CnT4ever

Question for you all...how is everyone adjusting with their spouses? Having difficulties? Or smooth sailing?

For the most part, after the first couple of shaky weeks, we've been fine. I'm hearing from others that this isn't the norm and adjustment can take months and years. I seemed to think with our little group of friends that we're all doing okay. Now I'm asking and curious to see if I was just being blind

Amal dont let anyone make you feel bad about your choices. Your son is not being physical harmed..and Unless anyone is a licensed professional or has walked 15 miles in your shoes well they have no right to pass judgment on you..

I said something similar in your previous thread and I'm agreeing with this now.

Nope, I can honestly say that we're smooth sailing right now. Alot of it has to do with the fact that I don't really fight my husband on any issues. The "it's my way or the highway" approach won't work with him. Compromise, as we know it, is something that is not part of his culture either. So I've learned to avoid arguments for things that are not of great importance. Things that really matter, well, we spent alot of time discussing and figuring out what those things were before marriage. This approach works because when something is important enough to me, and he is in disagreement, he remembers all the times I let him have his way and will almost always cave in to my suggestion. What happens in the future is anyone's guess. USCIS may cause us problems, they may not. Not going to worry about it until the time comes. In the mean time, I think I will be appreciating my life a little more, and the fact that I'm happy and we have peace in our home - something that doesn't seem too common place around here

To the OP, I couldn't agree with you more. Someone said it was old timers who were miserable people writing these rude posts? Mmm...yeah, maybe (although I don't know everyone's status on here). It is definitely the same people over and over though.

The bottom line is that there is a "clique" here on VJ. You either belong or you don't. I think the best thing is to keep your own personal stuff off this site and just read and learn from others. You can definitely make some very good (and real) friends on here, no doubt. However, trying to show people your point of view, and have them understand your feelings, is a complete waste of time.

I can't imagine what you went through with losing your babies, but I certainly won't judge you about how you feel. Everyone deals with grief differently. I think you're a strong, brave, person to get over this and be functioning normally after such a loss. To be honest, it's better than turning into a psycho that focuses on nothing else other than the negative. So if you've healed from your loss, good for you. As for the wait during this process, I think Lisa's signature says it best. Don't tell others to stop whining or complaining about the wait. I say, complain and whine all you want. It's no one's business to tell you how you should feel.

My husband has been here almost 4 months. I could not be happier. The adjustment phase lasted for a couple of weeks, but the "hassle" was worth it. When your fiance gets here and you marry, if you have a great relationship (like some people here do) then you will see that the long wait and all the stress was worth it. The hurt of being apart from the man you are very in love with is definitely hard...but like I said, when they are here, it is sooooo worth it!

I only brought that up because once at Ohare, returning from Jordan, I saw them take a man with a B1/B2 aside and since he didnt have enough 'proof' to satisfy them, he was put in a room to wait for the next plane back. (saw it happen, he came for a meeting and he didnt have the meeting letter and BAM, he was being denied at entry)

Not at all being negative, but having the visa does not guarantee entry to America.

They also changed the visa time on a pregnant girl. She had a 6 month visa to visit~~ they saw she was pregnant and said to her 'You have 60 days and do not have your baby here. (heard it with my own ears)

Wishing you the best of course

Jackie

I didnt think you were being negative...but wise and sweet to give that advise

That is why I asked if they knew he had the K1 pending. I know a friend whose husband had a visa and tried to come here while waiting for USCIS to approve their petition. He was denied entry (and was not even MENA). I really hope that doesn't happen to the OP's spouse, but just be warned.

Once everything is denied and "buried" are you allowed to refile again?

Are you in Syria now? Can't you refile via DCF? At least if you have to start over, it will be much faster than going through USCIS. Did you do a K3 or a CR-1/IR-1 petition? Maybe you can do the other if one was already denied.

Not sure with the details of yoru case and all, but just throwing ideas out there????

Try looking for an extra virgin olive oil that is organic and also "first cold pressed" - this makes a big difference in the taste.

As for Moroccan specifically, have you tried online? You might be able to find olive oil from there if you look online. Shipping would be an added cost, but if you like it that much, it's worth it.

When they issued the visa, did they know you had a k1 petition pending?

Sorry, I realize that it was because the travel was via cruiseship, not plane. That is why they did not need one, but you do.

In 2006 we were told that a greencard, ie permanent resident, did not need a visa for a stay of less than 90 days in any Schengen countries. What was required was the greencard and valid passport. I looked it up for someone back then. The person was from MENA, but not Moroccan. I will look and see that website where I found it. Could be that they changed it since 2006.

