livindadream

I second everything AYOsGirl is saying bc my husband has also been propositioned with this similar scam. As soon as the "hood" learns he is married to an American citizen, all kinds of request from random ppl requesting US bank info to wire funds to.. in hopes to get this money brought into Nigeria by unsuspecting person, with no link to the real criminal. They think that there is no harm because even if the US bank account holder were to get in legal problems behind this, they believe the bank holder can just fall back on complete deniability and avoid prison time, since they are unaware of the true nature of how the stolen funds were aquired. They care nothing of the legal repercussions and cost to all victims involved to clear their name. Please think very hard about this. I spoke with my husband about this and his response was in his Nigerian voice a big "AHAH" and some words in Yoruba. I asked him to translate and he said he wont but if he was ever chanced to say these words to your husband that your husband will curse him out and be looking for blood. His advice and mine is get to know this man better before you proceed.

too late to edit
Honest opinion: I am 100% certain it is a scam. Having spent a considerable amount of time in Nigeria has given me detailed understanding of how local Nigerians think. The story is overly complicated for no reason (Nigerians tend to believe that Americans are stupid). I have known people in Nigeria who claimed to be my friend and talked about coming to my hotel room and robbing me right in front of my face when they thought I didn't understand the native language.
As a husband myself, I would never involve my wife in something like this. I have known people who have gone to jail in the USA for these scams and they never involved their wife.
Be very careful and do not give your account. See if he is willing to let it go (a real man would) and continue to keep an eye on him. I hope I did not offend you and if I did I apologize.

The saddest part of all this is that I noticed you are so close to your interview date and should be head over heels knowing he would be home with you soon. I have to tell you, my husband is Nigerian and we have been living together for almost 6 years here in Ghana together. I have SEEN and HEARD just about everything I ever wish to see or hear about what some people are capable of doing to another for money. Its a hard life here, just like in Nigeria (I've been there twice as well). A lot of men and women will do criminal things here to earn money to eat or provide for their families. I feel bad for them, but at the same time they are preying on my own country men and women when they do it. Before we had internet in our house, we used to go to an internet café a lot to talk to people back home. I saw the lengths to which a young man would go to, and they were so used to seeing me in there, that I guess it didn't phase them or make them want to hide the fact that they were pretending to be a female talking to an American man who was on their computer screen doing some "really gross things"....in front of this young man, and not the hot girl they thought they were talking to.
My point is, this request your husband is asking of you, is classic scam 101. Someone is stealing money from someone's account and wanting to send it to yours (a wire transfer)....OR someone is scamming someone out of their money and in order to make the scam look legit, they are asking the person to wire the money to an American bank account. Sending the money to Nigeria whether it is thru moneygram/ western union or to a Nigerian bank account would never fit into the "story". I'm not saying your husband is the ring leader, but perhaps someone has come to him and said "hey, we know you have a wife in America, if you do this...we will give you a percentage of it". People have pulled my husband to the side on numerous occasions and tried to ask the same thing. He just tells them "no no no". He would NEVER put me in that position not to talk of getting mad at me if I said no.
I understand your husbands frustration, there is money dangling over his head if he can just do this one thing....and that would mean he'd have the money to buy the ticket to come there. But if there is real love there for you, he would NEVER put you in that position. That is something that you really want to take into consideration before you proceed with anything else. At the VERY least, he shouldn't be concocting a story about people owing his sister money, yada yada yada. If he'd lie to you about that, form up a big story about it, risk putting you in jeopardy AND making you feel bad for not giving in, then is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account..
We were just laying down when I saw this post she was reading. The part where you stated he finds all reasons to start a fight caught my attention. That is a classic sign of someone who is up to something and has an ulterior plan. I must say it's hard to understand what you're going through because only you know what you have invested till this very point but don't let that be a reason to hold on to heartbreak and continuous headache. First about the use of Pot, I would assume you were aware of this before now but still its a sign of irresponsibility on his end wanting to be a pot head. On the financial aspect of things, I must say there's a lot of RED flags, I wrote red in capital because in a normal African setting a man fights and strives to be the provider whichever way he can. If you have a man failing to do that its a sign he really doesn't care or see reason to work to support you. In a general view of things a man who looks for every reason to quit a job is giving you so much sign of how much you can't depend on him. Imagine within 10-15 years you're waiting for retirement you have to put your entire survival on him, you know the answer-- he wont stand up to the challenge. Also about him wanting to spend half the time in Senegal and Half back in the states with you, I would beg you not to buy into that because its a clear sign he definitely has a tie to something over there. An average African man has no ties apart from where his survival comes from, so if you're offering him an upgrade in life by him being in the states and he still wants to risk going back home (Which as a man his home should be where his wife @) he definitely has a tie back there you only don't know yet. Like I tell people always-- don't let the pain of losing something unreliable put you in a position where you have to regret an entire life. If I was to be a judge, which I don't think am fit to judge any human, he's a ticking time bomb which you have all the signs to avoid. Make a better decision. You may have to feel the loss for a few months but believe me after then you would appreciate all the sadness you would have put yourself in on the long run.
We all can advice you and give you more clarity but you have the decision to make, HE is using you.

