Long distance relationship jealousy

[StupidJourney 0]

ooooooh the whole "clearing pictures of the ex" thing! i forgot about that! last time i was in morocco i brought my laptop to show my fiance photos and burn music on his ipod. anyway, as he was browsing in my photo folders he came across an ex of mine and was kind of jealous about me still having those around! i hadn't even looked at those photos in quite a long time so to me it wasn't a big deal, but he must have thought i still look at them often and dream about the guy! lol

Yeah, I thought I did a good job getting rid of them, but apparently there was a cd left at my parents house with pictures on it. He all thought I was stashing the cd over there, so I could look at the pictures secretly. It's like, if I thought about my ex enough to go sneaking around to look at his picture, we wouldn't have broken up to begin with! (oh, and my ex is always referred to as "that person")

[slbois 0]

Yeah, I thought I did a good job getting rid of them, but apparently there was a cd left at my parents house with pictures on it. He all thought I was stashing the cd over there, so I could look at the pictures secretly. It's like, if I thought about my ex enough to go sneaking around to look at his picture, we wouldn't have broken up to begin with! (oh, and my ex is always referred to as "that person")

Lol, my husband refers to my ex as "le merde". He refuses to call him by his first name.

[palilover 1]

Le merdre, hehe that's too funny:)

Yes not just with Moroccan men, but with all arab men, jealousy is a form of affection and the fact that they care bout you. In arabic, the word is "gherrah" which does not have a direct term in English so we native english speakers use the term jealousy. Unfortunately to those that do not understand (or who are ignorant), jealousy in english means different things. And of course many use that to their advantage when spreading stereotypes of arab men (which I have found to be untrue, at least in my case).

I think the msot form of jealousy (if you could call it that) that my husband showed was befor ehe left the USA to go back to Palestine. He said to me if I was only going to go off and find another man, forget the papers and don't do anything for him. He has it in his mind that many American women would just cheat on their husband when they are away. Well, as he should know by now, I am not like that. When I love him and committed to him, it was only him. And of course he knows I work 60 hours a week to pay for all these phone cards to call him and try to save money for palestine so he knows I'm not running around.

My situation is a bit different though. My neighbors (who supposedly kow his family or have a brother who is friends with one of his brothers) are spreading rumors like wildfire since we've been together. He does not nkow any of this is going on and it is better he doe snot because he already has enough to worry about being in Palestine. but the things they say about him and his family are semi confirmed untrue. (I could work for the fbi, I have weaseled information out of him to find out:)

So for a time, I was jealous. But I called him everyday and he never minded. He has never turned me away from calling and never gotten mad. he has never called me a pest:) Only one time he said I am at the dentist, call me back later and today he had a friend (a guy, I heard him, lol) there so he called me later.

Still the rumors are just annoying. And if I do not keep in good touch with him my anxiety is going to get the better of me as it did last week when I hinted around about somtehing. Talking to him everyday helps because it reminds me that we are still a couple, even if it is only for 20 minutes a day. And he still talks to me the same way he did before he left, even remembers the things we did and the things we say to each other.

I'm just determined not to let the rumors get the best of me. Not to tell him anything, especially thsoe regarding his family. That will just upset him and I am not with him to hold him down (or in his case, hold him back if he decides to go after someone for spreading rumors about his family). WE will deal with these people here when he gets back together and inshalalh be able to move away from these people and on with our lives free of hassle and immigration!!!

[deemabrouk 0]

I can be jealous.. and so can he.

heres a story...

One time I call him.. I KNOW its in the middle of the night for him.. But I missed him and felt lonely.. anyways.. A woman picks up.. I asked where Mohamed is.. she said he was sleeping I said ok.. and hung up I didnt recognise the voice.. SO.. I didnt really sleep that good that night.. most of the night I tried to reason with myself.. and calm down - NO, i cant get on a plane that morning.. and go kick his A$$.. SO in the end I figured it was a family member... and that I HAVE TO have some trust for him.... So i bit my tongue.. for almost a week.. He set me off about something.. then it came out - Why is a woman answering your phone in the middle of the night?????? blablabla.. (it was his sister M)

in the end HE got mad at ME! not because I didnt trust him.. because I freaked out a week later.. and If I truely loved him.. I would of freaked out right away :blink:

[deemabrouk 0]

ooooooh the whole "clearing pictures of the ex" thing! i forgot about that! last time i was in morocco i brought my laptop to show my fiance photos and burn music on his ipod. anyway, as he was browsing in my photo folders he came across an ex of mine and was kind of jealous about me still having those around! i hadn't even looked at those photos in quite a long time so to me it wasn't a big deal, but he must have thought i still look at them often and dream about the guy! lol

Yeah, I thought I did a good job getting rid of them, but apparently there was a cd left at my parents house with pictures on it. He all thought I was stashing the cd over there, so I could look at the pictures secretly. It's like, if I thought about my ex enough to go sneaking around to look at his picture, we wouldn't have broken up to begin with! (oh, and my ex is always referred to as "that person")

[StupidJourney 0]

Le merdre, hehe that's too funny:)

Yes not just with Moroccan men, but with all arab men, jealousy is a form of affection and the fact that they care bout you. In arabic, the word is "gherrah" which does not have a direct term in English so we native english speakers use the term jealousy. Unfortunately to those that do not understand (or who are ignorant), jealousy in english means different things. And of course many use that to their advantage when spreading stereotypes of arab men (which I have found to be untrue, at least in my case).

