Together, Alone

[pdx-bkk 0]

I am sending my I-129F package today. I decided that I am not going to obsess about it anymore and just let go and hope everything is going to OK.

I am having a bit of difficulty though, with the distance apart. I miss her so much and I am finding it hard to be positive because my sadness some times takes over . I want the times that we communicate fun and light but sometimes I wear the sadness on my face. When we video chat. I am 33 years old but now I feel like I am 5, because everything affects my mood. I am normally a very happy, joyful person and I want this feeling to go away.

It has been just over a month since I have seen her last. I am have hard time now and I fear of the long journey ahead. I just do not understand why it has to be such a long process.

One of my fiancee's friends married a man in the UK and it only took a week to process their application. A week.

Anyway, I feel that I could use some support right now and if anyone has any suggestions on how to make this time apart just as amazing as the times together, I would greatly appreciate your words of wisdom.

Thanks,

Austin

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

All I can say to you is to hold the love you have for your sweetie within you.

Cherish what you have.

I always say it's so hard to be apart but I wouldn't trade the distance or the relationship itself for something closer and easier.

Our love is too strong.

You will be with her and when it happens, look back and realize what it took to be together. You'll never take each other for granted because you know how hard you both had to work to be at that stage.

We have up days and we have down days. Sometimes it's tolerable, others, we cry and that's okay!

It's okay to feel like ####### sometimes, it's okay to be upset and heartbroken because afterall, sharing your life with someone who is thousands of miles away is hard!

I can't come home after a hard day, curl up on the couch with Nick and feel that security but I do have him in my heart and we can see each other on web cam and I can hear his voice and that is better than not having him at all!

Focus on your relationship, take each day and consider it a blessing because you have found the love of your life (not all people can say that!), it just happens she's in another country.

Everything will be okay and you two will be together.

Best of luck to you

~Laura

[huggyapple 0]

Your making me cry now It is a difficult road being apart and the time seems endless. I keep telling myself "We'll be together soon!" We try not to think about the time it is taking. We have our good days and bad days too.

Mark

[KGSodie 0]

Laura has some really wise words, and I appreciate them as I'm sure you do, Austin.

I was last with my angel on March 15th of this year, and that was 8 long months ago. We chat every day with webcams and voice chat, and nothing can make me smile quicker than seeing her look directly at the camera instead of at my image on her monitor, and hearing her tell me "I love you". And nothing can make me more sad than those days when we don't get to talk as much as we'd like, or a pre-arranged chat time comes and goes and for one reason or another she is unavoidably detained.

Having to wait through this interminable visa process is horrific on the best of days, but Laura is right - always remember what it is you have found, stay focused on the future when you will be together FOREVER, and never let your hopes and dreams fade. Being in love and being apart means sacrifice, and it is a sacrifice I think we each make very willingly. It is the price we pay for the happiness of our future.

Best of luck always, and remember you are NOT going through this alone!

Kevin & Natasha

[patrick & relyn 0]

Austin,

It is one of the most difficult, frustrating things i have ever been through. But it will end eventually.

Relyn and I have been waiting for almost two years just to be able to file the 129F. I have asked myself

more times than i can count why does this have to take soooo long. Just the annulment process in the philippines

takes up to two years. Anyway you asked words of wisdom.......I suppose one thing that helps is to make plans and

keep talking about them with your girl. If your considering children you can even pick out names now. It might seem

silly but maybe that will help pass the time. Another thing is keep busy with things you like to do. When im off work it

seems that is the time i miss Relyn the most and its because maybe im not busy.

good luck. i know your aching to have that girl in your arms right now!

Patrick

[*JG* 2]

You can do this......Just hang in there.

[Jesse and Hema 2]

If you love your girl as much as mine, you know that some day the sad and lonely days will pay off when you two are permanently together! Some good advice posted already, just listen to them, keep your head up, and be thankful for what you have! My fiancee has no Internet at home, and the phone connection sucks.. I'd love to be able to video chat with her!

