Same Sex couples ( One from from African country)

[Dsam 1]

 

Hi everyone I need advice on my case , I come from an African country in a middle class very religious family who would disown me if they ever found about my sexuality, I’ve tried stylishly bringing it up and their responses were disowning their child and taking them for conversion therapy in the church . I’ve always known I was gay but considering the country I grew up in I always had to keep it locked inside, My Family was very keen about me getting educated, so they sent me abroad to study (outside Africa which is also a country that’s homophobic and anti gay marriage and has no laws to protect gay couples ) and from time to time as long as I kept on making them proud academically they would sponsor my trips and let me travel to other countries for vacations during summer & winter holidays to encourage me for making them proud academically . I was 19 years on a vacation visiting America for holidays when someone approached me 3 years ago (2019), I had an accent so I sounded catchy and we exchanged numbers and social medias .. he was slightly above his mid 20’s (27-28 ) at that time , we chatted after I left America after my vacation, we became good friends and continued communication from time to time and he explained so much to me and made me know I wasn’t less of a human for being gay .I met him twice on two trips to America in 2019. we tried pursuing a relationship back then but due to the distance and time difference it didn’t work out ….so we stayed good friends,in 2020 he got married, his marriage wasn’t working out when the pandemic was kicking in , him and his ex started leaving separately and are now separated about to get divorced finalized … we started trying to work things out  again last year when he started staying on his own due to things not working out in his marriage and he has come to visit me in the country I study last month  this year… we spent more time together and we spoke about things progressing from not just dating but to spending the rest of lives together. At this point of my life , I think I’m gonna have to put my happiness first before my family … My boyfriend is an American citizen who was born in America to American parents and has never sponsored any one for a cr1 visa or immigrant visa in the past,he’s 9 years older than me currently  . My bf plans on visiting me again this year during this summer to spend some more time with me for a month or 2 months.. My question is = if his divorce is finally settled after his next visit to me and we get engaged during this next visit in summer.. would getting married a month after his divorce decree from the court cause problems when his filling for me ?

 

Your opinions and suggestions are welcome , please be nice and truthful, at the same time offer suggestions to help us overcome things that you feel might be a problem .. thank you in advance 

[JeanneAdil 6,286]

Not sure how u would marry in your country but if u could,  he could file the CR1 petition for u as his spouse

if he can just visit but not marry,  he can file for the K1 fiancee visa and u would need to marry In the US under the K1 rules 

Good luck

Downside of K1 is it is more costly in the long run 

and u can not work or travel outside the US  until u adjust status in the US and that takes several months to a year or more

 

So we all here , prefer the spouse visa

Edited February 12, 2022 by JeanneAdil

[Dsam 1]

32 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

Not sure how u would marry in your country but if u could,  he could file the CR1 petition for u as his spouse

if he can just visit but not marry,  he can file for the K1 fiancee visa and u would need to marry In the US under the K1 rules 

Good luck

Downside of K1 is it is more costly in the long run 

and u can not work or travel outside the US  until u adjust status in the US and that takes several months to a year or more

 

So we all here , prefer the spouse visa

Thank you for your input , I appreciate. I’m aware of the K1 and spouse visa differences and I think we’d do the zoom (Utah) wedding ceremony or fly to a country where same sex marriages are legal to minimize cost because I know my family wouldn’t be in support of our marriage neither would they be assisting like the way it’s done in heterosexual relationships, hence I and my spouse with his family would be the only ones supporting us .. I’m just worried if the fact that we’re dating while he’s separated and not yet gotten the divorce court decree .would it cause problems if we marry a month immediately after his divorce with his ex  is final when he petitions for me for spouse visa ??… is that a problem for the petitioning or nvc stage ? Thank you in advance 

[JeanneAdil 6,286]

1 hour ago, Dsam said:

Thank you for your input , I appreciate. I’m aware of the K1 and spouse visa differences and I think we’d do the zoom (Utah) wedding ceremony or fly to a country where same sex marriages are legal to minimize cost because I know my family wouldn’t be in support of our marriage neither would they be assisting like the way it’s done in heterosexual relationships, hence I and my spouse with his family would be the only ones supporting us .. I’m just worried if the fact that we’re dating while he’s separated and not yet gotten the divorce court decree .would it cause problems if we marry a month immediately after his divorce with his ex  is final when he petitions for me for spouse visa ??… is that a problem for the petitioning or nvc stage ? Thank you in advance 

It can be considered as a red flag to a CO to marry so fast after a divorce but that is only the opinion of the CO

your bf could make the trip a little later so the marriage did not take place too fast after his divorce

[Dsam 1]

41 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

It can be considered as a red flag to a CO to marry so fast after a divorce but that is only the opinion of the CO

your bf could make the trip a little later so the marriage did not take place too fast after his divorce

Thank you once again for your response, how late would you advice we wait because my fear is that if I wait too long and I go back to home country first , my family might never let it happen .. is 3 months or 5 months after the divorce decree from the court sufficient before getting married ? but your honest undiluted opinion would be appreciated, thanks in advance 

[JeanneAdil 6,286]

1 hour ago, Dsam said:

Thank you once again for your response, how late would you advice we wait because my fear is that if I wait too long and I go back to home country first , my family might never let it happen .. is 3 months or 5 months after the divorce decree from the court sufficient before getting married ? but your honest undiluted opinion would be appreciated, thanks in advance 

no particular timeframe in mind but longer than a month 

if u are not home at this point and have lived in another country for longer than 6 months,  get a criminal report before u leave /  (its needed late in the process for 2nd stage and interview

[carmel34 3,538]

1 hour ago, Dsam said:

how late would you advice we wait because my fear is that if I wait too long and I go back to home country first , my family might never let it happen .. is 3 months or 5 months after the divorce decree from the court sufficient before getting married ? but your honest undiluted opinion would be appreciated, thanks in advance 

The answer to your question partially depends on where you are, at which consulate/embassy will you be doing your interview?  If it will be in your home country, and it is historically high-fraud, it would be best if your US citizen boyfriend travels to meet you two or three times after his divorce is finalized.  Save the documents showing all of these visits, then get married and submit that evidence with the I-130 petition.  This is because in many African nations, there are many fraudulent relationships/documents/etc. so the officers scrutinize the relationship much more and denials are more frequent than in other countries.  For this reason, my advice is to not get married via Zoom/Utah on his first visit to be with you following his divorce. There is also the important aspect of any relationship, to spend a lot of quality time together before you commit to marriage, if you want to increase the chances that it will work out.  Rushing things is more likely to cause problems, not only in the relationship itself but also with US immigration.  Good luck!

Edited February 12, 2022 by carmel34

[pushbrk 12,262]

Dsam needs to tell us his home country.  It makes a difference.

[WeekendPizzaiolo 47]

Some red flags are out of one's control. Many visa applicants have red flags. Each red flag will cause you more anxiety so it is important to minimize the one's within your control, especially given that the wait for many marriage-based visas can be 12-36 months. If you are a big worrier, that's a long time to ruminate.

 

Therefore, I agree with other posters that a Zoom marriage is ill-advised and will cause you anxiety, especially if there are potentially other red flags such:

• a recent marriage of petitioner that was short and led to a divorce
• beneficiary not able to disclose the engagement to their parents
• petitioner getting engaged so quickly after divorce

I am sorry that you have intolerant family members. Tolerance of sexual orientation is something that probably a lot of people take for granted. In your country, is it difficult for people to get an apartment on one's own and be distant from the orbit of one's family? Is there tremendous pressure to date women? Do people prod you frequently? If the answer is no, then you might just wait it out while not stirring the pot with your family until circumstances are more favorable and you guys get to know each other better (take pictures of you guys together and with friends to accumulate evidence for later). Unless I am mistaken, I believe South Africa is the only country in Africa where same-sex marriage is legal and there are even LGBT friendly villages so it may be a good base to meet with your boyfriend and continue to develop the relationship.

