user19000

Hey someone sad sorry that during this time you are so hurt and feeling bad, and came here for help that people feel the need to kick you when you are down in order to feel better about themselves.

I think your post was a little bit rude.
I will answer you to some things you sayed.
"This woman is exceptionally insecure, and her actions and behavior and attempts to CONTROL the man have driven him further away."
Wich part says i want to control him?I am not the jealous tipe of person,if i woulded be like that i would saw the photos of his ex in his cellphone before to get married and not after.I never looked through his cellphone.
I tryed to excuse him in every possible way,and as peoaple are saying,let's say how you will excuse the fact that when i text his ex gf to sto sending him messages,rather the saying they are just friends,she start to be rude and say very bad things.
"SHE wanted a big, fancy reception, and spent beyond her means to have what SHE wanted, and now she wants a refund from him"?
You haven't read my posts...i never asked for a big fancy wedding,and as i say we had an agreement whit my fatherinlaw.
I am saying again i don't want the house,or car,i feel that i have been played by him,and what is so crazy to ask my money back?
And about your last comment of how did i saved so much money,im working since i was 17,and yes i was working like a housekeeper too...i am 27....and i mention those were my savings.
He sayed he will pay for my school,but when i got here was telling me to stop follow my dream and do a normal job.

Life's journey...I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't comment on post anymore. It's a pretty mean thing to insinuate that I am not telling the true story. I don't have one reason not to be honest about this nightmare. I'm seeking help and advice not more problems and headaches and definitely not ilspirited people. What is happening to people? Does everything have to be so difficult?

get off her case, gary, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all, dang, you're so evil, don't you have anything better to do then monitor who writes what and play "inspector gadget" on here. geez

Many abusive people don't want to file for a GC because they fear that by keeping the spouse "un-free" will force them to rely on the USC so the immigrant can't leave. Many men also fear "independent" women (there are a million on this board) so in an extreme version, keeping them chained keeps them dependent on the USC. That way they get a wife at home that depends on them totally no matter what they do.
I find it despicable to attack the OP's use of English as a reason to attack her or her story. The question of her English shouldn't be answered by someone who "lives with a Russian" but by people who actually speak at least two languages. Someone who speaks only one language is not capable, in my view, of understanding what it is like to learn a second language and what is possible. When someone gets attacked they would naturally get flustered and probably reply faster and make more mistakes. For a second language, speaking is not easier than writing for all people.
The OP is very possibly a hurting abused person who needs help, and is making all kinds of excuses because that is what an abused person does. USCIS can make an appropriate determination regarding her story (if she goes that route). It's not up to us.
OP - you got some good info on your options at the start of the thread.

Because the husband is in the military he deserves more leeway? No sale. Take half of what's been told as the actual truth and the husband is not acting like a decent person.

First of all..I did not remember my username for the topic that I made couple months ago asking for help..anyway I will write a shortly review for anyone here that is going through the same situation that I was...I just want to say that keep faith that everything will happen for a good reason ..approvals or denials.
I got married in 2019 after 8 years of relationship..when I moved with my husband at the end of 2010 after my conditional green card was granted everything went down the hill. so I just live with him for 4 month..after that I return to my country with my family. I return couple of times because I was trying to forgive my husband for all that he did..but I never move back again with him.. I stayed in another city with an aunt..
my husband asked me to move back with him but first he need it to let his " ex " wife to live with him for a couple of month until she find a place to stay..that's when I decided I will never go back again with him...I asked for divorce and He said no, then my open window for removing of conditions comes.. it looks like he felt responsible for his behavior so he say that he will find the jointly petition...
in the month that I live with him he never add me to one the bills of the house all of them had the name of his " ex" wife...no insurance..anything...we only open a bank account..
so at the time of putting everything together I feel my case was really weak.
this is all i put in my packet:
the jointly form and the check
copy of my ID
3 letter from friend and coworkers of my husband
pictures..mostly old pictures
a copy of a sonogram of my pregnancy ( which I lost the baby when I was 4 months pregnant)
couple of bank statement
and that's it
I dont know if they look through the first I130 package that normally we sent when we first applied for the conditional green card ( because that one was way much better prepared ) but I dont know they approved it..
they approved my removing of conditions ...no RFE, nothing...I received the mail today that they mailed my card ...
I believe in God, a lot...and I know I left a lot of things to be with my husband and he failed me..and it was not my fault...
dont stay in a relationship only for a green card...don't get complicated sending millions of papers but little or much that you send, send it pretty organized..I make sure to make my packet look nice, clean and neat ....send only what you have and pray for what's better for you...
hope my story brings hope for some of you that are in the same situation
PD. I already filed for divorce..

