TransAtlanticLove

Thank you @laylalex I think it's an all around bad time coupled with the reality of being away from his family. My therapist has said similar things about stepping back to let him do more things for himself which I'm trying to do. Often I find if I leave something to him solely it's fine incorrectly or not at all. That is something we have been talking about. 

@Allaboutwaiting thanks for your reply, these are all questions I have asked myself and seek to answer. Things change over time including us and perhaps that is hard to accept. We're actually opposites so we don't have that much in common which was a big concern of mine when we met but he constantly reassured me that it wouldn't matter. It's often a case of we want to do, go, and be total opposites in how we live our lives, sometimes our values, food preferences, and more. I know opposites attract but I wonder what keeps them together? 

@milimelo That's a great link! Thank you, I will share it with him because I don't have the patience to repeat some of this multiple times over. It would be good for him to have it at his disposal to read as needed. 

@portorusa Thank you got your response. The tables have been turned before, as I stated I lived over there before he moved here. I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and lived my life while not being a financial burden on him. You're right, I am bossy and non nonsense. I don't have time to tiptoe around most things and I'm straight forward. All of which he knew upon asking me to marry him. I'm not sure what you mean about "label everything" but I believe labels are for jars not people. We are very different personalities but I hope that we can step into a new light of maturity together, but it will require change from us both. 

@Wuozopo Yes I have asked that and he always says no. Even when he visits he's very excited to go and then after a week he's ready to come back to me. So, I'm not sure if it's a case of the grass is always greener on the other side or just general confusion on his end. 

Thank you @yuna628I see truths in your response. I'm definitely experiencing hindsight is 20/20. It looks like we live in the same area. As you know DC is very competitive job wise and already a very transient location. It's been hard even for myself to make friends in my 10 years here. The therapy want a joke but I could tell he felt out of depth. He has said several times that he just gets on with stuff and that Americans complain too much. He's very much a "carry on" type. Thanks again for your response.

Thank you @TBoneTX for your insight. You don't know what you don't know until you know. Great way of putting it. He's already gotten his AOS so that's covered. Not being able to work is wholly unhelpful right now. 

@Duke & Marie Thank you as well. I realize now how very different friendship is in the UK compared to here. I noticed when I was there as well. Everyone seems standoffish but it's because their friends are usually from uni or work it seems. Without those it becomes harder for them to do on their own. Both you and @NikLR mentioned general statements of "men are messy" and I just don't like doing that. Adults, regardless of gender I hope have the desire and sense to keep their homes clean without needing to be chided like children. If I ask a partner to clean up I like to feel respected and heard. But I will try to look at it the sense of not stepping forward as much to see what he can handle. I'm a natural leader and run my own business so I'm used to being in charge and/or having an equally driven and reliable partner. Much thinking will be done. I appreciate and welcome all replies

7 hours ago, Ray.Bonaquist said:

The kind of advice, validation, direction you need cannot be reasonably found on an internet message board where we only hear your side of the story.

 

Your kind of problem is what couples therapy is for and if that doesn’t work, the alternative is divorce.

 

Good luck.

Thank you, I'm not looking for validation, just advice from unbiased parties. And I urge you to think carefully before telling others advice and direction cannot be found online. Myself and many others have been in contact and a support system for each other during the visa process (years now) solely because of this *very* message board. Please don't discount what may be beneficial for others just because it may not be for yourself

Hi all!

This site was an amazing support system when my husband and I were going through the visa process. I've got to know so many of you all offline but I'm having an issue I thought only other VJers could understand.

I have been married to my husband for 2 years and we are both really unhappy. There's a lot of reasons behind this that are all valid. One of them being he was initially banned while we were dating for overstaying by one week while on a visitor's visa. Thus began the uphill battle of an immediate proposal and the fun fun fun K-1 process (end sarcasm). Anyway, I am 7 years older than him and tried to prepare him for the realities of leaving his home, his job, his country, his family and friends but at the time as a 26 year old I don't think he fully comprehended what I meant. I've moved between countries and states and had to start over many times before so I was trying to impart some experienced knowledge to him.