The saddest part of all this is that I noticed you are so close to your interview date and should be head over heels knowing he would be home with you soon. I have to tell you, my husband is Nigerian and we have been living together for almost 6 years here in Ghana together. I have SEEN and HEARD just about everything I ever wish to see or hear about what some people are capable of doing to another for money. Its a hard life here, just like in Nigeria (I've been there twice as well). A lot of men and women will do criminal things here to earn money to eat or provide for their families. I feel bad for them, but at the same time they are preying on my own country men and women when they do it. Before we had internet in our house, we used to go to an internet café a lot to talk to people back home. I saw the lengths to which a young man would go to, and they were so used to seeing me in there, that I guess it didn't phase them or make them want to hide the fact that they were pretending to be a female talking to an American man who was on their computer screen doing some "really gross things"....in front of this young man, and not the hot girl they thought they were talking to.
My point is, this request your husband is asking of you, is classic scam 101. Someone is stealing money from someone's account and wanting to send it to yours (a wire transfer)....OR someone is scamming someone out of their money and in order to make the scam look legit, they are asking the person to wire the money to an American bank account. Sending the money to Nigeria whether it is thru moneygram/ western union or to a Nigerian bank account would never fit into the "story". I'm not saying your husband is the ring leader, but perhaps someone has come to him and said "hey, we know you have a wife in America, if you do this...we will give you a percentage of it". People have pulled my husband to the side on numerous occasions and tried to ask the same thing. He just tells them "no no no". He would NEVER put me in that position not to talk of getting mad at me if I said no.
I understand your husbands frustration, there is money dangling over his head if he can just do this one thing....and that would mean he'd have the money to buy the ticket to come there. But if there is real love there for you, he would NEVER put you in that position. That is something that you really want to take into consideration before you proceed with anything else. At the VERY least, he shouldn't be concocting a story about people owing his sister money, yada yada yada. If he'd lie to you about that, form up a big story about it, risk putting you in jeopardy AND making you feel bad for not giving in, then is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account..
We were just laying down when I saw this post she was reading. The part where you stated he finds all reasons to start a fight caught my attention. That is a classic sign of someone who is up to something and has an ulterior plan. I must say it's hard to understand what you're going through because only you know what you have invested till this very point but don't let that be a reason to hold on to heartbreak and continuous headache. First about the use of Pot, I would assume you were aware of this before now but still its a sign of irresponsibility on his end wanting to be a pot head. On the financial aspect of things, I must say there's a lot of RED flags, I wrote red in capital because in a normal African setting a man fights and strives to be the provider whichever way he can. If you have a man failing to do that its a sign he really doesn't care or see reason to work to support you. In a general view of things a man who looks for every reason to quit a job is giving you so much sign of how much you can't depend on him. Imagine within 10-15 years you're waiting for retirement you have to put your entire survival on him, you know the answer-- he wont stand up to the challenge. Also about him wanting to spend half the time in Senegal and Half back in the states with you, I would beg you not to buy into that because its a clear sign he definitely has a tie to something over there. An average African man has no ties apart from where his survival comes from, so if you're offering him an upgrade in life by him being in the states and he still wants to risk going back home (Which as a man his home should be where his wife @) he definitely has a tie back there you only don't know yet. Like I tell people always-- don't let the pain of losing something unreliable put you in a position where you have to regret an entire life. If I was to be a judge, which I don't think am fit to judge any human, he's a ticking time bomb which you have all the signs to avoid. Make a better decision. You may have to feel the loss for a few months but believe me after then you would appreciate all the sadness you would have put yourself in on the long run.
We all can advice you and give you more clarity but you have the decision to make, HE is using you.

