verysadguy

We should recognize there are humans with mental disorders called "Personality Disorders". It is estimated some 10% of DV allegations are false often coming from persons afflicted with Personality Disorders, bipolar etc. These false allegations are damaging to the innocent, waste millions of dollars of precious limited support resources, and lead to fraudulent claims for VAWA, assistance, food stamps etc. These people are expert liars and will stop at nothing to selfishly attain their goals.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/personality-disorder

http://psychcentral.com/personality/

I've treated them professionally, and I've succumbed to one or two on a personal level.

Find a shelter and get out with your baby.

Find Catholic relief services also. They can help provide both legal and immigration services in many parts of the country. When you get to the shelter, they should be able to help point the way.

Caryh is absolutely right, and if you haven't done this yet then you are lagging. Get going for your emotional safety and that of your child.

Yes, sandranj is the real deal folks. NH needs to apply for VAWA with her proof of abuse, affidavits from her acquaintances and supporters, and from a licensed psychologist about her PTSD and depression.

As sandranj said there are a lot of scammers, and this story although far-fetched, does seem real. Get to the Catholic charities now NH and good luck. As much as I hate to say it they helped my ex who was completely fraudulent. The point being they have the expertise and services often to help you prevail through a stressful situation.

Had i just kept the evidence...something for others to learn from my story is to keep the evidence. You just don't think about at the time.

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS keep the evidence.

My ex begged me to delete all the letters and photos. NO WAY! Never. I have backups in triplicate. Sad part is the mountain of evidence I turned it was basically worthless as VAWA filers have all the advantage in the world over hapless USC sponsors. Total joke of justice.

Interesting collection (no pun intended) of new posts. Here is a brief summary to bring everyone up to date in bullet format.

• No payments and luckily zero contacts of any sort from the ex for several months. Not even a text message thank God.
• Attorney says, don't go after the money, let it accrue. It may come in handy some day in court to show she is a deadbeat. Also, I make 10 times more than her monthly so don't let it look like I am trying to punish her when really don't need the money. Yes, she is in contempt of court. Yes, I am considering termination of parental rights.
• Best I could hope for is my state would garnish her wages and collect child support from her monthly at the county level. It's a measly $139 a month, but she says she only makes $88/month in tips (a lie) yet her monthly bus pass is $90??? I swear that's what she put in her court papers. Does anyone on the planet pay more to get to work then what they earn? Really?
• She is still dating for 3 years the same "dude" from her non-profit charitable Catholic support foundation. He is still posting on twitter a jillion things about domestic violence, emotional abuse buddying up to his district attorney, and supporting this gal almost 100%. Mind you this guy is a member of his state's national guard, a kung fu expert, posts pictures of his weapons, and works for his city government (previously working for nuns and now working under a rabbi, not kidding) supporting the LGBT lobby, too!!! My ex is good at her game no?
• Private detective found a relative of my ex who said she was in line to get her US Citizenship in 2 years. That to me alone is indredulous. Completely scammed the system.
• I've sent several Fedex letters in the last year to DHS, ICE, FDNS, and HSI without a single response to my fraud claims and submitted evidence.
• Congressional inquiries from 2 jurisdictions were shut down by VSC for lack of FOIA.

Bottom line? It pays to lie, cheat, and scam if you just want to get to America by falsifying abuse to get a green card. Fact: this woman was happy in my home scamming me up until the day I served her divorce papers and kicked her out with her voluntarily agreeing to return to Vietnam and handing over the baby to the babysitter IN THE AIRPORT. She then disappeared in to the wilds of America, sued me, developed PTSD and depression mysteriously AFTER I kicked her out as a result of my "emotional abuse", and seduced one of her supporters. Man I love America!

The greatest thing alive lives with me though!

Love that kid.

Totally off topic- but this is the oddest sentence I have ever read- taking in context the author and situation. I would ask her how her day was and if she was a good girl? and she would say yes...

???

As an advocate for victims of domestic violence over 25 years, I am in shock reading some posts here. Mtpeelar you said ..."We don't know enough details to know if it's one time or many and what might have set hubby off that might have set hubby off to start the abuse later in marriage but I could think of a wide variety of triggers", abusers abuse their victims,because they have their moral compass broken, because of lack of empathy toward others,because of a selfish personality,nothing else! Marital conflicts is no reason to abuse someone,stress is no excuse to batter someone, drug addiction is not reason to justify abuse,cheating is no reason to abuse someone etc....People have the option to solve problems in a civilized manner. Abuse it is a conscious choice made by the abuser . The only person who should be held at fault is the ABUSER!

