SCOTTANDVICKI

I don't think that's entirely fair. I'd visited the US about 10 times before I moved here and have been to 13 different states so far. What I was trying to say is that visiting and living here are entirely different things. Firstly, you don't get as wide an exposure to the population as you do when you have to work in a country. I'd mostly (as you'd expect) spent times with friends that live here and with my husband's family and friends who are pretty liberal. I hadn't realised how the extent to which they were the exception rather than the norm here in Texas.
For me, the primary issue is things like climate denial because it makes me so angry that people wilfully ignore the facts and refuse to act. I think I've pretty much accepted that living here doesn't suit me - but if you don't take a risk in life and try things you'll never know. Luckily my husband has a job that travels!

Many thanks for the sarcasm TBoneTX.

Following another conversation with husband, I'm pretty much set that life in the U.S. just isn't for me. Luckily he can work from wherever and will continue to tour and it looks like I'm off back to my lovely country where prioritising sustainable development is the law!
I'm glad so many of you have found happiness here, I'm certainly glad I gave it a try!

I don't think that's entirely fair. I'd visited the US about 10 times before I moved here and have been to 13 different states so far. What I was trying to say is that visiting and living here are entirely different things. Firstly, you don't get as wide an exposure to the population as you do when you have to work in a country. I'd mostly (as you'd expect) spent times with friends that live here and with my husband's family and friends who are pretty liberal. I hadn't realised how the extent to which they were the exception rather than the norm here in Texas.
For me, the primary issue is things like climate denial because it makes me so angry that people wilfully ignore the facts and refuse to act. I think I've pretty much accepted that living here doesn't suit me - but if you don't take a risk in life and try things you'll never know. Luckily my husband has a job that travels!

I don't think that's entirely fair. I'd visited the US about 10 times before I moved here and have been to 13 different states so far. What I was trying to say is that visiting and living here are entirely different things. Firstly, you don't get as wide an exposure to the population as you do when you have to work in a country. I'd mostly (as you'd expect) spent times with friends that live here and with my husband's family and friends who are pretty liberal. I hadn't realised how the extent to which they were the exception rather than the norm here in Texas.
For me, the primary issue is things like climate denial because it makes me so angry that people wilfully ignore the facts and refuse to act. I think I've pretty much accepted that living here doesn't suit me - but if you don't take a risk in life and try things you'll never know. Luckily my husband has a job that travels!

The reliance on driving was something I forgot to bring up! Like yourself I didn't drive for a long time back in the UK, I replaced it with cycling, when I moved here my wife has a car so she drove me if I needed to go anywhere, then I also purchase a bike, big mistake trying to cycle around here, people seem to be either completely rude and just honk for no apparent reason other than to be idiots, or from what i've found certain areas are unreachable unless you take a highway (Cycling on 287 isn't fun at all)

Thank you so much everyone! It's nice to know this is a common phenomenon! There was no real reason for us to live in Texas other than the fact my in laws are here (4 hours' drive north of us) and I'd liked Austin when we visited, plus it's a hub for live music so we thought that might present some new opportunities for husband. He left Texas to go to college in the early 90s and hadn't lived back here until now either. When we moved from the UK we had to pick somewhere so that was about it!
So I told husband (bless him, he's away on tour until November so there's sod all he can do about it right now!) that I'm going to go home to the UK in 2 weeks to regroup then we're going to figure something out. If he really doesn't want to go back to the UK we're going to move to the Pacific Northwest and I'm going to concentrate my job search in that area.
TBoneTX - I'm genuinely sorry if you feel that I and others are bashing Texas. I can only speak for myself but as a very liberal, relatively heavily tattooed, environmentalist woman TX just isn't the place for me. I work in communications and engagement around climate change and sustainable development and have done for the past 10 years. I just can't do that here because a large proportion of the people I've met (and the job market!) don't place as much importance on those things as I do. Plus the car reliance here is driving me mad! I didn't drive for years in the UK (again, for environmental reasons) and I feel guilty every time I get in the car. I'd like to live somewhere more walkable, with more accessible public transit so I don't have to drive as frequently.

