Maxx121

I ask because cathy and i have been having alot of cultural talks of late thanks to some of the posts i have read here and it brought up something i didnt know happened when i was there that she finaly told me. Mind you she is rather passive and lets alot slide, i on the other hand am not and let very little slide.

When i visited cathy for the first time she really didnt stay in my hotel and her parents always made her sister accompany us until they were comfortable with me (which i thought was kinda cool and old school ) The last night i was there we got in late and i was leaving on the early flight so we went back to teh hotel picked up my things and left. Since it was so late her sister stayed home.

When i was in the cab i didnt have any cash to pay the driver as i gave it all out in tips when leaving. We stopped at a BDO to use the atm at like 4 am. i couldnt find my card and was taking a bit longer at the ATM than i realized. Cathy did something odd that i didnt pay much attention to, she got out the car and came to the ATM to ask me if i was alright. I didnt pay much attention at the time cause she was waaay overprotective of me while i was there and we were in a rush to pick up her parents as they were comming to the airport with us to see me off.

Now she tells me that the cabbie said something waaaay screwed up to her and offended her and thats why she got out cause she didnt want to be alone with him in the car. Mind you i was just saying to her Wow that guy was nice, he told me that i better hold onto you becasue you are a keeper, he said you were a good one and must be raised very well because of the way you carry yourself and that i am lucky. When i said that she got upset then told me everything.

She didnt tell me then becuase she said i would make a scene. hehe me, make a scene. hehe.

Now if this was the only time it wolda been nothing, but i had to put a few guys in their place while i was there and she would always tell me "just wear your smile", which kills me when she says that, even when its obvious shes uncomfortable. i mean why smile at someone being rude to you.

She started to explain to me about how some view filipinas who date older foreign men. But i dont fit the mold of the average foreigner coming to the phills.

So im just curious, is it me or have others encountered crazy things when there or am i just making a big to do over nothing?

You sir seem to me to be the non confrontational type SHE seems to be the spoiled brat type and they love a fight. No offence but you are spoiling her, if she was spoiled to begin with then you should have known what you were getting yourself into, if she wasnt and you made her this way then thats worse.

Solution:

Divorce, if its not that serious then you need to tap into the below:

Righteous indignation typically a reactive emotion of anger over perceived mistreatment, insult, or malice. It is akin to what is called the sense of injustice. In some Christian doctrines, righteous indignation is considered the only form of anger which is not sinful, e.g., when Jesus drove the money lenders out of the temple. (just just need to get the beggars out - alot harder if you ask me)

They are your family to now, and if it takes you picking up the phone and letting them know you are not rich, do that. It may get her upset but if she loves you then she will understand.

If it takes you letting the electricity get turned off and saying to her that this is your fault because your letting those people bleed me dry, then do it and get reeeeeaaaaallly pissed.

if you cant tap into that anger give me a call and i will have a couple of big black dudes come to your door claiming to be loan sharks telling your wife you owe them money and if you dont pay up they wil break both your legs.

I mean from what i can gather its been almost a year she has been here and if she still doesnt get it then maybe she wasnt the one. I mean you married her to be with her and care for her, not a bunch of money grubbing show offs that like to get stuff from the US to say they got something from the US tha tthey coudl ahve brought there for cheaper.

Oh and to me this is key, always have a plan with your money. If you dont have a house, then save up to buy a house, if you have a house, save up to buy another house. If you have two then save up to buy a house in the phills, and if you got it like that tehn you shouldnt be buggin about money. Alot of times your counterpart needs to see that the two of you have a goal in mind and they will not think of money in the bank as there to send back home.

I've been in this situation. I'm the wife of the USC, just that it's my younger sister who has to be operated. And of course, family in PI. ask me a little help for the expense in the hospital but not to pay all the expense. Same with the hospital said that they will not discharged the patient with unsecured bill. So I told my problem to my husband and he did help. I'm glad that me and my husband is so transparent to each other, and we're able to talk everything even the most ackwards one. I don't know, I think it's already a Filipino mentality to ask someone, specially on money matters.

