amaloveskofi

On 1/11/2024 at 6:09 PM, Boiler said:

Can not see the 15 year old making it, probably the other 4.

you are right!  thank you so much. I''m on it now, getting ready to file the I-130

2 hours ago, appleblossom said:

 

Yes, but only if your sister is unmarried (if she's married then your mother can't petition for her as she's not a citizen yet - green card holders can only petition for unmarried children). You need to first work out if she'll count as legally married or not depending on the details of her marriage. 

 

And of course, if she's not married then she'll need to get married for her husband to be able to move as well. 

 

I would look very carefully at the various options and timings i.e. if she's unmarried and your mother sponsors her, then she gets married after green card, then brings husband over versus if she gets her marriage recognised now, and waits for your Mum to sponsor them once she's a citizen. You need to work out which may be quicker (with the caveat that things may have changed in a decade or so when she's actually at the point of a visa), but you might want to cost up the various options as well if money is tight, and see which would be cheaper.  

 

Either way, it's unlikely her children will all be able to accompany her, but you've not given their ages so hard for us to know. But she needs to be prepared to leave them behind and then sponsor them further down the line with being apart for quite a bit of time. So it's also worth having a conversation with her and seeing if she'd be prepared to do that - no point in paying the fees if not. 

 

Good luck. 

The children are 15, 9, 7, 3 and she's  currently  pregnant  with 1, due in March. 

I will definitely  take  all this into consideration and decide on what the best way is. I appreciate your help. 

Thank you.

12 minutes ago, Boiler said:

 

You need to read the replies

 

You and your Mother can both petition your sister

 

A legal spouse and minor children will be included much later as derivatives.

 

If her partner wishes to come they will need at some point to marry.

I did read the replies, I just missed some of them and I was a little confused, but I get it now. Thanks so much for your help

13 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said:

Go back and read what @Boiler posted above.

Thanks for all your help. I appreciate  it. 🙏 

3 hours ago, appleblossom said:

Your Mum can’t petition for her until she’s a citizen, as I think her marriage will still count (which is good as otherwise her husband would have to be left in Ghana). 
 

So at the moment only you can do it, and sponsoring a sibling is a 20+ year wait.

Once your Mum is a citizen she can sponsor her and that’s shorter wait but still a 10 year or so wait as a rough guide. 
 

So you petition for her now, as back up, then get your Mum to apply for citizenship asap and also apply once she has it. 
 

The Visa Bulletin is what you need to keep an eye on to see how processing times are moving - categories F4 and F1. https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/legal/visa-law0/visa-bulletin/2024/visa-bulletin-for-january-2024.html

 

One last thing to note - either way it’s not likely your sister will be able to bring all of her children, as at least some of them may ‘age out’ before she gets a visa. But it depends on how old they are and how long it takes, just something to be aware of anyway. If you don’t petition the kids and she leaves them, then she’ll have another long wait herself to bring them over (categories F2A/F2B on the VB). 
 

Good luck. 

Are you allowed to put 2 petitions in for 1 person. 

What do you suggest we do with her children and husband? Do we petition for them as well? Or that's not possible.

I may not have explained better in my questions. I'm referring to the same person here, which is my sister. Is it better that my mom files for her or is it better if I file. And it seems it's better if my mom files. 

So that's what we'll  do.

That brings me to, if we should or not file for my sisters children and husband?

So then I'm looking at a 20 year wait time I file then right?

Ooo my!! I didn't realize it could take that long. I guess the best option I'd to get my mom to naturalize a d then she files for my sister and all her kids.  Should we exclude kids who will turn 18 after this 10 year wait?

How will her husband be covered in all this?  Do we file for him as well or?

And my mom has. Ever worked since she got here in the states. Will that affect anything?

Thanks.

Hi,

I need some help and hoping I can get some answers on where to start!

I brought my mom here 7 years ago, but she hasn't applied to be a citizen  yet and we are thinking of filing for my sister who is 33 years old, with 4 children and 1 due in March. My sister is married traditionally  per our custom,but not at the court level, so legally she's  not married.