Thank you so much everyone! It's nice to know this is a common phenomenon! There was no real reason for us to live in Texas other than the fact my in laws are here (4 hours' drive north of us) and I'd liked Austin when we visited, plus it's a hub for live music so we thought that might present some new opportunities for husband. He left Texas to go to college in the early 90s and hadn't lived back here until now either. When we moved from the UK we had to pick somewhere so that was about it!
So I told husband (bless him, he's away on tour until November so there's sod all he can do about it right now!) that I'm going to go home to the UK in 2 weeks to regroup then we're going to figure something out. If he really doesn't want to go back to the UK we're going to move to the Pacific Northwest and I'm going to concentrate my job search in that area.
TBoneTX - I'm genuinely sorry if you feel that I and others are bashing Texas. I can only speak for myself but as a very liberal, relatively heavily tattooed, environmentalist woman TX just isn't the place for me. I work in communications and engagement around climate change and sustainable development and have done for the past 10 years. I just can't do that here because a large proportion of the people I've met (and the job market!) don't place as much importance on those things as I do. Plus the car reliance here is driving me mad! I didn't drive for years in the UK (again, for environmental reasons) and I feel guilty every time I get in the car. I'd like to live somewhere more walkable, with more accessible public transit so I don't have to drive as frequently.

Move to north California reminds me of home (Sweden so not really UK, but similar). Way more layed back and relaxed. Haven´t noticed any religious freaks and society is welcoming.
We could go on hikes and have tea/scones dates haha.
Just wanna cheer you up a bit it can get better and each state is like it´s own country.

Hi there !
First of all, Welcome ! I'm a native Texan--living about 5 hours north of you---I just came back from living in Morocco for nearly a year and I had never realized so many things about my country, and particularly my State as I did when I came back after living overseas.
You are not alone first of all. In the south, we are steeped in tradition and it is called the "bible belt" --i've found it to mean more that people think they are free to judge others--I too am a more open minded and liberal person and I have found that I have to pick my battles and often times find myself biting my tongue and chocking a lot of what people do/think to ignorance. So many Americans have never lived any other life. They've never ventured outside their comfy little box. Never exposed themselves to other cultures or ways of life. They are just happy and content to stay where they are. I am worried about when my husband comes here---I live in a much smaller town than Austin. I am worried about not only how he's going to feel, but how he will be treated. He's Muslim as well. I have found one other couple here locally whose husband is from Morocco, so I'm hoping they will become friends so at least he won't feel too isolated.
I know how hard it is to work in another country as well as I worked in Morocco and found it extremely difficult. You feel like you are always trying to prove yourself and I ended up not knowing what I was supposed to do or how I was supposed to feel. I just couldn't get grounded in my position. Could not feel successful or that I was "making" it.
Just keep trying and keep an open mind even when others aren't. Again, welcome ! I hope everything works out for you both.
Janet
;

I've been here nearly 7 years and my accent is still enjoyed/mocked. I've just got back from a visit to my family and this time have found it harder to settle back into 'normal' life. I still sound different, will always think differently and also don't think that I'll ever quite fit in - but am OK with it now. Those that count have got used to my gross lack of Southern lady graces and those that can't get used to my straight forward personality don't stick around and we are all happy
It doesn't improve matters that I am an energy worker in the bible belt, so it's a challenge. Just console yourself with the fact that you are bringing new ideas, a different outlook and a fresh approach to some staid old fuddy duddy 'always done this way' environment. It's prolly time for a shake-up and you;re it!
I hope that you soon make some friends and reach that place where you are comfortable in your own space.

Yes, yes, pleeeease come here! It's nice!
You're kind of reinforcing my opinion of Texas. I once said "nobody is worth going to Texas for" when a friend of mine moved over there (he's in Houston). I hope you find a group of people you get along with and don't find the environment too annoying/oppressive.
I don't know if it's possible at all, but moving to one of the coasts would definitely be a good idea!

Had to post my thoughts in this one, I've been in Texas almost 2 years now (It'll be two years in February since my arrival) and still to this day I cannot say i'm settled here, I've been trying to talk the wife into moving to another state, like many people have said on here, Texas is like a completely different country compared to the rest of the US, my boss at work is from California and through him i've learned that most of the things I find as being a little 'odd' or 'out of the ordinary' aren't American things, they are Texan things.
I'm heading home for Christmas/New Years so i'm hoping that gives me a little boost!