Thats more than fair of your family, they dont expect all but some help. And honest when its immediate family like your sister its kinda a gimmee that you help.

I just hate when people think you should pay all, I just cant believe that an entire family cant come up with any spare money. and if that is the case then will the one family member who can be responsible for paying the entire familys bills?

NOA1 July 23 here too.. well .. let's just wait.. I wonder how many July23 NOA1 got approved now.. There's One i know.. Lisa and Jayson.. If it's 3.5 we'r almost there then

patiently waiting.. it will come anyway..

Yeah, knowing this kinda helps me wait. November 1 is my go crazy date .

Next week should be a good week for July 23rd filers, say a little prayer for us

An interesting discussion on that topic appeared today in the "Live In the Philippines" blog: http://liveinthephilippines.com/content/2010/10/what-would-you-do/

Nice blog, thanks.

To the OP if your wife does this all the time in my oppinion you are being to soft because it seems you really dont like it. cultural differences or not, if you tell a lie to test our relationship and i feel you are bsing me, prepare for alot of questions and a REALLY big argument.

This makes me feel super lucky, my cathy hates asking me for money and only asks me when she is either not working or has to pay for things she didnt expect to pay.

my thoughts to you is to put a stop to this very quickly or be ready to be the family cash cow.

and like an above poster said: NEVER PAY THE ENTIRE BILL, my reason for this is you are part of the family and everyonen must share in helping, otherwise you are taking care of the entire family which is not what you married her for. If you were not there they would find a way.

Money is such a touchy subject. My feeling is the responsibilty for debt falls into the immediate family, my wife and kids. The further out you go from there it gets less and less. parents are ok, siblings less than parents cause you gotta be an adult but if its important and my parents guilt trip me enough, then fine. When it comes to uncles, cousins and the like its all a how close are you to them thing.

You also have to ask how much of that debt are you gonna have to put in on. If i have 10k in the bank and they have a 500 dollar bill, sure i can pay it all, but should you?

My feeling is noope

My wife was put through college by her fathers and elder sisters hard work. if it wasnt for them she would not be the beautiful woman she is today and because of that if they needed anything i would always be there for them because they mean alot to me.

past them... no obligation and no hard feelings when i say no.

the good thing is my wife is of the same mind (for the most part). guess it all goes to how much excess cash you have and if you feel like a cash cow.

I say a 20 to 30% share of the total that has to be covered by the family is more than fair. If they cant come up with the rest then you will be the cash cow as opposed to a member of the family helping out.

All Other Pending Awaiting customer action Completions Receipts Month & Year

5660 884 3019 2014 Jul10

6099 605 1872 1626 Aug10

Guess Work: My place in the Que – July 23 NOA1 Filing Date

On August 30th VCS had 6099 Pending and 605 awaiting Customer Action:

6099 + 605 = 6,704.00

On July 30th VCS had received a total of 2014 July applications:

I filed on July 23, there are 16 working days ahead of me and 22 working days in the month:

2014 /22 = 91.54 (rcts per day)

91.54 * 16 = 1464.64 (number of files received ahead of mine)

6704 – 2014 = 4690 (number of files from previous month)

4690 + 1464 = 6154 (number of files ahead of July 23rd filers)

After reviewing official numbers from Excel download from USCIS VCS I 129 F files:

VCS processes on average 3000 (rough) I 129 F Files a month. Operating at above average for 2 months then slowing down for 2 to 3 months depending on the backlog.

Backlog runs at an average of 8000 files per month, triggering an increase in application completions of I 129 F files when that backlog hits over 9k

Current back log is 6704.00 (as of august anyway )

Because I still have to eat ( Lunch)

Last max backlog was in may which triggered a speed up from June 1 to July 30th.

The average processing during slow down periods is 1800 files (rough) and last for 2 to 3 months:

July 23rd filers:

6154 / 1800 = 3.41

3.5 is roughly how many months it will take to knock ours out (july 23rd), give or take a week cause im not 100 % sure how they process applications.

Slow downs in our processing correspond to speed ups in other files.