 

When the time is right, assess whether you have any close friends who would be able to write a letter of support speaking to the strength of your relationship together. Additionally, an extra pair of letters from a trusted sibling or uncle/aunt of yours and a sibling of the petitioner is even better. While you are apart, you should be in frequent communication and should maintain a log of calls. If you communicate too infrequently, you run the risk of having yet another red flag.

Gay marriage is legal in South Africa, many EU countries, UK, Australia, NZ, and Canada in addition to US so when the time is right, marrying in another country may be an option. Alternatively, the K-1 may be an option, but then you won't be able to immediately work for 6-12 months while you wait for your EAD card. A K-1 visa is more discreet than a CR1/IR1 if you need to remain in your home country while the visa is processing. Unlike a marriage, an engagement is relatively informal and has no legal standing in your formal affairs in your home country.

 

This page claims that there are options for processing a K-1 in other consulates if one's home country does not recognize any rights to LGBT persons. https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/how-canmy-same-sex-fianc-attend-k-1-visa-interview-country-persecutes-lgbt.html. I cannot speak to whether this option is still available or the information is accurate.

 

This page also gives some advice on K-1 considerations for LGBT persons: https://www.visatutor.com/hows-the-fiance-k-1-visa-experience-for-lgbt-couples/

 

 

 

 

 

[Dsam 1]

4 hours ago, pushbrk said:

Dsam needs to tell us his home country.  It makes a difference.

Thank you for your response, I’m Nigerian but I am based in Europe studying ..in as much as it’s not illegal here but gay marriage and public display of gay affection is prohibited. Please what’s your take on my issue and how can I overcome the obstacles in a situation to make it successful? If I have the interview here where I’m based would that make a difference?

[Dsam 1]

8 hours ago, carmel34 said:

The answer to your question partially depends on where you are, at which consulate/embassy will you be doing your interview?  If it will be in your home country, and it is historically high-fraud, it would be best if your US citizen boyfriend travels to meet you two or three times after his divorce is finalized.  Save the documents showing all of these visits, then get married and submit that evidence with the I-130 petition.  This is because in many African nations, there are many fraudulent relationships/documents/etc. so the officers scrutinize the relationship much more and denials are more frequent than in other countries.  For this reason, my advice is to not get married via Zoom/Utah on his first visit to be with you following his divorce. There is also the important aspect of any relationship, to spend a lot of quality time together before you commit to marriage, if you want to increase the chances that it will work out.  Rushing things is more likely to cause problems, not only in the relationship itself but also with US immigration.  Good luck!

Thank you for your response, I appreciate. I’m originally from Nigeria but based in Europe (Soviet union) for study where its illegal to have a same sex marriage and show public display of gay affection as well. So if I have the interview here where I’m based , would that make a difference?? Would waiting for 5 months after his decree is finalized by the court be sufficient because my biggest fear is - my parents stoping it when I get back home .. your honest suggestion would be appreciated. Thanks 

[Dsam 1]

4 hours ago, DE CS said:

Some red flags are out of one's control. Many visa applicants have red flags. Each red flag will cause you more anxiety so it is important to minimize the one's within your control, especially given that the wait for many marriage-based visas can be 12-36 months. If you are a big worrier, that's a long time to ruminate.