Hi everyone
Well, I've been here in Texas for 3 months now and I'm still finding it really difficult to adjust. It isn't helped by the fact my husband goes away for weeks at a time for work and we're both new to Austin so no network to speak of.
I guess, for me as a British person in particular, you don't realise how huge the cultural differences will be because we're so exposed to American TV/film/music/literature, we speak the same language, dress similarly etc that you think we're largely the same - we're not!
The people I've met so far have been great, but Texas in particular is very Christian and right wing. We moved to Austin because it's more liberal and has the 'Keep Austin Weird' thing that really appealed to us but so far the people I've met have been taken aback by the fact I'm a left leaning environmentalist with a passion for social justice. There are areas of liberalism, but perhaps just not where we live / I work. People say things to me sometimes and I'm just taken aback at how prejudiced and judgmental they are - it's like 50 years behind Europe in some ways!
The other thing I can't get my head around is how racially segregated things still are in the U.S. There are 'black neighbourhoods' and 'black colleges' and people seem aware of specifically race related characteristics that definitely weren't as front and centre in Cardiff as they are here!
I'm really worried about not doing well at work. I work in the nonprofit sector but was given some feedback recently that I'm not pushy enough and 'too British'! Has anyone else struggled with this kind of adjustment? As it stands right now, I just want to go home!

You could say that I'm a bit struggling too and I've only been here for 3 weeks. I've come to the realization that how Hollywood has painted LA (which is where I live now) is totally correct in all ways. It is expensive, fake, harsh, and friggin hot. So far, all of the people I've met here are only interested in talking about pop culture, the VMAs, how they can get it big as an artist, comedian, etc. I am getting depressed as the day goes by. My work experience in the PH was also centered on social development jobs and such which is hard to find in LA. Most of the job listings I see here are connected to the entertainment industry which I have no interest whatsoever. The only light at the end of this is seeing my husband at the end of his work day.
How long until this "homesickness" go away?

The difference between different areas of the USA are quite vast. You can actually say, our country has many different cultures. In my personal opinion, you've moved to one of the most difficult areas of the USA that you could have possibly chose. I would rather take a daily whipping than live in Austin Texas.

Also you are here while the country is going through a particularly polarized time in its history.
I've been here 8 years now and the last few years have definitely been getting steadily worse for the 'take one side or the other' politics and the vehemence of how people argue their political points.
Also the thing I noticed straight away is that many people who are considered liberal or left-leaning here in the USA would be right of centre in the UK.
And I agree the individualism vs community mindset is hard to adjust to but there's not much getting away from that - it becomes something you just have to adjust to.

Austin is weird because they want to be weird and they're not tbqh, our capitals there which causes there to be a lot of right leaners.

The "weird" people aren't just left leaners but they're usually the left leaners that even the normal left leaners don't want to be around. You also have to kind of seek them out. Austin is a vague term because a lot of people consider the austin metroplex austin, but you don't really find the "weird" -in- Austin. They're usually in the outskirts. But honestly, the only people I know who love the "keep austin weird" stuff are pretty unlikable.

MOST of Texas is pretty radicalized christian and right wingy, that is true though.

I'm in San Antonio, and we get pretty crazy here, but over all I do agree that Texans breed unto themselves. We're, as a stereotype, pretty loud and opinionated, which can easily come across as loud and ignorant depending on if you agree or disagree with said opinions LOL.

Texas doesn't care that much about the little guy. Just how it is.
As you said something about healthcare. Texas didn't expand their medicaid, a lot of the little guys and even the "almost middle class" got screwed over by that to where they can't afford insurance and can't afford the fee. I remember when I tried to get free birth control because I don't want another kid on the system (my daughter is autistic and considered disabled by the government), I was told that I had to have an income to get free birth control and women's health care. I ended up paying about 120$ that I barely had for six months of birth control. Once my daughters SSI went through, they considered it income and then everything was fine.

As for the christian views. My pastor says the "typical american christian" of today isn't really a christian. A christian who bashes and judges others every single day is not someone who follows christ. He says that we shouldn't fear the rapture (something VERY HEAVILY brought up in Texas churches) because if we live right, there's nothing to worry about, so he never talks about it. He believes people of all walks of life just simply have to live like christ, try their best to not sin, and feel truly sorry when they do sin, to be christian. Plenty of tattoo'd, peirced, and divorced people at my chuch. Love god, Love Jesus, try to live as christ like as possible but if you don't, that's okay as long as you realize and try your best next time, jesus already paid for our sins, that's all it takes in my pastors eyes.

My cousin's husband is fully tat'd, facial and everything. He had a hard time finding work, but once he did he found a great job. My cousin is also heavily tattoo'd, but had to get some lazer removed as she went to be a radiologist. She wears long sleeves with her scrubs.

America over all still has an issue with tattoo's, regardless of the city. Generally the head of the company makes the rules and it trickles down, as since most things are owned by big businesses, unless you're a mechanic or a musician, you have to follow the rules of big business.

