Help Husband Cheating divorce paper is in process

[Kindheart 0]

Hi,

I don't know if this is the right forum to write my life story. I just need a help don't know what to do. My husband and I married on July 14, 2004. I came here as a fiance visa. I just got my permanent resident 10-year this April 15, 2008. On July 2, 2008, my husband filed for divorce we argue a lot. His intentions is not to build a family together, marrying a woman to love and care. He is 54 got 5 grown children from ex-wife ages 30-35 yrs. old. I'm 34 years old we have no child together.

During those four years we've been married. I saw his true intention. He filed for bankruptcy years 2000 and now what he did is he include me with his debts and loans that I didn't incur. He always loaned a big amount of money in which I don't even know where he going to spend it. He didn't even give me any penny. He even put me as a primary holder of one of the credit card and lie to the bank that I was working so that he can use my name to loan big amount of money with my name on it because they will never lend him money anymore because he filed for bankruptcy. That's what rushed me to file for post nuptial stating all the loans and debts would be separated and he is accountable for that. I called banks and credit cards company to close the account and separate me from his joint accounts. He even availed a lot of life and accidental insurances in which he is the beneficiary. But when I asked about the policies he never gave it to me because hsi beneficiaries are his grown children. I told him, anyway, your beneficiaries are your children I want my parents as my beneficiaries. But he said NO, NO, NO, he angrily told me. He is greedy. That I included also with our post nuptial that all life and accidental insurances would be voided in case they do something harm to me pretending that I met an accident he cannot claim big amount of money. I know life insurances here in US is important; but the intention is not for you to get millionaire.

I haven't worked, I began to isolate myself here inside his house because I'm afraid to go out. His children has criminal background, murder, stealing and illegal weapon possession. There's always wants to get inside the house I always call 911; I don't even know this people. My husband is a fireman working 24 hours that's why most of the time I'm alone in the house but I cannot sleep at night I always looking at the windows and check them all the time. I live in Detroit. I began to distrust my husband because of his activities. I know he never love me. His intentions on marrying me is bad. He just marry me to include me with all his debts and loans and avail many life insurances. He even hurriedly teach me how to drive I never drive in my country. He is always pushing me to drive on freeways telling me to drive alone so I will know around here. When I arrived here in US, the first thing that he kept on doing is teaching me how to drive, availing accidental and life insurances for me. He supposed to think of transferring or relocating to a new house, my social security, my papers and teach me how to normally live here in US. But he kept on doing something that I don't even know.

I asked for the divorce because I don't know to go around here and I have no money. I cried infront of him to let me go and free me. And then he told me, I'm useless, I'm ZERO. I told him. I served, love and take care of him without even money that I get from him. I clean his house and cook for him. I'm like a slave without a salary. He even shouted at me to cut the grass. I'm a chef here, I'm a maid, and he wants me to be a gardener also.

I had a lot of hardship in life with him too many to mention. I had my appendicitis operation, ectopic pregnancy, twisted my ankle from doing chores inside this house but my husband is not a greatful husband. He don't even see and be greatful that I served him as a real wife. He told me, he never want a wife like that. I asked him what do he like. and told me I am ZERO. I told him the life insurances and debts and loans that you include me that;s what your intention. I told him just because I stopped all your evil plans and now I'm useless. God knows I had loved him but he never loved me.

His intentions are for his grown children because he said that black don't have opportunity here on earth. I'm an Asian I have opportunity here in US. I can remarry when he died. That's why he angrily told me, that his house and money and insurances and all his assets are for his children and nothing for me. That's why I include that with our post nuptial so that him and all his children and all his relatives will not think anything I include that when he died I will not get anything even a single penny, his house, retirement, money and everything all the furnitures are for all of them. I just want to have peace of mind. I filed that post nuptial last year July 2007 and we agreed that we will going to start our relationship. Give his house to his children and transfer to another house away from them because they were grown already. I myself I left my family and country no relatives and family here.

Last month, I caught him buying house and lot which he never told me. I talked with him why he bought a house as we agreed we will going to buy our house and relocate. He wants to again houses for his 5 grown children 30 to 35 years old which cost only thirty five thousand but they were five. I saw he tries to loaned again money so he can buy the house as he will going to retire in five years. That started our argument, and asked for a divorce because he will never start with me as his priorities are his grown children and grandchildren.