 

Therefore, I agree with other posters that a Zoom marriage is ill-advised and will cause you anxiety, especially if there are potentially other red flags such:

• a recent marriage of petitioner that was short and led to a divorce
• beneficiary not able to disclose the engagement to their parents
• petitioner getting engaged so quickly after divorce

I am sorry that you have intolerant family members. Tolerance of sexual orientation is something that probably a lot of people take for granted. In your country, is it difficult for people to get an apartment on one's own and be distant from the orbit of one's family? Is there tremendous pressure to date women? Do people prod you frequently? If the answer is no, then you might just wait it out while not stirring the pot with your family until circumstances are more favorable and you guys get to know each other better (take pictures of you guys together and with friends to accumulate evidence for later). Unless I am mistaken, I believe South Africa is the only country in Africa where same-sex marriage is legal and there are even LGBT friendly villages so it may be a good base to meet with your boyfriend and continue to develop the relationship.

 

When the time is right, assess whether you have any close friends who would be able to write a letter of support speaking to the strength of your relationship together. Additionally, an extra pair of letters from a trusted sibling or uncle/aunt of yours and a sibling of the petitioner is even better. While you are apart, you should be in frequent communication and should maintain a log of calls. If you communicate too infrequently, you run the risk of having yet another red flag.

Gay marriage is legal in South Africa, many EU countries, UK, Australia, NZ, and Canada in addition to US so when the time is right, marrying in another country may be an option. Alternatively, the K-1 may be an option, but then you won't be able to immediately work for 6-12 months while you wait for your EAD card. A K-1 visa is more discreet than a CR1/IR1 if you need to remain in your home country while the visa is processing. Unlike a marriage, an engagement is relatively informal and has no legal standing in your formal affairs in your home country.

 

This page claims that there are options for processing a K-1 in other consulates if one's home country does not recognize any rights to LGBT persons. https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/how-canmy-same-sex-fianc-attend-k-1-visa-interview-country-persecutes-lgbt.html. I cannot speak to whether this option is still available or the information is accurate.

 

This page also gives some advice on K-1 considerations for LGBT persons: https://www.visatutor.com/hows-the-fiance-k-1-visa-experience-for-lgbt-couples/

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you for response, I appreciate. I’m from Nigeria but studying in Europe (Soviet union), it’s a big pressure in my country to date women from family and society …Our relationship is real and I’ve never met anyone who made me feel normal and accepted, that being said is the zoom marriage not advisable because of the short time frame between divorce and marriage to me ? My boyfriend has visited me in the country I study and is coming again during the summer , we’ve known each other since 2019 but it didn’t blossom to a relationship then . We have proof of communication since 2019 when it didn’t blossom due to distance and time and the continuation of being just friends in 2020 till it blossoming into a relationship towards the end of  2021 ,we have pictures taken together when I visited him America in 2019 and when he visited me where I study and would have more as time goes on ,on his next visit.. I also have 2 to 3 friends who are aware of my sexuality who can give an affidavit as well as my boyfriend’s family members who are aware. Do you still suggest we wait and not get married a month after his divorce decree ?? Is 3 or 5 months after his divorce decree sufficient enough to wait before getting married.. we also don’t mind flying to another country where it’s legal  to get married , if zoom marriage is bad for our case …. Your honest and undiluted opinion would be appreciated especially if 5 months after the divorce is okay for us to get married  .

[pushbrk 12,262]

58 minutes ago, Dsam said:

Thank you for your response, I’m Nigerian but I am based in Europe studying ..in as much as it’s not illegal here but gay marriage and public display of gay affection is prohibited. Please what’s your take on my issue and how can I overcome the obstacles in a situation to make it successful? If I have the interview here where I’m based would that make a difference?

Europe is not a country.  Where are you living now?

[Dsam 1]

1 minute ago, pushbrk said:

Europe is not a country.  Where are you living now?

My bad, forgive me … Russia, what’s your opinion on my case …. Thank you in advance 

Edited February 13, 2022 by Dsam

[pushbrk 12,262]

1 minute ago, Dsam said:

My bad, forgive me … Russia, what’s your opinion on my case …. Thank you in advance 

My opinion is that if you continue to be evasive or vague, you'll fail.  Be open and up front.  Build a true relationship.  Spend time together in person.  Then move forward with confidence and honesty.