Engagement Rings

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Slim, exactly! Every day Alla gets on the scale. She always has. If she sees a rise of even one kilo, she simply cuts back or picks up the pace for a few days. As soon as her magic number returns, all is normal. In the year we lived together over there, her weight only "grew up", in her words, twice. Both times it took her less than three days to return to her "goal" mass. This truly is the secret, if you will. It is easier to maintain something then repair it!

Since Oprah's been mentioned here before, and we all know she's the champion of "gaining a few" and then "losing a few" I'll go ahead and jump on her bandwagon. I'm the type of guy that can gain 5 kilos in a very short time and before I know it, it's been three months and I'm 30 pounds heavier.

But, as Jeffery pointed out, all it takes is a little adjustment and boom! that 30 pounds never even happened. Easier to do when it's only 11 pounds as opposed to 30. And the women definitely know it. Hell, they know when they've gained a single pound, so 5 kilos is no surprise.

Best thing to to, as said, is keep that active lifestyle going. Now if I could just break away from VJ.....

[Danno 1,228]

We just need to keep our Russian ladies living an active lifestyle into their golden years. Maybe we can break the trend. And for God's sake keep them away from Oprah and the television as much as you can!.....

Actually the American lifestyle lends itself to getting fat especially if you live outside of big cities. I know of many ladies who moved here and easily gained 10 pounds a year and quickly lost their figure!

Yes I agree, I liken her move here to putting a "freeze-dried" babe in water.

[eekee 182]

I disagree on grounds that American women aren't necessarily slimmer, it's just that they've been bigger their entire lives so by the time they're "old" they don't seem to have gotten bigger the way the small young Russian woman turned into the "big" Russian old woman. The change is more gradual and less of a change actually. To add 25-40 pounds over a lifetime as opposed to adding 25-40 pounds after ritirement.

There is more of an attempt for women to "stay beautiful" even in old age here more than anywhere else in the world (except maybe Italy or France or something.) I bet that's probably more due to marketing and the beliefs than anything else. In many cultures, an "old" woman is revered because of her age and life experience, wisdom, etc. Here, she's just "old and ugly." That's kind of sad.

While I do know more American girls who are on the heavy side than Russian ones, I think that fat american girls are a recent phenomenom. If you look at my mom's high school yearbook, there's a higher percentage of thin girls than in mine--although perhaps that is due to my mother living in an area with a heavy Russian/Ukrainian/Belarusian immigrant population!

I've always been thin though.

I think the key difference about Russian and American women in middle age is that women in America now, the baby-boomers, totally see it as the "me" time in their life, where now they get to do what they want and spend a lot of time on themselves. The vast majority of the Russian women I know of this age are still taking care of other people: husbands/adult sons/grandchildren.

Edited January 20, 2008 by eekee

[slim 1,533]

While I do know more American girls who are on the heavy side than Russian ones, I think that fat american girls are a recent phenomenom. If you look at my mom's high school yearbook, there's a higher percentage of thin girls than in mine--although perhaps that is due to my mother living in an area with a heavy Russian/Ukrainian/Belarusian immigrant population!

True in the recent development of "fatness" but probably a little off on the reasoning. If you look at the lifestyles of your mother's era as opposed to your own there was a significant difference in how the family was structured, how that influenced diet and excercise and how that, in turn, effected peoples' body shapes.

Back in the day, there was a "core" family where mom did the cooking and the kids "ate their vegetables" and there was no X-Box or Playstation, no cell phones and no e-mail. There weren't 34 fast-food restaurants on the main drag of every small town and mom wasn't too busy working to cook dinner for dad and the kids. (Even if she was too busy working, she still did her "womanly duties" at home.) And, she was expected to have a nice shape.

Fastforward 30 years and now most women work and that "core" family isn't what it used to be. The "two" heads of the family both work and while Junior's out at soccer practice and little Suzy has her dance lessons, there's really no time for dinner because both mom and dad are busy finishing up TPS reports and trying to shuttle the kids around. No time for dinner? Oh well, we'll just pick something up on the way home where we'll watch it in front of the TV. Nothing says family values like processed food and lame plots. There's absolutely no way we'd ever "talk" to each other!

