Marriage failing - wife won't attend AOS interview

[Rico21 0]

Hi folks

I have a big problem i hope you can help me with.

I am a UK citizen and been here on K3 with EAD for a year. We've been married for over 2 years and have our AOS interview on the 7th Nov. The problem is that our marriage has been failing for some time and although we've both been working hard to keep it together recent event have shown me it's futile and basically put me in a position where I have to get out but I don't want to loose my AOS.

I know that once I leave my wife she will do all she can to mess up my application. There's been some verbal abuse in the relationship, on both sides and my wife has slapped once or twice but I don't have any proof. The main problem is her emotional abuse..she's a master of manipulation, before I left the UK she lived with me over there for a year and systematically alienated all my friends, making me choose her or them...now all the friends I have here are basically hers as I have been working from home over here and she's a completely different person in front of them. She never listens to anything I say and constantly criticizes me in front of other people. She took "ownership" of our joint account and now I have to account for every penny I spent even though I urn $90000 and she brings in $12000 !

Is there anyway I can just attend the interview on my own and get my AOS approved ? From what I've read you can file to have the condition approved if you have a "good faith marriage" which we do, but if I leave before the interview we will not be devoiced and plus, like I said I have no evidence of her abuse even though it's been ongoing for the past 2 years.

I'm worried people will think I was just with her for the visa but this is not the case, I do love her, and I married her because of this. I have hundreds of loving emails, cards and letter etc plus photographs of us together, big white wedding etc.

Please help me.

[Epiphany 0]

Hi folks

I have a big problem i hope you can help me with.

I am a UK citizen and been here on K3 with EAD for a year. We've been married for over 2 years and have our AOS interview on the 7th Nov. The problem is that our marriage has been failing for some time and although we've both been working hard to keep it together recent event have shown me it's futile and basically put me in a position where I have to get out but I don't want to loose my AOS.

I know that once I leave my wife she will do all she can to mess up my application. There's been some verbal abuse in the relationship, on both sides and my wife has slapped once or twice but I don't have any proof. The main problem is her emotional abuse..she's a master of manipulation, before I left the UK she lived with me over there for a year and systematically alienated all my friends, making me choose her or them...now all the friends I have here are basically hers as I have been working from home over here and she's a completely different person in front of them. She never listens to anything I say and constantly criticizes me in front of other people. She took "ownership" of our joint account and now I have to account for every penny I spent even though I urn $90000 and she brings in $12000 !

Is there anyway I can just attend the interview on my own and get my AOS approved ? From what I've read you can file to have the condition approved if you have a "good faith marriage" which we do, but if I leave before the interview we will not be devoiced and plus, like I said I have no evidence of her abuse even though it's been ongoing for the past 2 years.

I'm worried people will think I was just with her for the visa but this is not the case, I do love her, and I married her because of this. I have hundreds of loving emails, cards and letter etc plus photographs of us together, big white wedding etc.

Please help me.

Sounds like a great woman (NOT). Why are you wasting your life with her? Move on!

[lucky_star 0]

Hi folks

I have a big problem i hope you can help me with.

I am a UK citizen and been here on K3 with EAD for a year. We've been married for over 2 years and have our AOS interview on the 7th Nov. The problem is that our marriage has been failing for some time and although we've both been working hard to keep it together recent event have shown me it's futile and basically put me in a position where I have to get out but I don't want to loose my AOS.

I know that once I leave my wife she will do all she can to mess up my application. There's been some verbal abuse in the relationship, on both sides and my wife has slapped once or twice but I don't have any proof. The main problem is her emotional abuse..she's a master of manipulation, before I left the UK she lived with me over there for a year and systematically alienated all my friends, making me choose her or them...now all the friends I have here are basically hers as I have been working from home over here and she's a completely different person in front of them. She never listens to anything I say and constantly criticizes me in front of other people. She took "ownership" of our joint account and now I have to account for every penny I spent even though I urn $90000 and she brings in $12000 !

Is there anyway I can just attend the interview on my own and get my AOS approved ? From what I've read you can file to have the condition approved if you have a "good faith marriage" which we do, but if I leave before the interview we will not be devoiced and plus, like I said I have no evidence of her abuse even though it's been ongoing for the past 2 years.

I'm worried people will think I was just with her for the visa but this is not the case, I do love her, and I married her because of this. I have hundreds of loving emails, cards and letter etc plus photographs of us together, big white wedding etc.

Please help me.

In my understanding, You need your wife to go to interview. I don't think they will believe you if you just show up yourself (I'm sorry )

They will ask about your marriage, if they believe ..they will approve your AOS, for that they will ask you and your wife, how's your marriage.

Good Luck to you.

[bradcanuck 1]

Adjusting because of marriage is now invalid as you are no longer in a good faith relationship. You just admitted it is failing and you want to pass AOS anyway. This is fraud, and you will get caught. Time to give up this path and adjust another way.

Sorry for bluntness, but it's fact.

Edited October 24, 2007 by bradcanuck

[MargotDarko 0]

Adjusting because of marriage is now invalid as you are no longer in a good faith relationship. You just admitted it is failing and you want to pass AOS anyway. This is fraud, and you will get caught. Time to give up this path and adjust another way.

