Divorce...

[Jandy 0]

hi everybody,

I didnt know where to put this topic...kina fits here but maybe totally off...i just need to talk to someone...

My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and been together for more than 2 years. Lately we have been fighting mostly because of my "bitchiness" and our personalities. He said that even tho we love each other, our personalities are different, we dont like the same thing, and I dont even tried to make an effort to go out with his friends. He did a lot of sacrificing for me these past 2 years, and I've been so ungrateful for what he did, because i took them as granted, i took him as granted. And i was wrong. I told him all that. I told him i love him, but he also been crying too like me, and he feels bad, hurt when i say i love him, but he doesn't know how he feels now, where the relationship is at. Im scared of losing him,...he told me that what's the point of making this fake relationship work if we keep hurting each other, but we dont all the time, it is mostly when his friend is back from Iraq, and that's when my super bad jealousy takes over me, and I ve been hurting so much coz i been harrassing him and complaining a lot. Now i regret what i did....

I don't know how he thinks or feels right now...all i know is he needs space, so we won't see each other this week-end as we used to, he told me not to wait him up on msn, since he doesnt know how it is going to be the next few days...he also told me that, like i said, take it day by day, and see where it goes...he also even mentionned that we can still be friends after all that, because he broke up twice with 2 of his exes...and never talked to them anymore...but for me he wants to be friends, because its not like i cheated on him like one of his ex..it is just a matter of personalities. He said that he also grew tired of me saying that i will change for him, but i never did...im so f****** stupid...for not have made an effort....

now im scared that i lost him forever....he said that he needed space because everything kina exploding , and needs to settle down, and see in a few days, he didnt say he loves me, coz he is hurt and doesnt know how he feels now ...im so scared, i told him all that....but wanting space, not knowing how you feel anymore, does it mean we are heading to a divorce?

now Im going to give him space, hopefully it is not too late

i need some guidance please, or what do you think is going to happen...Im so desperate, the thought of not having him as my lover breaks my heart...

please reply, i desperately need some help

you can be as honest as possible

thank you

Jessi

[Passing.star 0]

Hi Jessie, I hope things will work out for you and your husband still. Being jealous is not a bad thing but too much of it will really kill the relationship. As a woman I guess you have to show him how much you care and feel for him. You have said that his been a good man for you yet its in you what was wrong. Give him support and encouragement and all the love he deserve.

May God grant you all the peace and happiness that your seeking! I will pray for both of you.

Mossycouple

[Kamaboko 0]

hi everybody,

I didnt know where to put this topic...kina fits here but maybe totally off...i just need to talk to someone...

My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and been together for more than 2 years. Lately we have been fighting mostly because of my "bitchiness" and our personalities. He said that even tho we love each other, our personalities are different, we dont like the same thing, and I dont even tried to make an effort to go out with his friends. He did a lot of sacrificing for me these past 2 years, and I've been so ungrateful for what he did, because i took them as granted, i took him as granted. And i was wrong. I told him all that. I told him i love him, but he also been crying too like me, and he feels bad, hurt when i say i love him, but he doesn't know how he feels now, where the relationship is at. Im scared of losing him,...he told me that what's the point of making this fake relationship work if we keep hurting each other, but we dont all the time, it is mostly when his friend is back from Iraq, and that's when my super bad jealousy takes over me, and I ve been hurting so much coz i been harrassing him and complaining a lot. Now i regret what i did....

I don't know how he thinks or feels right now...all i know is he needs space, so we won't see each other this week-end as we used to, he told me not to wait him up on msn, since he doesnt know how it is going to be the next few days...he also told me that, like i said, take it day by day, and see where it goes...he also even mentionned that we can still be friends after all that, because he broke up twice with 2 of his exes...and never talked to them anymore...but for me he wants to be friends, because its not like i cheated on him like one of his ex..it is just a matter of personalities. He said that he also grew tired of me saying that i will change for him, but i never did...im so f****** stupid...for not have made an effort....

now im scared that i lost him forever....he said that he needed space because everything kina exploding , and needs to settle down, and see in a few days, he didnt say he loves me, coz he is hurt and doesnt know how he feels now ...im so scared, i told him all that....but wanting space, not knowing how you feel anymore, does it mean we are heading to a divorce?

now Im going to give him space, hopefully it is not too late

i need some guidance please, or what do you think is going to happen...Im so desperate, the thought of not having him as my lover breaks my heart...

please reply, i desperately need some help

you can be as honest as possible

thank you

Jessi

Without wanting to interfere much further, I think we will be much helped if you dont mind explaining concrete things that you two have been through.

