Jim&Natasha

I believe you are being rude here, to criticize anyone who gives you constructive advice. Can you not see that?? People have busy lives and do not hang on every word you write.
If you consider my directness to be rude, I am fine with that. I happily accept your opinion. And what I recall of your post indicated that you were unsure of whether you would stay in the USA or return after getting education. In any case, whatever will happen there will happen when it happens. We make our plans, life happens, and then we adjust our plans from there.
You seem to have little understanding of your husband's point of view, and little awareness of how your own actions have influenced the situation.
You expect everyone to immediately side with you, when we are getting only 50% of the story, and only from your point of view.
You ARE trying to CONTROL him and you cannot see it from his point of view. Control was NOT too strong a word and I stand by it. If he were to come on here and describe the situation, what do you think he would write? What would he say about you? He is a human being with goals and dreams and values, just like you. You do not have to AGREE with his point of view, but it would be a helpful thing for you to UNDERSTAND how the situation looks to him, standing in his shoes, without demonizing him.
Ask him if he feels you are trying to control him and then just LISTEN to what he says. Do not argue or explain. Just listen and try to understand how things feel for him. And then try to explain back to him what you now understand about his feelings, without judging or criticizing him, so he knows that you understand how he feels. Are you capable of doing such a thing?
If you only pay attention to those who take your side and those who pity you, it will not help you very much.
I think he is holding onto these memories of other women as a means of keeping his feelings of independence a little longer. He may or may not be a cheating dog, but the more you demand and insist, the more attention you focus on it, the stronger he will hold onto these memories, as an outlet from the frustration he feels towards you.
If you do still love him, as you say, are you willing to make some changes in order to make the relationship work? Or is it only him that must change?

"sue every single penny he owns u out of him"??!!
MEN, wake up!! There are sick women everywhere that think this way!! This is SICK!!
Because HE is not meeting HER emotional needs, that ENTITLES her to try to HURT him as much as possible, to get even? SICK!!
This is how we have created the horrible, predatory family court system in the USA where people enrich lawyers with their assets while trying to hurt each other emotionally. Family court is a sick, corrupt, predatory system, and the more you can stay away from it, the better. When people fight in family court, the lawyers are the only ones who win.
This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.
SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?
If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?
First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.
So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!
It's obvious that these two do not make a good couple and should not be married. I do question the man's commitment, but the woman's efforts to CONTROL him only drove him further away and made him think even MORE about the ex-girlfriend.
Being friends with exes is indeed the American way, and I say it's a positive sign. I have a couple ex-girlfriends who are among my dearest and most trusted friends. That doesn't mean I go screw them when my woman isn't looking.
I agree that this man was inconsiderate towards her, and should have stood up for her on several occasions. He did not. Maybe he is a weak and/or uncaring man, or maybe he had already fallen out of love with her. In any case, his actions reveal a man who acts uncaringly toward his woman. Leave his as.s, try to learn from the situation, and don't look back.
There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.
To the original poster, here are my suggestions:
1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.
2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.
3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.
4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.
5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.
Best of luck, and don't get sucked into the trap of trying to hurt him in family court. Put your attention and energy into moving on with your life without him.

