Iris Wen

I filed June 26th. 

So I checked the mail today and we received a notice saying that we were approved on December 19th. The website has not been updated yet, it seems, but our immigration lawyer also called and notified us that they had been notified as well. We submitted on June 5th. Woot woot! The soon-to-be-Mrs is veeeeeeery happy

3 hours ago, dulxecita said:

Need some encouragement... I feel Im on my own. My fiance keeps having these crisis moments where he feels everything is bad for him, even tho he says he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of his life, all the added stress in his life, and this process dragging makes him want to quit... I can’t take this emotional toll anymore, is draining me, feeling insecure and afraid one day he will stop loving me and forget about me because of the time and distance...im very anxious, very sad... frustrated, hopeless. 😔

Hey there. My fiancée just showed me this message and felt really bad about it, so I wanted to reply to you. I don't know your relation or how long you two have been together, but Iris and I have gone through many ups and downs because of the distance and we even ended up breaking up at one point. But one thing was always true, and that is when we are together we are great! It took quite a while for us to realize that we weren't having problems with each other, it has simply been the distance and everything that comes along with it.

When she is down and needs a hug or my support, it is very hard to show that via a video call on my phone. I can just hold her and give her the affection that she needs. Also, the time difference is a killer and really affects our sleeping patterns and thus our moods GREATLY. Once we got to the point where we finally understood this, we were golden. That doesn't mean that it has been easy, but we both have the proper understanding of the situation and we know that it is not permanent.

Now, that having been said, Iris still stresses every single day and wants the process to hurry up. She quite religiously checks for updates on our visa status hoping to be able to make progress. She is the worrier in the relationship, just as your fiancé is.

If you two are great without all of this stress, then you need to realize that this is not representative of your relationship. A long-distance relationship isn't a true healthy relationship. There are a lot of things that are missing from the relationship. And if you want too long, at some point it becomes unbearable. A long-distance relationship cannot remain long-distance forever.

He will need to manage his impatience and his worries. It IS very stressful and some people can't handle it. I hope that you mean enough to him that he will be willing to stick it out. But keep communicating with him and have him communicate with you. You will both need to support each other. Even though he might be the one who is worrying a lot and it is bringing you down, he likely needs a lot of support from you. In the beginning I used to get very upset with Iris because for me, if she wanted to be with me, she would do whatever it takes and she wouldn't get depressed for lose motivation. And when I got upset, it brought her down even more and we would not be good for a while. You need to support him during this time and also let him know how he's affecting you.

A lot of us have and are going through this too. You're not alone in this. Iris and I wish you the best of luck and we hope that you can stay strong and make this happen, if this is what you both truly want.