And now since mom's so busy, how can she ever have time to excercise and eat healthy? She's had the prerequisite 2.3 kids, she can strap on that 30 extra pounds whenever she wants. No big deal. After all, she's had kids! And she's a working mom!

In Russia, regardless of how many kids a woman has or what kind of job she has or what she does in her spare time or any other factor... she's still a woman. And woman must looks like woman looks; with nice shape. With figure. With beauty and elegance. With not greasy @$$.

But, like in the U.S., this is changing as well. Who knows, maybe our children will be looking at our mothers' yearbooks and saying "wow, look how thin all the ladies were."

I've always been thin though.

Not all American women are fat. Not all Russian women are skinny. It's a personal choice, it's just been made more acceptable here in the U.S. When I stand in a crowd here, I'm chubby, at best. But when I'm in Russia, I'm the fat guy, hands down!

I think the key difference about Russian and American women in middle age is that women in America now, the baby-boomers, totally see it as the "me" time in their life, where now they get to do what they want and spend a lot of time on themselves. The vast majority of the Russian women I know of this age are still taking care of other people: husbands/adult sons/grandchildren.

That could be true, but do they need to spend all that "me" time concentrating on making themselves larger? That seems to be what a lot of them are doing. I'm not saying it's wrong or bad or anything like that. I really could care less. But what gets me about the whole women/thin/fat thing is women themselves set the standards and then want to complain when the standards don't suit them anymore. If you're not happy with the shape/size of your body, then quit reading Cosmo and Shape and watching America's Next Top Model. Or, do something about it. Either way... quit b!tching!

[panamania79 2]

My fiancée wanted nothing to do with a diamond ring. Primarily, she just considers they are gaudy and a waste of money. Secondly, she feels such a ring does not belong on city streets and she wanted to feel comfortable wearing her ring daily. She picked out a very practical yet beautiful ring. I know I would definitely be concerned about my fiancée having such a ring taken. I've yet to see a large diamond ring on the finger of any Russian lady in Kazan'. If you want to go big, maybe save it for Stateside to be on the save side.

I think your fiance and I are the only women on earth who dislike diamonds.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Lucky us!

My fiancée wanted nothing to do with a diamond ring. Primarily, she just considers they are gaudy and a waste of money. Secondly, she feels such a ring does not belong on city streets and she wanted to feel comfortable wearing her ring daily. She picked out a very practical yet beautiful ring. I know I would definitely be concerned about my fiancée having such a ring taken. I've yet to see a large diamond ring on the finger of any Russian lady in Kazan'. If you want to go big, maybe save it for Stateside to be on the save side.

I think your fiance and I are the only women on earth who dislike diamonds.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Fat chicks rule! :lol: Sorry, just surprised the ring thread has become the fat chick thread. Its amusing actually.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

To add to Slim's great post, let me say this simply. Consider this comparison:

My Former American Wife:

Works 8 to 9 hours a day. Comes home routinely too tired to fix supper. Instead of cooking, brings home big bag of McDonald's or orders pizza. After supper sits on the coach and reads mail and then watches television. Children are expected to do most of the laundry and clean the kitchen since she worked all day.

My Russian Fiancée:

Works 9 to 10 hours a day. Comes home and fixes supper for the family, including her own parents. Has never brought home supper. (What drive-through? Even if there were, she'd never bring home this "not useful" food.) After supper will routinely go "on street" to walk or join her children in play. After they return, she puts them to bed and then does all the housework herself.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

To add to Slim's great post, let me say this simply. Consider this comparison:

My Former American Wife:

Works 8 to 9 hours a day. Comes home routinely too tired to fix supper. Instead of cooking, brings home big bag of McDonald's or orders pizza. After supper sits on the coach and reads mail and then watches television. Children are expected to do most of the laundry and clean the kitchen since she worked all day.

My Russian Fiancée:

Works 9 to 10 hours a day. Comes home and fixes supper for the family, including her own parents. Has never brought home supper. (What drive-through? Even if there were, she'd never bring home this "not useful" food.) After supper will routinely go "on street" to walk or join her children in play. After they return, she puts them to bed and then does all the housework herself.