Sandranj is right. It is a broken moral compass. My ex was lying to my face and her entire family. She was calling her lover 5 minutes after I left the house every morning even after we had sex (I can't call it making love looking back at her behavior). I would ask her how her day was and if she was a "good girl" and she would say yes even though her phone and computer showed she spent hours with her lover online.

Did I ever hit her? NO. She bit and scratched me!

Did I ever call her names? NO

Did we talk calming and politely about her lying? NO. We had debates, but no yelling, screaming, name calling, hitting/beating/spitting...nothing.

I chose to be a class act about a horrible situation. Did I want turmoil around my child? NO.

Anyone suffering abuse needs to GET THE HELL OUT AND FAST! I know money and shelter is critical but abuse is potentially life threatening and the stress is harmful, too.

The jerk only wanted a green card. I worked as a court interpreter for immigration. Several middle eastern men would marry American women to acquire a green card. Once their green card arrived, they would end up wanting a divorce because back home they had a wife. There were many instances were American women help their husbands go to college. Once they got their green card and degree, they would dump their American wife to marry a muslim woman. This guy is a loser and used you to get a green card. This person took advantage of your kindness. Unfortunately, not everyone is kind in this world. There are people like this man (I don't think he is a man because a true man takes responsibility) who took advantage of your good hearted person. These individuals thrive on people like you. He is probably using the other woman just like he used you. Perhaps the other woman has money, a home, or some other thing were he will use her and once he acquires it, he will dump her too. In otherwords, these type of men are free loaders. They don't like to work or man up and face responsibilities. They are seeking their next victim to see what they can acquire... Dump him and report him to ICE.

Women do it too, and easier. Been there done that. It is immigration fraud pure and simple. USCIS knows but doesn't have the resources to fight it. Does USCIS probably not. They have their hands full of outright illegals, car thieves, rapists, drug dealers, murderers, and human traffickers to really care much about the US Citizens Broken Hearts Club and Drained Bank Accounts Squadron at the hands of CON ARTIST foreigners.

We are pretty much screwed.

Your petition will be left to expire and that'll be the end of it. You can reapply or get married and pursue a spousal visa.

Harpa is correct. Reapply with better evidence. You must have really screwed up though. It is pretty hard to not have the right info for a 90 day K-1.

Did you have an RFE even before the interview? There must have been a red flag or two or completely missing information that you didn't reply to.

If you can't conjure up the evidence then yes, get a real marriage and go for a spousal visa.

Scorecard update:

15 months not a penny of child support paid.

Since last December one visit for 4 hours total contact time.

Not a single phone call or Skype contact to the child since New Year's Eve....2011. I'm not kidding.

Numerous internet postings of employment, travel and nights out on the town living the life of freedom on US soil but not being a mother whatsoever. Zip.

Actions speak louder than words.

He does not have a job legally, his 'wife' never filed.

Someone call the cops.

Fraud hurts folks, mentally, physically, and financially. It must be reported. Sadly the politicians won't do much and USCIS is up to its armpits with far worse crimes.

From my situation and persepctive:

I really hope that somehow you are I was able to assemble a compelling enough case against this idiot to get him HER deported and his HER green card revoked. The thought of a person with the ability to be so sick, twisted and manipulative living and taking advantage of the benefits of this country while a long list of genuine, deserving and honest people are waiting patiently behind him HER just to be with someone they truly love infuriates me. Above all, you deserve to have him HER sent thousands of miles away with no hope of ever so much as setting foot in same country as you ME. I know this probably wasn't much help and there's not much anyone can really say to alleviate the pain and hurt this person has SHE caused you ME, but I hope that you are WAS able to get what you I want out of it and move on in your MY life and be happy and fulfilled WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND LOVING SMART HEALTHY DAUGHTER A PARENT COULD WANT. Good luck!

OP, find your happy place without the con artist. It may not be a child but TRUE love is out there, so is God and therapy and friendships. Good luck, but please do REPORT and DIVORCE and GET OUT.

A large "Jewish consortium"? OMG, are you serious? Talk about politically incorrect...Now I've seen everything on this thread.

I seen nothing wrong with Jewish consortium. Perhaps it is religiously related building for a charity or Jewish owned corporation. Not any more politically incorrect than LGBT. It is not derogatory in anyway in my perception. Harpa?

