Happy Saturday

[Ban Hammer 12,901]

oh doodle, you are something else....I love ya girl.

I think I am depressed. I don't think to eat, or change my clothes, when driving I often say 'wow how did I get here?' I am not coping with this very well. I have not heard my husbands voice for ....3 weeks tommorrow. No fights, no arguements, nothing. Just poof and he's gone. I feel like he died and there was not even a funeral. The person that layed next to me for 3 years is gone. How do you go to bed with that thought? You don't, you sit on the couch and stare at the bedroom door. Man, I did not mean to unleash all this negativity. See, that is why I shouldn't be here.

I promise to check in on you all from time to time. I care. I just can't be cheery and upbeat now.

Jackie

[ya falaha! 0]

Don't be a stranger, Jackie. Take some time off (of VJ) and take care of yourself but come back and visit now and then, ok?

I've done absolutely nothing today. I don't know if I'm coming down with something but I feel exhausted. Now I'm just waiting for the pizza delivery guy. Yumm!

Have a great rest of the day y'all.

[doodlebug 3]

Well Jackie whatever you decide, I hope I still see you on yahoo now and then. And btw if we have to be cheery in order to be here then I guess I should leave too since I'm not always so chipper either. If you feel depressed for more than a month or so though please see a doctor since left untreated it can really mess up your life...and although your husband is gone it seems like the rest of your life is picking up....work seems to be going well for you, you have a beautiful granddaughter, etc. So many wonderful things to be grateful though I know it's hard to see all that through the tears right now. I almost think there should be a support group for vj'ers whose spouses ended up flat out deserting them.

Anyhoo on another chapter I am about to disown my parents, for real. Many of you know how ridiculous they are and logically my mind has said to just eliminate them from my life but my kids keep dragging me back to them. I feel though that it's time to make the break. There is not one day that goes by that I don't get insulted by them whether it be regarding my husband, the way my house is, the way I raise my kids, etc. I'm usually thick skinned but I guess the pneumonia has opened my eyes to the fact that they just love using me as a punching bag lately. I mean to drop off medicine, which I am grateful for, to a daughter who is clearly a hurting pup and then to b!tch her out about how messy her house is, even though she JUST came back from a trip abroad (the mess was my laundry strewn all over my room) is just ridiculous. I could go on and on but I'm really just kind of posting this so it will ring home to myself that this is the right decision. It sucks. It really does and I'm hurting over it but I'm sick of being verbally abused over and over and over again. My sister yelled at them the other day for it too and she won't even talk to them anymore. Anyways I'm done. They're 75 and 77 and I'm done. I don't know how I'll handle the kids asking about them but it's not worth my feeling like a piece of doggy doo every freaking day of my life to keep in contact with them.

Ok that's my story for today. I'm sure I've bored every last one of you but I had to get that off my chest.

[MelindaandTarek 0]

Well Jackie whatever you decide, I hope I still see you on yahoo now and then. And btw if we have to be cheery in order to be here then I guess I should leave too since I'm not always so chipper either. If you feel depressed for more than a month or so though please see a doctor since left untreated it can really mess up your life...and although your husband is gone it seems like the rest of your life is picking up....work seems to be going well for you, you have a beautiful granddaughter, etc. So many wonderful things to be grateful though I know it's hard to see all that through the tears right now. I almost think there should be a support group for vj'ers whose spouses ended up flat out deserting them.

Anyhoo on another chapter I am about to disown my parents, for real. Many of you know how ridiculous they are and logically my mind has said to just eliminate them from my life but my kids keep dragging me back to them. I feel though that it's time to make the break. There is not one day that goes by that I don't get insulted by them whether it be regarding my husband, the way my house is, the way I raise my kids, etc. I'm usually thick skinned but I guess the pneumonia has opened my eyes to the fact that they just love using me as a punching bag lately. I mean to drop off medicine, which I am grateful for, to a daughter who is clearly a hurting pup and then to b!tch her out about how messy her house is, even though she JUST came back from a trip abroad (the mess was my laundry strewn all over my room) is just ridiculous. I could go on and on but I'm really just kind of posting this so it will ring home to myself that this is the right decision. It sucks. It really does and I'm hurting over it but I'm sick of being verbally abused over and over and over again. My sister yelled at them the other day for it too and she won't even talk to them anymore. Anyways I'm done. They're 75 and 77 and I'm done. I don't know how I'll handle the kids asking about them but it's not worth my feeling like a piece of doggy doo every freaking day of my life to keep in contact with them.