ruth-
ICE is basically the police of Immigration. And just like any police department, different people have different jobs. Some people do clerical work, some people are just the muscle, and some people do investigative work. The people that do investigative work do not investigate individual cases of fraud. Why? as Boiler so simply put it "Congress makes the rules."
In this case, I agree with Congress. Now you can disagree and contact Congress and ask for it to be changed. But Ive thought about this as Im sure Congress has. While it might be in the single taxpayers interest (the one who is the victim of the fraud) to have ICE investigate, it is not in the interest of taxpayers as a whole to have ICE investigators investigate single cases of fraud. (esp when there is another agency that can investigate it- the USCIS)
Now follow me here- Congress changes the law. They allow ICE to investigate single cases of fraud. They go so far to create a dept to handle single cases of fraud. What do you think is going to happen? Every single time a USC divorces a LPR the first words out of their mouth is- I want them deported!!! Outrage! Fraud! Im contacting ICE! The dept is going to be flooded with FALSE claims of fraud by disgruntled USC spouses. That is going to put a huge unfair burden on the taxpayers.
Currently USCIS will discover individual cases of fraud. Either through their own investigation or because it was reported to them. When USCIS makes a ruling of fraud, they alert their 'muscle' ICE. ICE will then step in because USCIS found you guilty.
So for the OPs situation in this thread. ICE are not the 'detectives' USCIS are the 'detectives'. He wants his evidence to go to USCIS. If they decide its actionable they will take action on it. Their action will be- this is fraud, we want so and so arrested/deported/brought in to immigration court and have ICE do so. (it would be an extremely rare case for ICE to act as detectives-not saying it cant happen, just that it would be extremely rare.)

So many people here strike up a fantasy relationship with a stranger half a world apart and find after getting together 24/7 that reality isn't anything at all like the fantasy and the hours online/phone. They then want to rid themselves of the disappointment by point the fraud finger at their partner. When you file the immigration papers you both are stating that you know each other well and have a bonafide relationship. I think the fraud was against the government when the couple claimed they were a committed relationship.

I think my wife committed immigration fraud. She told me she was cheap to feed, but she eats like a horse...

advise if you don't know the person , don't get married.

Guam is part of the US. Just like I could move by myself to Alaska and then file for divorce without my spouse ever living in Alaska I can file from any other place in the US. I don't have to live in the same jurisdiction as my spouse to divorce them.
In your rather silly incomplete example of suing me , assuming you have the grounds against me valid in your state and you properly notified me of the action against me ( a big step you left out to make yourself seem smarter) yes you could win a judgement against me even if I don't live in your state. You really have no clue about properly applying jurisdiction rules.

Listen not all break-ups meant it was only for GC. I know from what you told us here you are a beautiful
lady, dont ever let no one make you feel as if they are your last chance, dont grovel, if he wants to ever
talk soon mention counseling (you say his mom died & outside influences) if its over move on & dont be bitter
that will sap your strength and beauty. US couples break up too with no GC benefits involved...good luck

And as soon as she sues , if she gets a judgement , all it takes going bankrupt to get rid of the judgement so she still ends up with the bills and no reimbursement.

And if the person refuses to sign it ? I doubt the clause would really be legally binding because you can't legally make someone forgo lifesaving benefits and all the recipient would need to do would be to file bankruptcy and you are still stuck with the bills

OP's post reminds me of a truly tasteless joke:
Do you know what all battered women have in common?
They don't listen!

Cute personal attack on my proper use of English. Just because you think I may harbor feelings of ill-will towards others doesn't make your opinions or observations correct. My usage of the word begrudge was grammatically and definitively used correctly in the context of my sentence. I would politely request you put me on ignore as I have now done to you so we can both avoid further pointless conversation.
As for my question, I don't care one whit about why you or anyone married a Filipina. My question was rhetorical and was made specifically to address the rather odd idea that someone would get married to someone then attempt to change what may be a core aspect of their behavior when it comes to conflict management. The OP received far too much sympathy in my opinion and I felt the need to address that issue, what other's (and most especially you rlogan) think of my opinion is meaningless.