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

The saddest part of all this is that I noticed you are so close to your interview date and should be head over heels knowing he would be home with you soon. I have to tell you, my husband is Nigerian and we have been living together for almost 6 years here in Ghana together. I have SEEN and HEARD just about everything I ever wish to see or hear about what some people are capable of doing to another for money. Its a hard life here, just like in Nigeria (I've been there twice as well). A lot of men and women will do criminal things here to earn money to eat or provide for their families. I feel bad for them, but at the same time they are preying on my own country men and women when they do it. Before we had internet in our house, we used to go to an internet café a lot to talk to people back home. I saw the lengths to which a young man would go to, and they were so used to seeing me in there, that I guess it didn't phase them or make them want to hide the fact that they were pretending to be a female talking to an American man who was on their computer screen doing some "really gross things"....in front of this young man, and not the hot girl they thought they were talking to.
My point is, this request your husband is asking of you, is classic scam 101. Someone is stealing money from someone's account and wanting to send it to yours (a wire transfer)....OR someone is scamming someone out of their money and in order to make the scam look legit, they are asking the person to wire the money to an American bank account. Sending the money to Nigeria whether it is thru moneygram/ western union or to a Nigerian bank account would never fit into the "story". I'm not saying your husband is the ring leader, but perhaps someone has come to him and said "hey, we know you have a wife in America, if you do this...we will give you a percentage of it". People have pulled my husband to the side on numerous occasions and tried to ask the same thing. He just tells them "no no no". He would NEVER put me in that position not to talk of getting mad at me if I said no.
I understand your husbands frustration, there is money dangling over his head if he can just do this one thing....and that would mean he'd have the money to buy the ticket to come there. But if there is real love there for you, he would NEVER put you in that position. That is something that you really want to take into consideration before you proceed with anything else. At the VERY least, he shouldn't be concocting a story about people owing his sister money, yada yada yada. If he'd lie to you about that, form up a big story about it, risk putting you in jeopardy AND making you feel bad for not giving in, then is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account..
We were just laying down when I saw this post she was reading. The part where you stated he finds all reasons to start a fight caught my attention. That is a classic sign of someone who is up to something and has an ulterior plan. I must say it's hard to understand what you're going through because only you know what you have invested till this very point but don't let that be a reason to hold on to heartbreak and continuous headache. First about the use of Pot, I would assume you were aware of this before now but still its a sign of irresponsibility on his end wanting to be a pot head. On the financial aspect of things, I must say there's a lot of RED flags, I wrote red in capital because in a normal African setting a man fights and strives to be the provider whichever way he can. If you have a man failing to do that its a sign he really doesn't care or see reason to work to support you. In a general view of things a man who looks for every reason to quit a job is giving you so much sign of how much you can't depend on him. Imagine within 10-15 years you're waiting for retirement you have to put your entire survival on him, you know the answer-- he wont stand up to the challenge. Also about him wanting to spend half the time in Senegal and Half back in the states with you, I would beg you not to buy into that because its a clear sign he definitely has a tie to something over there. An average African man has no ties apart from where his survival comes from, so if you're offering him an upgrade in life by him being in the states and he still wants to risk going back home (Which as a man his home should be where his wife @) he definitely has a tie back there you only don't know yet. Like I tell people always-- don't let the pain of losing something unreliable put you in a position where you have to regret an entire life. If I was to be a judge, which I don't think am fit to judge any human, he's a ticking time bomb which you have all the signs to avoid. Make a better decision. You may have to feel the loss for a few months but believe me after then you would appreciate all the sadness you would have put yourself in on the long run.
We all can advice you and give you more clarity but you have the decision to make, HE is using you.