And now I'm waiting for the divorce paper. I haven't been served yet. He said within 3 months this coming SEptember. I still live with him in his house because I have no where to go. I saw again he cheated on me. Our divorce paper is not yet finalized I saw his emails looking again Filipina women to become a victim. But now he is looking for a filipina women 45-55 years; with a good job. I know he saw how good I am with him I served, loved and take good care of him I became a good wife to him that's why he again looking for a Filipina because I'm a filipina. My soon to be ex-husband is twice divorced from black women he is black too. I know he never wants black women as he told me they are not a good wife.

I'm just concerned about my Filipino fellowcountry women. As a Filipina, I don't want my people to be treated bad as I have been treated by him. I don't want them to become a victim also.

I don't know who to talked with. On our divorced paper I told my soon to be ex-husband not to get alimony or anything that's why he agreed. I'm asking just to free me so I can start my new life. I just want to asked I haven't received any divorce paper since July 2, 2008 the date he filed it. If ever I receive the paper and answer his divorce complaint. I want to tell the judge all my life. I don't have money to get me a lawyer since I don't anymore get anything from him and Michigan law states that no alimony and our post nuptial already stated regarding alimony. I'm not after money I just want to be free and start my life. Anyway, there's God who knows everything he cannot get by what my husband did to me. What goes around comes around. There's always punishment for our sins and what you do wrong to others.

I want to write a letter attached it to the divorce paper when I received it all my life here with him. My question is can I do that eventhough I have no agreed, no complaint, no other things to get from him. I just want this relationship be over also and start my life.

If you are in my situation what are you going to do, would you just keep quiet, don't write an aswer with the divorce paper though no complaint, no agreement becuase I have no lawyer or attached a letter so the judge will going to read it. What will you do? I'm afraid if ever we go to the judge and fight and say words that would hurt my husband he will do harm to me as I am still living with his house. For when our divorce is finalized I want him to buy me a ticket and go to my Auntie in another State.

Please help

[desert_fox 32]

See a lawyer to see what your rights are.

[NickD 202]

With these new labeling laws, WARNING, the contents of this package will be hot when you remove it from the oven. Like you don't know that.

Where a Warning should really be used is in your marriage contract.

WARNING, BY AGREEING TO THIS CONTRACT YOU WILL BE LIABLE FOR ALL OF YOUR SPOUSES DEBTS.

Wrote my state senator about this, he agreed, but also laughed, I didn't think it was funny.

[NOandJO 0]

Hello!

I felt sad when i read your long story about what happen in your life and also with your ungrateful husband...i gave this legal information line hope this will help you: office: (650) 652-0800, Legal Information Line: (650) 259-8136....COMMUNITY OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ABUSE (CORA)

San Mateo CA 1633 Bayshore Highway,Suite 280 Burlingame, CA 94010....Just try to call the hotline...thats a filipino community that will help you...God bless you!!!

NOandJO

Hi,

I don't know if this is the right forum to write my life story. I just need a help don't know what to do. My husband and I married on July 14, 2004. I came here as a fiance visa. I just got my permanent resident 10-year this April 15, 2008. On July 2, 2008, my husband filed for divorce we argue a lot. His intentions is not to build a family together, marrying a woman to love and care. He is 54 got 5 grown children from ex-wife ages 30-35 yrs. old. I'm 34 years old we have no child together.

During those four years we've been married. I saw his true intention. He filed for bankruptcy years 2000 and now what he did is he include me with his debts and loans that I didn't incur. He always loaned a big amount of money in which I don't even know where he going to spend it. He didn't even give me any penny. He even put me as a primary holder of one of the credit card and lie to the bank that I was working so that he can use my name to loan big amount of money with my name on it because they will never lend him money anymore because he filed for bankruptcy. That's what rushed me to file for post nuptial stating all the loans and debts would be separated and he is accountable for that. I called banks and credit cards company to close the account and separate me from his joint accounts. He even availed a lot of life and accidental insurances in which he is the beneficiary. But when I asked about the policies he never gave it to me because hsi beneficiaries are his grown children. I told him, anyway, your beneficiaries are your children I want my parents as my beneficiaries. But he said NO, NO, NO, he angrily told me. He is greedy. That I included also with our post nuptial that all life and accidental insurances would be voided in case they do something harm to me pretending that I met an accident he cannot claim big amount of money. I know life insurances here in US is important; but the intention is not for you to get millionaire.