What would be the best way to file for her?

1) should  I file for my sister since I'm a US citizen. 

2)Should my mom file for her with her permanent  resident status  or should she wait till she is a citizen  to file

3) when we file, should we file for just my sister and probably  the newborn as her being unmarried or married? We just don't have the funds to bring all her children with her. So the plan is she gets here, work  and then go get her children and her husband.

Please advise me on the best way to do this and if anyone have an idea of what time-line we'll  be looking  at.

Thanks.

3 hours ago, Paul & Mallory said:

Good gracious. All the judgmental people making the OP feel bad for how they feel because they don't have their mother, or have a mother they don't have to take care of. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people negate someone else's frustrations or feelings simply because they had it worse, or differently. All. Situations. Relationships. Etc. Are. DIFFERENT. The OP's experience is not yours.

 

OP came here to vent to the only people they know who can possibly relate. Not for people to make them feel like a terrible person. Sounds like they get enough of that at home.

 

Though I cannot relate to you, OP (at least not in this point in my life), I can understand your frustration and your feelings. Do not feel bad. I was one of the caregivers for both my grandparents in the end of their lives, and though they did not live with me and it wasn't a 24/7 thing, caring for a parent/grandparent/what have you is not all roses, even if you do appreciate your time with them and that you still have them. It is very stressful, very trying, and tests everything in you. Having someone living with you 24/7 - particularly one who seems to be a tad ungrateful - is even worse, I imagine.

 

I agree with most of the (respectful) opinions already shared - consider counseling, perhaps with your mother. If things have reached the point of no return, you may unfortunately have to put it all out on the table and give an ultimatum. At the end of the day, you do have a family - a husband and children - to worry about. It's important to ensure your relationship with your family does not suffer. Make sure you communicate with your husband - these kind of life changes can be a huge stressor on marriages.

 

Best of luck to you and all of your loved ones. XOXO

Thank u so much for your great advice. I appreciate that. 

1 hour ago, CEE53147 said:

OP is not a terrible person. She is in a terrible situation, but she must put herself before her mother now because she has little children depending on her now. Many of us have had wonderful, hardworking parents who have sacrificed much for us but also knew that they had to care for themselves so they could care for us.

Thank u. I appreciate that.

19 hours ago, Unidentified said:

Why did you bring her over if you didn't really have a good relationship?

I wanted a relationship with her but i guess it wont work.

She is dead poor in our country and i wanted to make life a little easier for her. I am surprised a poor peraon dont wanna work and better her life but expect other people to turn her life around for her. Its sad

18 hours ago, Going through said:

I remember your other thread about your mother (just went back to read it again)...a lot of good suggestions were made in there about expanding your mother's social circle since arriving in the country as she may have felt depressed---just curious if you all are still living in the same house as your in-laws, and if you were ever able to help set her up with community support/classes in any way?  If not, it may help her further in giving her some incentive to become a bit more independent (and perhaps willingly start working again).

I have since moved from my in-laws , living in our house now so i thought that would change, but it didnt. 

She refuse to go anywhere i ask her to, so gave up.

Its very stressful.

17 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

I suspect there was a lot of cultural pressure by family to do so.

 

You will likely need to follow the legal process to evict her to get her out of your house. If she doesn't leave, the police will be involved eventually. This may be enough of an incentive to return to her home country.

 

Look in your city for low cost housing; it may be in the form of a shared living situation with someone from your home country.  Pay her security deposit and a month or two of rent. You may want to give her a prepaid debit card for food.

 

She is obviously a leech taking advantage of not only you but your spouse.  I expect you believed she would care for her grandchildren while you worked so sponsoring her was advantageous to you. It should be an either or - she work for you or she work in the community.

 

Not all are fortunate to have loving and responsible parents. Good luck.

Yes  u r right.  I feel she doesnt appreciate us bringing her here.  Even if i have to open a gofund me page to raise money, i will. So i can buy her a ticket.