To summarize your response to the *actual questions* I asked:
1) You have no understanding of how he FEELS about the whole situation, and how things look if you were standing in his shoes.
2) You have no interest in actually communicating and listening to him to elicit and try to understand his point of view.
3) Your focus seems more on getting others to take your side, and to validate your position. I am not hearing that YOU are actually willing to work on the relationship.
I also think you are confusing *understanding* his point of view with *agreeing* with him. The simple act of understanding how someone feels does not mean you agree with them, only that you CARE enough about THEM to LISTEN and to try to understand how they see things and how they feel. When people feel listened to and cared about, miraculous things can happen in relationships. When they don't, there is little good that will happen.
The things you write suggest you in fact don't care very much about him and how he feels. I get no idea from you that you either understand or care about how things have been for him. Was it easy and inexpensive for him to bring you over here? Do you think this is how he hoped things would turn out? I think the problems started well before the cell phone pictures incident. Most men would notice this attitude of not caring by their partner. A frustrated man might hold onto "fantasy" relationships with ex's as an escape from the unhappiness he feels in his current relationship.
I do not defend this man's actions and choices, especially the ones that were hurtful to you. He acts in ignorant and uncaring ways, based on what you say. This man may indeed be a sack of animal fertilizer. However, your communications here suggest that you think he is 100% "wrong" and you are 100% "right". The reality of human interactions is that this black/white thinking model is seldom true, and almost never helpful to a relationship.
It is useless to attack me, and only distracts your energies from the real problems. Truly understanding his point of view would help you greatly. Review the specific suggestions in my earlier post. A counselor would help greatly with this process if you could get your husband to go with you. A true understanding and caring, even at this late date, could defuse the anger (on both sides) and help the process of divorce and moving on.
P.S. I would not know about Moldavian men. I'm American. Are Moldavian women like this also? Will my fiancee drink excessively and beat me whenever I displease her? Ouch, that will be a lot of beatings! I suppose I'll try to please her in so many ways she will love me despite my failings and not beat me at all. I have three happy, healthy, loving, successful young adult children, 22, 20, and 18. The two oldest (daughters) will graduate from U.S. universities next year.

To summarize your response to the *actual questions* I asked:
1) You have no understanding of how he FEELS about the whole situation, and how things look if you were standing in his shoes.
2) You have no interest in actually communicating and listening to him to elicit and try to understand his point of view.
3) Your focus seems more on getting others to take your side, and to validate your position. I am not hearing that YOU are actually willing to work on the relationship.
I also think you are confusing *understanding* his point of view with *agreeing* with him. The simple act of understanding how someone feels does not mean you agree with them, only that you CARE enough about THEM to LISTEN and to try to understand how they see things and how they feel. When people feel listened to and cared about, miraculous things can happen in relationships. When they don't, there is little good that will happen.
The things you write suggest you in fact don't care very much about him and how he feels. I get no idea from you that you either understand or care about how things have been for him. Was it easy and inexpensive for him to bring you over here? Do you think this is how he hoped things would turn out? I think the problems started well before the cell phone pictures incident. Most men would notice this attitude of not caring by their partner. A frustrated man might hold onto "fantasy" relationships with ex's as an escape from the unhappiness he feels in his current relationship.
I do not defend this man's actions and choices, especially the ones that were hurtful to you. He acts in ignorant and uncaring ways, based on what you say. This man may indeed be a sack of animal fertilizer. However, your communications here suggest that you think he is 100% "wrong" and you are 100% "right". The reality of human interactions is that this black/white thinking model is seldom true, and almost never helpful to a relationship.
It is useless to attack me, and only distracts your energies from the real problems. Truly understanding his point of view would help you greatly. Review the specific suggestions in my earlier post. A counselor would help greatly with this process if you could get your husband to go with you. A true understanding and caring, even at this late date, could defuse the anger (on both sides) and help the process of divorce and moving on.
P.S. I would not know about Moldavian men. I'm American. Are Moldavian women like this also? Will my fiancee drink excessively and beat me whenever I displease her? Ouch, that will be a lot of beatings! I suppose I'll try to please her in so many ways she will love me despite my failings and not beat me at all. I have three happy, healthy, loving, successful young adult children, 22, 20, and 18. The two oldest (daughters) will graduate from U.S. universities next year.