Ok that's my story for today. I'm sure I've bored every last one of you but I had to get that off my chest.

doodlebug - i think you need to do what is right for you and it certainly sounds like you have given this a great deal of thought and consideration...under the stress that u r (away from ur SO, raising children, diagnosed w/pneumonia) u could certainly benefit from being surrounded with supportive people...hang in there and i hope you are feeling better...get plenty of rest....and do something for you - to relax....-melinda

[Aymerlu 3]

Well Jackie whatever you decide, I hope I still see you on yahoo now and then. And btw if we have to be cheery in order to be here then I guess I should leave too since I'm not always so chipper either. If you feel depressed for more than a month or so though please see a doctor since left untreated it can really mess up your life...and although your husband is gone it seems like the rest of your life is picking up....work seems to be going well for you, you have a beautiful granddaughter, etc. So many wonderful things to be grateful though I know it's hard to see all that through the tears right now. I almost think there should be a support group for vj'ers whose spouses ended up flat out deserting them.

Anyhoo on another chapter I am about to disown my parents, for real. Many of you know how ridiculous they are and logically my mind has said to just eliminate them from my life but my kids keep dragging me back to them. I feel though that it's time to make the break. There is not one day that goes by that I don't get insulted by them whether it be regarding my husband, the way my house is, the way I raise my kids, etc. I'm usually thick skinned but I guess the pneumonia has opened my eyes to the fact that they just love using me as a punching bag lately. I mean to drop off medicine, which I am grateful for, to a daughter who is clearly a hurting pup and then to b!tch her out about how messy her house is, even though she JUST came back from a trip abroad (the mess was my laundry strewn all over my room) is just ridiculous. I could go on and on but I'm really just kind of posting this so it will ring home to myself that this is the right decision. It sucks. It really does and I'm hurting over it but I'm sick of being verbally abused over and over and over again. My sister yelled at them the other day for it too and she won't even talk to them anymore. Anyways I'm done. They're 75 and 77 and I'm done. I don't know how I'll handle the kids asking about them but it's not worth my feeling like a piece of doggy doo every freaking day of my life to keep in contact with them.

Ok that's my story for today. I'm sure I've bored every last one of you but I had to get that off my chest.

Doodle,

Have you had a heart to heart talk with your parents about all of this? My parents were doing exactly the same thing a few years ago and I let my anger build and build till finally one day I went off on them. I had never did anything like that even during my rebelious teenage years! I let them know exactly how I felt.....that I was an adult, I had a good head on my shoulders and they needed to respect that. I told them they did not have to live in my house, with my kids or with my future husband and they could either respect that.....keep their mouth shut or just not come around me and say anything. That actually did it and I haven't had a problem with them in almost 2 years now. I hope you can get things worked out though.

[m&n 0]

Hope everyone is having a nice day.....

This whole waiting for the visa thing is really taking a toll on me......it stinks big time.......I feel as though I can't make major decisions that would impact my SO because I don't know when they'll get their act together and start issuing visas..........job opportunity decisions......apartment opportunity decisions......graduate study opportunities.......etc.

It's tough for me to see how all of my family & friends' lives seem to be moving forward and when I look at my life it's as though it's at a standstill.......it's not moving......

And I know that adjustments after the visa are difficult and that this part might seem like the easy part.....but I really want to move on out of this AP he$$ to settle down and live a normal life.........