PS: this is not exact as i only did this for one date and one file type ( I 129 fs ). and there are other variables i didnt take into consideration but should be pretty close.

fine here..getting cooler!!!

yeah the wheather here can get a bit crazy. dont worry after a year or two you will get used to it. the WORST parts are just before winter and just before summer because the wheather is so up and down. just always dress warm when you go out hehe

Think of it like this, if your mom needed something and you coudl afford to give it would you?

Me and mine have had this conversation a few times and though she wants to support her family her own family has told her make sure you take care of your own family first, at least her parents say that and thats what counts.

but to me its a matter of whats right. i mean if you know her family is starving and you can help kinds screwed up not to. Again i just think of my own family and what i woudl do for my mohter and my sisters, you cant expect her to do any less.

just beware as i have heard horror stories of it gettin out of control. my uncles wife is from haiti, and she sends ALOT of money back home.

the best way to ask is to just ask her what her expectations are, thats what i did, then i brought up her family and the conversation flowed from there till we came to some middle ground. Thats what relationships are all about, communicating and finding the middle ground on touchy subjects.

Happy endings are the best congratz man

ah, hehe woops . even though i thought it was a year for some reason.

its 6 mounths

nope, it was already denied. read his story.

the wait...

He said he had been agonizing for the past 3 weeks over this already. Finally came online to rant...He not only wasted a lot of time but a lot of money I'm sure. She's only been here for a handful of weeks and the family back home is already planning out how they will spend his money

Since she was already on xoom trying to send money, that means she must have your credit card info. I think sites like that also needs your SSI number. I would buy some credit monitoring service and change the card. The family back home is probably going to be a little bit pissed there dreams are not going to pan out.

hehehe, i love russians hehe.

but seriously, most likely she will be VERY ashamed. unless she really is just a leach, which i highly doubt. seems more like really bad communication of expectations.

He gave up way to soon. I'm sure he spent so much time and effort in getting Rose into the U.S., but didn't take the time to learn about the Filipino culture and everything about her. After the whole draining K-1 Visa process he didn't bother to take the time and make the effort to even try to work out the money issues in a mature manner. Wasted his time, Fiance's time and especially Immigration's time. Some Fiance Visa deserving couple now has to wait longer because this undeserving couple took their place in line. I can't believe that he went online here to talk about the problems instead of using that time to try to work things out with Rose. Maybe she's somewhat at fault or maybe not. But I know at some point before this happened they were in LOVE. Seems like they fell out of love especially after all respect for each other was lost. That's something they will never get back.

I would have liked to hear Rose's side of the story, then we could all make a better judgement of what is really going on. Well actually as the saying goes, "it takes two to tango".

Good luck to you Jason and Rose, but please don't abuse the privledge the the U.S. Government gives to those who are dedicated and dovoted on making their marriages work with their soon to be foreign spouses.

Kinda silly to say why post here instead of talking we all do that you know. hell you can find a forum for anything nowadays. nothing wrong with using the internet to annonymously post your issues and seek solutions or just a venting arena.

dont down the man for that, its his life and he will do as he sees fit. we are just internet counselors hehe

Ok I can kinda feel the OP on this one cause ive dealt with women in my past from what he says about her. If the problem is that she is to naive or to imature, thats just a learning curve that love helps you get around as long as she has room to grow and isnt some old hag stuck in her ways.

My cathy and i had a long talk about money and i found that she is VERY naive when it comes to money and bills. My solution, she will handle the family finances and pay all the bills. She will do it all via the internet with online access to the bank accounts and a checkbook for stuff she cant pay online. But i trust her and she listens to me. She even calls me to ask me for permission to do things she knows i may not be ok with and if i say no she argues with me till we reach a compromise.

But mind you over time we will save a ####### load of money, but we have goals set for that money. and we even figured out what would be a good amount to send them every month AND agreed only when its affordable for us as we want another child sooner than later.