So glad to know that you are "Captain of the World" here, and you think you unilaterally set the parameters of discussion. Duly noted and ignored.
So you are happy to jump in and judge me and attack and insult me. So everyone else is rude, but YOU never are? If it makes you feel better to call me names, knock yourself out.
I stand by everything I said. She IS trying to CONTROL him, among other things.
The process of trying to "win" anything from him in family court will be a net loss for her. Do you really think otherwise? She mentioned $10,000 as the amount she is resentful about, money of hers that paid for the reception. That $10,000 represents thousands of hours of her work, to be able to save that up. Attorneys typically bill around $200 per hour. So 50 hours of attorney time, and there goes another $10,000 already, just on attorney fees, with no guarantee that she'll get any of the original $10,000 back. Often when the emotions kick in, the critical thinking and logic shut off. Are you advising her to spend lots of money on attorneys, hoping to get a big payday? So you think family court is a great way to settle disputes? Is that your advice to her?
Perhaps you are one of those "the man is always evil and wrong" people, and who thinks VAWA is a great thing. It works OK until it's your sons or your brothers that are on the wrong end of this travesty from a scammer false accuser. Then suddenly you are cut off from seeing nieces/nephews/grandkids because an angry spiteful woman has decided to punish a man who is your connection to these children. Does one woman's emotion and anger justify a choice to cut children off from half their family? Is the man always wrong, the woman always right, and a strong emotion of anger on the part of the woman justifies anything she chooses to do to try to hurt the offending man?
By her own admission, the original poster indicates she has alienated the other women in her husband's life, mothers, sisters, friends, etc. against her, some to the point of calling her names. Her behavior, whatever she has done that she hasn't described here, has triggered some pretty strong feelings in these people. So there's a lot more to the story here that she's glossing over.
I suggested that she COMMUNICATE with her husband, and try to LISTEN to how he FEELS. Do you think it is a bad idea for a spouse to honestly listen to their partner and see what they are feeling? She seems so angry and more interested in BLAMING him and if only HE would change and do what SHE wants him to do, life would be great. I don't detect a willingness on her part to understand. There are two sides to every story. The real problem that led to this mess is probably way upstream. Her trying to get him to change external behavior, stop associating with ex-GF and her family, etc. could temporarily do just that, change external behavior, but the underlying issues with their relationship would still be there, and just come out in a different way.
Attack me, call me rude some more if you wish, tell me what I can and can't say. Feel free to sit in judgment of me some more, if it makes you feel better. You don't see the irony in you attacking me in this way?
The original poster needs to also consider her own actions and choices and how they led to this circumstance, and mostly what I detect from her is anger towards the husband. Setting out to hurt him is very unlikely to actually help her, even if she were to "win" in some trivial way in divorce court. I hope she is successful in getting past the anger and moving on from here for her own greater good in life.

I believe you are being rude here, to criticize anyone who gives you constructive advice. Can you not see that?? People have busy lives and do not hang on every word you write.
If you consider my directness to be rude, I am fine with that. I happily accept your opinion. And what I recall of your post indicated that you were unsure of whether you would stay in the USA or return after getting education. In any case, whatever will happen there will happen when it happens. We make our plans, life happens, and then we adjust our plans from there.
You seem to have little understanding of your husband's point of view, and little awareness of how your own actions have influenced the situation.
You expect everyone to immediately side with you, when we are getting only 50% of the story, and only from your point of view.
You ARE trying to CONTROL him and you cannot see it from his point of view. Control was NOT too strong a word and I stand by it. If he were to come on here and describe the situation, what do you think he would write? What would he say about you? He is a human being with goals and dreams and values, just like you. You do not have to AGREE with his point of view, but it would be a helpful thing for you to UNDERSTAND how the situation looks to him, standing in his shoes, without demonizing him.
Ask him if he feels you are trying to control him and then just LISTEN to what he says. Do not argue or explain. Just listen and try to understand how things feel for him. And then try to explain back to him what you now understand about his feelings, without judging or criticizing him, so he knows that you understand how he feels. Are you capable of doing such a thing?
If you only pay attention to those who take your side and those who pity you, it will not help you very much.
I think he is holding onto these memories of other women as a means of keeping his feelings of independence a little longer. He may or may not be a cheating dog, but the more you demand and insist, the more attention you focus on it, the stronger he will hold onto these memories, as an outlet from the frustration he feels towards you.
If you do still love him, as you say, are you willing to make some changes in order to make the relationship work? Or is it only him that must change?