I haven't worked, I began to isolate myself here inside his house because I'm afraid to go out. His children has criminal background, murder, stealing and illegal weapon possession. There's always wants to get inside the house I always call 911; I don't even know this people. My husband is a fireman working 24 hours that's why most of the time I'm alone in the house but I cannot sleep at night I always looking at the windows and check them all the time. I live in Detroit. I began to distrust my husband because of his activities. I know he never love me. His intentions on marrying me is bad. He just marry me to include me with all his debts and loans and avail many life insurances. He even hurriedly teach me how to drive I never drive in my country. He is always pushing me to drive on freeways telling me to drive alone so I will know around here. When I arrived here in US, the first thing that he kept on doing is teaching me how to drive, availing accidental and life insurances for me. He supposed to think of transferring or relocating to a new house, my social security, my papers and teach me how to normally live here in US. But he kept on doing something that I don't even know.

I asked for the divorce because I don't know to go around here and I have no money. I cried infront of him to let me go and free me. And then he told me, I'm useless, I'm ZERO. I told him. I served, love and take care of him without even money that I get from him. I clean his house and cook for him. I'm like a slave without a salary. He even shouted at me to cut the grass. I'm a chef here, I'm a maid, and he wants me to be a gardener also.

I had a lot of hardship in life with him too many to mention. I had my appendicitis operation, ectopic pregnancy, twisted my ankle from doing chores inside this house but my husband is not a greatful husband. He don't even see and be greatful that I served him as a real wife. He told me, he never want a wife like that. I asked him what do he like. and told me I am ZERO. I told him the life insurances and debts and loans that you include me that;s what your intention. I told him just because I stopped all your evil plans and now I'm useless. God knows I had loved him but he never loved me.

His intentions are for his grown children because he said that black don't have opportunity here on earth. I'm an Asian I have opportunity here in US. I can remarry when he died. That's why he angrily told me, that his house and money and insurances and all his assets are for his children and nothing for me. That's why I include that with our post nuptial so that him and all his children and all his relatives will not think anything I include that when he died I will not get anything even a single penny, his house, retirement, money and everything all the furnitures are for all of them. I just want to have peace of mind. I filed that post nuptial last year July 2007 and we agreed that we will going to start our relationship. Give his house to his children and transfer to another house away from them because they were grown already. I myself I left my family and country no relatives and family here.

Last month, I caught him buying house and lot which he never told me. I talked with him why he bought a house as we agreed we will going to buy our house and relocate. He wants to again houses for his 5 grown children 30 to 35 years old which cost only thirty five thousand but they were five. I saw he tries to loaned again money so he can buy the house as he will going to retire in five years. That started our argument, and asked for a divorce because he will never start with me as his priorities are his grown children and grandchildren.

And now I'm waiting for the divorce paper. I haven't been served yet. He said within 3 months this coming SEptember. I still live with him in his house because I have no where to go. I saw again he cheated on me. Our divorce paper is not yet finalized I saw his emails looking again Filipina women to become a victim. But now he is looking for a filipina women 45-55 years; with a good job. I know he saw how good I am with him I served, loved and take good care of him I became a good wife to him that's why he again looking for a Filipina because I'm a filipina. My soon to be ex-husband is twice divorced from black women he is black too. I know he never wants black women as he told me they are not a good wife.

I'm just concerned about my Filipino fellowcountry women. As a Filipina, I don't want my people to be treated bad as I have been treated by him. I don't want them to become a victim also.

I don't know who to talked with. On our divorced paper I told my soon to be ex-husband not to get alimony or anything that's why he agreed. I'm asking just to free me so I can start my new life. I just want to asked I haven't received any divorce paper since July 2, 2008 the date he filed it. If ever I receive the paper and answer his divorce complaint. I want to tell the judge all my life. I don't have money to get me a lawyer since I don't anymore get anything from him and Michigan law states that no alimony and our post nuptial already stated regarding alimony. I'm not after money I just want to be free and start my life. Anyway, there's God who knows everything he cannot get by what my husband did to me. What goes around comes around. There's always punishment for our sins and what you do wrong to others.

I want to write a letter attached it to the divorce paper when I received it all my life here with him. My question is can I do that eventhough I have no agreed, no complaint, no other things to get from him. I just want this relationship be over also and start my life.

If you are in my situation what are you going to do, would you just keep quiet, don't write an aswer with the divorce paper though no complaint, no agreement becuase I have no lawyer or attached a letter so the judge will going to read it. What will you do? I'm afraid if ever we go to the judge and fight and say words that would hurt my husband he will do harm to me as I am still living with his house. For when our divorce is finalized I want him to buy me a ticket and go to my Auntie in another State.

