here? Ive been to visit her a few times already and the most we spent together straight was 2 weeks. We had great times but that was just a vacation. You never really know anybody unless you live with them, it doesnt matter how much phone/IM communication you have. So what if things dont go like we thought? Does anyone here ever think about this? Does anyone know of this happening to anyone?

I think it would be a good idea for you to rethink what you are doing before she gets here and you make a decision you may regret. I don't mean to sound crass, but why are you ready to marry someone you hardly know? Are you truly in love with Her? Is she your soul mate? Being on vacation with someone for 2 weeks and being married cannot be compared. You don't really know each other. If you are already having doubts, don't do it until you are sure. I


R.I.P Spooky 2004-2015

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I used to ask these questions myself when we only had visits for short periods of time. We have a perfect connection but I worried that it may be different when the "fantasy" of it was taken away.

However, after living together for even a short period, we already experienced everything that "normal" couples do. We argued at times, we had our financial issues among others and we handled them. It was wonderful being together and having the chance to experience everything in reality.

Your fears will fade when you spend more time together for longer periods. When you know, you know.

Edited by Gemmie

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I cant help but have this fear about things not working out when my fiancee arrives here, eventually. I mean shes coming here alone, she has no family or friends here, I am it for her. Now the thing is, what if things just dont work out for us here? Ive been to visit her a few times already and the most we spent together straight was 2 weeks. We had great times but that was just a vacation. You never really know anybody unless you live with them, it doesnt matter how much phone/IM communication you have. So what if things dont go like we thought? Does anyone here ever think about this? Does anyone know of this happening to anyone?

Well you are certainly not alone. :thumbs: I am in a similar situation. It's a big step for the person to drop everything (friends, family, job, secure surroundings) and come to you. Not all of us can make multiple trips and get lots of time off work, so we do what we can in a trip or 2 and various communications.

I guess that is why there's the 90 days though. If it's not going to work out, for whatever reason, the person can return home. Or, everyting may be perfect and you will be happily surprised :)


s4z18g.gif2lw0q4m.gif

JON & OLENKA

Timeline:

3/19/08 Met my lovely Olenka in Lviv, Ukraine

4/21/08 K1 packet sent to VSC via Express Mail

4/22/08 Packet arrived at VSC. Signed for by P. NOVAK

4/30/08 NOA1 date

5/5/08 Received NOA1 hardcopy in mail + TOUCHED

5/29/08 TOUCHED

5/30/08 TOUCHED

8/7/08 NOA2

8/14/08 NOA2 hardcopy

8/18/08 Received by NVC

8/25/08? Left NVC

11/5/08 Interview date

11/25/08 MY LOVE WILL ARRIVE!!!

geicocavemanyx6.jpg

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Follow your heart. If it works, it works and you'll be happy. If it doesn't, you'll pick up the pieces and move on and eventually, you'll be happy again.
:yes:

s4z18g.gif2lw0q4m.gif

JON & OLENKA

Timeline:

3/19/08 Met my lovely Olenka in Lviv, Ukraine

4/21/08 K1 packet sent to VSC via Express Mail

4/22/08 Packet arrived at VSC. Signed for by P. NOVAK

4/30/08 NOA1 date

5/5/08 Received NOA1 hardcopy in mail + TOUCHED

5/29/08 TOUCHED

5/30/08 TOUCHED

8/7/08 NOA2

8/14/08 NOA2 hardcopy

8/18/08 Received by NVC

8/25/08? Left NVC

11/5/08 Interview date

11/25/08 MY LOVE WILL ARRIVE!!!

geicocavemanyx6.jpg

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I used to ask these questions myself when we only had visits for short periods of time. We have a perfect connection but I worried that it may be different when the "fantasy" of it was taken away.

However, after living together for even a short period, we already experienced everything that "normal" couples do. We argued at times, we had our financial issues among others and we handled them. It was wonderful being together and having the chance to experience everything in reality.

Your fears will fade when you spend more time together for longer periods. When you know, you know.

My husband and I are like this...the perfect connection...when we were apart, we seemed to intuitively know what the other was feeling, thinking, etc. We're still this way. We had several times where we visited...usually two to three weeks at a time...and we felt that it was good experience towards actually living together full time. We had our disagreements...we have always known what it's like to not have a lot of money (yet we still manage :) ) We've been married just over two years...and there have been some down moments but nothing that we remotely felt like saying "oh man, we messed up". That's not to say others have not had the blessing I have had of having a marvelous marriage.

You know, it *IS* a chance you take. I like to think of it this way...I'd rather have chanced it and have had love for a time than to NOT chance it and quite possibly miss out on the love of my life.


Teaching is the essential profession...the one that makes ALL other professions possible - David Haselkorn

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You know, it *IS* a chance you take. I like to think of it this way...I'd rather have chanced it and have had love for a time than to NOT chance it and quite possibly miss out on the love of my life.

Perfect advice. :)

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My fiancee is also from the Philippines, n I made it a point to stay there for a few months and live with her to make sure that ya we could deal with eachother. Ofcourse not every one has those liberties. But what i can say to you is she needs to have her own life when she gets here. Send her to school or if she is already a professional make sure she finds work. She will be living in America so do your best to integrate her to America. Don't let her rely on all these other Pinays that came here and married foreigners as her only friends. If you don't think she will be capable of adjusting to your way of life, then it is a bad idea. Yes it's a risk, but if you're having second thoughts, then maybe it's not such a great idea for you at the moment. For me I can so WOW I am so in love with my woman. We have had many long serious conversations and we have been through bad and good. We already had our fights and stuff when we lived together so it wasn't like you said a vacation. I made it a point to do simple things with her and see how she reacted. We would just take long walks through Makati at 1 in the morning. It just flowed. Some days we just stayed at the condo and she read a book while I traded stocks. Without these simple things, I think I might be in the same boat as you. Coz ya, life ain't all fun and games.

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