Well now all the things I've mentioned he misses. We fight a lot about stuff because I am financially 100% responsible for us both and it's causing a strain. I even bought him a car! We have discussed divorce as well. While I make good money, I have 3 jobs that I'm fortunate enough to be able to do from home, he doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I'm paying for our $5k/month lifestyle. He's almost gone through the little savings he had when he arrived. 

To add insult to injury he does not seem to posess nor be picking up the life skills I thought he had. He does not cook. He is very messy like a college student (I have to nag for him to clean up - ughh), he doesn't know anything about taxes, savings, retirement, health insurance or the likes. I am essentially a mother figure to him at the moment in the way I care for him.

He is a Momma's boy, which I knew, I just didn't fathom it to this level. I'm at my wits ends. He is very reliant on his family for money and the work connections they provided. We both come from well off families but mine taught me about hard work. I also paid for more than half of the wedding and most of my honeymoon. He says he doesn't like to argue about money because he never has in other relationships but I know this isn't like any relationship either of us has ever had. When I met him in his country he wasn't this way. He used to spoil me and put in effort to make sure we were both happy.

He just got his work card a couple of months ago but then the pandemic happened. Even then the work he was doing would not have produced a living wage. I feel like I married a boy and not someone who is ready to face the hard work that marriage sometimes entails. We are not connecting anymore in a lot of ways and I feel like he's resistant to "grow up" and doesn't seem to want a career or even to go back to school for another degree (which him and his Mom both offered to pay for). I don't see any drive at all to better his life or social circle as he has no friends here and is an introvert.

I've  also got a sneaking suspicion that he has undiagnosed ADD as he can't concentrate on conversations we have, has issues staying focused, doesn't like "serious talks", plays video games or watches TV literally ALL of the hours he is awake (never seen him read a book in 4 years), likes to watch sports and drink, and is never without his phone in his hand. None of this is a result of the lockdown, he has been like this since moving here.

We've gone to couples therapy a couple of times (3) but didn't continue, for one reason it was an added expense but for another he said he wasn't really getting much out of it. I think we're both depressed but he thinks depression is an "American" thing and also doesn't want the label I believe of being unhappy.

Our home burned down a month ago (perfect timing right?) and I was faced with the fact that it was/is all on me to sort things out and get us into a new residence. He is literally unable to help because he doesn't have income. We've been staying with a friend of mine but we can't do this forever.

What the hell do I do? Am I wrong for being upset and disappointed?

Just now, Wuozopo said:

You haven't been approved for a visa until you fiancé interviews. Your petition was approved.

 

The first time an affidavit of support is presented is at the interview. 

 

Pick one of them. You can't have both sponsor. 

They don't have to sponsor you. Your fiancé needs a sponsor. 

 

The form is I-134. Proof of income can be a 2017 tax return or a letter from her employer stating her job and her current salary. No letter from the sponsor. 

Thank you. I just checked and when we filed we actually used 1-864 form and they didn't give us an RFE. I see now that it was meant to be the I-134 form. Also I did get word from someone else who uses VJ that their friend got denied at the interview because they didn't have two affidavits of supports (one from her fiance and one from their co-sponsor) and they're in a similar situation so I just wanted to make sure.

Should I re-fill out the I-134 for my original co-sponsor and send that with my fiance for the interview? Should I send in one for my sister as well? I didn't know having more than one co-sponsor could be harmful to our case.

Hi all,

I know this topic has been over-discussed but I couldn't find an exact answer for my question.

My fiance and I applied for and were approved for the K-1 Visa, our interview is later this month. I have not worked for a year in order to visit my fiance without restrictions and have been living on savings. When we applied I had a co-sponsor and best friend who we used that gave us their info. I heard we might need another co-sponsor to show more support since I'm still not working any fiance won't be able to work. I was thinking of using my sister. Both her and my best friend qualify income wise to cover myself, my fiance and themself.

Should we use another co-sponsor such as my sister's paperwork when we go to the interview? If so (which I'm happy to do), I wanted to know if we use the same form I-134 I believe for my sister as well which will result in two co-sponsor forms my best friend's and my sister. Basically just want to make sure I'm using the correct form for her/us and if any letter from her should be included?

Many thanks!

2 minutes ago, missileman said:

The last time I checked, AOS was more than a couple hundred dollars.....but you are right in that it is a personal choice.  But I will add this:  I have seen many K-1 posters here on VJ who have said that they wish they had gone with a CR-1 instead........I have seen zero cases of the opposite.

