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Beauty for Ashes

what would you do?

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Filed: Timeline

I had the experience about 4 years ago that I knew one of my friends was being used for papers by her husband. I knew his older brother and I knew for a fact that her husband ( much younger ) was dating other women. I struggled with the knowledge and told a mutual friend and and finally decided to tell my friend. Needless to say, the friend getting used did not believe me, stopped speaking to me. Within one year the guy dumped her and is now engaged to a younger Moroccan woman. My former friend spent almost 10000 getting this moron his papers.

I have also seen americans married to mena men that told her it was not time for a baby and kept coming up with bogus excuses for why they couldnt have a baby till her fertility ran out and his greencard was secure.

Do you say something? If you see something stupid or dangerous , should you comment?

I have another friend involved with a criminal. She was doing ok before she met him. She is now thousands in debt and paying his car payment.

I am starting to think that at all costs, say nothing and let people do exactly as they want to even if you are super good friends because they will not listen to you anyway.

I wonder what the rest of you think. Its my experience that no one will listen anyway. What are your obligations to friends if you see something wrong or you think they are being taken advantage of?

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Panama
Timeline
I had the experience about 4 years ago that I knew one of my friends was being used for papers by her husband. I knew his older brother and I knew for a fact that her husband ( much younger ) was dating other women. I struggled with the knowledge and told a mutual friend and and finally decided to tell my friend. Needless to say, the friend getting used did not believe me, stopped speaking to me. Within one year the guy dumped her and is now engaged to a younger Moroccan woman. My former friend spent almost 10000 getting this moron his papers.

I have also seen americans married to mena men that told her it was not time for a baby and kept coming up with bogus excuses for why they couldnt have a baby till her fertility ran out and his greencard was secure.

Do you say something? If you see something stupid or dangerous , should you comment?

I have another friend involved with a criminal. She was doing ok before she met him. She is now thousands in debt and paying his car payment.

I am starting to think that at all costs, say nothing and let people do exactly as they want to even if you are super good friends because they will not listen to you anyway.

I wonder what the rest of you think. Its my experience that no one will listen anyway. What are your obligations to friends if you see something wrong or you think they are being taken advantage of?

My best friend is going through something similar right now.He brought this witch over from Colombia and after 7 years,she gave him a kick in the backside.She waited this long because not only did she want the green-card,she wanted citizenship too.He would always complain on how mean she was to him,how she wouldn't sleep with him,etc.etc.Everybody,including myself could see she was just using him but he was in denial for 7 years.After finally waking up last summer,he filed for divorce.She basically begged him to take her back because she couldn't afford to live on her own.She faked a mental illness and went to the local psych hospital,and now she's on SSI.She is also trying to sue my friend for alimony and half his pension.I told him to take out his retirement and the rest of his money and go back to Colombia,that will fix her.


May 7,2007-USCIS received I-129f
July 24,2007-NOA1 was received
April 21,2008-K-1 visa denied.
June 3,2008-waiver filed at US Consalate in Panama
The interview went well,they told him it will take another 6 months for them to adjudicate the waiver
March 3,2009-US Consulate claims they have no record of our December visit,nor Manuel's interview
March 27,2009-Manuel returned to the consulate for another interrogation(because they forgot about December's interview),and they were really rude !
April 3,2009-US Counsalate asks for more court documents that no longer exist !
June 1,2009-Manuel and I go back to the US consalate AGAIN to give them a letter from the court in Colon along with documents I already gave them last year.I was surprised to see they had two thick files for his case !


June 15,2010-They called Manuel in to take his fingerprints again,still no decision on his case!
June 22,2010-WAIVER APPROVED at 5:00pm
July 19,2010-VISA IN MANUELITO'S HAND at 3:15pm!
July 25,2010-Manuelito arrives at 9:35pm at Logan Intn'l Airport,Boston,MA
August 5,2010-FINALLY MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 23,2010-Filed for AOS at the International Institute of RI $1400!
December 23,2010-Work authorization received.
January 12,2011-RFE

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Filed: Country: Turkey
Timeline

I know what you mean, we all want to warn our friends when they are in these type of situations that they are being taken or being cheated on. Whether we tell them or not, they will not listen because they don't want to believe that their so called "loved one" is doing anything wrong!

