what would you do?

[Imua 0]

I'd want to know, and I pray to God I'd be open minded about the situation, but love does strange things to people.

Ive been in the situation where I knew for a fact someone was getting used for just a greencard and despite many people trying to talk to this girl, she ignored all the warnings. Now she's here trying to raise twin girls all on her own. She says now she wishes she would have listened more to others, but says she would've probably still ignored everyone because she was so in love.

How did you know that the guy was using her?

LOL....everyone knew! It was a fact he was here illegally because he talked about it all the time. He had a work visa that had expired. When he found out my husband was from Egypt, and another friend of mine is from Morocco, he'd always call us and ask us questions about how to get a greencard and such and how he needed to get married to stay here! I straight up told him on more than one occasion I would not be the one to help him out. Even though my friend knew he was here illegally he had convinced her the only way they could be together is if they got married. Of course they got married and now he's nowhere around. He has TONS of family here and they won't even tell her where he's at now. Kinda sad really.

Wow, hard to believe he would be so obvious about his intentions and not be afraid that it would get back to her, but maybe I shouldn't be shocked since after he dumped me my ex said to me if he really wanted to he would marry someone "old fat and ugly' for papers(implying that these 3 words described me)... This was a guy who never wanted to kiss me, because 'I(he) just smoked a cigarette and don't want to bother you with my bad breath'... It didn't take me too long to figure that he had no real feelings for me - I wonder if your friend had any experiences like that before her ex left her. I am just curious to see how this kind of scenario typically plays out and if she had any warning signs.

[Aymerlu 3]

I'd want to know, and I pray to God I'd be open minded about the situation, but love does strange things to people.

Ive been in the situation where I knew for a fact someone was getting used for just a greencard and despite many people trying to talk to this girl, she ignored all the warnings. Now she's here trying to raise twin girls all on her own. She says now she wishes she would have listened more to others, but says she would've probably still ignored everyone because she was so in love.

How did you know that the guy was using her?

LOL....everyone knew! It was a fact he was here illegally because he talked about it all the time. He had a work visa that had expired. When he found out my husband was from Egypt, and another friend of mine is from Morocco, he'd always call us and ask us questions about how to get a greencard and such and how he needed to get married to stay here! I straight up told him on more than one occasion I would not be the one to help him out. Even though my friend knew he was here illegally he had convinced her the only way they could be together is if they got married. Of course they got married and now he's nowhere around. He has TONS of family here and they won't even tell her where he's at now. Kinda sad really.

Wow, hard to believe he would be so obvious about his intentions and not be afraid that it would get back to her, but maybe I shouldn't be shocked since after he dumped me my ex said to me if he really wanted to he would marry someone "old fat and ugly' for papers(implying that these 3 words described me)... This was a guy who never wanted to kiss me, because 'I(he) just smoked a cigarette and don't want to bother you with my bad breath'... It didn't take me too long to figure that he had no real feelings for me - I wonder if your friend had any experiences like that before her ex left her. I am just curious to see how this kind of scenario typically plays out and if she had any warning signs.

Personally, I think my friend wanted to be in love so bad that the first man that paid attention to her just took her heart.

[Nutty 2]

I couldn't live with myself if I saw someone abusing the good intentions of my dear friend and not try to make my friend aware of the situation.

Even if it means my friend takes offense, doesn't believe me and decided to quit the friendship.

Edited February 4, 2008 by Nutty

[maggieNomar 0]

Another approach is, if you have some topic/issue (ifor example you know they talk in the chat rooms a lot) you can bring up and ask how they (your friend) feels about it. Then you get a conversation going without directly telling her/him that their spouse is using them. If they see whatever activity as ok, then there isn't anything you can do. But sometimes just opening their eyes to things gets them thinking.

[morocco4ever 63]

I had a friend that was "married" to an Iraqi. This was not for a green card since he had one, but rather for her to support him. He would go nightly with his friends and weekends to clubs. Some nights he didn't even make it home. She cooked, cleaned, and paid for his clothes and his bills. He had gotten a girl pregnant while in this relationship with my friend, and she found out. He lied and said that she got him drunk. In the meantime he told me that he loved the girl he got pregnant and wanted to marry her, but she wouldn't. I couldn't believe he told me this stuff! I got fed up with it and I had her on the phone one time when I stopped by their house. I let her listen to our conversation. He spilled his guts again! Do you think she left him then?? NO! Then like a fool she went and told him what I was saying. He told her that I was lying. For what reason would I lie? I had been friends with this woman for over 20 years.

Then he went on to get another girl pregnant.....TWICE! Did she leave him? NO! Actually he finally left her to be with this second woman. I don't know what he told her since mine and her friendship is practically nil now, but she is still helping him. I just don't get it!!

On the other hand, if someone had something to tell me I would listen. Not that I would automatically believe it since I know my husband, but I would at that point give him enough rope. If he was decieving me he would hang himself, and I would know the truth. I am not afraid to live alone, in fact I rather enjoyed it before. I am self sufficient and had a full happy life before him. I love him with all of my heart, but if he did this ####### to me he would be booted out the door faster than you can imagine.

[HLM 1]

i wouldnt say anything if i didnt see or hear something myself!! becoz without evidence i have on right to tell her anything...

if it was just a feeling i wdnt even say unless she asked for it... then i wd really say how i feel.

been there actually.....few yrs back ... my friend was dating this guy and there were signs flying everywhere but i didnt say anything until me n her sister saw him with our own eyes!! she broke up with him and got back again then broke up with him then they got back again looool then they broke up for good ...lol *phewww* took her sometime there huh?? lol