Huge difference! Sounds like Alla needs a vacation .

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I like the way she puts it, "Jeffery, I wait for our new life. Mine is so deeficult-!"

To add to Slim's great post, let me say this simply. Consider this comparison:

My Former American Wife:

Works 8 to 9 hours a day. Comes home routinely too tired to fix supper. Instead of cooking, brings home big bag of McDonald's or orders pizza. After supper sits on the coach and reads mail and then watches television. Children are expected to do most of the laundry and clean the kitchen since she worked all day.

My Russian Fiancée:

Works 9 to 10 hours a day. Comes home and fixes supper for the family, including her own parents. Has never brought home supper. (What drive-through? Even if there were, she'd never bring home this "not useful" food.) After supper will routinely go "on street" to walk or join her children in play. After they return, she puts them to bed and then does all the housework herself.

Huge difference! Sounds like Alla needs a vacation .

[Satellite 1]

My Former American Wife:

Works 8 to 9 hours a day. Comes home routinely too tired to fix supper. Instead of cooking, brings home big bag of McDonald's or orders pizza. After supper sits on the coach and reads mail and then watches television. Children are expected to do most of the laundry and clean the kitchen since she worked all day.

My Russian Fiancée:

Works 9 to 10 hours a day. Comes home and fixes supper for the family, including her own parents. Has never brought home supper. (What drive-through? Even if there were, she'd never bring home this "not useful" food.) After supper will routinely go "on street" to walk or join her children in play. After they return, she puts them to bed and then does all the housework herself.

Just make sure you are not doing what your former American wife was doing. Otherwise it won't be long before your Russian wife also gets fed up with her working "double" shifts (one at home and one at work).

Also some American women on VJ might find that what you are really looking for is a housekeeper / maid / cook / child care hand. And as far as I underatand, nobody workers harder at "work" then Americans. At least those folks who have worked both in Russia and the US tend to say we work harder here. So what your former wife was doing might be justifiable if she was really tired.

[eekee 182]

My Former American Wife:

Works 8 to 9 hours a day. Comes home routinely too tired to fix supper. Instead of cooking, brings home big bag of McDonald's or orders pizza. After supper sits on the coach and reads mail and then watches television. Children are expected to do most of the laundry and clean the kitchen since she worked all day.

My Russian Fiancée:

Works 9 to 10 hours a day. Comes home and fixes supper for the family, including her own parents. Has never brought home supper. (What drive-through? Even if there were, she'd never bring home this "not useful" food.) After supper will routinely go "on street" to walk or join her children in play. After they return, she puts them to bed and then does all the housework herself.

Just make sure you are not doing what your former American wife was doing. Otherwise it won't be long before your Russian wife also gets fed up with her working "double" shifts (one at home and one at work).

Also some American women on VJ might find that what you are really looking for is a housekeeper / maid / cook / child care hand. And as far as I underatand, nobody workers harder at "work" then Americans. At least those folks who have worked both in Russia and the US tend to say we work harder here. So what your former wife was doing might be justifiable if she was really tired.

American women don't do everything like Russian women do because we don't have to. Russian men are generally raised by mothers who do everything for them, thus it's expected of their wives. I suppose that single mothers generally do as much as Alla does, but if i were married and working and my husband refused to help with the cooking or cleaning, he wouldn't have a wife for very long.

Edited January 21, 2008 by eekee

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Well I am hardly looking for a housekeeper. Those examples are from now, as it this day. When I was married to my former wife, I did a healthy amount of the chores, same when I lived in Kazan' with Alla. I am comparing two women living without men at the present.

As for "Harder working Americans"... Very subjective! I've seen road crews in Russia sweating their rears off for 8 hours, all working, and then I see 5 Americans following one guy with a shovel here.

My Former American Wife:

Works 8 to 9 hours a day. Comes home routinely too tired to fix supper. Instead of cooking, brings home big bag of McDonald's or orders pizza. After supper sits on the coach and reads mail and then watches television. Children are expected to do most of the laundry and clean the kitchen since she worked all day.