"sue every single penny he owns u out of him"??!!
MEN, wake up!! There are sick women everywhere that think this way!! This is SICK!!
Because HE is not meeting HER emotional needs, that ENTITLES her to try to HURT him as much as possible, to get even? SICK!!
This is how we have created the horrible, predatory family court system in the USA where people enrich lawyers with their assets while trying to hurt each other emotionally. Family court is a sick, corrupt, predatory system, and the more you can stay away from it, the better. When people fight in family court, the lawyers are the only ones who win.
This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.
SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?
If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?
First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.
So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!
It's obvious that these two do not make a good couple and should not be married. I do question the man's commitment, but the woman's efforts to CONTROL him only drove him further away and made him think even MORE about the ex-girlfriend.
Being friends with exes is indeed the American way, and I say it's a positive sign. I have a couple ex-girlfriends who are among my dearest and most trusted friends. That doesn't mean I go screw them when my woman isn't looking.
I agree that this man was inconsiderate towards her, and should have stood up for her on several occasions. He did not. Maybe he is a weak and/or uncaring man, or maybe he had already fallen out of love with her. In any case, his actions reveal a man who acts uncaringly toward his woman. Leave his as.s, try to learn from the situation, and don't look back.
There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.
To the original poster, here are my suggestions:
1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.
2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.
3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.
4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.
5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.
Best of luck, and don't get sucked into the trap of trying to hurt him in family court. Put your attention and energy into moving on with your life without him.

You choose ad hominem attack against me, and call me names. It is easier to simply name-call and try to attach derisive labels to someone you disagree with. Unfortunately, it also turns attention away from honest and open discussion.
Do you believe the OP actually UNDERSTANDS her husband's point of view? I see no indication she does, based on her postings. Is two-way listening and communication and caring important in close relationships? Is the husband not a person too? Can you address substantive questions like these instead of calling me names? I do not take offense when you call me names, so you may continue if you truly feel you must.
Do you "fill in the blanks" in the OP's account by assuming the man is always wrong and evil, and the woman always virtuous and pure? Do you have sons and brothers? As men, should they be presumed wrong and evil in any matter of disagreement with any woman, simply because they are male? I think not. Absent reasonable data from *both* sides, the most reasonable starting point is 50/50 responsibility between the two parties for the poor circumstances.
The OP needs to go to work on the 50% of the relationship that is under her control. Learning this skill will be important in any intimate relationship, with the current husband, or another man in the future. The OP is so focused on her own emotional pain, so angry with the husband, so attached to her feeling of righteousness, that it has prevented her from honestly and openly understanding and considering the husband's viewpoint. This pattern is likely to recur in future relationships, if she doesn't go to work on it here. As they say, "Do you want to be *right*, or do you want to be *happy*?" Perhaps if the husband felt truly listened to and cared about, it could free him from whatever emotional needs drive him to engage in these negative behaviors towards his wife. Understand, I do not defend the husband's poor behavior, and also consider him also at least 50% responsible for the sad circumstances.
In an earlier post, I suggested to the OP a specific challenge to seek full understanding of her husband's viewpoint. With listening and communication and caring, on both sides, remarkable things could still happen. I do expect the OP would have to be the one to take the initiative on this. Their relationship is splitting in two, at great cost and difficulty and stress to both parties, and she seems to know little about what her husband feels and how he sees things.

"sue every single penny he owns u out of him"??!!
MEN, wake up!! There are sick women everywhere that think this way!! This is SICK!!
Because HE is not meeting HER emotional needs, that ENTITLES her to try to HURT him as much as possible, to get even? SICK!!
This is how we have created the horrible, predatory family court system in the USA where people enrich lawyers with their assets while trying to hurt each other emotionally. Family court is a sick, corrupt, predatory system, and the more you can stay away from it, the better. When people fight in family court, the lawyers are the only ones who win.
This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.
SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?
If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?
First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.
So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!
It's obvious that these two do not make a good couple and should not be married. I do question the man's commitment, but the woman's efforts to CONTROL him only drove him further away and made him think even MORE about the ex-girlfriend.
Being friends with exes is indeed the American way, and I say it's a positive sign. I have a couple ex-girlfriends who are among my dearest and most trusted friends. That doesn't mean I go screw them when my woman isn't looking.
I agree that this man was inconsiderate towards her, and should have stood up for her on several occasions. He did not. Maybe he is a weak and/or uncaring man, or maybe he had already fallen out of love with her. In any case, his actions reveal a man who acts uncaringly toward his woman. Leave his as.s, try to learn from the situation, and don't look back.
There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.
To the original poster, here are my suggestions:
1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.
2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.
3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.
4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.
5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.
Best of luck, and don't get sucked into the trap of trying to hurt him in family court. Put your attention and energy into moving on with your life without him.