This is exactly why many Fil-Am relationships fail. Westerners and Asians as a whole see the world in two vastly different ways and most Western men refuse to, or are incapable of, change in regards to how they interact with their family and the outside world. To each their own though. I don't begrudge men who enjoy their 'Americanized' wives, I am just happy that I married a woman who prefers her Filipino way of life and all that that entails. I guess what really makes me question the whole situation is why would you bother marrying a woman from the other side of the world when in the end you just encourage her to act and behave just like every other woman you could have met locally?

I actually would expect him to act like a decent human being and not level accusations and start a conflict with his wife on the same night a close relative died. Just because someone close to you died doesn't give you carte blanche to lash out at the people around you. That's basic anger management 101.
We will just have to agree to disagree on this subject. I personally believe that tampo is the most perfect form of conflict management on a domestic scale. The offended party is able to display dissatisfaction without escalating the conflict on their part. If continued problems occur it is because the offending party has not reacted to the punishment accordingly or has attempted to force the conflict into the open (which is precisely what the OP is guilty of doing). Personally I would rather people let sharp emotions dull with a bit of time and distance than to bring those often reactionary emotions out in front where they can cause even more damage to a relationship.
Thank you, one of the best compliments my wife ever gave me was when she told me that I think like a Filipino and that my doing so made her proud.
I am sorry to hear that your wife was not given the same information many other Filipinas are given at the CFO seminar. Perhaps it varies a bit by day and location and who is in charge of the seminar. My wife had her CFO seminar at Katipunan before they closed that office. It is wonderful that you provided your wife with the local numbers in case she felt she needed help. I wonder if the OP would have been so considerate.

So only he can be disappointed in the resulting marriage? What was he expecting? That only HE could call it quits if the marriage was a mess? She was facing a life with a man that hid his true face for at least five years. Her plan was likely to be a good wife to a man that treated her with respect and didn't use her for an emotional punching bag. When that didn't work out she did EXACTLY what she was instructed to do by the government of the Philippines. In order to be allowed to leave the Philippines everyone is required to attend a CFO seminar at which women are told many horror stories of how foreign men treat women overseas. They are given the phone numbers for local support agencies and told that if they ever feel that they are in danger, victims of abuse, or otherwise find themselves in trouble they are to use the many resources made available to them.
If he had actually any real understanding of Filipino culture he'd have known she was tampo and that lambing was required to soothe the situation after a cooling-off period. Tampo and lambing are rather unique to the Philippines and what seems to have happened here is all the OP cared about is marrying a beautiful and obedient Southeast Asian woman without actually understanding who it was he was marrying or her culture. She most likely never got to see him at his worst and only experienced the side of him he exposed while he was on vacation. He probably showered her with gifts and treated her like a princess while they were together in the Philippines. The OP is fully at fault for initiating the conflict and driving his wife away. If he can't handle a wife that expects to be treated with respect and doesn't want to be intimate with him when she is upset perhaps he shouldn't get married in the first place.

That is a load of horse manure. He married a woman almost young enough to be his daughter (a 17 year age difference) without understanding anything about her or her culture. His outbursts and confrontations made the matter worse and instead of being an adult about it, he tells her to leave if she wants and then he broods about how life is unfair. He's mentally unstable and should first be looking to care for himself. She showed none of the signs of true fraud by having plans set in motion the moment she landed and even tried to stay with his family to allow the OP time to resolve the situation in an appropriate manner. He didn't get 'hosed'. He should have learned from all of this that his behavior towards the woman was inappropriate, his choice to marry a Filipina is likely based on a male fantasy and not a love or appreciation of the woman herself or her culture, and that he needs to set his own house in order before trying to settle down again.
She could have cleaned him out of house and home. She could have filed rape or domestic abuse charges (even if there was no evidence the charge itself is devastating) for even better results, but all she did was leave after he told her to go if she wanted. She ended up at a community center that likely put her in touch with a women's shelter which is where she would have been instructed to ditch her phone and avoid all contact with him. He likely can't contact her because those are the rules enforced by women's shelters and not because she is ignoring him.