REALLY good read:

http://www.seasite.niu.edu/Tagalog/love.htm

heehe the OP is a second generation american. i myself am the same, my family is from panama. no matter hwo your raised we are influenced by american culture. the above is a really good way of seeing the average pinay.

but all that goes out the window once they love you hehehe. but in a good way if you let it.

Also, Im a HUGE ####### i was born an A hole and will die an A hole. You sir seem to be cut from a similar cloth as I. so i will say this, Dude, u gotta know who to turn that on and off with. Im marrying Cathy becuase she is the only women i have ever dealt with who can shut me up and make me feel stupid - hehe odd reason to love someone hehehe.

First trip I made by myself:

Expedia.com - cost me 1700 but brought the ticket about 3 weeks in advance. This was for a flight from jfk to narita to cebu.

Second trip i made:

http://www.china-airlines.com/en/ - cost me 1300 for myself and my almost 2 year old son. this is from JFK to MNL purchased 2 months in adavance.

http://www.philippineairlines.com/home/home.jsp - cost me and my son about 50 bucks.

http://www.kayak.com/

good tool for comparison shopping, but before you buy always check with the carrier online as they sometimes run discounts that sites like expedia and kayak dont pick up.

I have yet to find a travel agent that could get me a flight for myself and my son for less than 1400 bucks. so i purchased a ticket straigh to manila from china airlines as they run online discounts and then i purchased a flight that leave 2 hours after i land in manila from phillipine airlines. I saved a BUNCH of money.

heeeyyy your a new yorker hehe how do you like ny

The money conversation is the MOST important conversation. Me and mine had it a few times, and this makes me want to have it again

but with mine, her family told her - your family comes first. that to me was beautiful and made me respect her mother and father SOOOO much.

mind you they already treat me like im one of their own.

on a side note, her uncle asked me to sponsor his kids hehe.

Family is important, i woulndt be marrying my cathy if i didnt love her family as well, because its a gimme that a pinay is gonna send money home, if your not comfortable with that then you shouldnt marry one.

Now for this broad im not gonna call her a snake, cause more likely than not she just holds her family in a higher regard than you, she lacks respect and is going back to where she belongs.

Thats wonderful news, congratz guess they verified it on thier own

This is depressing. I'm July 7th, but at the CSC so I have at least another month of waiting. VSC will be on August by then.

hehe love ya sig

"A Waiting Room: Love is a battlefield. For us, it's a naval war fought across the Atlantic"

My naval battle is accross the Pacific and its realllly startin to mess wit my head, long distance sucks.

Mind you im at the end of july so the faster your done the faster im done

Hmm, When you give them the original documents for the interview do they give them back or keep them?

Im no chearleader, but if you look at the official numbers that they put out on the USCIS Website downturns on one type of application sometimes coincide with upticks in others.

CSC is kinda a sucky place i think because they get more applications and process a wider range of apps, maybe their are more immigrants on the west coast than the east coast?

this has been a long wait for the NOA 2, i am planning to go see him in December before new years and stay there untill January 15, thank god my boss approved it... well my question is i still didnt apply for a U.S Passport, ofc i am a U.S citizen, i am planning to apply for it tomorrow and do the expedite service because i want to make sure that i get it soon even though ill go in like 2 1/2 months... do any of you know anything about the expedite service? how do i do that? i am not really sure... plus it says that i have to send documents along with it.. naturalization certificate? original or copy? seems like its a original..what i am so scared to send it though ... ID ?? copy or original? and 2 photos.?? if i apply online for my U.S passport do i have to send other documents through mail.......:/ i am so confused

Just go to the nearest post office to you that handles passports, see link to find nearest http://usps.whitepages.com/passport

i cant remember what all you need, but if you follow the instructions you will be fine and if you are not they will just tell you to come back.

When i did mine and my sons i brought the originals of some things and they needed copies. so i just went to the copier and came back in like 10 mnts. so make copies of everything even your ID.

Hey reaperchiq, the same day that you were hoping that something would happen was the same day that they approved my petition. Hope that yours will be approved soon as well.

Congratz man

Gives me hope that mine will be approved before my trip to see my honey on thanksgiving