You've been together since 2003 or 2004? And she's from Canada?
There's no huge advantage to being in the USA vs Canada, from an economic standpoint. In fact, the case could be made that Canada would be a more desirable place to be right now, on economic grounds.
Is it about money for her? You tell us. Is she able to support herself without needing your income & resources?
Do you feel she "owes" you something for bringing her to the USA? I almost get that feeling.
This whole thing seems like it's more about your relationship than immigration-related issues. My guess is that the spark has gone out of the relationship, as far as she's concerned. Maybe she ran off somewhere with some bad boy who was more exciting to her at the moment. Maybe that will pass, maybe not. The best thing you can do right now is live your life in a way that pleases you, without her.
In your situation, I would probably file for divorce/separation. You want to be "legally separated" from her, to protect yourself from any debts or obligations she incurs.
If she's out of contact, and you become legally separated, I would consider moving on with your life. That would include resuming dating, proceeding with actual divorce, etc.
Since the immigration-specific issues here seem to be secondary to relationship issues, relationship-specific sites might give you better information.

So glad to know that you are "Captain of the World" here, and you think you unilaterally set the parameters of discussion. Duly noted and ignored.
So you are happy to jump in and judge me and attack and insult me. So everyone else is rude, but YOU never are? If it makes you feel better to call me names, knock yourself out.
I stand by everything I said. She IS trying to CONTROL him, among other things.
The process of trying to "win" anything from him in family court will be a net loss for her. Do you really think otherwise? She mentioned $10,000 as the amount she is resentful about, money of hers that paid for the reception. That $10,000 represents thousands of hours of her work, to be able to save that up. Attorneys typically bill around $200 per hour. So 50 hours of attorney time, and there goes another $10,000 already, just on attorney fees, with no guarantee that she'll get any of the original $10,000 back. Often when the emotions kick in, the critical thinking and logic shut off. Are you advising her to spend lots of money on attorneys, hoping to get a big payday? So you think family court is a great way to settle disputes? Is that your advice to her?
Perhaps you are one of those "the man is always evil and wrong" people, and who thinks VAWA is a great thing. It works OK until it's your sons or your brothers that are on the wrong end of this travesty from a scammer false accuser. Then suddenly you are cut off from seeing nieces/nephews/grandkids because an angry spiteful woman has decided to punish a man who is your connection to these children. Does one woman's emotion and anger justify a choice to cut children off from half their family? Is the man always wrong, the woman always right, and a strong emotion of anger on the part of the woman justifies anything she chooses to do to try to hurt the offending man?
By her own admission, the original poster indicates she has alienated the other women in her husband's life, mothers, sisters, friends, etc. against her, some to the point of calling her names. Her behavior, whatever she has done that she hasn't described here, has triggered some pretty strong feelings in these people. So there's a lot more to the story here that she's glossing over.
I suggested that she COMMUNICATE with her husband, and try to LISTEN to how he FEELS. Do you think it is a bad idea for a spouse to honestly listen to their partner and see what they are feeling? She seems so angry and more interested in BLAMING him and if only HE would change and do what SHE wants him to do, life would be great. I don't detect a willingness on her part to understand. There are two sides to every story. The real problem that led to this mess is probably way upstream. Her trying to get him to change external behavior, stop associating with ex-GF and her family, etc. could temporarily do just that, change external behavior, but the underlying issues with their relationship would still be there, and just come out in a different way.
Attack me, call me rude some more if you wish, tell me what I can and can't say. Feel free to sit in judgment of me some more, if it makes you feel better. You don't see the irony in you attacking me in this way?
The original poster needs to also consider her own actions and choices and how they led to this circumstance, and mostly what I detect from her is anger towards the husband. Setting out to hurt him is very unlikely to actually help her, even if she were to "win" in some trivial way in divorce court. I hope she is successful in getting past the anger and moving on from here for her own greater good in life.