Heck, the guy has a job legally which I think is great. How many millions of illegals are here working and not paying taxes? How many millions of immigrants are here not working and getting welfare? I hope he is paying a boatload of taxes.

I vote fraud. No romantic relationship with you, carrying on with someone else the whole time. His lies are pretty poor, I hope you don't believe the "I am helping a sick woman" line again. And the "snooping reminds me of my home abuse and gives me panic attacks" stuff. Yeah.

As far as ICE, you can make your report to them, there is a thread in this forum on how to do it. But I am not sure you have that much evidence. Cheating by itself doesn't always mean fraud. But I would report it to clear your conscience and then move on.

Sorry for your losses. Good luck.

I agree. Fraud. Yes you should report to ICE and to FDNS. There are many intricacies to this process of reporting fraud. I see he already has a green card but there are many other items to discuss. Please PM me if you want further assistance as I've been down this icy slippery rocky road that is full of potholes covered in broken glass and crossed by snakes an other dangerous beings.

Another broken hearted USC victimized by a marauding foreigner (obviously many other unknown details but verysadguy empathizes with a versadwoman). I wish USCIS would step up its warning, monitoring, and expulsion of these fraudsters.

I'm the citizen and I'm through with the marriage

but she refuses to go back to her home country or for that matter leave the relationship. Does anybody have any ideas on ridding me of this woman??? Sorry for not giving the juicy details which we all like but I need advice.

The advice to det a divorce is FANTASTIC FREE ADVICE. Of course she refuses to go back. Why does she not want to "leave" the relationship? Big house? Money? You're great in bed? If you don't love her, and you won't give the us the juicy details revert back to FREE ADVICE and get divorced. Then it doesn't matter whether she wants to leave or not, YOU WILL BE DONE.

As for VAWA we don't know what has occured. As for "returning an appliance" we don't know about fraud, mental illness, danger to your safety, etc. All you really asked is "ridding me of this woman."

Again, FREE ADVICE...GET A DIVORCE.

You want more legal advice than that, then give us the juicy details. My personal stance is this, you brought her here, now you have to deal with it. Yes, if there is fraud, I do think that beneficiary should be returned like a defective product, no fraud he/she stays as the relationship just didn't work out and now you get to PAY! If you were the problem again...YOU have to PAY.

If there was abuse, then yes VAWA is an option, but we know nothing of the time frames or GC status etc of this situation. If you bought bad fruit at the market you should certainly return it, but if you bought good fruit and let it go bad then too bad for you.

Can we NOT encourage people to use VAWA unless there's abuse involved? Jfc

That would be honorable and ethical, but in real life VAWA is an easy (debatable) loophole to LPR status with or without PROOF of abuse. If you do the math of 12,000 annual VAWA apps and growing, that amounts to 40 foreigners being abused daily. I don't believe that for a second. Do I believe there is VAWA fraud of dozens per day? You bet I do. As a matter of fact I just received about my 10th request from a Russian woman today for money and come to America and be with me forever, and I'm over 100 responses from Chinese women looking for an American sugar daddy.

Wake up and smell the coffee folks. Millions of people want to come to the USA for handouts. Why would you want to live in squalor if you can find an American sucker to pay your way for years?

Tuckin extreme cruelty is "mental abuse", the alien has to prove that he/she suffered constant humiliation,degradation,control,threats,coercion etc...and because of the abuse inflicted the alien developed major depression and or post traumatic disorder.But as i said before "cheating" is not considered abuse by USCIS.If the person suffered physical abuse we say the person was "battered",if the person suffered mental abuse we say the person suffered "extreme cruelty",of course one,two isolated acts of humiliation will not constitute mental abuse,it must be a repetitive pattern of abuse.

the key element is "prove"

We must share that for VAWA the burden of proof relies on the claimant's affidavits and testimonials as often there is little concrete evidence when it comes to emotional abuse and "extreme cruelty."

It is a subjective weight of suffering absorbed by the claimant. A good storyteller (liar) who can convince a handful of individuals and present a clear, convincing, and compelling tale of woe (perhaps coached by experts) to a licensed therapist for that determination of emotional abuse is fairly easy to do.

I wish there was more scrutiny and a stronger evidentiary methodology for VAWA, but sadly there isn't.

It would be interesting to stay up to date on this proceeding.

Does anyone here have solid factual experience on immigration court proceedings and rulings?

Especialy related to proving fraud?

Your comment is ambiguous... You did not make sense at least

It was meant to be ambiguous.

