Chores outrank kids in today's marriages

[one...two...tree 2,762]

David Crary

Associated Press

The percentage of Americans who consider children "very important" to a successful marriage has dropped sharply since 1990, and more now cite the sharing of household chores as pivotal, according to a sweeping new survey.

The Pew Research Center survey on marriage and parenting found that children had fallen to eighth out of nine on a list of factors that people associate with successful marriages - well behind "sharing household chores," "good housing," "adequate income," a "happy sexual relationship" and "faithfulness."

In a 1990 World Values Survey, children ranked third in importance among the same items, with 65 percent saying children were very important to a good marriage. Just 41 percent said so in the new Pew survey.

Chore-sharing was cited as very important by 62 percent of respondents, up from 47 percent in 1990.

The survey also found that, by a margin of nearly 3-to-1, Americans say the main purpose of marriage is the "mutual happiness and fulfillment" of adults rather than the "bearing and raising of children."

The survey's findings buttress concerns expressed by numerous scholars and family-policy experts, among them Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of Rutgers University's National Marriage Project.

"The popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X-rated fantasies and desires of adults," she wrote in a recent report. "Child-rearing values - sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity - seem stale and musty by comparison."

Virginia Rutter, a sociology professor at Framingham (Mass.) State College and board member of the Council on Contemporary Families, said the shifting views may be linked in part to America's relative lack of family-friendly workplace policies such as paid leave and subsidized child care.

"If we value families ... we need to change the circumstances they live in," she said, citing the challenges faced by young, two-earner couples as they ponder having children.

The Pew survey was conducted by telephone from mid-February through mid-March among a random, nationwide sample of 2,020 adults. Its margin of error is 3 percentage points.

Among the scores of questions in the survey, many touched on America's high rate of out-of-wedlock births and of cohabitation outside of marriage. The survey noted that 37 percent of U.S. births in 2005 were to unmarried women, up from 5 percent in 1960, and found that nearly half of all adults in their 30s and 40s had lived with a partner outside of marriage.

According to the survey, 71 percent say the growth in births to unwed mothers is a "big problem." About the same proportion said a child needs both a mother and a father to grow up happily.

[Fandango 1,440]

I think that's fine...your title is a bit misleading imo...but a successful marriage does not always mean kids. And I don't think children are a necessity to a successful marriage...certainly, children enrich and bless a marriage, but they're not the be all end all to a successful one

[Sheriff Uling 3]

...And I don't think children are a necessity to a successful marriage...certainly, children enrich and bless a marriage, but they're not the be all end all to a successful one

That is so true! Which is probably why the divorce rate is so dahamn high in America, not to mention that "Hollywood" sensationalizes marriage. It’s become the new temporary monogamy. Well that's until they divorce and find some other relationship to make into a “marriage” then get divorced yet again and again. Go figure!

[Mags 112]

"Successful marriage" and "having children" isn't mutually exclusive.

I'd rather clean the loo than have another child...

Edited July 1, 2007 by mags

[Ban Hammer 14,467]

I'd rather clean the loo than have another child...

[Karen_L 1]

I agree with this -- having a child is great, but a marriage needs to be strong already in ways that have nothing to do with whether the couple has kids. I think it's more the other way around -- a strong/happy marriage should be the reason for a baby, not a baby a reason for a strong/happy marriage.

In other news: That statistic of 37% of US births being out of wedlock is... REALLY disturbing to me. Yikes.

[Ephesia 0]

And I don't think children are a necessity to a successful marriage...certainly, children enrich and bless a marriage, but they're not the be all end all to a successful one

Word.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I think it's interesting to see the changes in attitude towards marriage. As I understand from the article, having children is no longer a measurement of a successful marriage as it once was. For those who want children and can't, that could be a good sign. There used to be a stigma for couples who were childless and often there are uncomfortable questions brought up by families, friends and even strangers, "Do you have any children?" "When are going to have kids?"

[dalegg 143]

I agree with this -- having a child is great, but a marriage needs to be strong already in ways that have nothing to do with whether the couple has kids. I think it's more the other way around -- a strong/happy marriage should be the reason for a baby, not a baby a reason for a strong/happy marriage.

In other news: That statistic of 37% of US births being out of wedlock is... REALLY disturbing to me. Yikes.

Murphy Brown 1, Dan Quayle 0.

[Nessa 23]

I feel sometimes the pressure about that, not that it'll make me want or not kids, I already made up my mind about that and every thing has its time, but people that don't know us much ask if we have kids, that's ok, but every body back in Brazil every time I talk to them I have to hear the same ''when is the baby coming'' question, like it's a certainty, a sure part of a marriage, you know? It's not like are you having a kid, it's ''when''

So even though people might not believe it's important for a successful marriage, I believe they still think it's part of a marriage. Maybe it's a brazilian thing, I don't know.

[Dan J 277]

I agree with this -- having a child is great, but a marriage needs to be strong already in ways that have nothing to do with whether the couple has kids. I think it's more the other way around -- a strong/happy marriage should be the reason for a baby, not a baby a reason for a strong/happy marriage.

In other news: That statistic of 37% of US births being out of wedlock is... REALLY disturbing to me. Yikes.

How many kids are born into marriages that fall apart shortly afterwards?

[Fandango 1,440]

People always rush you...when you're dating, it's 'when you getting engaged?'

when you're engaged, it's 'when you getting married?'

when you're married, it's 'when you havin kids?'

just live your life, be happy...and do things on your own schedule w/o yielding to the pressures of society

David Crary

Associated Press

The survey also found that, by a margin of nearly 3-to-1, Americans say the main purpose of marriage is the "mutual happiness and fulfillment" of adults rather than the "bearing and raising of children."

Thank God for that!

[Scott & Lai 12]

David Crary

Associated Press

The Pew Research Center survey on marriage and parenting found that children had fallen to eighth out of nine on a list of factors that people associate with successful marriages - well behind "sharing household chores," "good housing," "adequate income," a "happy sexual relationship" and "faithfulness."

Actually, faithfulness should be a higher factor than children

"The popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X-rated fantasies and desires of adults," she wrote in a recent report.

I'm not quite sure what this means in relation to marriages...seems rather loaded.

I agree with this -- having a child is great, but a marriage needs to be strong already in ways that have nothing to do with whether the couple has kids. I think it's more the other way around -- a strong/happy marriage should be the reason for a baby, not a baby a reason for a strong/happy marriage.

In other news: That statistic of 37% of US births being out of wedlock is... REALLY disturbing to me. Yikes.

Far too often we hear couples say they are staying together "for the kids," meaning if there were not kids, they'd divorce. That's not a "successful" marriage.

[Mags 112]

I'm off to clean to toilet. See ya later, folks.

[Ban Hammer 14,467]

I'm off to clean to toilet. See ya later, folks.

so you agreed to this pic then