Ula Svensson

******  Mod note:  we do not normally delete threads- you got the help you needed, but others can read the question and answers too, and get help that way; members who took time to help you will be disappointed to see their advice gone.  This forum works on the crowd sourcing principle, ie people read about other member's issues and what got advised/  what solutions they found/ clarification on what is legal and illegal, and so more people than just the Op benefit from the experiences..  
Additionally, moderators cannot read every post on this site, which gets thousands of posts every day, so you are lucky someone saw this and reported it for our attention.  If you need a moderator's help, please use the "report" button which is on every post, don't just post in a thread.
 
That being said, I cannot find any thread other than this on for you or your previous name.  If it is this thread you want deleted, we can make a one time exception, report it and we will remove it.  Keep in mind that archieaval sites like Google Cache will likely still have it for quite a while.
 
Penguin
Lead Moderator

So your advise is to say that sin sod isn't paid in 2017 by most people based on your own experience ? People are going to hope you are right but sin sod isn't going away. It isn't a color or food choice they are making. Sin sod is ingrained in Thai culture & I believe its there to stay. The families you describe with the money ect indicate how you & others see society there. People in BKK feel superior to others for example while they are really just another person in a mega city filled with poor under educated people. 

This is all over the map to me. You say " most family do not ask for sin sod anymore ". That's simply not true but what is important here on V J is the questions people have about paying it.  
In the past year you have had several friends that asked for millions yet you asked for nothing. Why? The answer to that & your families reaction would be helpful to others. 
People should keep in mind that the sin sod money is a huge attraction to the extended family so it goes quickly. 
The simply way to approach sin sod is to determine what a person is willing to pay without regretting it later because it will always affect the marriage. 
My husband did what he felt was best and it turned out to be a wonderful way to show continuing  respect for our mother. We have 11 years invested in her not just a down payment. 

My answer base on the environment I'm in and grew up in. I have both friends that do sinsod thing and not doing it. If you read pantip you might notice the changing of new generation's idea of sinsod and you will be surprised about it. My family didn't ask for any because they don't see how important sinsod issue is. They didn't care about it "at all". When my sister got married they asked for nothing as well. And I they didn't feel like it is unrespectful to them. As long as the marriage couple can take care of each other then it is fine to them. I can't find the exact answer that you wish because there is no specific explanation for that. It is as common as somebody likes white some likes green. Some hate fish some likes it. Mine didn't need sinsod doesn't mean any other won't and some need it doesn't mean I need it too. Just different way of thinking. You can say anything base on your experience. What I posted was base on my experience that might be different too.

I have no ability to do so but have asked the mods to do so. 

No question that you are correct. I have seen a few cases where the relationship on line began well but trying to make any determinations without personal contact became the very reason it failed. 
In Thailand its very important to meet the family & especially important to figure out to best do that. Great way to find common ground thru the planning ect. Foundation needs language ability very early as well. 

Obviously there isn't a right/wrong answer on when one visits. I look at this way, if you have the means to visit then I say just go. If it doesn't work out, then take the loss as a vacation. There are many places to visit/do in Thailand.
 
I also have relatives from Thailand, and meeting the family is very important.

I agree to a point. Sooner is certainly better to get to meet at least for a short time. Few Thais can just plan a trip to the USA so its almost always the USC that travels there. Thais have a very difficult time getting B 2 visas. To me this means an early investment in the relationship is the best way to eliminate many questions. A serious chance at chemistry can make the difference in the end. 
Many Thai wives will wait because they are committed to the person & the entire concept of a better life. Not so much if they are in another category simply because they are human having needs you might say. IMHO

With your attitude I think in time you will succeed. If not with this girl for some reason then by then you will have learned a lot about all of this Thai cultural stuff. That being the case there are a lot of ladies in Thailand that would love to find a quality person to become part of their lives. Ask your lady to read Thailand Fever & formulate some questions for you. You do the same. Get away from money entirely. As her what she knows about America & American people. Find out what she sees in her future. 
We are here to help & there are many qualified advisers here on V J. 