15 hours ago, dawning said:

Speaking as a mom, I don't think you should have someone who doesn't like your kids, and is stressed out by them, taking care of them.  I imagine your husband wants you to stay home with the kids because he knew you would take great care of them, and it sounds like your mother might not.  If you don't feel she was a good mother to you, don't put her in charge of your children.

 

Do you want her to work because the household needs the money?  Because you want her to move towards being independent(and maybe move out)?  Because you think she will be happier?  I agree that having her pastor talk with her might be helpful.  Maybe he can facilitate a more respectful conversation between you two as well if that seems useful.

 

Good luck!

Thank u. Yes we sure can need some help financially but i dont expect her to work and pay rent or anything.  I want her to work so she can have her own money to take care of herself. 

Also get her something to do instead of staying in her room all day.

She criticize everything my kids does. She wants me to raise my kids like how she raised us which i hate. Screaming and beating kids up.

She always says, yeah she knows how kids here in this country r disrespectful.

I believe respect is 2 ways. U earn it. 

7 hours ago, little immigrant said:

How was your relationship with her before you all moved? In a previous thread you mentioned you're letting her go home already and that was in October 2017. What has she said about that? 

 

Well I had to live with my mother in law and I had to evict her in the end because we didn't get along. I haven't lived with my parents or parents in law since. Bitter lesson learned. 

 

Whatever you decide I wish you good luck. 

Thats the problem. Growing up i have always lived with my uncle and see my mom occasionally. She and i dont really have a great mother daughter relationship. Because i have always lived away from her. And now she acts like she spent her whole life raising me. I was probably like 11 when i moved to live wt my uncle

My husband asked that i give her a chance back in October , but she just seems to be hard headed

8 hours ago, CEE53147 said:

Unless the worker has a very well paying job, a family of 5 - now 6 - will be struggling financially. 

 

Does your mother attend a place of worship and have a spiritual counselor she trusts?  That would be the ideal person to explain the situation to her.

 

They need t explain to her that since she is only in her 50s, she needs to get a job so she will not be destitute in her old age.  She needs to work at least 10 years for her social security.  Americans do not want or need to support an able bodied immigrant for the rest of her life.  She is a problem not only to her daughter but to you and me.

I totally agree. Thanks. She just wont listen to anybody but yes i will try telling my pastor .

58 minutes ago, Roel said:

Why is she unable to babysit your kids? Or she just doesn't want to? 

 

What kind of discussion did you have with your mom before she arrived? Did she tell you then that she won't be working? Did you tell her you'll be taking care of her all the time? 

 

At this point I'd just give your mom an ultimatum - she either find a job and has her own money or you're going to save up and buy her a ticket home. 

Sh complains watching them. She would be in her room watching tv whiles kids will be in the living room playing or are outside playing. My husband and his parents have noticed she gets stressed out watching the kids.

So since she cant watch them for me to get a job, thats y i wanted her to find something to do and make money for herself. We dont care if she lives in our home. She just talks really bad about me and my kids to my sister back home and my sister told me.

Good, because maybe the r mom dont back talk abt u to ur siblins. She tells my sister back home that left to me alone ,every morning when she wakes she would be pushing my kids on the swing. Whats wrong if she does that.

Does anyone ever regret bringing their mom/ parent or whatever to the USA?

Gosh, i juat need a place to vent and this is the family i know that will hear me out.

My mom is making my life a living hell. She lives with me and my husband and our 3 kids. My husband wants me to wait till our kids r in school before i get a job because my mom cant handle watching my kids for me to work.

So my husband is the only one working .

So i asked my mom that things have changed, and since she doesn't want to get a job that she should go home and once i get money sometimes, she can be coming to visit and going back instead of her staying here without working and my husband has to take care of her.

Oooo she went bunkers sayin if ee want her to go that we have to build her a new house back in my country before she leaves. She doesn't want to go back and live in her old house. 

I told her, well we cant do that. It turned into a big fight and now im just Thorn .

I dont even have the money to buy her ticket now, but im.going to find one and let her go. 