Sorry for bluntness, but it's fact.

That is not fact.

[MargotDarko 0]

I should add that I didn't mean to imply you can adjust status this way. You can't go to the interview alone and claim that your wife is happy to support you. Your K3 visa is still valid and you'd be able to stay until it expired and try to work out something with your employer in the next year.

[Kez/JWolf 6]

Adjusting because of marriage is now invalid as you are no longer in a good faith relationship. You just admitted it is failing and you want to pass AOS anyway. This is fraud, and you will get caught. Time to give up this path and adjust another way.

Sorry for bluntness, but it's fact.

THAT IS NOT A FACT!!!!!!!!

You are saying it is fraud.... how in gods name do you know that... you have decided using the very limited info that the OP has provided to make the decision that he is committing fraud.... is there something you know about this person that we dont...

Rico21, If your wife refuses to go to the interview with you, yes you can still go and take all your evidence with you... will you get your AOS approved? it is doubtful. Your AOS is based on your on going marriage to a USC. if it is already over then they are not likely to approve your AOS.. An appointment with a immigration lawyer would be a good thing for you to do before you go to the interview...

Good Luck

Kez

[Rico21 0]

Adjusting because of marriage is now invalid as you are no longer in a good faith relationship. You just admitted it is failing and you want to pass AOS anyway. This is fraud, and you will get caught. Time to give up this path and adjust another way.

Sorry for bluntness, but it's fact.

Not only is this not FACT it's very rude. You don't know what you are talking about. Good faith is all about this very condition where you go into a marriage with the best of intentions but it breaks down. I came here thinking that you folks could give me some assistance. I don't appreciate you commenting on something you obviously know nothing about. All you have done is cause me further missery. You should think before you post.

[John & Annie 1]

Adjusting because of marriage is now invalid as you are no longer in a good faith relationship. You just admitted it is failing and you want to pass AOS anyway. This is fraud, and you will get caught. Time to give up this path and adjust another way.

Sorry for bluntness, but it's fact.

Not only is this not FACT it's very rude. You don't know what you are talking about. Good faith is all about this very condition where you go into a marriage with the best of intentions but it breaks down. I came here thinking that you folks could give me some assistance. I don't appreciate you commenting on something you obviously know nothing about. All you have done is cause me further missery. You should think before you post.

Rico,

You really should seek the assistance of an immigration attorney. I wish I could offer more assistance, but this really is best left to the professionals.

Do worry about ignorant posts.

Good luck with the journey and we are here to support you to the best we can.

John

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Have you considered marriage counseling? Marriage isn’t always easy and sometimes it takes a lot of work. Could you reschedule your appointment until you can see if the marriage could be salvaged? She could tell USCIS that the marriage was fraud even if it wasn't which they could start deportation proceedings if they choose. Unfortunately USCIS may not be sympathetic to your situation if it is within there power to not give you an approval.

[GabachaYucateca 0]

Wouldn't it be wise to start collecting evidence that he entered this marriage in good faith?

I don't see anywhere that fraud enters into this...this sounds like a bonafide (albeit miserable) marriage and just because it's not working out doesn't mean fraud enters into it.

Of course, Rico, we're only getting your side of the story...but based on what you're experiencing, you should def consider counseling to overcome this absuive situation. So sorry that you've had to go through this. best of luck.

[bradcanuck 1]

Sorry about using the word "Fact".

Think about it, I am about the least rude person on the board. But reading a guys post who says he is adjusting because he is married, but basically saying he wants a divorce and his wife will not attend an interview? This is basically saying he is trying to adjust while married, then get a divorce. Can someone point out how this is not breaking any rules?

"will you get your AOS approved? it is doubtful. Your AOS is based on your on going marriage to a USC. if it is already over then they are not likely to approve your AOS"

This is exactly what I was saying Kez.

Stop getting all of your panties in bunches, jesus f-ing christ.

To the OP: If my post is causing further misery maybe you need some vacation time. All I did was point out what you said and then inform you of what Kez just said. Calm down.

Edited October 24, 2007 by bradcanuck

[NavarreMan 10]

Hi folks

I have a big problem i hope you can help me with.

I am a UK citizen and been here on K3 with EAD for a year. We've been married for over 2 years and have our AOS interview on the 7th Nov. The problem is that our marriage has been failing for some time and although we've both been working hard to keep it together recent event have shown me it's futile and basically put me in a position where I have to get out but I don't want to loose my AOS.

I know that once I leave my wife she will do all she can to mess up my application. There's been some verbal abuse in the relationship, on both sides and my wife has slapped once or twice but I don't have any proof. The main problem is her emotional abuse..she's a master of manipulation, before I left the UK she lived with me over there for a year and systematically alienated all my friends, making me choose her or them...now all the friends I have here are basically hers as I have been working from home over here and she's a completely different person in front of them. She never listens to anything I say and constantly criticizes me in front of other people. She took "ownership" of our joint account and now I have to account for every penny I spent even though I urn $90000 and she brings in $12000 !