All EU countries (not Switzerland) do not require a visa if you have a green card. You need your green card and your moroccan passport (with at least 6 months validity).

I was thinking rubbing the lamp and genie coming out to give you 3 wishes... ???

Hey Jenn! How are you honey?

Lisa, the 90 days is September 4th You know what sticklers USCIS are for dates. So I can't even think about doing anything until the 4th. Who knows? Maybe this week

That is laughable. There is no way that any imam would make that statement. Islam does not say to kill all non-Muslims. If that were true, and people really believed that, there are enough Muslims in the world that they would have killed off everyone by now. This is nothing more than propaganda. Muslims don't need to spread by the sword. Their fertility rate alone is what is taking over the world Example, my husband's brother is a father to 16 children and still going!

Very sorry for your loss

Good morning

No real plans...working (time and a half, I can't pass it up )

I think I need the "still waiting" ice cube frozen smiley thingy that Seren had in her signature. Still no EAD. Actually, I shouldn't complain. He's here and that's all that matters. It's not me that's anxious, but him. He does not like being unemployed (at all).

Aww...so how was everyone's hubby's first day at work? Hopefully they are enjoying themselves. In these days, no matter what job you get, you just have to be happy.

Well I'm getting ready for a ciggy break. I need to see if I can snatch a staff member to come with me

They created an A number for you when you filed that first petition (that's what it looks like). You need to contact USCIS and find out what that number is. They will not generate a new one. The A number you get, is yours for life (like a social security number). Even though they said that your petition will be cancelled and returned, they obviously have you in the system. So they probably want a clarification from her. She should just tell them that you have cancelled the last petition and are filing a new one.

They asked about age, because a woman that is significantly older than the moroccan beneficiary, is a "red flag" for the CO's in Morocco which tend to be very hard on everyone. Since this is a second petition, it's an additional "red flag". Although, some people have a million red flags and nothing happens to them.

Oh, they could also file an A number if you tried to come here before and something happened and they denied you entry. They might also create one if you came here before on a different type of visa.

I cannot think of anyone else that deserves it more than Sara!!!! How absolutely delightful!!!! So incredibely happy for her!

I dont think I know anyone who deserves it more.

You have been absolute sweetheart and so supportive to so many people on this site while you have been treated so poorly by the system.

Today is a day to celebrate. Congratulations Sara!!!

SO TRUE!!!!!!!! CONGRATS AGAIN!!!!!!!

OMG OMG IS RIGHT! FINALLY!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! AWWW...IT CAME IN RAMADAN, THAT'S WONDERFUL!!!!!!!

You are either blind OR delusional if you don't understand that there has been VERY BROAD generalizations made about a group of people here that KH has NEVER MET. If she wants to be specific and say "MY HUSBAND IS THIS" or "MY HUSBAND IS THAT" then fine. But that's not what she did. She put all MENA men into one category and it wasn't a very pretty one either. I personally do take offense to that because my husband is MENA and fits none of her prejudiced stereotypes. So there put that in your pipe and smoke it. As you are quick to point out we are all entitled to our point of view.

I won't waste my time answering to someone whose maturity level is like this (see the red sentence).

When someone talks about their own husband, I assume they are talking about their own husband. Not mine.

Astarte, your post was exactly what I was trying to say. Perhaps your post could say it better. Thanks

a better question might be: why are some members unable to share their stories and experiences without a heaping side of condescension for those whose experiences have just gotten underway? some people simply don't find that palatable, and choose to comment as such. it has nothing to do with the status or security of their relationship. just that they believe they just might actually know a little bit more about their husband than strangers do.

Like I said, why not take what you like and you can learn from? And leave the rest? Why attack someone that is sharing their 30 + years of experience? I am also new in my marriage, compared to most here. Her posts do not intimidate or upset me. On the contrary, I'm finding, day by day, that much of what she says is very true and happening around me. I don't take it personally or that she's talking about MY husband when she posts. She's talking about her life and her husband(s) past/present.

Matter of fact, she mentioned about how some men want to send their kids back home to raise. While we're not planning on having kids, we did have a talk about it recently. To my surprise, my husband suggested the same thing (should a miracle occur and I get pregnant). Something I would have never thought he would really suggest (as it never came up in the past - since children were not likely). So she was spot on with that one. Why shouldn't I beleive that some other stuff she's saying, may also be true?