Doodle.....have you sincerely explained to your parents how their hurtful comments make you feel? Do they truly understand the consequences of what they're saying? Sometimes people say mean things......especially to the ones they unconditionally love the most......without realizing the impact their words have made........people take other people for granted.....especially their own family members.

Well Jackie whatever you decide, I hope I still see you on yahoo now and then. And btw if we have to be cheery in order to be here then I guess I should leave too since I'm not always so chipper either. If you feel depressed for more than a month or so though please see a doctor since left untreated it can really mess up your life...and although your husband is gone it seems like the rest of your life is picking up....work seems to be going well for you, you have a beautiful granddaughter, etc. So many wonderful things to be grateful though I know it's hard to see all that through the tears right now. I almost think there should be a support group for vj'ers whose spouses ended up flat out deserting them.

Anyhoo on another chapter I am about to disown my parents, for real. Many of you know how ridiculous they are and logically my mind has said to just eliminate them from my life but my kids keep dragging me back to them. I feel though that it's time to make the break. There is not one day that goes by that I don't get insulted by them whether it be regarding my husband, the way my house is, the way I raise my kids, etc. I'm usually thick skinned but I guess the pneumonia has opened my eyes to the fact that they just love using me as a punching bag lately. I mean to drop off medicine, which I am grateful for, to a daughter who is clearly a hurting pup and then to b!tch her out about how messy her house is, even though she JUST came back from a trip abroad (the mess was my laundry strewn all over my room) is just ridiculous. I could go on and on but I'm really just kind of posting this so it will ring home to myself that this is the right decision. It sucks. It really does and I'm hurting over it but I'm sick of being verbally abused over and over and over again. My sister yelled at them the other day for it too and she won't even talk to them anymore. Anyways I'm done. They're 75 and 77 and I'm done. I don't know how I'll handle the kids asking about them but it's not worth my feeling like a piece of doggy doo every freaking day of my life to keep in contact with them.

Ok that's my story for today. I'm sure I've bored every last one of you but I had to get that off my chest.

[Caladan 19]

oh doodle, you are something else....I love ya girl.

I think I am depressed. I don't think to eat, or change my clothes, when driving I often say 'wow how did I get here?' I am not coping with this very well. I have not heard my husbands voice for ....3 weeks tommorrow. No fights, no arguements, nothing. Just poof and he's gone. I feel like he died and there was not even a funeral. The person that layed next to me for 3 years is gone. How do you go to bed with that thought? You don't, you sit on the couch and stare at the bedroom door. Man, I did not mean to unleash all this negativity. See, that is why I shouldn't be here.

I promise to check in on you all from time to time. I care. I just can't be cheery and upbeat now.

Jackie

[monnik 0]

Doodle and Jackie, I hope both of you are in better spirits soon. On or off VJ, doesn't matter!

[doodlebug 3]

Hope everyone is having a nice day.....

This whole waiting for the visa thing is really taking a toll on me......it stinks big time.......I feel as though I can't make major decisions that would impact my SO because I don't know when they'll get their act together and start issuing visas..........job opportunity decisions......apartment opportunity decisions......graduate study opportunities.......etc.

It's tough for me to see how all of my family & friends' lives seem to be moving forward and when I look at my life it's as though it's at a standstill.......it's not moving......

And I know that adjustments after the visa are difficult and that this part might seem like the easy part.....but I really want to move on out of this AP he$$ to settle down and live a normal life.........

I hear ya. I never understood when people would say this is the hard part. I mean biting my nails waiting to see if we'd get the NOA2 was hard. Waiting impatiently to get all the papers together for the packet 3 was hard. Experiencing an interview with a guy that just looks like he hates you was hard................but having your future put on hold till lord knows when is just a killer.............especially for someone who likes to plan things, you know?

Obviously I haven't even had to go through this for even more than a week yet so I can't even imagine the pain you are going through. All I can say is to look to those who have been there and got through it. Look at those with similar timelines and see how they all say that it's all worth it. That is what keeps me going now. The thought that once he's here this will all be a distant, yet hellish, memory.