Is there anyway I can just attend the interview on my own and get my AOS approved ? From what I've read you can file to have the condition approved if you have a "good faith marriage" which we do, but if I leave before the interview we will not be devoiced and plus, like I said I have no evidence of her abuse even though it's been ongoing for the past 2 years.

I'm worried people will think I was just with her for the visa but this is not the case, I do love her, and I married her because of this. I have hundreds of loving emails, cards and letter etc plus photographs of us together, big white wedding etc.

Please help me.

Based on what you have written here your chances are slim at best. If your SO wanted to mess up your status, a copy of this post would go a long ways toward reaching that goal. Be very careful what you post. This is evidence.

You may read it differently but what I get from what you wrote, you are seeking AOS based on a failed marriage. You may have married in good faith but you indicate things have changed. It would seem that your marriage was indeed in good faith. You had every reason to believe that this was "forever". The question is should you go to the interview, either stag or with your SO, and pretend that everything is hunky dory? If you feel that you are lying, then it most likely is fraud. Let your conscience guide you.

As for the legal aspects of the AOS being granted in a failed marriage, I have no idea. They have waivers and exceptions for lots of things. IMHO I think you have nothing to lose by trying but I also think a lawyer should be consulted to pursue whatever avenues may be open to you. I know that exceptions can be made in abuse cases but I have no idea what the burden of proof is in such matters. I am sure if you looked up the U.S. Code for this you could find the answer. If you do go for the abuse defense, leave out the hundreds of loving letters and photos unless necessary to establish good faith. Again, see a lawyer.

Good luck.

Edited October 24, 2007 by NavarreMan

[Rico21 0]

Hi folks

I have a big problem i hope you can help me with.

I am a UK citizen and been here on K3 with EAD for a year. We've been married for over 2 years and have our AOS interview on the 7th Nov. The problem is that our marriage has been failing for some time and although we've both been working hard to keep it together recent event have shown me it's futile and basically put me in a position where I have to get out but I don't want to loose my AOS.

I know that once I leave my wife she will do all she can to mess up my application. There's been some verbal abuse in the relationship, on both sides and my wife has slapped once or twice but I don't have any proof. The main problem is her emotional abuse..she's a master of manipulation, before I left the UK she lived with me over there for a year and systematically alienated all my friends, making me choose her or them...now all the friends I have here are basically hers as I have been working from home over here and she's a completely different person in front of them. She never listens to anything I say and constantly criticizes me in front of other people. She took "ownership" of our joint account and now I have to account for every penny I spent even though I urn $90000 and she brings in $12000 !

Is there anyway I can just attend the interview on my own and get my AOS approved ? From what I've read you can file to have the condition approved if you have a "good faith marriage" which we do, but if I leave before the interview we will not be devoiced and plus, like I said I have no evidence of her abuse even though it's been ongoing for the past 2 years.

I'm worried people will think I was just with her for the visa but this is not the case, I do love her, and I married her because of this. I have hundreds of loving emails, cards and letter etc plus photographs of us together, big white wedding etc.

Please help me.

Based on what you have written here your chances are slim at best. If your SO wanted to mess up your status, a copy of this post would go a long ways toward reaching that goal. Be very careful what you post. This is evidence.

You may read it differently but what I get from what you wrote, you are seeking AOS based on a failed marriage. You may have married in good faith but you indicate things have changed. It would seem that your marriage was indeed in good faith. You had every reason to believe that this was "forever". The question is should you go to the interview, either stag or with your SO, and pretend that everything is hunky dory? If you feel that you are lying, then it most likely is fraud. Let your conscience guide you.

As for the legal aspects of the AOS being granted in a failed marriage, I have no idea. They have waivers and exceptions for lots of things. IMHO I think you have nothing to lose by trying but I also think a lawyer should be consulted to pursue whatever avenues may be open to you. I know that exceptions can be made in abuse cases but I have no idea what the burden of proof is in such matters. I am sure if you looked up the U.S. Code for this you could find the answer. If you do go for the abuse defense, leave out the hundreds of loving letters and photos unless necessary to establish good faith. Again, see a lawyer.

Good luck.

Thanks for all your help people. I know this sounds like a bad situation, which it is, but we are trying to work through it and remain together as we do love each other very much.. it's hard to see the positives through the negatives sometimes and I think maybe I was over-reacting here when I posted.. maybe I should think before I post.. but I guess I was just trying to establish my options in a worst case scenario, at a very low point.

We're pursuing AOS as we love each other and wish to remain together but the strain of the process and living in different countries has made our mariage very difficult at times. It is really a testiment to our love for one another that we're still together as we've endured a lot of big problems that would test the best of relationship, even in a normal situation.

Hopfully if/when we get approval this will remove some of the presure.

R./

[bradcanuck 1]

We're all under pressure. This process strains ALL of us. It forces us through extreme hardships we are not used to or that anyone should go through. Patience is the key.

Sure your wife may be a bit controlling and vindictive. But if she wasn't, then I'd be convinced she wasn't a woman - but a man.

BUT if you truly feel how you wrote in your first post - my advice: Get the f out of your relationship and start life over back in the UK. It's NOT worth it.