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account again--- I also want to add, that Africa is 54 nations and thousands of tribes within those nations. And even within those thousands of tribes there are millions of individual characters and traits. To label ALL OF AFRICA to say that "AFRICANS need this, and do that" is so disrespectful. And I thank God my wife refers to me as "her husband" --- and not "her African." smh My blood is boiling reading one posters use of "they do this and they do that" . And ENGLISH IS ENGLISH. If it does not sound like English to you, then I don't know what to tell you.

Writing through my wife's account..
We were just laying down when I saw this post she was reading. The part where you stated he finds all reasons to start a fight caught my attention. That is a classic sign of someone who is up to something and has an ulterior plan. I must say it's hard to understand what you're going through because only you know what you have invested till this very point but don't let that be a reason to hold on to heartbreak and continuous headache. First about the use of Pot, I would assume you were aware of this before now but still its a sign of irresponsibility on his end wanting to be a pot head. On the financial aspect of things, I must say there's a lot of RED flags, I wrote red in capital because in a normal African setting a man fights and strives to be the provider whichever way he can. If you have a man failing to do that its a sign he really doesn't care or see reason to work to support you. In a general view of things a man who looks for every reason to quit a job is giving you so much sign of how much you can't depend on him. Imagine within 10-15 years you're waiting for retirement you have to put your entire survival on him, you know the answer-- he wont stand up to the challenge. Also about him wanting to spend half the time in Senegal and Half back in the states with you, I would beg you not to buy into that because its a clear sign he definitely has a tie to something over there. An average African man has no ties apart from where his survival comes from, so if you're offering him an upgrade in life by him being in the states and he still wants to risk going back home (Which as a man his home should be where his wife @) he definitely has a tie back there you only don't know yet. Like I tell people always-- don't let the pain of losing something unreliable put you in a position where you have to regret an entire life. If I was to be a judge, which I don't think am fit to judge any human, he's a ticking time bomb which you have all the signs to avoid. Make a better decision. You may have to feel the loss for a few months but believe me after then you would appreciate all the sadness you would have put yourself in on the long run.
We all can advice you and give you more clarity but you have the decision to make, HE is using you.

The saddest part of all this is that I noticed you are so close to your interview date and should be head over heels knowing he would be home with you soon. I have to tell you, my husband is Nigerian and we have been living together for almost 6 years here in Ghana together. I have SEEN and HEARD just about everything I ever wish to see or hear about what some people are capable of doing to another for money. Its a hard life here, just like in Nigeria (I've been there twice as well). A lot of men and women will do criminal things here to earn money to eat or provide for their families. I feel bad for them, but at the same time they are preying on my own country men and women when they do it. Before we had internet in our house, we used to go to an internet café a lot to talk to people back home. I saw the lengths to which a young man would go to, and they were so used to seeing me in there, that I guess it didn't phase them or make them want to hide the fact that they were pretending to be a female talking to an American man who was on their computer screen doing some "really gross things"....in front of this young man, and not the hot girl they thought they were talking to.
My point is, this request your husband is asking of you, is classic scam 101. Someone is stealing money from someone's account and wanting to send it to yours (a wire transfer)....OR someone is scamming someone out of their money and in order to make the scam look legit, they are asking the person to wire the money to an American bank account. Sending the money to Nigeria whether it is thru moneygram/ western union or to a Nigerian bank account would never fit into the "story". I'm not saying your husband is the ring leader, but perhaps someone has come to him and said "hey, we know you have a wife in America, if you do this...we will give you a percentage of it". People have pulled my husband to the side on numerous occasions and tried to ask the same thing. He just tells them "no no no". He would NEVER put me in that position not to talk of getting mad at me if I said no.
I understand your husbands frustration, there is money dangling over his head if he can just do this one thing....and that would mean he'd have the money to buy the ticket to come there. But if there is real love there for you, he would NEVER put you in that position. That is something that you really want to take into consideration before you proceed with anything else. At the VERY least, he shouldn't be concocting a story about people owing his sister money, yada yada yada. If he'd lie to you about that, form up a big story about it, risk putting you in jeopardy AND making you feel bad for not giving in, then is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Uv said it all