Please help

[*JG* 2]

Some of what you wrote, I had a hard time believing. It just didnt' make sense to me. Others, I think you incurred because you are married to the man and it is what it is. Not working means he is supporting you and you are incurring some of the debt.

I suggest finding a good lawyer and letting them sort it all out too.

[NickD 202]

In my case, I was legally separated from my ex with a court order stating I was no longer liable for her debts, but she ran up another $18,000 in debts and even with the best attorney, judge still said that court order does not apply since we still are legally married. But he got the court and the plaintiff to settle for half that amount, so I got by with paying $9,000.00 plus another $2,500.00 for my attorneys cost. I can't tell you how angry I was. And never even knew about this debt until a year after my divorce.

The key question I had, is why are they going after me and not my ex? Reason my attorney gave was she was flat broke and I had the money or at least the ability to pay it off, plaintiff did dig up a state statue to that effect. And this was after a 50-50 settlement with me getting full physical custody of my kids. They also tacked on an alimony, but got the ex to agree to a one time payoff, got a loan to pay that off so I was completely severed from her. Spent the next seven years raising my kids, working my can off to pay off all those bills, but it was much easier not having her around here blowing money faster than I could earn it. And terrible how a man is treated in our divorce courts.

Not sure about your husband's premarital debts, but can almost guarantee, if you are broke, they won't go after you. I have a real sweetheart now so miracles are possible. Can only suggest, get out of there and get out of there fast if what you say is true.

[LadyJane 1]

I'm so sorry to hear that your situation is deteriorating. You've written in this forum several times, and I believe that the advice you've been given is to seek out a divorce attorney. In the topics you've posted previously, there have been links, phone numbers, safe houses and information given to you.

We help you and give you advice because we care about you. By doing so, we are encouraging you to help yourself and have your rights protected. It is difficult for us who have spent time to help you to see that you haven't taken our advice or contacted an attorney and that the situation has gotten worse. I don't know how many times we can tell you the same things.

Have you gotten an attorney? If you haven't, do so!

You've been given very good advice, and contact phone numbers of agencies that can help you. Please use them!

[Passing.star 0]

Hello Kindheart, I feel sorry for what you've been through. I wish I have the answers to what your questions. Since you know how to drive now, why don't you start looking for a job in that way you can stand on your own and somehow afford a lawyer on your own? Someone has gave you telephone numbers i hope it will help you. be strong. Life in the US is never easy i know for sure since I have worked in two foreign countries before i met my husband now. Take care of yourself and I hope things will get better soon for you.

[ronjie 0]

i suggest you take the car that is legally yours. and get out of there. if you need gas money, then try to reopen ur credit card for gas and hotel to ur aunts house. once ur away from there seek legal help. u have a license to drive, now use it !!!

[diadromous mermaid 36]

When you receive the divorce petition, you must file an answer within a prescribed number of days. If you fail to follow the appropriate protocol in answering his complaint, you will waive any rights to be a party to the divorce settlement. Call the Bar Association in your area and ask if there are any attorneys that provide pro bono counsel in divorce cases. A one-hour consultation should be enough to get an idea of how the process goes.

[NickD 202]

My wife did work as a patient assistance administrator at the local hospital and encountered several women abuse cases. Where finances are a problem, free legal advice is provided even if the case ends up in court. There are also home available, I did take her to one, but didn't go in, but from outside appearances, wouldn't mind being an abused woman to live there myself. Just saying it was very nice, wife tells me they offer free room and board, counseling, restraining orders, education, and give those women a chance to start off a new productive life.

But unlike criminals that are forced by law to go someplace less desirable, as a victim, you have to choose to go there at your own free will. So it's your choice. You want help? It's there for the asking.

[island_princess 2]

Basing from the way you write, you must be somebody with good educational background. I am from the Philippines, so I know that not all can write English well. You are smart. All I can say is - do whatever makes you happy and safe. I believe, Detroit is the most dangerous place to live (in a survey..I can't remember the exact name). Take extra caution.

There is two sides of the story so writing a letter will not hurt, but you need to provide concrete evidences too to make it credible.

[island_princess 2]

BTW, you just posted this story today, right? Your story/post sounds familiar. I must have read it somewhere... way before.