Evidence is usually straight forward as long as it isn't manipulated or manufactured.

Expressions of love are fleeting words, and actions speak louder than words.

Case in point, if you tell your K-1 sponsor you love him/her, but you are in a deep emotional/sexual relationship with someone else in reality, then probably that first declaration of love is suspect.

one post adding nothing constructive to the thread has been removed and one member thread-banned

Close thread?

USCIS and ICE do not bring cases based on letters, suppositions, hunches, or guesses, but with solid, verifiable proof that will stand up in court.

Letters are evidence. Been there done that. Turned in to ICE and FDNS. Photos are evodence too. Been there done that.

"I love you."

"I'll never leave you"

"I don't talk to my ex anymore"

These last 3 statements sound nice but.....

For airline travel you don't need to go through immigration checkpoints if the flight is within the US. The passport would suffice for travel within the country. As for the immigration checkpoint in Texas, what exactly is it? I have never heard of an immigration check point within the country.

Yes and no. These are not actual immigration checks but my airport for instance has a CBP agent at the boarding gate of every flight screening passengers. It is not an official entry in to the USA checkpoint where your presence on entry is logged.

The same holds true for highway checkpoints in California, AZ, NM, and TX. They can and do have the authority to stop you and question you and SEARCH you if they have probable cause. FACT and LEGAL. Sue whomever you want, but you will be 99.99% of the time wasting your time and money.

You might think Obama is your friend but CBP has tripled in size and removal statistics are huge regardless of what you hear on the news.

Considering what you said I don't see you are suffering extreme cruelty. You are experiencing what USCIS call "unpleasant situations" , but not abuse.If she does not allow you to drive her car or take you to the mosque, get a bus, a cab,ask a friend a ride.Abuse would be if she locks the door, take the keys away, and do not allow you to worship.I don't see any mention about that here,and of course just one isolated act as i mentioned does not constitute mental cruelty either.Extreme cruelty is a pattern of coercive control,humiliation,degradation by the perpetrator, the extreme cruelty causes anguish to the victims that develops major depression,and/or post traumatic disorder etc..I truly believe you are disappointed , you have a bad marriage, got married to a mean person, that is it!

Of course that is true in this case, ie not extreme cruelty, if that is what the filer actually puts in their affidavit. I'm willing to bet that a huge percentage of these affidavits are full of hogwash. The "victims" of abuse are likely to say they were yelled at, cursed at, called names, berated, and sexually defiled. Not to mention they will tell their psychotherapists they couldn't sleep, cried daily, walked on eggshells, recoiled from their "abusive" USC spouse etc.

Why not lie? LPR status brings an EAD and benefits and money etc. Just sayin'

I applaud this poster for at least telling what appears to be mostly factual information to gauge in reality what his chances of VAWA approval are. What really makes it in to the filing is anyone's guess.

I have a hard time believing, based on statistics, that 40 people per day on average are abused while married and not yet having an approved Visa.

Sandranj, as always, thanks to you for your expertise on the legalities and processes of DV related immigration.

RUN!!!

Listen, I married a woman that sadly I found out a week after marriage cheated while pregnant. These people are liars and cheats. YOU NEED TO RUN FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP. You might feel some sort of love, but you need to get some therapy and move on. People, male or female, behaving in this fashion are sociopaths. Find a good person who is honest and faithful.

This!

I've had catty remarks from "friends" regarding the u.s. now, whereas before my relationship, they never said anything bad about it! Now all I hear about is how annoying and loud Americans are. I like to remind them that the Americans they have met are travelers, they have not ever been to the country themselves so they cannot judge a view solely based on a few bad experiences!

I lived in Australia. Aussies love to bash America. Plenty of loud mouths in Oz, too.

My father has a wise saying "There are rednecks all over the world". It's fun to bash Americans, they have the money. What's the point of bashing a poor country? Geez those Peruvians sure are annoying. Get my point? Besides, anymore, the USA is a melting pot. If you go to Iran, it is 99.99% Iranian, but if you go to Queens New York it has about 150 different nationalities.

My advice, find nice people to be friends with and don't pick your nose on a subway train.

I find your accusation , that german news today being anti Semitic is totally groundless . More of a blood libel.

I think you missed the point of what I'm saying. I didn't say Germans or German news was anti-semitic. I said the news in Europe yesterday was reporting on anti-semitic activities.

That is indisputable.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/07/23/anti-semitic-riots-in-europe-took-us-back-to-1938/