Should the OP do this international relationship again in the future, I suggest making the trip sooner. My wife would have dumped me if I had waited a year to visit her.

I am very late in this response but it may still help others. No offense taken. This is a very subjective subject where the farang typically wants badly to believe they have it all figured out. They don't. 
The O P said she didn't bring it up I think. That means the parents did. That's very Thai & I am sure the whole family was or is talking about the subject of sin sod. A cash cow has arrived or will one day because as we see here the O P hasn't even met her yet. That being the case the family is just fishing & using money as bait. It is sadly normal in Thailand due to lack of understanding about farangs; especially Americans. The fact that this subject is here again should indicate that people need to be very careful as they enter into these things. 
Its a terrible way to start an relationship but I have seen this many times. There is a lot to understand & do in this case I am afraid. The statement that she is a slave ect & cant stand to leave her family is troubling when she then says she will never return to see them if she gets away. Few Thais will turn their back on the family. Pay huge sin sod to a family that she describes? 
Of course I hope it all works out but there is a lot of work & time to put into this & sin sod shouldn't be part of it until way down the road. 

Way to much sinsod and being over 30 is one of the reasons why.
 
simple question you need to ask yourself:  What would an average Thai lad pay? I can guaranteed you it's not remotely anywhere near the 10k mark.

Time to move on, sounds like you just missed a really bad situation.

An anguishing situation for you, certainly.
You don't want a schizophrenic or depressed girlfriend or wife.  Not there, and not locally.
Take what you see now and multiply it exponentially after she or someone else like that comes here (consequent to homesickness, etc.).
 
Difficult though it might be, avoid putting pressure on her or yourself.  See how things evolve.  Whatever is meant to result will happen.

narakthisud, thats what im talking about brother! thnx!

Don't be so sure! My now-wife was a dialysis nurse in Thailand earning a decent sum. Seeing as OP's girlfriend is also a nurse, I could very well see her being approved for a tourist visa.
 
 Back to the topic at hand...
 
I myself have struggled mightily with the concept of sin sod. Honestly, I wish it didn't exist. But I married a Thai girl and everything that comes with that. Now, bear in mind that my wife is a very modern woman with a good sense of how things are done here in the US. She requested a $10K (฿330K) sin sod which I felt was fairly reasonable given her age (30+) and the fact that she's university-educated. I still have a hard time with the idea of handing over even what some might consider a "small" sin sod to her family. She lost her dad over 16 years ago in a motorcycle accident, one of her sisters also lost her husband, and the other sister has a do-nothing husband with a bad amphetamine addiction which has landed him in jail previously so I feel that the money will be put to good use and help them with the loss of income as a result of absentee men.

It is extremely unlikely she would be able to get a Tourist Visa, plan accordingly.

I am sure all the members know & that you realize our comments are our efforts to help you. 
I am not clear on what you say about Thailand being tainted so early in this situation. It would be a great idea to go to Thailand one day to visit the country for many reasons but that should be preceded by an overall plan to achieve whatever it is you are really looking for. Plan on a winter trip & you will love the weather. 
The description of her & her life sounds very familiar to anyone that knows Thailand or is Thai. The fact that she is telling you that she cant come to you until that house is done should illuminate some things for you. Houses there are owned very differently than here. Ask her who owns the land. Is the house under construction? Who will live there once done? Has it been surveyed? How will the house be paid for? 
Ask her to get a little serious & get a tourist visa. You have nothing to do with that process but she has to submit some info to get the visa. If the embassy grants her a tourist visa it would mean she proved very strong ties to Thailand. Its possible she could get a 10 year tourist visa. I have a female Thai friend who did just that recently with a little help. She can come to visit in person some schools where she could take those dream classes including English. I myself have done that & continue to do so. 
 

