taal

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

As an Indian woman, divorce is embarrassing. But you know what? You are an American citizen. And even in India women are getting divorced when their husbands turn out to be sh*ty. If divorce was such a "taboo" he wouldn't have been suggesting it. There is no reason for you to tie yourself to outdated misogynistic ideals when you don't even belong in India but in America. And in America it's perfectly OK for you to be happy. Your parents don't have your best interest at heart. If they want to sponsor him for a Green card, let them. YOU don't have to. Divorce him now and he wont be able to ROC based on marriage.

Your evidence is your word. You lose nothing by writing them a statement (as unemotional as possible stating only the facts).
Personally I would terminate his phone (he works, he can pay for his own) and I would also remove the Vonage stuff from his access (so change the password or whatever else you need to do.
Remove him from any bank accounts/joint bills etc.
You paid for the car but it was in your parents name so you couldn't prove that. It sucks but you learnt a lesson, put it in YOUR name or they won't consider it your property.
Good luck and stay strong!

I suggest you read up this post on how to report immigration fraud to USCIS:
http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/439326-reporting-fraud-to-uscis/?p=6341467
Please make a info pass appointment, when you arrive ask to speak to the on duty FDNS officer.
Fraud Detection and National Security (FDNS) Directorate 111 Massachusetts Ave., NW Suite 7002, Mail Stop 2280 Washington, D.C. 20529-2280 FDNS@dhs.gov

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

clingy I am not, that's the last thing I am all about. 3 years for a relationship you forget its pretty much one year after marriage of living together, prior to that it was a phone call once a month. He had other obligations, his cousins and sisters were getting married.
I can also contact the embassy of his dads illegal status of being here so long, but won't do that. I am not that spiteful, and fully believe in karma, what goes around comes around. My faith is strong with God, and he sees all.
And because he offered me money, I would never take it, I can't be bought this wasn't a paid venture for me, it was a lifetime commitment. But just because he says he'll give me 20k do you think he has it? No, if he did he would have helped his parents out with all there debt and not have been sending is income to India. I guess I expected to much with sharing finances in a marriage, or being honest.

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

All I can say is, Way to go Taal! You are a strong woman! Hats off to you. I am sorry to hear about your mom. My prayers for her. Be strong!

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

clingy I am not, that's the last thing I am all about. 3 years for a relationship you forget its pretty much one year after marriage of living together, prior to that it was a phone call once a month. He had other obligations, his cousins and sisters were getting married.
I can also contact the embassy of his dads illegal status of being here so long, but won't do that. I am not that spiteful, and fully believe in karma, what goes around comes around. My faith is strong with God, and he sees all.
And because he offered me money, I would never take it, I can't be bought this wasn't a paid venture for me, it was a lifetime commitment. But just because he says he'll give me 20k do you think he has it? No, if he did he would have helped his parents out with all there debt and not have been sending is income to India. I guess I expected to much with sharing finances in a marriage, or being honest.

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

First of all thank you to every one that gave me there suggestions. Secondly, let me remind you that this is not a fraudulent marriage, I approached my husband to go to counseling, he refused. He does not speak English well, or hardly so he has the mentality of why go to people for help. Secondly, if I an American born raised woman, could stay in India for one year, and let me remind you, I've only been there each time for our relationship, engagement, marriage, visa appointment. India, is not the place I see myself returning, I was shocked at how a woman was always under the control of her family, well this family I married in to. I was not allowed to leave with out others. We lived in Chandigarh, a city....Long story short, I know how much I despised being in a country without my family, or having the freedom to walk were I wanted or when I wanted to...But did so, only for my husband to be by my side to start our lives. I also knew and was okay with his parents living with us in the future he is the only son after all... HIs dad resides in New York, he is an illegal has been for 25 years.
Whenever we had an issue it was escalated to a family meeting, I prefer my personal life private. But since it's an arranged marriage we got family involved. After numerous sit-downs, I was told I was over reacting about finances. Yes, I do not intent to live with my parents my entire life. And it hurts that he has to send 80% of his income to India. Yes, he should realize that I work and attend school as well, and sacrificed numerous opportunities of attending nursing school, for my husband do to being in India. I'm not upset he's sending money to India, just most of it. I have a great relationship with his parents, Always communicate with them on a regular basis. But they just tell me he'll mature after a while. Or the fact that I should not be selfish and move to Texas where his one cousin lives. Ironic, this was spoken about prior to marriage. HIs dad seems to be not considering that most of my units will not transfer to Texas University, I already checked, and my entire family extended and all live in California, his Dad lives in New York, so I would expect him to move there......
Long story short, I filed for divorce today, after the last sit-down meeting yesterday. I have no proof, I packed my belongings and left., my household. In the process of changing my number, but really can't, my mom is terminally ill from Leukemia, and another reason I live at home, to care for her. I signed a pre-nup prior to marriage to make sure the inheritance I received from my grandparents in a couple years wasn't taken. I sent the Indian embassy letters of what is going on and how he wants to get married in India again....
the Last information you guys should know is, in 2004 his dad paid a woman from the states to India to bring his son over through fiancé visa, he was caught. It made it extremely difficult for his fiancé visa to be approved with me thus ended in denial. That was the main issue I had to stay in India to prove a bonfide marriage...God watches all, I can not be bought, nor will I ever except his money. I am and have been self made my entire life, living with my parents because of our culture....

I am truly sorry Taal that you had to go though this. Its truly hard when somebody uses you just for their own means and when you feel that nobody will support or believe you. Its so sad that others can just play with emotions with no regards what this would do the the other person. I hope that one day you will find peace after this whole mess.

Taal, while you weigh your options, do not make the mistake of being baited. the best reaction is non reaction to the emotional abuse you are being subjected. these snakes push buttons and can generate a cloud of confusion. they have multiple masks and they wear them according to the audience they have. remember everytime you give him that, you are the one that appears unreasonable or unstable.
be kind to yourself & your family (they may not understand now but you are saving them from living with a monster that will also use them and manipulate them). evaluate your existing options. take action. (just like you informed yourself on how to take yourself through the visa journey, find a way to extract that parasite from your lives.) be steadfast and do not waiver.
save yourself and your family. allow yourself a new start in life that doesn't include the venom he spews. you might find that the most healthy thing for you is just to cut him out. you may decide there is no need to pursue the fraud option or to "expose him". that is so draining. and it can make you bitter. people like that eventually reap what they sow.

Just to be clear -
I am , for him (the foreign spouse) to be thrown under the bridge.
Actions have consequences - His actions demand 'those' consequences.

You project as a wonderful woman, but he didn't appreciate you. I know a lot of wonderful people who are unfortunate in love. I am happy for you that you are finally resolving this marriage. Best wishes!

Hi
I can't really suggest anything. There are people on VJ more educated like Darnell and Dwheels immigration wise than myself. Just wanted to say shame on those people who misuse others for their own benefit.

I agree with a majoriety of the comments above. I have known and love my husband. I signed a pre-nup. Its a sense of secuirty. I will inherit money and have a lot saved. I don't want it to disapear if god forbid something goes wrong. I've been happily married for a year now. It's just a good decision to make and not have it lurking in the back of your mind..

My Prayers are with you...And goodluck and congrats on the baby!!!!!