I think the msot form of jealousy (if you could call it that) that my husband showed was befor ehe left the USA to go back to Palestine. He said to me if I was only going to go off and find another man, forget the papers and don't do anything for him. He has it in his mind that many American women would just cheat on their husband when they are away. Well, as he should know by now, I am not like that. When I love him and committed to him, it was only him. And of course he knows I work 60 hours a week to pay for all these phone cards to call him and try to save money for palestine so he knows I'm not running around.

My situation is a bit different though. My neighbors (who supposedly kow his family or have a brother who is friends with one of his brothers) are spreading rumors like wildfire since we've been together. He does not nkow any of this is going on and it is better he doe snot because he already has enough to worry about being in Palestine. but the things they say about him and his family are semi confirmed untrue. (I could work for the fbi, I have weaseled information out of him to find out:)

So for a time, I was jealous. But I called him everyday and he never minded. He has never turned me away from calling and never gotten mad. he has never called me a pest:) Only one time he said I am at the dentist, call me back later and today he had a friend (a guy, I heard him, lol) there so he called me later.

Still the rumors are just annoying. And if I do not keep in good touch with him my anxiety is going to get the better of me as it did last week when I hinted around about somtehing. Talking to him everyday helps because it reminds me that we are still a couple, even if it is only for 20 minutes a day. And he still talks to me the same way he did before he left, even remembers the things we did and the things we say to each other.

I'm just determined not to let the rumors get the best of me. Not to tell him anything, especially thsoe regarding his family. That will just upset him and I am not with him to hold him down (or in his case, hold him back if he decides to go after someone for spreading rumors about his family). WE will deal with these people here when he gets back together and inshalalh be able to move away from these people and on with our lives free of hassle and immigration!!!

Yeah, I wasn't sure if it was an Arab thing, or a Moroccan thing, because I've only been to Morocco, and I've seen the way guys act there but didn't want to speak about other places!

I do think this concept "jealousy" is also at our disadvantage due to American movies and American tourism, especially when our SOs haven't been to the U.S. before. Movies don't exactly portray us in a very modest manner, and it seems like when young women go to exotic locations alone, they many times go with the intent of "letting loose." At least in my husband's case (he worked at a hotel in Morocco) these are the two ways he developed he ideas about how American women act, but eventually I got him to realize that I'm not like that!

[dollface41601 0]

my husband wasnt that jealous when we were apart, i think he was mostly concerned with my well being....i went out alot, drank casually and hung out with a lot of male friends, and his impression was that the men wanted something from me ya know? as soon as i could see how much it bothered my husband though, i ended it...i agree with whomever said a man being jealous is a good thing.....becuase i see the couple where the man doesnt care what his wife does, and that normally stems from, him out doing things, and not wanting his wife to care....Just my opinion

[Marry American 0]

I was a litle concerned while he was in Maroc because of all the rumors about Moroccan men. I had never considered a long distance relationship before, so it was tuff for me. He was never jealous while he was in maroc. He trusted me completely. Here it is pretty much the same thing.

[a1angied 0]

I have to say that the opinion of American women through movies is not good at all. We all sleep around, have affairs, lie, cheat, steal, blah, blah, blah. Oh lets not forget that our bars, night clubs are all stirp clubs. I have heard so many different things that American women are from what is seen on movies. Ok yeah I have to agree that some are this way and yes, american women are more experienced then Arab countries.

I have to say I really wasn't jealous of other women it was everyone else spending time with him and not me. I wanted to be the one spending time with him. His bestfriend when we email now says he is jealous of me now cos i have him here with me and he is alone without his best friend. I am very thankful for web cams and mics, cos not only for his friends but the children.

As for beign jealous of others that are now with their loved ones yeah I used to get very jealous and it was killing me everytime I would hear soemone else was arriving. I prayed and prayed that God help me to not be enivous or jealous for me to be truely happy for them since it was the time that God wanted for them to be reunited and that once I got my heart stright He could reunite me, well it happend not excatly sure if the reason was I got my heart straight but .... I do know that shotly afterwards I was reunited. Plus it is always good to have a better heart.

[foxtobee 1]

No jealousy at all.

We talked on the phone every day for at least 90 minutes ( cheap rate to call the US for me)

It of course helped a lot to have the time get by seperately.

[*JG* 2]

I was mostly jealous of him going out with his friends and family parties and stuff that I wanted to go to also. Never did I think he would cheat on me or anything like that. Once we sat down and chatted about what was going on, he said he felt the same way when I described my life here without him.

We did our best to dispel each other's fears.

Today, it's almost comical to look back at it all (fondly?) and laugh about it.