My Russian Fiancée:

Works 9 to 10 hours a day. Comes home and fixes supper for the family, including her own parents. Has never brought home supper. (What drive-through? Even if there were, she'd never bring home this "not useful" food.) After supper will routinely go "on street" to walk or join her children in play. After they return, she puts them to bed and then does all the housework herself.

Just make sure you are not doing what your former American wife was doing. Otherwise it won't be long before your Russian wife also gets fed up with her working "double" shifts (one at home and one at work).

Also some American women on VJ might find that what you are really looking for is a housekeeper / maid / cook / child care hand. And as far as I underatand, nobody workers harder at "work" then Americans. At least those folks who have worked both in Russia and the US tend to say we work harder here. So what your former wife was doing might be justifiable if she was really tired.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

In my case, my ex did more than 50% of the house work, and she resented it. Never mind that I worked 12 hour days to her 8 hour days, or that when I did try to make her happy by picking up my so-called slack that it either went completely unnoticed or she'd just find something else to be unhappy about. And I believe that one of the biggest things that made her unhappy is that she couldn't decide whether she wanted to take on a more traditional role or if she wanted to wear the pants in the family. It made it confusing for both of us. One day she wanted to be "liberated," and the next she wanted to be Suzie-homemaker. And then the next day she wanted to be a tramp, but that's really a whole 'nuther story.

If a woman wants to take on the traditional male role, fine. But she needs to find herself a partner who can compliment that role, and not work against it. This whole ####### about marriage being 50/50 is just that, #######. Marriage isn't about 50/50, it's about each partner taking on a role that makes the relationship work. I may do less laundry, but I might do more work to bring in the money. I might not make the bed every morning, but I do keep the car running. It's all apples and oranges though, so you can't keep score and decide that one partner is only doing 48% while the other is stuck doing 52%. You do what makes the relationship work. I think American women in general have unknowingly abandoned this concept in their quest to be "equal." I agree that women have historically been given the short end of the stick and that most of their criticisms are still valid to this day. But so many women have confused role with oppression. FSU women, on the other hand, seem to understand the concept. They're just like American women in that if you abuse the balance of the relationship they're going to be just as unhappy as an American woman would be. But if you're filling the obligations of your role, then they feel absolutely no need to step over that line into your role.

Caveat: Obviously we're not living together just yet, so my viewpoint may need a little tweaking in a few months. But in talking with my SO and others, it seems about right to me.

Strange Mox....... I think maybe we were married to the same woman...... except for the tramp part. I concur with you regarding roles. I think American women have been totally mind-f***ked regarding their roles. Because of this they seem neither happy at home nor at work.

[slim 1,533]

I like the way she puts it, "Jeffery, I wait for our new life. Mine is so deeficult-!"

Which means she is looking forward to dropping some of her current responsibilities and expecting you to pick up some of the slack.

Just make sure you are not doing what your former American wife was doing. Otherwise it won't be long before your Russian wife also gets fed up with her working "double" shifts (one at home and one at work).

Also some American women on VJ might find that what you are really looking for is a housekeeper / maid / cook / child care hand. And as far as I underatand, nobody workers harder at "work" then Americans. At least those folks who have worked both in Russia and the US tend to say we work harder here. So what your former wife was doing might be justifiable if she was really tired.

Satellite makes a good point above. My Russian wife now sees it something like this; she must work at work and then must work at home. I don't think she had to work quite as hard before and now that she is doing "work" at work, coming home to a messy apartment doesn't make her feel any more womanly that she has to clean up this place too. It makes her feel mad at her lazy husband. Nevermind the fact that he's working to pay the bills, he should be doing his part and taking the stress off his wife. She's not roommate, she's wife.

So, the traditional role of "homemaker after work" when your Russian lady arrives here may change a little after she works at her American job for a while. Be prepared to do the dishes, laundry, vacuum, mop the floor (again because you f--k up and not do right) and all of the other "work" that your lady took a lot of pride in doing back home. Now that she's here and "working" she may not want to do that stuff so much anymore.

