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Sons and middle east culture

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Algeria
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I guess I haven't noticed this that much. What I have noticed in Morocco is that the boys are free to sit on their butts while their sisters cook and clean.

:D

ha! ain't that the truth...

not all of them, of course, but i know what you are saying, Kerewin, sometimes it seems that way!

Hachemi had 2 sisters at home and he took full advantage of them. I had a lot of reprogramming to do once he got here. I pretty much got him out of that habit since the 2 years he has been here. :yes:

Hey Henia, I have missed you. Glad to see you posting.

Meriem (F)

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Filed: Citizen (apr) Country: Jordan
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Well, not every family is the same, I guess. I know my Dh said he wanted to have a boy first.. but he admitted that over 50% of his reason for wanting a boy first was so that people would NOT bother us about when we're going to haev a boy. The pressure is relieved, and then you can have less problems. He adores the idea of daughters/a daughter. I think he could probably care less, but does feel strongly that he would like at least one of each. Men and women in a culture which places emphasis on boys will be walking a fine line, even if they themselves disagree with the idea of male superiority. On the one hand, they will likely feel pressured tro conform to a certain way of thinking while they, themselves, do not follow it. Kind of reminds me of non-religious kids in a religious family... you sort of go through the motions because it is expected.

Men are traditionally the providers, which generally makes them more monitarily, at least, valuable. Of course there are the completely necessary female roles in that kinds of society too. I don't agree with the level of value places on the one role and devaluation of the other.

As far as your staement below, that depends on the family and the individual and the religion. I know my husband cared, washed, etc for his father as his father was dying. he also cared mostly for his mother as well, and would get frustrated with his sisters for not doing their part, as he felt it was inappropriate for him to be involved with any washing of his mother-- same as he felt it would have been inappropriate for his sisters to be involved with washing of his father. I asked him about that between husband and wife, and he still felt it better for male to care for male, female for female even over the spouse. So that would be some culture most likely mixed intothe religion. There are probably more stories like DH's, but you just will never hear about them. It's not something people discuss, really.

parents get old who is it that usually washes and cares for their aging parents? It is usually the daughter. At least this has always been my experience. I even pointed out to this woman how she sends money to her mother in Iraq. Does that not make her benificial to her mother regardless of gender?

None of my posts have ever been helpful. Be forewarned.

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Algeria
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S and S:

Just wanted to mention that most MENA wedding are over the top! Due to the fact, that most MENA people are Muslim ... and in Islam there are fewer celebrations (The Eids, weddings, and births basically) Weddings can last for days on end. And the money needed for such wedding is usually collected over at least a year, if not more.

The amount on money spent on the dowry and wedding usually (in the mind's of people) reflects how much the groom 'loves' the bride. Rather funnt since in many cases the groom doesn't even know the bride. So it's more likely a status symbol.

Dowries of clothing, gold and money are the norm. These again, cost much bucks ... esp considering in these countries the average income is much less. But really in Islam, the bride has the right to this money ... as a form of insurance from her husband/his family. Islamically, she has not obligation to spent this money for anything except herself.

I know here in Algeria, some of the handsewn traditional dresses are at least $500 a piece. And usually a bride has 7-10 dresses!

And as far, as your in-laws giving you gold ... it was something obligatory for them. Even if they did not like you ... they would do this. To save face!

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Iraq
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Henia,

Thankyou for your response. It was regretable that we didn't have a wedding. I know I will always feel sad for that. Yet it wasn't possible. Not one member of of my family or friends was willing to fly to the middle east. They didn't go against my getting married. The just wouldn't risk flying to that part of the world. Then there was the problem that my husband was seperated from his family when he fled as a refugee. They couldn't leave the country they were in without losing their visa there and no other country would let him in. As a result, we couldn't have a wedding even if we wanted to. There would have been no one to go to it. We knew it could take years to ever arrange a formal wedding and with the war situation so tenuous, it wasn't worth waiting. I am glad for what I did and I am still hoping to have a small ceremony at the mosque after he gets here. My parents only did a civil ceremony and not a formal wedding. Never did two people love each other more. My mother died when I was 9 years old, but my father never has remarried and it has been almost 20 years. It is sad people really think such big elaborate weddings are supposed to prove love. I don't know about the middle east, but in America many of these expensive weddings end in divorce and unhappiness. Maybe God is making my husband and I's beginning difficult so we will appreciate what we have. Only He knows. I am just thankful for what I have.

