MeAlone

With the new information he reminds me of my ex-husband.
 
My ex i am sure has BPD.  He destroyed me.  Eventually reached a point where i lost my memory, and now he continues to abuse my daughters.
 
please stay far away.  My ex too genuinely has a core heartvof gold - he will give away what he has to help people - even today 8 years after divorce he could 'kill' someone who hurts me... and yet till today he continues to destroy us all.
 
If he has punched your face, says what he does ( its part of weakening their victims) can sweet talk anybody that's a terribly dangerous person.  F it that he may be good at heart.  Your child is better off without him.
 
my daughter is on anti depressants at the moment and i wont go into details of how he has broken the kids spirits - STAY AWAY.

I was visiting my fiance in Accra 3 times, it looks to me the cost of living there is more expensive than in US. Correct me if I am wrong, please
Tasha

She does not qualify for Vawa because she has a GC ,but she qualifies to file l751 waiver based in  extreme cruelty and abuse. 
 
I talked to her a few hours ago and I explained what she has to do in her case. It's  all good, she will be fine.
 

You would be surprised how happy are Nigerian men to move back and to bring his wife, specially a foreign wife, they are very proud people and love their country. She will ask and he will say let's go. The question is if she will be happy to live there? it's different and not easy for an American woman there, we all are spoiled here with lots of comfort
Tasha

Thank you neilsqueen and Ebunoluwa
In part it's my fault too, I was closing my eyes to so many red flags and ignoring the good advice. I will vent it in sub-saharian forum but later, I am much better now, but not very well yet.
To the OP, online relationship is not the prove for the embassy and not the prove of the real relationship for you both, try to have more real time together, the visa it's only the 1st step, more time waiting for the green card here and starting the family life, be sure what do you need and to whom are you going, try to do it right and all will work
Tasha

Thank you neilsqueen and Ebunoluwa
In part it's my fault too, I was closing my eyes to so many red flags and ignoring the good advice. I will vent it in sub-saharian forum but later, I am much better now, but not very well yet.
To the OP, online relationship is not the prove for the embassy and not the prove of the real relationship for you both, try to have more real time together, the visa it's only the 1st step, more time waiting for the green card here and starting the family life, be sure what do you need and to whom are you going, try to do it right and all will work
Tasha

Really not a red flag if you really love each other and spent time together, we had 30 years difference, I visited him 4 times and all was well, visa was not a word about the age difference. The main thing is if you keep the marriage after living together, internet, visits, visa it's all different life, the real life starts in US in the same house and every day life. Ours didn't work in the real life, married for 3 months and it's over. Try to see the person, real person, it's more important than any visa
Tasha

True. For K1 visa only USC needs to show the income, the foreigner doesn't matter and doesn't help for American affidavits
Tasha

My theory:
I think both of them were chilling one day. having a good time, trying to rekindle their old flame. Then homeboy tells ex gf about the situation with his immigration process. Ex girlfriend tells him to cancel it so they can be together but homeboy is nervous about it. So guess what, ex girlfriend ask him for the case number, pretends to be the petitioner and cancels the case. By the way, I stipulate that this took place in the presence of homeboy.
 
Put your detectives googles on and head to Jamaica to do some sniffing before refiling. You have lost your filing fees based on some bs story.
**don't kill the messenger** 
But i honestly hope that you take this seriously.

Abigail, this topic starter asked me to publish her post, for some reason she couldn't publish it. Here it is:
 
"Thanks to everyone who has offered some sort of objective response to my post. I'd hope the rest of you aren't so prejudiced, which is all it seems to be,  being Nigerian there's nothing he seems to be able to do right. If he was poor the narrative would be he's using me for economic gains, he's affluent and even that is a source of triviality, like every African is poor. Him getting a tourist visa from Lagos even makes you guys skeptic. If he came on to me it would be he's just preying on you, but it's the otherwise and it's him manipulating me. First his vasectomy was fake then it could be reversed. Then his education was African and "worthless", someone with a Bachelor's in Economics who has helped me with sound financial planning already, with results. Nobody here knows how I look but there's no way in hell he could love me for me. Also, no African man under the sun doesn't want kids, as you've guys have interviewed all of them. Everything that sets him apart from the stereotype young African (which is why we're even seeing each other in the first place) has been a basis for skepticism. Someone even said he's lying about his age, when I've seen his passport.  I even have access to his phone. I understand you're all looking out for a sister, but thanks. I'm aware of the red flags, but I'm here to find out how to OVERCOME them and not have my relationship questioned. Different strokes. Please don't bother to respond if you can't contribute. As you can see, there's a barrage of negativity already. 
 
 
KosiWahala, he was invited by his aunt to visit. His family has a very good travel record in Europe and UAE  and his aunt's family is worth close $500k. He says that's probably why he was given barely being interviewed  as it's rare in the Lagos embassy. His great-grandpa was one of the first archbishops in the country and grandparents were involved in the government. He works in a Pension Fund as an Investment Officer, fresh out of college. He has a trust fund for his post grad. Has a progressive family, one openly gay uncle and a few aunts who aren't married (rare in Nigeria according to him). I've seen proof of all this. Would appreciate if this isn't another basis of falsehood. 
 