[morocco4ever 63]

I used to be the jealous one in the relationship, now he has taken on the role. I recall one episode of me finding old pics in a drawer of his former girlfriend who happened to be stunningly beautiful and the drama that ensued of me ripping up photos and crying like an idiot. He has vowed to seek revenge on me when he gets here to the States, needless to say I have a to-do list with clearing out old photos and love letters of my ex as a priority.

I'm just too darn tired to be jealous anymore. I am so preoccupied with work and with the Visa that I don't have the time or energy to think about anything else.

I made it a point to go through everything and discard anything to do with my ex. None of it meant anything to me anymore, and him feeling secure in my love for him is far more important.

He did get jealous when I was there a little. It seems that the men there love a tall blonde woman and are not shy to show it. He finally came to terms witht he fact that there wasn't anything we could do to stop the attention I was getting and to realize that I wanted no other man than him.

I did find myself, not sure if it would be considered jealousy, but pissed when he told me that his ex was doing her best to get in contact with him again. She knew he had married, and still pursued him? I wasn't mad at him, I trusted him. But what kind of trashy woman goes after a married man? Anyway, he was honest with me on everything, and made it a point to tell me rather than hide it from me. I was proud of him for telling me, knowing that it was possible that I might blow a gasket. This kind of honesty is what builds trust in my opinion.

[*JG* 2]

I so agree with Doodle and PW. It takes two people to make a relationship work and only one to tear it apart. I don't think I would want a man who I couldn't be just a little jealous of, but not to the point of wondering if I really mattered to him. What would be the point of the relationship in the first place if you were constantly in fear of losing him to another woman?

I agree with the above folks. I put it this way, "If you can do any better, good luck, and don't let the door hit you in the ### on the way out."

I have come to realize that Moroccan men (this is what mine says) believe that jealousy means you love somebody. He does get jealous, but so far, I have done all right. He never does anything (yet) to make me jealous. However, it all came home to me yesterday when I met my new single beautiful blonde new neighbor that Hamid will be exposed to when he moves here. I actually stopped and worried about that--really pitiful. BUT I do worry about women chasing him here in the USA, but what can you do? And the difference in our ages worries me some, but not him. He worries that I will find an older guy and dump him--lol. We just have to go on blind faith. He tells me if he wanted somebody else, he could find her there in Marrakech with all those half-naked tourists and other women.

So what can you do???? Not a damned thing, just know that if something happens and you become single again, you WILL survive that. I thought my life was over when my hubby of 22 years came home and announced he wasnt happy, then filed for a divorce 2 weeks later. BUT I am now happier than I ever was...point is, keep going, things will work out. My mom's best advice: "Not one door closes that another one doesn't open." If you had told me a few years ago that I would be going to Morocco to see a younger fiance, I would have thought you were crazy. Just goes to show you, be open, anything can happen....and usually does!!!

Before Andre came here, I had these "haters", for lack of a better word, tell me he was using me, had girlfriends all over the place, just wanted a green card, etc. They told me just to wait. I knew they were wrong then. Andre has been here over a year now, and they ARE/were wrong.

Don't let those thoughts creep into your psyche unless he does or says something to make you think them. And, if he does, now is the time to work that stuff out. If you have doubts now, they will only get worse. Talk it out!

[ya falaha! 0]

Moh and I were looking at my old photos one day and he came upon a prom photo of me with my first bf. Mind you this photo was taken in like 1988 so the hair and clothing styles were pretty lame back then. Moh didn't really get jealous of the photos but he will occasionally rip on me about them (not about my photo but about the bf's). Once in awhile he'll just say..."Steve" and make a face.

[Marriednow 4]

Moh and I were looking at my old photos one day and he came upon a prom photo of me with my first bf. Mind you this photo was taken in like 1988 so the hair and clothing styles were pretty lame back then. Moh didn't really get jealous of the photos but he will occasionally rip on me about them (not about my photo but about the bf's). Once in awhile he'll just say..."Steve" and make a face.

I have to say that I know I will be jealous when Hamid gets here. Of course, a blonde gorgeous single woman had to move in next door this week. He is so cute that I know the women here will be after him, plus his being younger doesn't help. But he said when I was there he wishes he was my age...lol. He worries that I will dump him for an older guy. I am just trying to look at it as I hope our relationship will last forever, but I can't worry myself to death all the time. Seems like Moroccan men treat women better than American men anyway. BUT I have also heard they become Americanized fast (damn it)....

Hamid is jealous cuz he knows I talk(ed) to other guys, but not any more. He is soooo funny when I am in Morocco. The men there don't mind giving you the once over (or twice over) with their eyes. And there seems to be a lax attitude toward trying to make off with someone else's girlfriend, so Hamid is not real trusting of some of his friends. Of course, this might have to do with the fact that he was royally screwed over by his ex gf when he caught her in the act with his best friend. (Hope he never reads this.) He sees the way the American (and other) women dress in Marrakech (tourists), but I know he will be in culture shock when he gets here and sees how everything is so sexually oriented and such. I just tell him that if he messes around on me or anything, I will kick his ###!!!

But as far as I know, he doesn't talk to other women. He calls it "giving somebody else my time". We agreed that avoiding getting into intimate situations with the opposite sex in the first place is the thing to do. Anyway, that's my two (or three) cents.....Debbie