Chances are too that some of these women or men do know and go on with these spouses pretending nothing is wrong or hoping that if they can help them financially that they will love them or not leave them. Still we want to warn them, but it's something we risk when we do tell and can very much affect our friendship.

I would tell her, but I be ready for the aftermath when the truth finally comes out and whether she will wants to remind my friend or not.


1803363hy9lzatt1e.gif avatar_ani_050.gifSOON TO BE HAPPILY DIVORCED! avatar_ani_052.gif 1803363hy9lzatt1e.gif

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Filed: Timeline
I know what you mean, we all want to warn our friends when they are in these type of situations that they are being taken or being cheated on. Whether we tell them or not, they will not listen because they don't want to believe that their so called "loved one" is doing anything wrong!

Chances are too that some of these women or men do know and go on with these spouses pretending nothing is wrong or hoping that if they can help them financially that they will love them or not leave them. Still we want to warn them, but it's something we risk when we do tell and can very much affect our friendship.

I would tell her, but I be ready for the aftermath when the truth finally comes out and whether she will wants to remind my friend or not.

The reality is they WILL NOT LISTEN. I had a guy that I was in love with and the other woman called me and wanted to confront him with me... I STILL DID NOT WANT TO BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THAT

I think its even harder with friends.... Especially if you really love them and they have a history with you. I have one that I really like but she made a relationship choice to be with a man who molested her daughter and now shes with a batterer and I just think she is stuck on stupid and I just cannot deal with her anymore. I do not want to help her or be there for her because she keeps making stupid decisions about men, then cries to me later.. then gets involved with another moron and then escapes into the new relationship, then wonders why she wakes up with no friends after that relationship crashes. I dont want to pick up the pieces anymore and I do not want to be friends with dysfunctional people . Its too draining.

as far as men doing bad things to women and them not dealing with it.. i firmly believe that there is very little you can do. it effects a girls ego when she has to tell her self that she is not wanted and being used . People will shoot down everything around them before they will admit that their spouse doesnt want them. Me included. I have a hard time trusting ANYONE after some of the junk I have seen. I try hard but its a struggle

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Filed: Other Country: Israel
Timeline
I know what you mean, we all want to warn our friends when they are in these type of situations that they are being taken or being cheated on. Whether we tell them or not, they will not listen because they don't want to believe that their so called "loved one" is doing anything wrong!

Chances are too that some of these women or men do know and go on with these spouses pretending nothing is wrong or hoping that if they can help them financially that they will love them or not leave them. Still we want to warn them, but it's something we risk when we do tell and can very much affect our friendship.

I would tell her, but I be ready for the aftermath when the truth finally comes out and whether she will wants to remind my friend or not.

The reality is they WILL NOT LISTEN. I had a guy that I was in love with and the other woman called me and wanted to confront him with me... I STILL DID NOT WANT TO BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THAT

I think its even harder with friends.... Especially if you really love them and they have a history with you. I have one that I really like but she made a relationship choice to be with a man who molested her daughter and now shes with a batterer and I just think she is stuck on stupid and I just cannot deal with her anymore. I do not want to help her or be there for her because she keeps making stupid decisions about men, then cries to me later.. then gets involved with another moron and then escapes into the new relationship, then wonders why she wakes up with no friends after that relationship crashes. I dont want to pick up the pieces anymore and I do not want to be friends with dysfunctional people . Its too draining.

as far as men doing bad things to women and them not dealing with it.. i firmly believe that there is very little you can do. it effects a girls ego when she has to tell her self that she is not wanted and being used . People will shoot down everything around them before they will admit that their spouse doesnt want them. Me included. I have a hard time trusting ANYONE after some of the junk I have seen. I try hard but its a struggle

Is the molester still molesting? If so can you call the cops? Who cares about her and her stupid decision if there is a kid involved get the kid out of there!