You can't file for divorce until she has been gone for 6 months? LOL
Here's what I think after reading your whining posts. You probably need to leave that girl alone. You don't sound like much of a husband or of a man and nobody on here otherwise cares about your health or medical problems.
NOTE: Amlodipine is very common. Here's a little secret: It doesn't actually make you agitated. Your tharapist probably just told you that because he/she probably didnt want to set you off or send you over the edge by telling you that you are some kind of friggin nuts. What I think is that you were probably less than up front with this girl about just how nuts you are and this is the root of the whole thing. Just a guess.
Take some advice: Anyone who makes a single call or email to a girl in a shelter or phones her friends or bothers her in any way, shape, or form is asking to get hosed.
Then: Just move on. Nobody wants to share a house with a nutjob

Too bad the "little girl from the Philippines" was not a good listener. I wonder what was your expectations of her in your marriage? I'm sure even if she is already 38, she had a hard time understanding why you are agitated all the time. Maybe she felt like she was walking on eggs. Do you really think that even if you apologize many time she can forgive you? Sometimes when the pain is too deep, some people cannot risk compromising just because they love the other person. Love doesn't mean forgiving all the time. When the pain is wearing you out, love is not enough to build back the self-esteem that was lost. Sometimes, words are more painful than a knife and it will kill a person little by little. Overall, my advise to you is forgive yourself and start searching your self and then that's the time you will consider having a relationship again. You just sad you still love your wife, so I think it's better to let go and better yourself first. Be safe and I hope your wife is in a safe place too.

So, I thought I was done posting on this topic but after reading all these comments to you and your responses, I guess I'm not.
I totally disagree with all the blind support for you. It isn't right. You asked for your options and you got many of them. Failure to see that there are two sides to this story is pathetic at best and is demonstrated OVER and OVER in reponses to your topic. It is SO easy to throw your wife under the bus because she is NOT here to defend herself. It doesn't matter who is right and wrong. There are many types of abuse and it IS NOT just physical abuse you should be worried about.
Sorry, OP, your story doesn't hold up in my opinion. There are WAY TOO many things that do not add up. One poster pointed out that your family HELPED her get away from you! Did people seriously miss this?? Your mother let her stay at her home! Why did she pick the moment you "snapped" at her to put her plan in to motion??? It doesn't make sense to me.
If I am wrong and she did use you for immigration, then fine I am sorry for your situation.
Also, it's Filipino, not Philipino. After "supporting her for 5 years", you would think you would know this but you made this mistake a few times. Your post does sound like you have no clue about her or her culture. I guess that "I thought she would be intelligent enough" could be taken wrong as well.
Best advice given in this whole thread: Get a divorce and move on.

Some of the things he has said about her actions, sound much like my own spouse. When there is conflict, she doesn't want to talk about it, she's been learned to clam up and say nothing until her hurt feelings go away. I as an American, want to discuss it and find out what hurt her feelings or mine. It has taken a lot of work, but now she is more open to expressing what she feels, although often it can come out very negative. She's for the first time in her life learning to say something instead of closing up into herself, its hard to stay with a positive tone when you're feeling negative. I have had to learn to just back off and give her time. As much as I hate just leaving her alone and letting something hang unsettled between us, its something she needs at times. The hardest thing is knowing when I need to stay with her and when to leave her alone and for how long. Quite often when she's ready, she just walks up and hugs me. Its a learning process for both of us, and its not easy.
Also I grew up where when you were feeling emotional or upset about something, it comes out in your tone of voice. This in turn can get her very upset. It just was never done in her family, and that is a raised voice. Its not even yelling in USA culture, but it is to her. I've had to learn not to do that. I can tell you its hard to change a life time worth of habits, but I am doing it. As she has to learn there will be times I'll slip. Again its a learning process for both of us.
I in no way believe his wife came with the intent to scam him for a green card. It just doesn't sound like it. But it does sound like a culture clash in how people deal with emotional situations. Americans tend to be vocal about it. Filipinos tend to clam up and ignore it until the feelings go away. There is good and bad about both ways. I think the OP has scared his wife pretty badly. And the OP is completely frustrated because he just doesn't understand that she does not handle conflict the same way he does, so he see's this as something totally different than it really is.
OP if you get the chance to talk with your wife every again, and you still want to be with her. You're going to have to learn to understand her ways. You're also going to need to look at your own ways and realize how they are not compatible with her's. Both of you are going to have to learn to be sensitive to how each of you are. You can't go snapping or shouting (ever), and she has to learn to communicate rather than ignore something that bothers her. If you do really love her, you will learn. If it doesn't work out and you intend to look towards a relationship with another Filipina, you better seriously look at all the mistakes you made with this one first and start working on changing how you react, or there's a darn good chance you'll just repeat exactly what happened here.
Good luck to both you and your spouse.