Lynkali

Then you stop listening to the people that work at the USCIS misinformation call center. They are not immigration officers. They answer the phone and read from scripts. They only know basic information, but instead of simply stating when they do not know the answer to something, they tend to make one up. Sometimes they give out very bad, seriously incorrect information.

If everyone expedites then no one expedites.
Expedites are for serious, emergent situations (such as the death of a close family member overseas), not just to jump to the front of the line and take someone else's spot for yourself.

You are completely biased against them. It's not always about fraud, it's not about being suspicious, it's not about whether someone is worth more than possessions, this is just how YOU choose to see it. Pre-nups CAN be about all those things, and they can also be about protecting the future spouse as well, and I prefer to see them in that light. Get an attorney, negotiate the terms, and put it away somewhere and hope you never have to use it. They can also be retracted later (by agreement of both parties).
You are attempting to push the OP and anyone else reading to your point of view by stating, in no uncertain terms, that they are poison to a relationship and basically using peer-pressure to try and force people to see if your way. After all, if there are people like you, so unwilling to see the benefit and so vocal and rude about your opinion, then the OP may get scared that people will judge her for it.
The OP need not care what you think, what I think, what her neighbour thinks, it's about what SHE thinks. They CAN be good things. If her fiance is looking at them as only to protect himself then yes, that's a huge red flag and this relationship has issues. It depends on how he presented it to her, how well the negotiations go etc. I would be interested to first see what the first draft says. If it reads completely unfair (even before she makes changes) then I'd be wary of him. If he already went through it and made some reasonably fair provisions for her (only needing a few tweaks) then you know he cares about her interests too.

I've enjoyed following this discussion. It's interesting to see the different points of view people have on this topic.
No one goes through the Visa process or plans a wedding with the idea a divorce is in the future, but divorces happen. No one enters into a marriage with the idea one party is seeking financial gain, but people marry for money all the time.
When a relationship is new and everyone is in love the idea of sharing everything equally and splitting amicably seems very easy and logical. But when things go pear shaped, the love is gone, and bitterness takes it's place, suddenly the idea of sharing and splitting equally gets a bit more complicated.
Having a pre defined set of "rules" helps significantly during an emotional time.
This new person comes into my life, and we split for any reason. Maybe nothing sinister, maybe she just can't adjust to 20 below winters, or I find raising another mans child is more stressful then I expected. It doesn't mean we didn't love each other at the start. We both had the best intentions. Stuff happens.
I've spent the last 30 years building what I have today. Should I now be subject to a judge determining if some of my assets should be shared with her after only a couple years together.?
Yes, it's planning the divorce before the marriage, but I've seen how bitter divorces can get. Sometimes revenge and hurting the other person is a top priority. Talking about these things and finding an agreeable resolution when we like each other seems like just good sense.

It's my understanding based on many posts here, that real estate (a home) cannot count as assets unless it is a SECOND home that you can readily sell for cash. Your own home that you live in cannot be converted to cash without putting you out on the street and/or forcing you to rent, so it does NOT count as an asset for these forms.
I could be wrong, but dozens of posts on the forums here, as well as common sense when considering what is a "liquid asset" (as stated in the form instructions), lead me to think that the house does not count.

At least here in California, you must have two separate lawyers involved in a pre-nup. One for the husband and one to represent the wife's interests. If the same lawyer tries to represent both, there is a huge conflict of interest and that isn't allowed or advisable. I am in the process of trying to find a second lawyer for my fiance, while he's still abroad, and that's a little difficult because he can't consult with them until he's here. But it is the way to go, absolutely!
I've never been married before and have NO plans on divorcing, but my fiance and I are in the process of drawing up a pre-nup -- we BOTH want it, it is in both of our best interests and it will protect both of us from any unforeseen future problems. I find it absolutely normal and I wish everyone would have one: it is something you create while you are in love, caring and looking out for each other's best interests, in order to protect EACH OTHER. I also think it's very common in the USA and not looked on as something bad at all.
I actually find it romantic. Maybe I'm weird. But I see it as: I care SO MUCH for my fiance and want him to be safe and happy and protected in case anything goes wrong. By feeling that now and drawing up an agreement for any future issues, I am promising to do well by him forever.
A prenup does not in any way mean that you do not trust or love each other. On the contrary, I treat it as an act of love and care. It's like taking out an insurance policy: does that mean you think you're going to be hospitalized? Of course not, but it's worth having in the chance of something going wrong.