I would tell the friend. If they want to be stupid and pick the user over me then I wouldnt be able to sit around watching the ridiculous relationship anyway. I would be happy to help my friend pick up the pieces after being dumped.

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Filed: Timeline
I know what you mean, we all want to warn our friends when they are in these type of situations that they are being taken or being cheated on. Whether we tell them or not, they will not listen because they don't want to believe that their so called "loved one" is doing anything wrong!

Chances are too that some of these women or men do know and go on with these spouses pretending nothing is wrong or hoping that if they can help them financially that they will love them or not leave them. Still we want to warn them, but it's something we risk when we do tell and can very much affect our friendship.

I would tell her, but I be ready for the aftermath when the truth finally comes out and whether she will wants to remind my friend or not.

The reality is they WILL NOT LISTEN. I had a guy that I was in love with and the other woman called me and wanted to confront him with me... I STILL DID NOT WANT TO BELIEVE HE WOULD DO THAT

I think its even harder with friends.... Especially if you really love them and they have a history with you. I have one that I really like but she made a relationship choice to be with a man who molested her daughter and now shes with a batterer and I just think she is stuck on stupid and I just cannot deal with her anymore. I do not want to help her or be there for her because she keeps making stupid decisions about men, then cries to me later.. then gets involved with another moron and then escapes into the new relationship, then wonders why she wakes up with no friends after that relationship crashes. I dont want to pick up the pieces anymore and I do not want to be friends with dysfunctional people . Its too draining.

as far as men doing bad things to women and them not dealing with it.. i firmly believe that there is very little you can do. it effects a girls ego when she has to tell her self that she is not wanted and being used . People will shoot down everything around them before they will admit that their spouse doesnt want them. Me included. I have a hard time trusting ANYONE after some of the junk I have seen. I try hard but its a struggle

Is the molester still molesting? If so can you call the cops? Who cares about her and her stupid decision if there is a kid involved get the kid out of there!

I would tell the friend. If they want to be stupid and pick the user over me then I wouldnt be able to sit around watching the ridiculous relationship anyway. I would be happy to help my friend pick up the pieces after being dumped.

I did tell the friend to call the police and fully prosecute. The problem is that she took so long to listen to anyone. then she met a "new guy" Then this guy forbid her to talk to any of her friends.... she actually sent letters to me and all her family that said if she was found dead, he did it. NO I AM NOT KIDDING. He is AmERICaN by the way....not MENA. So was the child molester. She actually dated an arab who was really nice to her but she thought he was too "geeky" and he wouldnt convert to christianity so she dumped him.

This new guy actually burned his car out and stole it himself. He threatens her and all this other silly mess.

This is not the first guy that she has done this with. She has been with real crazies for the last 3 years. Before that she was really really normal.

The molester is in the Orange County Jail awaiting trial. She initially did not want to prosecute because he said he had cancer.

The new guy she had a marriage to, only to find out he was still married to someone else. Um and shes still with him... And he is still living there.... Plus she told me she was doing coke with him "every once in a while"

Chai, I think its time for me NOT to want to pick up the pieces. She doesnt listen, she has crazies in her life, she doesnt put her kids first. This all and all are dangerous combinations

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Filed: Country: Jamaica
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If I see know something, I say it. The person I warn can do whatever they want with that knowledge.

I'd want to be warned if someone knew something I should be told.


Life's just a crazy ride on a run away train

You can't go back for what you've missed

So make it count, hold on tight find a way to make it right

You only get one trip

So make it good, make it last 'cause it all flies by so fast

You only get one trip

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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Egypt
Timeline

I'd want to know, and I pray to God I'd be open minded about the situation, but love does strange things to people.

Ive been in the situation where I knew for a fact someone was getting used for just a greencard and despite many people trying to talk to this girl, she ignored all the warnings. Now she's here trying to raise twin girls all on her own. She says now she wishes she would have listened more to others, but says she would've probably still ignored everyone because she was so in love.

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Egypt
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I'd want to know, and I pray to God I'd be open minded about the situation, but love does strange things to people.