It's about a $900 difference not to mention the difference in sponsor income limits being about $5k. But it was a personal preference considering my fiance could not visit.

In my opinion when the process works as it's supposed to then the K-1 gets you and your partner to be together sooner. That was our main reason for doing it over the CR-1...a couple hundred dollars wasn't worth saving if it meant we would spend more months apart but that was personal preference.

8 minutes ago, payxibka said:

Just need your LND#   Make sure you book it far enough out so the file is on station when you have the interview

Yeah original question was about real time wait times not the process. But as I stated above for the London office it looked like minimum wait was 10 days.

Just now, Judy1389 said:

Following this thread to understand wait times too! (according to current processing times, we're about ~4wks out)

 

PS. I remember reading somewhere on this forum that, once you got approved, you could go onto the UK Embassy website and book yourself for an interview before receiving the hard copy of the letter evidencing your approval. For anyone who's gone through this process – is this true?

Dunno if we got lucky but when we booked last week there were some only 10 days away. We booked a month out just for good measure.

We're just waiting on our NVC letter so we can schedule our interview. We just got approved on the 29th of January.

Anyone else who got approved around that time and made an appointment to the London office?

I'm just wondering what the wait time is on selecting an interview so far.

Thanks!

I took the time to call USCIS yesterday and when I finally got to talk to someone, they were quite rude (not surprising). But, they insisted that the California office was only showing their work dates as June 27th, despite me trying to explain otherwise and pointing to approvals well into July. Dunno why I called, it just made me more angry.

213 days here....growing more and more impatient as time ticks on...

Are the scans even worth it without the WACs? I mean it was helpful to see who was close to ours now it's just dates which aren't as helpful.

Just now, Jaquelly said:

My heart is with you both. It's the absolute worst, but it will be done soon. <3

Thank you so much. I don't think anyone understands this process until they go through it. My friends and family just don't get it and everyone keeps pestering us for a wedding date. Trust us we want one just as much as they do haha.

I'm posting from the plane wifi as I leave my sweetheart behind. Over 200 days now and it wouldn't be so hard if he could at least visit but because of of our unique situation he can't come to the US. We've tried to make the best of it traveling to Spain, Iceland, Wales and all over but we just both want to be home together. I hope we hear something this week. It was received July 5th. Trying to send out positive thoughts but whew this wait...

Yeah we're on 205 days now. All we can do is wait and think positively. 🤞

Thanks for the update. July 5th here still waiting....

8 minutes ago, KN18 said:

If you provided a number and/or email to USCIS you get an automated text from a New Mexico area code number (505) and the same update to the designated email address. Otherwise, you get the NOA2 in the mail approximately 3-4 days after the text/email. 

Thanks so much!

Do you get a text and/or email for the NOA2 or just a letter in the mail?

Hang in there if you can. We're waiting too. Fingers crossed yours comes soon!

Aww this sounds great. Thanks for the info. My fiance is coming from London too so he'll be going through the exact same thing. Nice to know what we have to look forward to. Hopefully our journey and experience is just as painless as yours. Congrats! 

On 7/15/2017 at 11:49 PM, Peot said:

You're right! The co-sponsor on the I-134 is only "liable" until the AOS. At the AOS stage you need to file another affidavit of support form, I-864, and the person who fills that out is liable for up to 10 years AFTER the AOS is approved.

Didn't know that. Thanks for the info! I hope they're able to find someone.

Just now, Peot said:

Convincing the co-sponsor that it's not a major commitment was and is the single most difficult thing to do. This is especially the case for the I-134 which apparently would never hold up in court (and apparently has been stricken down in court?), and is only valid until you file your AOS.

 

The AOS sponsor on the other hand is liable for up to 10 years.... so finding a co-sponsor for that leg is going to be much much much more difficult.

As far as I knew, and I could be wrong, the co sponsor was only liable until the AOS. Didn't realize you needed a sponsor after that.

I think honesty is always the best policy with this process. My fiance and I just applied (July 1) and we met online too. We just wrote a short letter explaining how we met up until we got engaged, it was only one page, and included it. We also got a statement from the site we met on saying it wasn't for arranged marriages and included their terms of service.