I don't believe it is your intention, but this came off extremely judgmental. There is no way to predict the future. Divorce does happen. Not always, but it does often. Some people choose to be more prepared IF it come to that. Signing or not signing a prenup is not a sign that people are not ready for marriage. If anything, the discussion around it demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the LEGAL bond about to be entered. Marriage is just as much legal as it is symbolic or religious.
I know I've discussed it because I don't want to burden my fiance with MY debt. He was not there for it, had no say in its accumulation, and it's not his responsibility. Whether we do one or not is still undecided.

And that is your way of looking at them. As another person said, we pay for health and car insurance yet we HOPE we won't need to use them, and it's just as prudent to protect yourself and your assets in the event of a divorce, even if it never happens.
i don't know of anyone who has had a truly amicable divorce. There are always little things. A pre-nup would help make what is already horrible thing, less painful.
I personally discussed a pre-nup with my husband but there is no necessity for it because neither of us have the assets for it. If I were to come into an inheritance from my family there would probably be fine-print within it (due to the family trust) or there are post-nup agreements if it came to that.
For many people a pre-nup is a sign of deep love and respect (wanting to protect each other), for others it's a sign of mistrust. To each their own.

At least here in California, you must have two separate lawyers involved in a pre-nup. One for the husband and one to represent the wife's interests. If the same lawyer tries to represent both, there is a huge conflict of interest and that isn't allowed or advisable. I am in the process of trying to find a second lawyer for my fiance, while he's still abroad, and that's a little difficult because he can't consult with them until he's here. But it is the way to go, absolutely!
I've never been married before and have NO plans on divorcing, but my fiance and I are in the process of drawing up a pre-nup -- we BOTH want it, it is in both of our best interests and it will protect both of us from any unforeseen future problems. I find it absolutely normal and I wish everyone would have one: it is something you create while you are in love, caring and looking out for each other's best interests, in order to protect EACH OTHER. I also think it's very common in the USA and not looked on as something bad at all.
I actually find it romantic. Maybe I'm weird. But I see it as: I care SO MUCH for my fiance and want him to be safe and happy and protected in case anything goes wrong. By feeling that now and drawing up an agreement for any future issues, I am promising to do well by him forever.
A prenup does not in any way mean that you do not trust or love each other. On the contrary, I treat it as an act of love and care. It's like taking out an insurance policy: does that mean you think you're going to be hospitalized? Of course not, but it's worth having in the chance of something going wrong.

You do know that VJ has plenty of guides, right? Why make your own guide when you are too "lazy" to make it right. Seems odd. Oh well, I am out.

I have never seen anyone need to pay a "reciprocity visa fee" and AOS always requires biometrics. No one who comes on K-1 will fall into he categories that don't need it (refugee, asylee, child).
It's a nice guide, but there are some errors.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

1. Jump a flight.
2. Jump him.
3. Talk.
5. Make a decision together.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.

There are days in this multi-year process where even the best of partners will get cold feet, worry, have second thoughts, and be scared. This is A SCARY THING for anyone, to pick up and leave their entire life behind, trusting blindly in the future and the love of a partner who is half a world away. It's terrifying and it requires intense patience and trust and sometimes just blind faith. I don't begrudge or think ill of anyone who starts to doubt -- I think it's entirely normal, sane, and human.
However, there are also many more days -- the majority, I am sure -- where we cannot imagine life without our partner, where we are willing to fight and struggle and undertake massive effort to be with our loved one. Where we consider all the good things, the joys and the future together, and all of the effort seems minuscule compared to the payoff.
Unlike some of the responders here, I don't think you need to call it off at all, nor even to worry overmuch. I do think you need to communicate better, and find ways of staying intimate, supportive, and laughing with each other about the absurdities of this horrendous process. I know that there have been times -- months even, before we actually filed and were trying to decide how it all was going to work -- where we both felt it was hopeless, that we'd never make it, that the obstacles were too great. You in particular have been hit with extra delays, and I hope you can find faith and humor in each other, to survive.
My best suggestion is: either visit if you can (the absolute best option, but depending on timing and money, not always possible), or find some new way of maintaining humor and intimacy. Start a new videogame together, make a playlist for each other, document your journey to be together, start any project together that you can share and enjoy again. Let him recapture the joy and love he feels when he's in your presence, and those cold feet will warm right up!
I'd also remind him (as I do with my fiance) that he will not be "trapped" here if things do not work out as you plan. If he leaves before you're married, he goes home, no problem. If you divorce after AOS but before ROC, also no problem: he can remove conditions on his own based on your bonafide intent when you married, or he can return home. His choice, he is free and there are no ill repercussions, apart from the money.