I'm so sorry for what you're going through but I think it is time to face the reality of the situation. You said so yourself that he was desperate to come, but was that only to be with you? No. It was also because he saw US as a land of opportunities and wanted to make money and then go back home. And I might sound rude on this one but jobs like landscaping, dish washing and cleaning would make it possible for him to go back home once in a while with your help but building a house out there and fulfilling any other dreams he had about going back would be impossible. And may be he realizes this. May be he knows that without your help he won't even make it back home and that is what makes him come back to you every time he leaves and not cause he loves or misses you. He wouldn't be treating you such if he truly felt a sense of attachment, love and respect towards you. And about going long distance again, how do you know that he is going to wait for you? May be he is already seeing somebody out there and not being able to be with them or go back home is making him act the way he has been. And even if after retirement you leave everything for him and go to his country, that's if he waits, I'm sure he'll find reasons to complain again cause there he won't have a mattress or a bed to fight upon with you but your past, which he obviously can't get over!, would continue to bother him even then. So why would you give yourself such pain, care for a man who won't treat you right, pay for his food, clothes and everything, buy him a ticket back home just so he can blame you for getting him out there. I don't see removing the conditions as a smart and practical choice on your end. He'll continue to be his cranky-self even if you provide him with everything like you are right now and then probably also blame you for removing the conditions and helping him get a green card. Some day he might even start thinking that you have some selfish motives for making him stay and removing the conditions even with him behaving badly with you (which I'm sure he realizes cause you said he says sorry but seldom takes responsibility for his behavior). I think many of his issues have to do with his low self-esteem probably cause he hasn't been able to make money the way he thought he would and he has to depend upon you and knows he can't leave you or he would have no money. So you have to get practical here. Letting go would be the hardest part ever but you are a kind hearted and brave woman to have put up with all of this and you deserve better and I'm sure you will get it.
Good luck and take care.

So, based on what you've written most recently, two posts before this, your very best bet is to get out of this relationship.

Your husband is exactly like my ex, right down to 'he gives me some financial contributions when he DOES get a cheque' and the whole 'every penny he has goes to pot'.

I tried everything with my ex. I even literally walked him to the doctor and sat in the room while he asked for help. He was incapable of following through on getting the help and as the sole breadwinner most of the time, I literally could not afford to go to every doctor's appointment. I would make them for him, but then he wouldn't bother to go.
There were ultimatums, crying, yelling. He'd lie to me about our pooled finances, which would have gone to drugs. Everything was about him. His mother got him a line of credit and he blew through 10k in three months.

When it came down to it, whether it was selfishness or addiction, my ex was unable to change. Perhaps the selfishness made it so that he didn't want to overcome the addiction or the addiction made it impossible to see that he was being selfish. I honestly don't know. But the end result is, as long as his behaviour was as you have described your husband's, my ex couldn't change.
But I could. I could stop enabling the behaviour. I could stop saying yes. And finally, I could say no. I could say no more. So I did. I told him we were done. I'd live out the remainder of our lease with him and we could enjoy that time, but I was leaving. I was hoping that this would be enough of a shock to his system that he would say okay, I understand, and he would change at least a little in those two months. Within a week his behaviour was so much worse that I waited until he went out to get snacks and I loaded myself and my pets into a cab and went and lived out the remainder of that lease on a friend's couch.

My ex was unable, without my assistance, to do anything successfully. He has no job, no money and his parents pay his rent. He now has a gofundme to crowdfund his pot.
A person with an addiction to a behaviour or substance has to have the desire to change before it can happen. If they don't have that desire to change (and I'm not talking lipservice, I mean a true and honest desire to do the work it takes to change) then they will never, never change.
Unless you are willing to live with exactly the behaviours you see now, unless this is a tenable long-term life for you, you need to hold your head up and walk out. It's hard, I know, but you have to do what is right for YOU and it doesn't sound like this is it. If he'll get on a plane, let him go back home on a one way ticket. If he won't, well, divorce him and let him make his own way in the US.