I don't think this is all that hard to understand but we have to keep in mind that the O P hasn't even met this women. There should be no discussion of anything related to money & especially sin sod. Neither side realizes the damage that can be done but the Thais just cant let a chance go by & aren't used to investing in a future as an American may be. 
I suggest testing the waters by telling her to do as she indicates by seeking a tourist visa. I don't think she can get one but it would indicate what her true status in Thailand might be. And her will to put out some serious effort. Keep in mind the O P is on disability which may affect travel ect on his part. 

Perplexing situation for sure.
 
If I were you I wouldn't agree to anything until traveling to Thailand and getting to spend an extended amount of time  with the woman and meeting the family in their environment. Assess the entire situation for yourself. Maybe they're not lazy and selfish. 
 
Sorry if I missed this detail in your previous posts... do you have experience in Thailand? 
 
As someone else has said please don't minimize the difficulty for Thais to obtain tourist visas to the US. 
 
Good luck! 

Here's my two cents worth:
I would not pay Sid Sod. Before doing anything both of you should read 'Thailand Fever', because it's pretty accurate. Amazon sold it cheap: https://www.amazon.com/Thailand-Fever-Chris-Pirazzi/dp/1887521488/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1501121760&sr=8-1&keywords=thai+fever
 
Next thing you should do is to take a vacation from your busy schedule and travel to Thailand and meet her in person and then meet her family. Sometimes it may not even work out and you'll both will not have to worry about anything. You have to remember before you two decide to get married there is a Engagement ceremony with small amount of money involved to pay for ceremony and little sid sod. Usually, after the Engagement ceremony the family will pick date for wedding for you two to choose and also the price for the Sid Sod will be discussed. In my opinion, you will be wasting a lot of money and you will probably will not see a penny of it after paying any amount of the traditional Sid Sod. 
Keep it simple and just do a K1 visa so she can visit the USA earlier time within a year. CR1 will take on average 14 months and might be too long for her to wait. Not sure where her  family is located, but if they are located near Bangkok this place offer good price for very good exquisite traditional ceremony. Of course, with every ceremony there is the thai traditional wear you will have to rent for yourselves and the family. http://www.rueanpranine.com/   or have ceremony at her place with her family and friends.
You mention she is nurse, right?  My wife is a nurse as well and is prepping for the board exam and licensing in USA. They will still need to prep for the certification board exam. Reason i mention this is because if she is here on CR1 after you two married there in Thailand. She could change her mind and leave you. Living in the USA is not what most think it is and most thai are cultural shock, home sick, lonely, etc. and will expect to travel back home to leave USA for good.
meaning you just lost  the entire Sid Sod and you will still be responsible for her expenses as stated in the Affidavit Support. 
With a K1 visa, she is here and if she wants to stay then your all good to go. You'll have extra money for making family, new house, etc....  You will not with Sid Sod. 
 
 
 

HI Fordguy, thanks so much, yes that's all exactly the way I have been thinking this... She's definitely a virgin, she's scared to talk about it and she's a real nerd and that's one if the things that I like about her, she' a really good girl and I don't think she's faking, it would take allot to get over on me... Any talk of money ruins things for the future I think, the trust, the passion, what would it be next? ...That will always be in my mind, it's like a dark cloud... hmm ok thanks you for your input! What a beautiful young lady you found, you're a great looking couple! I'll keep you posted..

Ning... now I see why you are so passionately fuled by this ignorance of mine hehe ok, yes ofcourse I would love to care for her family and that wouldn't matter if she were Thai or any other nationality, that's how I am... Thank You again for your input!!

Do you know what it can take to get a tourist visa for a Thai? Do not minimize these aspects in your planning & approach to this situation. Have her send you a copy of her application. Tell her we are here to help her with that visa. Have her post with you. 
 

If you are getting married or having a Thai wedding ceremony first, you should be filing for a I-130 (CR-1 spousal visa) instead of a I-129F (K-1 fiancee visa). Just thought I would point that out in advance  You cannot be married to each other in any way, shape or form if you want to go the fiancee visa route.