"sue every single penny he owns u out of him"??!!
MEN, wake up!! There are sick women everywhere that think this way!! This is SICK!!
Because HE is not meeting HER emotional needs, that ENTITLES her to try to HURT him as much as possible, to get even? SICK!!
This is how we have created the horrible, predatory family court system in the USA where people enrich lawyers with their assets while trying to hurt each other emotionally. Family court is a sick, corrupt, predatory system, and the more you can stay away from it, the better. When people fight in family court, the lawyers are the only ones who win.
This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.
SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?
If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?
First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.
So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!
It's obvious that these two do not make a good couple and should not be married. I do question the man's commitment, but the woman's efforts to CONTROL him only drove him further away and made him think even MORE about the ex-girlfriend.
Being friends with exes is indeed the American way, and I say it's a positive sign. I have a couple ex-girlfriends who are among my dearest and most trusted friends. That doesn't mean I go screw them when my woman isn't looking.
I agree that this man was inconsiderate towards her, and should have stood up for her on several occasions. He did not. Maybe he is a weak and/or uncaring man, or maybe he had already fallen out of love with her. In any case, his actions reveal a man who acts uncaringly toward his woman. Leave his as.s, try to learn from the situation, and don't look back.
There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.
To the original poster, here are my suggestions:
1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.
2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.
3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.
4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.
5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.
Best of luck, and don't get sucked into the trap of trying to hurt him in family court. Put your attention and energy into moving on with your life without him.

"sue every single penny he owns u out of him"??!!
MEN, wake up!! There are sick women everywhere that think this way!! This is SICK!!
Because HE is not meeting HER emotional needs, that ENTITLES her to try to HURT him as much as possible, to get even? SICK!!
This is how we have created the horrible, predatory family court system in the USA where people enrich lawyers with their assets while trying to hurt each other emotionally. Family court is a sick, corrupt, predatory system, and the more you can stay away from it, the better. When people fight in family court, the lawyers are the only ones who win.
This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.
SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?
If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?
First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.
So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!
It's obvious that these two do not make a good couple and should not be married. I do question the man's commitment, but the woman's efforts to CONTROL him only drove him further away and made him think even MORE about the ex-girlfriend.
Being friends with exes is indeed the American way, and I say it's a positive sign. I have a couple ex-girlfriends who are among my dearest and most trusted friends. That doesn't mean I go screw them when my woman isn't looking.
I agree that this man was inconsiderate towards her, and should have stood up for her on several occasions. He did not. Maybe he is a weak and/or uncaring man, or maybe he had already fallen out of love with her. In any case, his actions reveal a man who acts uncaringly toward his woman. Leave his as.s, try to learn from the situation, and don't look back.
There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.
To the original poster, here are my suggestions:
1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.
2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.
3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.
4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.
5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.
Best of luck, and don't get sucked into the trap of trying to hurt him in family court. Put your attention and energy into moving on with your life without him.