Writing through my wife's account..
We were just laying down when I saw this post she was reading. The part where you stated he finds all reasons to start a fight caught my attention. That is a classic sign of someone who is up to something and has an ulterior plan. I must say it's hard to understand what you're going through because only you know what you have invested till this very point but don't let that be a reason to hold on to heartbreak and continuous headache. First about the use of Pot, I would assume you were aware of this before now but still its a sign of irresponsibility on his end wanting to be a pot head. On the financial aspect of things, I must say there's a lot of RED flags, I wrote red in capital because in a normal African setting a man fights and strives to be the provider whichever way he can. If you have a man failing to do that its a sign he really doesn't care or see reason to work to support you. In a general view of things a man who looks for every reason to quit a job is giving you so much sign of how much you can't depend on him. Imagine within 10-15 years you're waiting for retirement you have to put your entire survival on him, you know the answer-- he wont stand up to the challenge. Also about him wanting to spend half the time in Senegal and Half back in the states with you, I would beg you not to buy into that because its a clear sign he definitely has a tie to something over there. An average African man has no ties apart from where his survival comes from, so if you're offering him an upgrade in life by him being in the states and he still wants to risk going back home (Which as a man his home should be where his wife @) he definitely has a tie back there you only don't know yet. Like I tell people always-- don't let the pain of losing something unreliable put you in a position where you have to regret an entire life. If I was to be a judge, which I don't think am fit to judge any human, he's a ticking time bomb which you have all the signs to avoid. Make a better decision. You may have to feel the loss for a few months but believe me after then you would appreciate all the sadness you would have put yourself in on the long run.
We all can advice you and give you more clarity but you have the decision to make, HE is using you.

Thank you so much for all the feedback, it is greatly appreciated. I wanted to add a few things, especially as a response to Ayo's post -by the way, thanks for giving a husband's perspective.
I didn't realize he was a pothead when I met him. Of course we close our eyes to red flags when we are in love. I knew he had smoked pot before, but he convinced me that he no longer did. I honestly was blind to the signs - this would have been a dealbreaker for me. He kept it a secret from me here in the US as well, but after 6 months or so, he came clean. To me, this was a shock, because in my eyes, he risks his immigration status by doing something illegal, despite the movements in many States to decriminalize it. But in his eyes, he is "invincible".
As for him being an African man...What he does has nothing to do with his culture.
This is HIM, plain and simple. I realize that - I know enough people from West Africa who bend over backwards to support their family. I have seen well-educated men work as dishwashers and parking lot attendants because that's the only job they could find.
I should add, he is an artist, and one of his issues is, that he can't find paid gigs here. His feeling is that back home, he could work as an artist again. He never went to school, so that makes life here more difficult for him....and here I am, making excuses again.....
I think pot is the main motivator in his life. Money he makes goes to support his habit. Pot comes before everything - even before supporting his family back home. At first I thought: Maybe the pot will calm him down, so he doesn't have these temper tantrums, so I accept it as a necessary evil. But unfortunately, this theory proved wrong. Plus it makes him anti-social.
As for the poster that thinks he uses the plane ticket home as a leverage tool (and has no intention of actually getting on a plane): Yes, that also occured to me.
He is very immature, and when older african friends try to advise him, he rarely listens. He is smart and inventive (albeit without focus), but I suppose his temper always got him his way, so he had no reason to change that behavior (I remember a scene in Senegal, where 2 or 3 bystanders had to walk him away to calm him down, when he got in a fight with one of the merchants there....again, red flag I chose to ignore)
I really don't think that he has ties back home (ie a wife). Of course I can't know for sure - less naive people than me have been fooled in that regard. I think he just always wants the easy way out, and right now the easy way out seems to be home. Having his cake, and eating it too.
He does give me money when he gets a paycheck, though. And he contributes to groceries etc.
There can be several weeks where everything is wonderful, and he is a supporting, loving husband. And then suddenly those power games and temper tantrums start again.
By the way, I did buy a new mattress. But then the demand of burning the bed came.....that's where I stopped, because what's next? Selling the home because an ex entered the premise? Ridiculous! Before we got married, I told him that we both have a past, and what happened before shouldn't matter. Just what happens from now on. I don't talk about ex's unless he asks questions. He then just spins his own story out of what I said...