If you find it hard to change certain bothering behaviour, maybe you will need some counseling. Is there any way that the two of you could compromise? I do not see any reason why he shall keep distance from you.

I hope everything will get better with you, try to find out the chore of the problem as have it fixed ASAP. God bless!

[Jandy 0]

thank you for your reply

but i just hope he still wants to give us a chance but i don't know how he feels...i want to call him all the time right now to fix it, but he needs things to settle down, i am so scared i am going to lose him...

[one...two...tree 2,762]

thank you for your reply

but i just hope he still wants to give us a chance but i don't know how he feels...i want to call him all the time right now to fix it, but he needs things to settle down, i am so scared i am going to lose him...

I can understand how you must feel - the uncertainty of the relationship can eat your heart out. I'd recommend you seek counseling for yourself and perhaps get some couples counseling for the both of you.

Be strong for your own sanity and keep telling yourself that everything has a reason. I hope that everything works for the best.

[Jandy 0]

the problem was me...these past 2 yrs, he has sacrificed a lot for me, catering to my needs, always trying to make me happy, we been with each other almost everyday.

Now that his friend is back from Iraq, it is just once per yr over summer, he always goes out with him during those 2-3wks...and thats when i can't control my stupid bitchiness..i get jealous...before at the beginning of our relationship, his friend said that if your current girlfriend "just screw the ######"...i was soo offended, I told my bf / husband that...but he told me it wasnt directed against me...but now i keep holding grudges against his friend for saying that....and i dont want to see him becuase of that...and this has hurt my husband, he wanted us to be all getting along, and i never tried to give that to him...and i realized that it is too late now since he wants some space, needs to cool down, since everything blown up like crazy...he doesnt know how he feels, because he is been hurt and had suffered over these 2 years, because he made sacrifices for me, but i kept telling him that i would change but i never did, and its too late maybe now...he grew tired of it...last nite, he told me he loved me, and then he said those words hurt him...i dont know what to think...does he want a divorce?

He wants to see it day by day...also we are somehow different, different cultures, different personalities....he thinks we dont match...and we realize that we been hurting each other lately...so now he needs space...im so devastated, i wish i could go back and fix things that i should have done...he did a lot in this relationship, always the one to make the first move, but im so stupid i never did...so now im scared that i lost him forever since he never told me before he wanted space even though we argued...im scared that he wants a divorce....

what do you people think? i know you are not in my shoes...but from this unbiased perspective, what do you think or assume will happen next?

any reply from you will be such a great help...

thank you

[LoriLawless 0]

I think that you need time for yourself, as well as giving him time. Both of you need to reflect on the relationship, where you think you went wrong, what you think you can do to fix it...etc.

He's not going to run off with someone in just a few days, so give him the space he needs, and take advantage of the break for yourself.

Jealousy is an ugly emotion that can tear the best of relationships up. If you're naturally jealous with no apparent reason, you need either to re-think yourself, or go talk to a counselor. If you think you have a reason, you need to explore that and talk about your reasons with him.

Unless you can control that, you WILL lose him.

Don't panic. Take a deep breath, make some plans with a friend, or just chill.

[Jandy 0]

thank you for your reply...but i cant stop thinking about it...i cant focus on my studies right now even though i have an exam...i just hope that we still have a chance...

[Ggreen 12]

hi everybody,

I didnt know where to put this topic...kina fits here but maybe totally off...i just need to talk to someone...

My husband and I have been married for 6 months, and been together for more than 2 years. Lately we have been fighting mostly because of my "bitchiness" and our personalities. He said that even tho we love each other, our personalities are different, we dont like the same thing, and I dont even tried to make an effort to go out with his friends. He did a lot of sacrificing for me these past 2 years, and I've been so ungrateful for what he did, because i took them as granted, i took him as granted. And i was wrong. I told him all that. I told him i love him, but he also been crying too like me, and he feels bad, hurt when i say i love him, but he doesn't know how he feels now, where the relationship is at. Im scared of losing him,...he told me that what's the point of making this fake relationship work if we keep hurting each other, but we dont all the time, it is mostly when his friend is back from Iraq, and that's when my super bad jealousy takes over me, and I ve been hurting so much coz i been harrassing him and complaining a lot. Now i regret what i did....