"sue every single penny he owns u out of him"??!!
MEN, wake up!! There are sick women everywhere that think this way!! This is SICK!!
Because HE is not meeting HER emotional needs, that ENTITLES her to try to HURT him as much as possible, to get even? SICK!!
This is how we have created the horrible, predatory family court system in the USA where people enrich lawyers with their assets while trying to hurt each other emotionally. Family court is a sick, corrupt, predatory system, and the more you can stay away from it, the better. When people fight in family court, the lawyers are the only ones who win.
This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away.
SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him?
If she did attempt to "sue every single penny" out of him, exactly WHAT would that accomplish?
First off, in this scenario it will FAIL miserably, anything she did get would be needed to pay her attorney.
So this teaches her that when a marriage fails in the USA, the way we get emotional satisfaction is to hurt the other person financially??!!
It's obvious that these two do not make a good couple and should not be married. I do question the man's commitment, but the woman's efforts to CONTROL him only drove him further away and made him think even MORE about the ex-girlfriend.
Being friends with exes is indeed the American way, and I say it's a positive sign. I have a couple ex-girlfriends who are among my dearest and most trusted friends. That doesn't mean I go screw them when my woman isn't looking.
I agree that this man was inconsiderate towards her, and should have stood up for her on several occasions. He did not. Maybe he is a weak and/or uncaring man, or maybe he had already fallen out of love with her. In any case, his actions reveal a man who acts uncaringly toward his woman. Leave his as.s, try to learn from the situation, and don't look back.
There were HUGE underlying issues in the relationship, on BOTH parts!! Let's not fall into the appealing trap of siding emotionally with a sympathetic-appearing poster, while totally ignoring the ways SHE helped create her own misfortune... Instead of blaming the man 100% for every relationship issue, I think it's much more realistic to assume the relationship issues were closer to 50-50 between him and her.
To the original poster, here are my suggestions:
1) You need to put your own emotional health as first priority. Moving on and creating a joyful and happy life without him is your best choice. It is also your best "revenge" against him, except that "revenge" is a horribly flawed and unhealthy concept here. No, the place you want to get to is utter, joyful INDIFFERENCE about him, because you have such a great life, and you are amused at his stupidity for missing out on what you offer, and you can see it is HIS loss. You really should forgive him, as soon as you can bring yourself to, so that you can move on and focus on creating positive things in your life, with or without a man. If anything, you should wish him well in your heart; the two of you once did love each other.
2) You absolutely should file for divorce and put this relationship behind you. The two of you were not right for each other.
3) Your prospects for getting any money out of this man are very limited. Trying hard to get a court to order him to give you money would be a waste of your time and waste of your life energy.
4) Whatever you do get out of him financially, consider that a BONUS, and use it to move on with your life.
5) What would be the point in returning to the USA if you have the support of family and friends in your own country? How would your life truly be better in the USA if your support system is in another country? How did you manage to save up $10,000 in Europe? Probably better to be back in the place where you were able to do that.
Best of luck, and don't get sucked into the trap of trying to hurt him in family court. Put your attention and energy into moving on with your life without him.

Mentioning equitable distribution???!! Now there is a brave man! I hope you have chosen wisely and well!
"...and it will all stay that way."
Have you every had your house, retirement savings (50%) and 60% of your net income taken from you in family court, and been reduced to a "visitor" in the lives of your children? If that has happened to you, you would certainly know how it feels. Personally, after an extremely battering and costly divorce from wife #1, I feel the need for a pre-nup, just to take the threat of a nasty family court battle out of the picture, and have it be cut and dried what happens if the relationship doesn't work. Family court in the USA is a sick, sick system, and my worry is not about my future wife getting her share, but about getting sucked into a family court system that is designed to suck you (the man, or whoever has the assets) dry and enrich the attorneys and other "divorce industry" participants.
Perhaps you should read this: www.amazon.com/Divorce-Strategies-Every-Woman-Needs/dp/1558506004
I actually got the book during my divorce 7 years ago, because I wanted to see what the next page of the playbook was for my ex. Her attorney used about 50% of the sick strategies in there. It contains such gems as "get him drunk, pick a fight, and secretly videotape it to use against him".
My point is that the partner bringing the prospective partner to the USA should be every bit as concerned and cautious in what they are risking. (Women with significant pre-marital assets should heed this too!) A man who keeps love and money separate will know that his woman loves him, and not just for his money. I say that if a man has significant assets to lose, and a woman balks at executing a prenuptial agreement that protects his finances from the family court predators, this action should tell him everything he needs to know about what the woman is after. Anger and bitterness at the breakup of a relationship are one thing; using the corrupt and self-serving family court system as a forum to fight emotional battles is a totally different, and really stupid thing.
My point here is that there are risks that are every bit as significant for the spouse (whether man or woman) who brings a fiancee (or fiance!) here.
To the original poster, I hope you appreciate the risk your fiance is taking in bringing you here, every bit as much as you feel he should appreciate you uprooting your life to be with him. The earlier comment someone made, to watch carefully that feeling of entitlement, that perhaps he owes you in some way, for you coming to be with him, was a very wise comment indeed.
The apprehension you feel, leaving all that is familiar, is an absolutely normal emotional reaction. Each new event that brings your departure closer and emphasizes the reality and magnitude of the changes that are coming SHOULD cause many emotions to percolate to the surface, and this is a healthy thing! Your success is almost assured if you can channel those emotions into determination to give everything your best to make the relationship and marriage work for the happiness of both of you.

