your thoughts

[perfect 39]

No - he knows I would absolutely never cheat on him.

HE never gets jealous on my behalf - probably because he doesn't think I'm worth it.

He has already said way back when, that he would cut me off emotionally if I couldn't be what he wants me to be. If I were to give him his own treatment back as suggested - he would cut me off emotionally and I can't live like that.

[morocco4ever 63]

He has already said way back when, that he would cut me off emotionally if I couldn't be what he wants me to be. If I were to give him his own treatment back as suggested - he would cut me off emotionally and I can't live like that.

Oh honey, why are you giving him so much power over you? I don't know you, but I can already see that you don't deserve this kind of treatment, and you deserve a much better man. Why are you still with him if this has been going on for so long? I haven't heard you state he has even one redeeming quality other than looks and charm. Honey, I haven't seen him, but all I see is BUTT UGLY!

[Niels Bohr 72]

No - he knows I would absolutely never cheat on him.

HE never gets jealous on my behalf - probably because he doesn't think I'm worth it.

He has already said way back when, that he would cut me off emotionally if I couldn't be what he wants me to be. If I were to give him his own treatment back as suggested - he would cut me off emotionally and I can't live like that.

Very well. You will probably not get help because you're not really helping yourself. Do you 'love' him, or do you not love him? Isn't finding the husband all about what you want, and what the husband want? Chemistry?

There seems to be an imbalance between you and your husband. You're just frustrated because he's not making you happy. But, you're trying to make him happy. Well you'll never find a solution for yourself, but, your husband. A healthy relationship requires both parties to be happy. If you're writing here because you're seeking advice to make you happy, probably, the only advice that'll do that is to leave him and find someone who can fullfill your needs. That is all. You can never make it work with him because you're unhappy.

[mnieto 2]

Isn't loving someone more about their personality, qualities - the person who they are and how they make you feel?

Why is she perfect and I'm not? Why is she beautiful and I'm not?

He has also stated before that given the wrong right opportunity he probably couldn't help but cheat on me. He's a guy.... but my thinking is....why would you contribute to a situation that likely would make that happen?

That makes me feel like C***.

Wow...this is very though stuff!

Take some time for yourself without him around and do some soul searching:

does this relationship still make you feel good, confident and healthy? I absolutely agree with you: loving someone is all about loving their qualities and personality. Do you love your husband's personality and his human qualities? The question shouldn't be if he loves yours but if you love his?

There's nothing more beautiful than a relationship where you are being emotionally supported by your SO. For me, a relationship is all about loving the other person's qualities, but also mutual support and understanding.

A marriage should IMO be a haven to turn to when the outside world is rough and nasty. Do some soul searching and ask yourself the question if your marriage is your haven.

[Welshcookie 17]

That post just really makes me sad on so many levels.

You deserve better.

I totally agree. He sounds like he has serious control issues and that is no good for him and especially not for YOU.

[chri'stina 190]

Hi perfect,

I don't know if you remember me or others here who have been here for a little while, but I remember you writing on a couple of different occasions issues with your hubby. I am always sorry to hear what you are going through and I remember you saying stuff about him never complimenting you. I don't have much good advice besides hoping things get better or something. You don't deserve this. You have been putting up with it for awhile.

I can totally understand why you are upset, if it's someone you don't know about especially. If it was a mutual friend that needed some support, that's different to me. I know friends can pay each other compliments but I also see why you feel the way you do. I think what he said is beyond a simple compliment or encouragement, that's just my opinion. People need to be careful with what they say and write when talking to the opposite gender IMO. They think no one can see or read, but sometimes it's so obvious . It's something good to think about, that sometimes things that seem like nothing can look like more to others. Sometimes it's nothing and sometimes it IS something. In your case, I can definitely see why you think it's something to be worried about. Wishing you all the best.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

He has also stated before that given the wrong right opportunity he probably couldn't help but cheat on me. He's a guy.... but my thinking is....why would you contribute to a situation that likely would make that happen?

I'm sorry for going through this. What a sh!tty thing to say to you. And your question is completely valid. I'd recommend you both seek some counseling before the situation worsens.

[chri'stina 190]

The "he's a guy" excuse...or when guys use that excuse of "what do you expect, I'm a guy" is total bull poo. An honorable man would not say something about cheating on his wife being inevitable in certain situations. No way!

[JULIAFERNO 0]

I know that this man is your husband, but in all honestly, this man sounds like a narcissistic pig. I am only saying this because you have asked for our opinions, and my opinion is that I wouldn't be surprised if he has already been unfaithful. Again, this is just my speculation. The "I'm a man" excuse is #######. As if women don't have hormones? That excuse might have worked in 1852, but not today. It is very clear that he does not show you much love or respect - I don't think that is the question. I think the question is, are you willing to put up with it?

[rebeccajo 14]

The "he's a guy" excuse...or when guys use that excuse of "what do you expect, I'm a guy" is total bull poo. An honorable man would not say something about cheating on his wife being inevitable in certain situations. No way!

Exactly.

I was married for 26 years to a man who rarely said he loved me. Not even on the day our son was born.

My grandmother was married to a man for 75 years who also rarely told her he loved her.

Do you want to spend your entire life like that?

What I just wrote might sound like a harsh bottom-line summation of your situation, but when you look at living without compliments, praise, encouragement or love for an ENTIRE lifetime....well it can be a kind of eye-opening.

[tom&tata 2]

Why is she perfect and I'm not? Why is she beautiful and I'm not? I've already had one or more discussions with him about men and he always has made it clear that men are just attracted to women - they can't help themselves - and I do GET that! He has also stated before that given the wrong right opportunity he probably couldn't help but cheat on me. He's a guy.... but my thinking is....why would you contribute to a situation that likely would make that happen?

That makes me feel like C***.

Couldn't help but cheat? Sounds like a complete BS. I am sorry you have to go through this. You do not deserve this.

[rebeccajo 14]

The "he's a guy" excuse...or when guys use that excuse of "what do you expect, I'm a guy" is total bull poo. An honorable man would not say something about cheating on his wife being inevitable in certain situations. No way!

Exactly.

I was married for 26 years to a man who rarely said he loved me. Not even on the day our son was born.

My grandmother was married to a man for 75 years who also rarely told her he loved her.

Do you want to spend your entire life like that?

What I just wrote might sound like a harsh bottom-line summation of your situation, but when you look at living without compliments, praise, encouragement or love for an ENTIRE lifetime....well it can be a kind of eye-opening.

PS - my ex husband cheated on me. A lot. With many different women.

[amiquechu 0]

No - he knows I would absolutely never cheat on him.

HE never gets jealous on my behalf - probably because he doesn't think I'm worth it.

He has already said way back when, that he would cut me off emotionally if I couldn't be what he wants me to be. If I were to give him his own treatment back as suggested - he would cut me off emotionally and I can't live like that.

Kick his a$$ to the curb. No doubts about it.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I'm practically in tears reading the way he treats you.

High-tail it outta there and don't look back.

[Ms. Squirrel 11]

Oh Perfect, I feel for you.

I think first of all it is important for you to build up your self esteem in order to have enough strength to leave this man. He makes you feel small in order for himself to feel better about himself.

Have you thought of maybe seeing a therapist to help and guide you through this situation?