Most importantly, you have someone that loves you.. Enough to deal with all this visa/immigration #######!! That says a lot!! Let this be your focal point.

Good luck!

--Jesse G.

[Jasman0717 9]

It is a struggle but it does eventually end. I can still see my fiancee coming through the exit from customs, what a day that was

[BishopMnA 0]

Hang in there brother. For sure, we all 'suffer' to some extent through this process. However, you will make it through it.

For AAm and I, it seemed like a long process, but we actually followed the 'average timeline'. Now, when I look back at it...it seems like all we went through to get AAm to the United States happened in a 'past lifetime'...even though she's only been in the United States for about 7 months now, and we still have several immigration hurdles to clear! <haha>

The joy of her arrival and the beginning of your new life together will very quickly erase the feelings of sorrow/loneliness that you feel at this moment. That moment will be here (believe it or not) before you know it.

Peace and God Bless to Both of you for continued good luck on your journey.

Mark-N-AAm

[Dianna_and_Adam 0]

Dear Austin...

I think it's painful for any VJ to read this post, for all of us (as said many times before) on the same slow and overcrowded boat, waiting to see the people that make this life bearable for us. nibbling on our nails, smoking cigarettes(those who do), working half to death, and basically doing anything just to keep our mind of the huge gap in our lives that is there due to the lack of this one person we love most.

Personally my heart is aching for you and for each couple on this website that is the inevitable victim of the monstrous bureaucratic system.

To give you pointers on how to keep the time wonderful...well obviously chat , talk and do video chats as much as you can- I've read about a couple here in VJ that left their Web Cam' on even when they went to sleep- so that it will be the first thing they see when they wake up....and this is really one of my favorite parts- to see Adam as I open my eyes and know how lucky I am to have him there...(even if there if far away)

besides that- one of the things we miss the most- subconsciously is the smell of our partner- so , sending a letter doesn't cost much, send her a piece of your basketball t-shirt- wrapped well in plastic...as smelly as it seams to us in the everyday life- I can tell you honestly, I even miss Adam's morning breath, when you love a person- you love every little smell about him/her.... maybe a piece of cloth soaked with your aftershave....maybe your deodorant, or Shampoo....

I still sleep with Adam's T-shirt as my pillow, (sadly it almost lost all his smell already... )

try to think of something funny to say to her- try to stay strong for her- think that it's not easy on her either, and she is in need of your strength probably....

Don't hold crying back....I'm parting from my man for the second time now for a long period of time, and the first time I cried like a baby- and it made it easier, this time around I tried to hold it back, and my body almost collapsed physically from inside. let the sorrow out, it's important, although exhausting.

Don't Worry too much though, when she's with you finally, you'll never find yourself pondering "why am I with her" if you go through this, your heart will always know why you are with this lady out of all the woman in this world.

After all- the USCIS the EMBASSY and the NVC test you on the reason why- a million times..

good luck to you dear, may god give us the strength to go through this..

Dianna

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Dear Austin...

I think it's painful for any VJ to read this post, for all of us (as said many times before) on the same slow and overcrowded boat, waiting to see the people that make this life bearable for us. nibbling on our nails, smoking cigarettes(those who do), working half to death, and basically doing anything just to keep our mind of the huge gap in our lives that is there due to the lack of this one person we love most.

Personally my heart is aching for you and for each couple on this website that is the inevitable victim of the monstrous bureaucratic system.

To give you pointers on how to keep the time wonderful...well obviously chat , talk and do video chats as much as you can- I've read about a couple here in VJ that left their Web Cam' on even when they went to sleep- so that it will be the first thing they see when they wake up....and this is really one of my favorite parts- to see Adam as I open my eyes and know how lucky I am to have him there...(even if there if far away)

besides that- one of the things we miss the most- subconsciously is the smell of our partner- so , sending a letter doesn't cost much, send her a piece of your basketball t-shirt- wrapped well in plastic...as smelly as it seams to us in the everyday life- I can tell you honestly, I even miss Adam's morning breath, when you love a person- you love every little smell about him/her.... maybe a piece of cloth soaked with your aftershave....maybe your deodorant, or Shampoo....