You've been together since 2003 or 2004? And she's from Canada?
There's no huge advantage to being in the USA vs Canada, from an economic standpoint. In fact, the case could be made that Canada would be a more desirable place to be right now, on economic grounds.
Is it about money for her? You tell us. Is she able to support herself without needing your income & resources?
Do you feel she "owes" you something for bringing her to the USA? I almost get that feeling.
This whole thing seems like it's more about your relationship than immigration-related issues. My guess is that the spark has gone out of the relationship, as far as she's concerned. Maybe she ran off somewhere with some bad boy who was more exciting to her at the moment. Maybe that will pass, maybe not. The best thing you can do right now is live your life in a way that pleases you, without her.
In your situation, I would probably file for divorce/separation. You want to be "legally separated" from her, to protect yourself from any debts or obligations she incurs.
If she's out of contact, and you become legally separated, I would consider moving on with your life. That would include resuming dating, proceeding with actual divorce, etc.
Since the immigration-specific issues here seem to be secondary to relationship issues, relationship-specific sites might give you better information.

You ARE being rude and self centered here. The attitude you are expressing is that this forum revolves around you and should conform to your wishes. You are also, in effect, calling other helpful posters sloppy and stupid. You didn't say it directly, but it is implicit in what you have said and how you said it.
Whenever I have expected the world to revolve around me, I have been *severely* disappointed. Except when it comes to my dogs.
Appreciate the free advice others post that *is* useful to your specific case, and leave the rest.
Kudos to you for finding a way to get your interview approval. The real lesson for others is in your determination and persistence in continuing to keep looking for rules and laws that applied to your situation, and allowed you to succeed. You ignored those who told you it couldn't be done and persisted until you found a way. Well done! May your marriage be happy and blessed for the rest of your days.

You've been together since 2003 or 2004? And she's from Canada?
There's no huge advantage to being in the USA vs Canada, from an economic standpoint. In fact, the case could be made that Canada would be a more desirable place to be right now, on economic grounds.
Is it about money for her? You tell us. Is she able to support herself without needing your income & resources?
Do you feel she "owes" you something for bringing her to the USA? I almost get that feeling.
This whole thing seems like it's more about your relationship than immigration-related issues. My guess is that the spark has gone out of the relationship, as far as she's concerned. Maybe she ran off somewhere with some bad boy who was more exciting to her at the moment. Maybe that will pass, maybe not. The best thing you can do right now is live your life in a way that pleases you, without her.
In your situation, I would probably file for divorce/separation. You want to be "legally separated" from her, to protect yourself from any debts or obligations she incurs.
If she's out of contact, and you become legally separated, I would consider moving on with your life. That would include resuming dating, proceeding with actual divorce, etc.
Since the immigration-specific issues here seem to be secondary to relationship issues, relationship-specific sites might give you better information.

You ARE being rude and self centered here. The attitude you are expressing is that this forum revolves around you and should conform to your wishes. You are also, in effect, calling other helpful posters sloppy and stupid. You didn't say it directly, but it is implicit in what you have said and how you said it.
Whenever I have expected the world to revolve around me, I have been *severely* disappointed. Except when it comes to my dogs.
Appreciate the free advice others post that *is* useful to your specific case, and leave the rest.
Kudos to you for finding a way to get your interview approval. The real lesson for others is in your determination and persistence in continuing to keep looking for rules and laws that applied to your situation, and allowed you to succeed. You ignored those who told you it couldn't be done and persisted until you found a way. Well done! May your marriage be happy and blessed for the rest of your days.

You ARE being rude and self centered here. The attitude you are expressing is that this forum revolves around you and should conform to your wishes. You are also, in effect, calling other helpful posters sloppy and stupid. You didn't say it directly, but it is implicit in what you have said and how you said it.
Whenever I have expected the world to revolve around me, I have been *severely* disappointed. Except when it comes to my dogs.
Appreciate the free advice others post that *is* useful to your specific case, and leave the rest.
Kudos to you for finding a way to get your interview approval. The real lesson for others is in your determination and persistence in continuing to keep looking for rules and laws that applied to your situation, and allowed you to succeed. You ignored those who told you it couldn't be done and persisted until you found a way. Well done! May your marriage be happy and blessed for the rest of your days.