I agree about Dallas and Houston. They're both very large and have more of a diverse group. Austin seems to be torn at the edges between wanting to be the hip town while also being the big corporate government town. It's awkward.

I've personally never liked Austin, but that's probably because I lived in San Antonio all my life LOL. I did very much enjoy Dallas when I lived there for a short while though.


Either way, yes it takes A LOT to get used to and Texas is pretty racist and culturally unaccepting unless it benefits Texas in some way. =[

Wow, I feel the exact same way and a small part of me was happy to find out that I am not the only one. I was so excited to move to Austin, and now I'm having a hard time to have a life here. I miss the comfort and familiarity of home and do not like how hard it is to get around Austin without a car!
I'm sure it will get better with time, and I know it will be worth it in the long run. (want to hang out at Barton Springs?)

What ? You don't like 'Merica where there is no melting pot but a layered salad ?

Just kidding, I hear you, keep looking for a community that you can vibe with, it's only been 4 months.

I moved to san antonio and i really can't get my head around how rude and obnoxious people will be right to you.
My fiance and his family are hispanic and i get dirty looks when i go to the shop with his mum and dad.
They make snide comments and i constantly get asked " are you sure you're ok"
like I'm being kidnapped or something! it literally drives me wild.
Or when you go in a shop and you get hounded by about 10 different people continuously.
you never realise how laid back and polite the uk is until here.
i hope you find more comfort in austin, if it wasn't for the fact my fiance had a giant family I'm not sure how i would be coping because they're the only people who seem to not be judgemental like that.
i know this might sound stupid but have you tried to join any clubs?
I'm looking into joining a few to try and find people with a similar mind set then hopefully that will show there are some other good ones out here!

I agree with the above. San Antonio's pretty bad if you're non-hispanic dating a hispanic. It's old school prejudice, but it's more so the hispanic culture disliking it than the non-hispanic culture which is a big thing since according to census (not always accurate because we do have a lot of illegal aliens) about 60% of SA is hispanic, 40% is white, and then the other 10% is mixed. My ex-husband had dated two hispanic ladies and he's white, he's experienced the looks from people who aren't his girlfriends families.

I get dirty looks when I go into heavily hispanic areas, because like other posters said, segregation is totally a thing and weirdly enough some of the racial groups want to be with their own racial groups. But even though I've lived in SA and the SA area since I was 12 (I lived at South Padre Island from 5-11), with only a few years out of state and I'll be 30 this year, even I don't feel welcome here sometimes and I'm american and have been here for a while lol.

For me, I guess I have the luck of being practically raised here. I know the good areas, the bad areas, and the areas where I'm just not welcome per se. I keep to my area, as essentially most everyone else does, but I'm atleast lucky to know these things before hand.

As for the hounding at stores, I've worked retail here and you generally are told to make sure to say hi to the customer and/or "help" them. So if ten workers see you and they're having a bad day with the manager, you'll have ten people bug you even if they know you were just talked too. Big business rules.

I personally think it happens everywhere though, at least that's a larger city. Too many different people living together with too many different ways of thinking and not enough acceptance of other peoples opinions.

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I'm in a very similar situation. I just moved to the U.S. from the UK this week and I had to leave my son with his Dad.
My husband moved to the UK but just couldn't find work in his (fairly specialist) field there. He was a highly educated person working in a minimum wage, zero hours contract job just because there was literally nothing else. I was then made redundant from my job in the civil service so it made sense.
I have joint custody with my ex husband but my son lived most of the time with him because I worked long hours in a high pressure job and was the main earner when he was born so was the one to work full time while my ex worked fewer hours for childcare. This arrangement has always suited our son and I gave him the option to come with us. I would have loved him to, and I still hold out hope that one day he will. Leaving him was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to do but overall this is the right thing.
I will be flying back 3 times a year and we will regularly talk on Skype too. I do strongly believe (in reference to an earlier point) that we get the most criticism for it because of being mothers. Men move away from their children all the time for work, new relationships - even many fathers who are still with the mothers are away from their kids a lot. I know 3 women personally whose husbands work in mining, on an oil rig and in the military and are away at least 75% of the year. They don't seem to get as much of a hard time. So much for gender equality...

You have definitely had a lucky escape here. And believe me, she is not 'the better woman', she's a pushover at best. He might decide he doesn't like the weather in Switzerland and try to take up with a Spanish or Italian woman (heck, why not both?!) and do the same to her in a little while.
DEFINITELY inform DoS and the Jamaican embassy of the situation though.