I still sleep with Adam's T-shirt as my pillow, (sadly it almost lost all his smell already... )

try to think of something funny to say to her- try to stay strong for her- think that it's not easy on her either, and she is in need of your strength probably....

Don't hold crying back....I'm parting from my man for the second time now for a long period of time, and the first time I cried like a baby- and it made it easier, this time around I tried to hold it back, and my body almost collapsed physically from inside. let the sorrow out, it's important, although exhausting.

Don't Worry too much though, when she's with you finally, you'll never find yourself pondering "why am I with her" if you go through this, your heart will always know why you are with this lady out of all the woman in this world.

After all- the USCIS the EMBASSY and the NVC test you on the reason why- a million times..

good luck to you dear, may god give us the strength to go through this..

Dianna

This made me cry, beautifully written.

[KateandNik 0]

Austin, your comment about feeling like you are a five-year-old really resonates with me. Today I called the USCIS hotline to inquire about the status of my case and he said the timeline for an NOA1 has been extended to 90 days instead of the previous 4 weeks. I cried on the phone with a perfect stranger. I then got mad and yelled at him, apologized, and cried again. I have about as much control over my emotions as a five-year-old.

That being said, whenever I talk to Nik... seeing him on camera, looking at his picture, reading his letters, etc etc. I can't help but smile. Knowing I am the luckiest woman in the world to be loved so much by such an amazing person... Sure, it's terrible we cannot smell, touch, taste, feel, kiss, the one we love but some people go their whole lives and never experience such emotions.

I guess, while I don't relish the trials of separation... I am accepting of what's happening. And the people here on this website are so incredibly supportive... I mean this post alone shows how loving everyone can be. What is the saying, "Misery loves company?" Taking it a little out of context, it's true. Having others who share your pain and anguish, who can commiserate with you during the process... it makes everything much more bearable (and I've only just started).

As far as words of wisdom go, I'm not sure I have any. The other posters on this topic have very eloquently stated very good advice. I will say this though... if you feel like crying, cry. It's perfectly natural to be sad because you are separated from your loved one. Just don't let your sadness consume you. It's kind of funny how it has worked out so far for Nik and I... Whenever I call him crying, he's steady as can be. Offering comfort and solace and cheering words... and sometime later we'll be talking about something and he'll burst in to tears about how he misses me... but then I'm there to help lift his spirits.

Someone else mentioned that you're not alone, and I'd like to echo that here. Because you're not. You have the love of your life and you have all of us here.

Good luck on your journey! I'll keep you in my prayers for a speedy approval.

Kate

[pdx-bkk 0]

Thank you for all for the support. I felt much better today. I had a great time chatting with my sweetie tonight, we laughed a ton. I am so lucky to have her and I am thankful. Just need to practice focusing on all the positive things that are happening right now.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Thank you for all for the support. I felt much better today. I had a great time chatting with my sweetie tonight, we laughed a ton. I am so lucky to have her and I am thankful. Just need to practice focusing on all the positive things that are happening right now.

[rebeccajo 14]

Thank you for all for the support. I felt much better today. I had a great time chatting with my sweetie tonight, we laughed a ton. I am so lucky to have her and I am thankful. Just need to practice focusing on all the positive things that are happening right now.

Yup. And you should never focus on other people's timelines or how quickly something happened for someone else. Every case is different and every case does get processed. Everything comes in its own time.

For example, you mentioned a friend of yours marrying someone from the UK and the visa taking a week. I presume you mean the US citizen was moving to the UK and not the other way around. UK immigration is very swift - but UK'ers coming to the US will wait just as long as you are.