She has this mindset that its me and my husbands responsibility to care for yer

She is 58 but strong and able to work but ahe doesn't want to.

2 hours ago, Oliversmom said:

This is a suggestion.  Maybe she doesn't know how to go about looking for a job.  Sit down with her and make up a resume.  Then go online and start looking for jobs.  This is a great time of year to get hired for retail jobs.  Maybe she wants to work but just doesn't know what to do.

 

Just something from my personal perspective.  Only you can know what is best for you and your family and I am not judging you in any way.  But I do want to say that my mother passed away a few years ago.  I took care of her for years and it was not always easy.  But I never regretted at all any sacrifices I made for her.  And I would do anything to see her again. 

 

If you suggest depression, get her to see a doctor ASAP.  If she is diagnosed, there are meds that can do wonders!

 

Good luck whatever you decide.

I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for the advice. I'm going to be very supportive of her being here. 

Thanks to each and everyone of you for your advice and ideas. You guys have given me a new perspective over the whole thing and I appreciate it a lot.

My mom and I talked and I'm going 

to support her in every way I can and be a great daughter to her and help her adjust to being here.

Thank you all so much.

23 hours ago, Going through said:

Since she has her green card already, there is nothing you can do to make her leave the country (if that's what you meant by "letting her go back home") unless she wished to.  

 

When you're in your 50s, and from a foreign country, it can be more difficult to find work then when you are younger.  

 

You mean you sponsored her here as a family member, or you sponsored her here as more of an unpaid employee?  Yes, I know that sounds a bit harsh, but really she probably expected that she was coming to live in America with you as your mother---not as your free babysitter.  Before she came to the US did you tell her that she was being brought over by you to help with the kids as the main purpose behind you sponsoring her?  She may be more inclined to help out with 3 small children if you kicked a little bit of money her way here and there.

 

All that being said---you can sit down with her and have a discussion that it would be better if she found at least a part-time job to help make ends meet.  Or offer to help her out with a small loan and set her up in an apartment of her own..at that point she would be forced to find work to be able to maintain her own bills/rent  You said your in-laws have no problem with her living in their house so really the decision is up to them if they want her to move out.

 

You are right about everything you have said. How can I help her if she is depressed? I offer to take her out with me to go do stuffs but she doesn't want to. I already told her she can go back home and come back when we get our own place? And she is worried to go back because she doesn't know what to do to make ends meet when she goes back. 

3 hours ago, Going through said:

Since she has her green card already, there is nothing you can do to make her leave the country (if that's what you meant by "letting her go back home") unless she wished to.  

 

When you're in your 50s, and from a foreign country, it can be more difficult to find work then when you are younger.  

 

You mean you sponsored her here as a family member, or you sponsored her here as more of an unpaid employee?  Yes, I know that sounds a bit harsh, but really she probably expected that she was coming to live in America with you as your mother---not as your free babysitter.  Before she came to the US did you tell her that she was being brought over by you to help with the kids as the main purpose behind you sponsoring her?  She may be more inclined to help out with 3 small children if you kicked a little bit of money her way here and there.

 

All that being said---you can sit down with her and have a discussion that it would be better if she found at least a part-time job to help make ends meet.  Or offer to help her out with a small loan and set her up in an apartment of her own..at that point she would be forced to find work to be able to maintain her own bills/rent  You said your in-laws have no problem with her living in their house so really the decision is up to them if they want her to move out.

 

You are right about everything you have said. How can I help her if she is depressed? I offer to take her out with me to go do stuffs but she doesn't want to. I already told her she can go back home and come back when we get our own place? And she is worried to go back because she doesn't know what to do to make ends meet when she goes back. 

56 minutes ago, geowrian said:

I'd suggest taking a step back and thinking about why she came and if/why she wants to stay. Because at this point, her staying in the US is not about what you want. If she's staying cooped up in the house watching TV all day, then I'm assuming she's not happy. The transition is really hard....and harder on some than others. Figure out what she wants and go from there.

Thank u very much, I appreciate that. That's such a great idea