Married: May 28th, 2007

Arrived in the US: December 10th, 2008

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Morocco
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My husbands family paid for everything for us ... they love me like their own daughter including the grandparents hamdolah. I know my husband is the "man of the house" when his dad is gone and as women it is his duty to care for us. Not that I can't take care of myself nor haven't for all my life it's just refreshing having a man with a sense of duty. Do I think girls are less worthy??? Absolutly not! what is that saying in a movie????? Oh yes "while the man is the head of the family the woman is the neck" lol I think that's from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.. hehe

Son's are preferred all over the world in many different cultures Allah will give what is needed Hamdolah I just pray for a healthy baby... heck right now I just pray soon we can practice... lol was that TMI??

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Algeria
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S and S:

First off, I am sorry that your mother died when you were so young. Enchallah you got over this lose throu your father, other family and now your husband.

Also, true with the current situation in your husband's country ... I doubt anyone would have wanted to even 'try' to enter into Iraq from your family. And even thou, I guess weddings for Iraqis are one of the first moments to celebrate ... it is for them I am sure understandable why you did not have a formal wedding. Enchallah, one day when the air is more clear in that region you could return with your husband, to have a late but yet fabso wedding with his family.

But really, even if you did not ... who cares? I think people put too much into the wedding and not think past the honeymoon. What happens later? Isn't better to use this money for your life together or even donate to others who really need it? Most important is that you what in arabe they call 'sah' in your home! Meaning you have harmony and goodness! I see many brides all happy dolled up for this wedding day, then sadly their dream comes tumbling down when reality hits! When they find out truly who they married. Atfterall, the wedding celebration will end at one point, also his dowry you will spent it after one point ... but will he still be the man you really wanted to spent your life with? Or just momentarily (sp?) spent his money ... like on a weekend holiday fling? Just my thoughts! :star:

Rajaa: I think so much of the wit, irony, sarcasm and truth can be taken from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and applied to several cultures including the ones in MENA! :thumbs:

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Iraq
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Thanks Henia, I appreciate your kind words. You also make some wonderful points. For me, just being with my husband and having enough of what we need will make me happy. I thank God everyday for what I have. So many others are suffering right now. I felt horrible when I did visit my husband's family in Jordan and some of his other family in Syria. They are trying to survive on their savings just to keep their family safe and away from the dangers in Iraq. I heard the things they are going through and wish I could have helped. They don't have a good opinion of our president, but when I explained the American health care system to them they actually felt sorry for Americans, lol.

Married: May 28th, 2007

Arrived in the US: December 10th, 2008

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Filed: Timeline
My husbands family paid for everything for us ... they love me like their own daughter including the grandparents hamdolah. I know my husband is the "man of the house" when his dad is gone and as women it is his duty to care for us. Not that I can't take care of myself nor haven't for all my life it's just refreshing having a man with a sense of duty. Do I think girls are less worthy??? Absolutly not! what is that saying in a movie????? Oh yes "while the man is the head of the family the woman is the neck" lol I think that's from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.. hehe

Son's are preferred all over the world in many different cultures Allah will give what is needed Hamdolah I just pray for a healthy baby... heck right now I just pray soon we can practice... lol was that TMI??

Well I am having a boy and everyone wanted me to have a girl because apparently the boys in my husband 's family have given the family hell. He wanted a girl. His mom wanted a girl. His sister wanted a girl. I am having a boy.

As far as boys and girls. I am from a very conservative family (immigrant.. not too far off) and the boys in my family are spoiled and fussed over and the women have to suck it up and do all the work. My uncle a dentist was called BABY boy by my 86 year old grandmother and he was in his 50s. My brother is so freaking fussed over its ridiculous. I cant relate to this whole liberated thing because men in my family are extremely catered to.

My husband cleans but I cant tell any one. He mopped the floor and clean up all over the house today without anyone prompting him but I can never acknowledge this or tell anyone cause this is a woman's job

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Filed: IR-1/CR-1 Visa Country: Iran
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Not so much in Iran....I have not seen this attitude towards female children in Iran. Maybe because a large percentage of Iranian women have higher educations and work that this attitude is changing. In the discussion of having children, my husband would prefer having daughters.

In contrast, in India I have seen Muslim, Hindu and Sikh people all following the old ideas of boys being an asset and girls a burden.

So maybe it has to do with culture as much as religion...

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Algeria
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My husband cleans but I cant tell any one. He mopped the floor and clean up all over the house today without anyone prompting him but I can never acknowledge this or tell anyone cause this is a woman's job

Sssshhh ... I have this little secret too! :whistle:

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