If you really disagree, why not say, "I don't think that would ever happen with my husband...my husband and I have a different relationship...etc etc etc" Why attack her?

so the ones making broad, sweeping generalizations here, about men they don't personally know, about relationships they have no insight into whatsoever because they know nothing about either person in the relationship other than their place of birth-those are the ones that get a free pass, and everyone else should just swallow it down without a word of objection? how is this any different from the cretins in off topic yammering on about "arabs this" or "muslims that"? a friend of mine has been told in off topic before that because she's married to a jordanian, she could expect to be beaten on a regular basis. this guy had claimed to see that happen over and over when he was there-but what did his experience have to do with my friend and her husband? nothing. and she was right to point out how ridiculous this guy was. how is this any different? it's the same kind of slander of an entire group of people, of an entire set of relationships. the attacks came FIRST from HER end, not those who responded. astarte just provided a great post, full of insight and experience that was very informative. how come yr not asking "why can't kh's posts stick to her own personal insights and experiences like astarte was able to do without telling everyone that their husbands are going to start beating their kids, and if you don't believe it, well yr dumb a## is just in denial"?

I don't think she made a generalization. She talked about HER husbands and HER experiences. She even gave them names. What is your problem??? Why are you taking it personal? Generalization how? From saying what she sees in the community around her for the last 30 years? You on the other hand, offer nothing but attacks on her. Why not tell your own story then? If you feel hers is so "unlikely" to happen to other women??? Why not offer your own experiences to counter what hers have been? Giving people a glimpse into what else they might experience? Instead of just attacking someone?

Good morning everyone

I can't count the number of despondent MENA fathers I've met at the weekend school who talk about giving up on trying to raise their Americanized children in this country, because they are afraid their children will call the police if they hit them... and that's the only thing they can think of to do when shouting and threatening has failed. They LONG to take their children (sullen defiant 15 year old boys or rebellious and mouthy 13 year old girls in particular) back HOME to raise...

You meet them on that end, I meet them on this end, after they've thrown their hands in the air and hauled the entire family back. When they make their big escape, their eyes are on the money, the house, the car, the white picket fence lifestyle they could never afford here. Then the harsh realization sets in, after the children start to become "Americanized," and they want out. I work in education administration. That's my profession. It has been for many years and that's what I do here, too. Because of that, I interview parents who are transferring their children in from other schools - locally, in the region, or from abroad. Walahee three times every single parent bringing their children back from America has cited the fear of the government's control of their childrens' discipline as the primary reason they're returning. It's not the economy. It's not the struggle of living as an immigrant. It's not even about practicing their faith in a secular society. It's because they can't discipline their child the way they choose to - corporally - without fearing intervention by the authorities.

It's hard to understand what that means, on the surface. Here's an example. My receptionist is frustrated with her son's gymnastics coach. Evidently, in order to make these boys into "sportsmen," he's resorted to whacking them with a stick during training, leaving welts and bruises. Mom went to the head honcho at the sports club to voice her concern and his response is this is what's necessary to teach these boys to be athletes and that no matter where she takes her son for training, it will be the same. Did she remove her son? No. She wants him to have something constructive to do with his time and she wants him to learn sports. So, three times a week, she takes him to the sports club where she knows he'll be beaten. Granted, if someone did this to one of my children I would gouge their eyes out with my fingers, however this is Egypt.

In your experience then, it's very common for the men to want to send the kids back home for study and being raised "with culture and religion" ??? Someone else told me "that's normal" but I didn't think it was that common?

a better question might be: why are some members unable to share their stories and experiences without a heaping side of condescension for those whose experiences have just gotten underway? some people simply don't find that palatable, and choose to comment as such. it has nothing to do with the status or security of their relationship. just that they believe they just might actually know a little bit more about their husband than strangers do.

Like I said, why not take what you like and you can learn from? And leave the rest? Why attack someone that is sharing their 30 + years of experience? I am also new in my marriage, compared to most here. Her posts do not intimidate or upset me. On the contrary, I'm finding, day by day, that much of what she says is very true and happening around me. I don't take it personally or that she's talking about MY husband when she posts. She's talking about her life and her husband(s) past/present.

Matter of fact, she mentioned about how some men want to send their kids back home to raise. While we're not planning on having kids, we did have a talk about it recently. To my surprise, my husband suggested the same thing (should a miracle occur and I get pregnant). Something I would have never thought he would really suggest (as it never came up in the past - since children were not likely). So she was spot on with that one. Why shouldn't I beleive that some other stuff she's saying, may also be true?

If you really disagree, why not say, "I don't think that would ever happen with my husband...my husband and I have a different relationship...etc etc etc" Why attack her?