Ive been in the situation where I knew for a fact someone was getting used for just a greencard and despite many people trying to talk to this girl, she ignored all the warnings. Now she's here trying to raise twin girls all on her own. She says now she wishes she would have listened more to others, but says she would've probably still ignored everyone because she was so in love.

Even if they ignore everyone, as long as it doesn't become constant nagging about the problem, I would hope that it sticks in the back of their head for when things really get bad and there is a small chance they might listen... I dont' know, I almost think it's worth it to tell them, just on the off chance they might keep it in the back of their head :blush:


يَايُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءامَنُوا اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَوةِ اِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّبِرِينَ

“O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient. (Al-Baqarah 2:153 )”

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Filed: Country: Morocco
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If I see know something, I say it. The person I warn can do whatever they want with that knowledge.

I'd want to be warned if someone knew something I should be told.

agreed! :thumbs::thumbs:


"It's far better to be alone than wish you were." - Ann Landers

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Filed: Other Timeline
I'd want to know, and I pray to God I'd be open minded about the situation, but love does strange things to people.

Ive been in the situation where I knew for a fact someone was getting used for just a greencard and despite many people trying to talk to this girl, she ignored all the warnings. Now she's here trying to raise twin girls all on her own. She says now she wishes she would have listened more to others, but says she would've probably still ignored everyone because she was so in love.

How did you know that the guy was using her?



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Filed: Citizen (pnd) Country: Egypt
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I'd want to know, and I pray to God I'd be open minded about the situation, but love does strange things to people.

Ive been in the situation where I knew for a fact someone was getting used for just a greencard and despite many people trying to talk to this girl, she ignored all the warnings. Now she's here trying to raise twin girls all on her own. She says now she wishes she would have listened more to others, but says she would've probably still ignored everyone because she was so in love.

How did you know that the guy was using her?

LOL....everyone knew! It was a fact he was here illegally because he talked about it all the time. He had a work visa that had expired. When he found out my husband was from Egypt, and another friend of mine is from Morocco, he'd always call us and ask us questions about how to get a greencard and such and how he needed to get married to stay here! :blink: I straight up told him on more than one occasion I would not be the one to help him out. Even though my friend knew he was here illegally he had convinced her the only way they could be together is if they got married. Of course they got married and now he's nowhere around. He has TONS of family here and they won't even tell her where he's at now. Kinda sad really.

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Filed: AOS (apr) Country: Egypt
Timeline
I'd want to know, and I pray to God I'd be open minded about the situation, but love does strange things to people.

Ive been in the situation where I knew for a fact someone was getting used for just a greencard and despite many people trying to talk to this girl, she ignored all the warnings. Now she's here trying to raise twin girls all on her own. She says now she wishes she would have listened more to others, but says she would've probably still ignored everyone because she was so in love.

How did you know that the guy was using her?

LOL....everyone knew! It was a fact he was here illegally because he talked about it all the time. He had a work visa that had expired. When he found out my husband was from Egypt, and another friend of mine is from Morocco, he'd always call us and ask us questions about how to get a greencard and such and how he needed to get married to stay here! :blink: I straight up told him on more than one occasion I would not be the one to help him out. Even though my friend knew he was here illegally he had convinced her the only way they could be together is if they got married. Of course they got married and now he's nowhere around. He has TONS of family here and they won't even tell her where he's at now. Kinda sad really.

Ick... every now and then there is a really pushy woman (mother normally) at the mosque bothering a friend of mine about marriage to some guy or nother (she's single and pretty).... The guy is often here "just for a visit" or "working here awhile to save up some money" :rolleyes: They usually manage to ask her if she is a US citizen within the 1st 10 min. Some aren't quite that blunt, but then again, some are :wacko: It really makes her angry.... especially since it's the first time we've seen these people - it's like they are traveling around the area looking for a gullible bride :angry:


يَايُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءامَنُوا اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَوةِ اِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّبِرِينَ

“O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient. (Al-Baqarah 2:153 )”

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Filed: Timeline

Personally, I'd want to know and I would seriously look into the allegations not just brush them off.

I did tell a friend that my husband and I had suspicions about her husband. She got angry with me and it seriously strained our friendship.

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