I don't know how he thinks or feels right now...all i know is he needs space, so we won't see each other this week-end as we used to, he told me not to wait him up on msn, since he doesnt know how it is going to be the next few days...he also told me that, like i said, take it day by day, and see where it goes...he also even mentionned that we can still be friends after all that, because he broke up twice with 2 of his exes...and never talked to them anymore...but for me he wants to be friends, because its not like i cheated on him like one of his ex..it is just a matter of personalities. He said that he also grew tired of me saying that i will change for him, but i never did...im so f****** stupid...for not have made an effort....

now im scared that i lost him forever....he said that he needed space because everything kina exploding , and needs to settle down, and see in a few days, he didnt say he loves me, coz he is hurt and doesnt know how he feels now ...im so scared, i told him all that....but wanting space, not knowing how you feel anymore, does it mean we are heading to a divorce?

now Im going to give him space, hopefully it is not too late

i need some guidance please, or what do you think is going to happen...Im so desperate, the thought of not having him as my lover breaks my heart...

please reply, i desperately need some help

you can be as honest as possible

thank you

Jessi

Assuming that this is your first time to be married...well it takes a while to compensate from single to married person, he also need to understand that you are his third wife. remembre, communication is important. be patient and make an effort this time.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

A marriage is work; it doesn't just happen when two people get married. Your problems have grown bigger than the two of you are able to handle on your own. I think it is really important that the two of you seek marriage counseling as soon as you can. It is the differences between us that provide the excitement in our relationships but it is the similarities that provide the comfort. You both need to find what you have in common that will provide you with a framework within which to continue this marriage and deal with the differences. The fact that he still feels friendly towards you is positive sign. There is a lot of hard work ahead, but I think with commitment from you both and a good counselor, you have a chance. I don't think this is something you can solve on your own anymore.

Good luck.

[Jandy 0]

thank you so much again for ur reply....but i know im asking too much here, but can anyone tell me what "i need space, i don't know how i feel, where the relationship is at now" means divorce? did i lose him?

those questions have been an obsession ...

i know i should leave it and give him space but i just want an "insight" of what those words mean...

thank you

[LoriLawless 0]

thank you so much again for ur reply....but i know im asking too much here, but can anyone tell me what "i need space, i don't know how i feel, where the relationship is at now" means divorce? did i lose him?

those questions have been an obsession ...

i know i should leave it and give him space but i just want an "insight" of what those words mean...

thank you

It doesn't mean anything outside of what it says. He needs space, give it to him.

After you do that, and think about things yourself, you guys can talk - and at THAT point you will know if you can work it out.

If you keep being obsessive like this, you're not only going to lose your mind, but you'll lose him.

Show him you have self-control and can let him have time. That's all he's asking for and if you hound him, you'll hurt your chances of working it out.

[Jandy 0]

thank you for your advising words....i will follow what you said...and hopefully he still wants to be with me

thank you so much for your reply

[LoriLawless 0]

thank you for your advising words....i will follow what you said...and hopefully he still wants to be with me

thank you so much for your reply

You're quite welcome. I wish you luck.

Now get to studying!! Seriously, it'll help you get your mind off things.

[rika60607 215]

It sounds to me like your husband is secretely gay.

Mine was and I see similar pattern: he goes out with his friend a lot, he takes his friend's side over yours (he blames you instead of admitting that his friend was rude), then he still loves you but needs space. Ha. Been there seen that

These guys do tend to be extra nice, that is until they dare to realise their gayness, and then woman is junked.

I think you know it in your heart and this is why you are jealous - in respect to a man, no less.

the problem was me...these past 2 yrs, he has sacrificed a lot for me, catering to my needs, always trying to make me happy, we been with each other almost everyday.

Now that his friend is back from Iraq, it is just once per yr over summer, he always goes out with him during those 2-3wks...and thats when i can't control my stupid bitchiness..i get jealous...

thank you