P.S: if you're not going to use this to give advice on overcoming red flags, please don't bother. God bless xx"

Abigail, this topic starter asked me to publish her post, for some reason she couldn't publish it. Here it is:
 
"Thanks to everyone who has offered some sort of objective response to my post. I'd hope the rest of you aren't so prejudiced, which is all it seems to be,  being Nigerian there's nothing he seems to be able to do right. If he was poor the narrative would be he's using me for economic gains, he's affluent and even that is a source of triviality, like every African is poor. Him getting a tourist visa from Lagos even makes you guys skeptic. If he came on to me it would be he's just preying on you, but it's the otherwise and it's him manipulating me. First his vasectomy was fake then it could be reversed. Then his education was African and "worthless", someone with a Bachelor's in Economics who has helped me with sound financial planning already, with results. Nobody here knows how I look but there's no way in hell he could love me for me. Also, no African man under the sun doesn't want kids, as you've guys have interviewed all of them. Everything that sets him apart from the stereotype young African (which is why we're even seeing each other in the first place) has been a basis for skepticism. Someone even said he's lying about his age, when I've seen his passport.  I even have access to his phone. I understand you're all looking out for a sister, but thanks. I'm aware of the red flags, but I'm here to find out how to OVERCOME them and not have my relationship questioned. Different strokes. Please don't bother to respond if you can't contribute. As you can see, there's a barrage of negativity already. 
 
 
KosiWahala, he was invited by his aunt to visit. His family has a very good travel record in Europe and UAE  and his aunt's family is worth close $500k. He says that's probably why he was given barely being interviewed  as it's rare in the Lagos embassy. His great-grandpa was one of the first archbishops in the country and grandparents were involved in the government. He works in a Pension Fund as an Investment Officer, fresh out of college. He has a trust fund for his post grad. Has a progressive family, one openly gay uncle and a few aunts who aren't married (rare in Nigeria according to him). I've seen proof of all this. Would appreciate if this isn't another basis of falsehood. 
 
P.S: if you're not going to use this to give advice on overcoming red flags, please don't bother. God bless xx"

Yes, it's the statistics showing it here in US
Data show Nigerians the most educated in the U.S.
BACHELOR'S AND BEYOND
In America, Nigerians' education pursuit is above rest
Whether driven by immigration or family, data show more earn degrees
http://www.chron.com/news/article/Data-show-Nigerians-the-most-educated-in-the-U-S-1600808.php

Thank you for the explaination. 
Tasha

As long as he is aware of the consequences....

Then in my follow up post I said if she did get married here she would have to go back to her country until the process was finished if her intent to come was to get married.

I asked if she was already in the states.  If she wasn't and was coming over here to marry him on a visitors visa, it is fraud.  Her intent would be to come and get married.  That is not what a visitors visa is for or they wouldn't have us go thru hoops with K1's or IRs/CRs.  It wasn't clear to me if she was in her country.  He cleared that up in his next comment.

In my honest opinion, the very best thing you can have this man do is extend in state. Then get to know him more and decide then. Someone here will chime in about how to extend a tourist visa....can you do this at an infopass? 

I want you to read my signature. And see that this mess we earned that I document in my signature is the result of waiting a few months of overstay to file, thinking we had time. It's been a 2.5yr journey to fix. Overstay and wait is never ever a good idea. My spouse actually did end up in removal.....not fun at all. And expensive to fix. 

Stay on semi on topic before the thread gets locked up againnnnnn~~

And if you go ahead with it, air tight prenup and retain a lawyer for this adventure. 

If he has so much money why doesn't he just extend his visa or file a change of non immigrant status?? Why risk overstaying. Why advocate something that is illegal either way when OP told us he is loaded. He has the money to do a visa run to Canada or Mexico or extend another way....right?

Oh finally I can post on this. Please this has gotten disrespectful. I'd have to kindly ask you guys keep your opinions about the relationship to yourselves. If you're not commenting on how to overcome red flags please don't comment at all. Visa journey not marriage therapist. If more people comment with "advice" about him being a fraud. The MOD can close the thread. Thank you. 

A fraud is a fraud, and can come from any country or culture. We have all been cautious while dating in the international scene. Maybe we get taken a few times to learn the ropes and the rules of international dating. As it has some pitfalls, it also has some of the greatest rewards and blessings. 
 
The best way in my view to overcome the red flags is to build a strong foundation to your relationship....you can overcome anything. Just prepare yourself before hand. Take your time, learn each other, visit the home country, travel together and have fun!
 
Study about where your partner comes from....learn the traditions and some native language.
Read up on age-gap relationships and build your future. Don't let anyone step on your dreams, only you know what is right for you, follow your heart, but keep your eyes open.
Your suspicions will turn into trust

We are all aware that Nigerian is high fraud country, but is it necessary to get a daily reminder..Every country has their issues and no country is better than the other..OP asked for advice and she has been warned, must this continue?

@Michael2017 well come to Houston, Texas and you will see a lot of successful Nigerians...Maybe not where you are from, but they are here in the great old U.S. of A.....