I know that once all the "to do"s are done I'll just be a basketcase pacing back and forth foaming at the mouth. For now though I have so many todos. Do you have things like that you can focus on or is this old info and I should just shut up. lol. I know I hate hearing things I already know over and over and over again but sometimes it helps. You never know. Hang in there!

[allousa 1]

Doodle, if you felt as though you have tried to reason (haha, right) with your parents and you are still getting no where, then IMO you have to keep yourself from toxic relationships.

I say this because I haven't spoken to my mother since last October. She has always hated my father and when he died, she didn't even come to the funeral! Not even for me! She did come a week later and ended up saying some really mean stuff about my dad and didn't support me in my grief at all. She and I have had a HORRIBLE relationship all our lives (she left me when I was 2 and didn't raise me) and this incident was the straw that broke the camels back. I really let her have it and I told her how self-centered she was and that her behavior was unacceptable. Must have hit a nerve because we haven't talked since.

I tell you this because I have learned (after much therapy) that I can never expect for her to give me what she doesn't have to give. But at the same time, I don't have to accept a relationship that is toxic to my life and that of my son. Having grandchildren in the mix is tricky, but my concern would be how are they learning to cope with future relationships that are toxic as well.

Being a single mom is tough. Being a single, WORKING mom is tougher. Being a single, working mom going through this immigration #######....well...can we say that we're having the difficulty buffett??????? You have to do what is best for you and your children emotionally. Perhaps in time, your parents will see that you stand your ground and refuse to be treated badly. I don't find this being disrespectful to your parents, because if they were treating you with true love, they would be concerned for your feelings.

I feel for you, I really do. I used to cry tears over the loss of a relationship with my mother, but it's wasted energy on something that will never change.

Be strong and know that I'm here if you want to talk.

[allousa 1]

oh doodle, you are something else....I love ya girl.

I think I am depressed. I don't think to eat, or change my clothes, when driving I often say 'wow how did I get here?' I am not coping with this very well. I have not heard my husbands voice for ....3 weeks tommorrow. No fights, no arguements, nothing. Just poof and he's gone. I feel like he died and there was not even a funeral. The person that layed next to me for 3 years is gone. How do you go to bed with that thought? You don't, you sit on the couch and stare at the bedroom door. Man, I did not mean to unleash all this negativity. See, that is why I shouldn't be here.

I promise to check in on you all from time to time. I care. I just can't be cheery and upbeat now.

Jackie

Jackie, I agree with everyone else. You don't need to leave. Why do you feel you have to go?

I'm sorry that you are having to go through all of this. I know many of us here wish we could just wave a magic wand and make it all go away.

But, then again, if one of us had a magic wand, we'd probably be beating the he-ll out of each other to get it and bring our hubbies home!!!!!! I know I wouldn't do THAT!!!!!

[doodlebug 3]

Not to get all therapy on a public message board but it's 11:25 and I can't sleep since I do nothing all day but lie around waiting for the stuff to get out of my lungs. lol

Anyways, this has been an ongoing battle. Truthfully were it not for my children I would have moved far far away as soon as I got divorced. I know distance doesn't always solve everything but in my case it would have solved 90 percent of my problems.

Anyways I won't get into the nitty gritty of it all but toxic is an understatement and this immigration stuff is only the tip of the iceberg....stuff has been going on for years but because of the grandkids I've sucked it up so that they can have a somewhat healthy, yet totally supervised by me vehemently, relationship with their grandparents.

They've crossed the line though these past few days and I'm done. I actually don't feel sad about it. I'm the last person in the family to do this too. There are four of us and I'm the baby so I guess it was bound to happen. Sad to think that not one of their children wants to be around them....may that never happen to me please God.

So I wonder what the effects of tylenol pm would be coupled with robitussin with codeine. lol. I seriously cannot sleep and am just laying here trying to drift off to no avail, but I'm scared to mix the meds. I've always had insomnia but I usually just take the tylenol pm and I'm out.

*sigh*