I'll be the first to say that for her to get me to do those things it's like pulling teeth because, unlike the rest of the guys, I do want a maid and sex slave (not that I'm really expecting to get it, but that's what I wish for) and I look at it like if I'm going to pay all the bills, she should do all the housework. (And give up the booty!) However, I'm learning that even though I pay all the bills, I'm nowhere near rich enough to afford a maid and/or sex slave and as long as she's working too, I'm the one that's probably going to be the maid, and if I'm lucky, the sex slave. (Not in a submissive, apple in the mouth kind of way, just in the "I'm married so I finally got some this weekend" kind of way.)

American women don't do everything like Russian women do because we don't have to. Russian men are generally raised by mothers who do everything for them, thus it's expected of their wives. I suppose that single mothers generally do as much as Alla does, but if i were married and working and my husband refused to help with the cooking or cleaning, he wouldn't have a wife for very long.

My wife has now assimilated into this American school of (female) thought. She's quoted that last line plenty of times. It seems the "working" part is what has helped her adopt this new ideology. In Russia, regardless of how much "work" a woman does at work, she's still expected to do the "woman's work" at home. Here, that went out the door when the women started going to work. And dare I say, most of you who don't have your wives, girlfriends here and working, once they do, that "Russian woman" ideology of doing all the work at home will also morph into that "American woman" school of thought. "You better pull your own weight you SOB. You're not the only one working around here. Do your job at home or else you can find a new home." (Said with a nice accent, of course.)

Yeah, I'm actually surprised someone from one of the other regional forums hasn't stepped in and ranted about how we're all looking for housekeepers and sex slaves.

In my case, my ex did more than 50% of the house work, and she resented it. Never mind that I worked 12 hour days to her 8 hour days, or that when I did try to make her happy by picking up my so-called slack that it either went completely unnoticed or she'd just find something else to be unhappy about.

If a woman wants to take on the traditional male role, fine. But she needs to find herself a partner who can compliment that role, and not work against it. This whole ####### about marriage being 50/50 is just that, #######. Marriage isn't about 50/50, it's about each partner taking on a role that makes the relationship work.

Caveat: Obviously we're not living together just yet, so my viewpoint may need a little tweaking in a few months. But in talking with my SO and others, it seems about right to me.

Mox, I cut out some of that simply to save space but that whole post summed it up pretty well. I agree 100% that marriage isn't 50/50. It's "you do your part and I'll do mine." But, those parts get somewhat confused and when she starts "working" then she's going to inform you of your new role. Your part will change.

I don't understand why my part has to change. I didn't change anything. I'm still the primitive fat man she married. Why don't I clean the cat litter box? Because I didn't want to get cats in the first place because I knew they eat and $#!T and I don't like cleaning litter boxes so therefore I didn't have cats before you got here. You wanted cats, you clean the $#!T. Why don't I do dishes? Because I know better than to cook and make a mess. When you eat McDonalds, there's no mess! Why don't I get down on my hands and knees and mop the floor? Because I USED TO WEAR MY SHOES IN HERE and they tracked OUT all the mess!!!

How did I ever get by without her?

Strange Mox....... I think maybe we were married to the same woman...... except for the tramp part. I concur with you regarding roles. I think American women have been totally mind-f***ked regarding their roles. Because of this they seem neither happy at home nor at work.

And that's why you're better off "doing your part" at home after she starts working. Funny how happy she is to do everything while you're out supporting the family and she's sitting at home but once she works, you better start pulling your own weight and doing all the "extra" stuff that she had to do for you. (Even if it wasn't your idea. I didn't want to get two cats!)

Guys... you can't win. Russian, American, I've found out now, a year down the road, this is one area that it doesn't really matter. You're going to be wrong and you're going to be expected to do some of the work. Even if you fight it (like I do) it's going to be easier, and quieter, to just do it. I would type some more, but I've got laundry to do, rugs to beat, groceries to by and I have to work all night long. It's so hard working and doing all this housework too. But, it's got to be 50/50 or else you just live with a roommate, not a wife.