Filed I-751 jointly, but broke up, remained married, got RFE. What to do?

[WanderlustBronco 0]

Hi All,

 

Been reading this forum and others and I can't find an answer to my situation. Please advise!

 

I was together with my husband for 3 1/2 years. We were really in love and we married after 2 1/2 years. However, after the marriage as we lived in a long-distance relationship almost the whole time, things started to go downhill. He moved to the same city eventually to try to save the relationship, but we ended up agreeing that things might never be the same again. He lived not far from me and we remained friends but we couldn't get back together. When the time came to file the I-751 we realized that we probably should have thought of it earlier, so the only way we could file was jointly. We still share a lot of things as we split on good terms. Eventually a few months after filing the I-751 he moved to a different city. To keep things consistent and because we didn't know what to do at this point, I kept changing my addresses to his on every form (car registration, insurance) and also at the USCIS. We tried to find answers at that point if we should report the separation, but all forums said, don't do anything.

 

So 18 months later we received an RFE to prove good-faith marriage and cohabitation. The good-faith marriage was already established very strongly at the first interview (we met each others family on multiple occasions, and he even started studying my native language). And we never submitted affidavits but we can from family members and friends.

 

These scenarios have been presented by different lawyers and I'm not sure what to follow or who to believe:

 

1) Submit whatever we still have shared, but attach a letter explaining the whole relationship from the start and admit the separation (but possibly say it happened after the joint filing; which is basically sort of the reality, as that really felt final). Also get affidavits from family members and friends to prove the bona fide marriage.

• In this case, my question is, if we didn't intend to get back together what do we say, why didn't we divorce? In our case it was two things: 1) he only divorced his previous spouse 3 years after separating when we wanted to get married, so he's kind of a lazy divorcer. 2) as we already have things filed this way, we were afraid how it would affect the process. He is still behind me, and if it comes to that, he is willing to say the same thing at an interview and attest that the marriage was real.

 

2) File for divorce and pretty much the same as above. (Actually, I consulted a lawyer who seemed to take my case but he kept saying he was super busy, and to his advice and because time is running out, I submitted the divorce yesterday, but haven't served it and I can still revoke it, which I probably will because since then two other lawyers told me I shouldn't have done that.) it takes at least 6 months to divorce so I would run out of time to submit the decree. If I revoke the divorce, then I'm not sure what USCIS will think, why we're still married but separated for over a year.

 

Anyone in the same boat before me? I don't want either of us to be accused of the marriage or the relationship not being real because it certainly was and I still wish the distance hadn't poisoned the well. We are still great friends, but the romance part is gone, and he also started dating someone else a while ago.

Edited July 22, 2018 by WanderlustBronco

[Dee elle 1,368]

You need to be honest in your application. From your account of the relationship it would require you both to be less than truthful to claim a continued ongoing marriage relationship at this time. I would say that you need a good lawyer to assist you with getting through the ROC process as divorced , not as you initially filed as joint. 

Things change.. and not always with convenient timing.. but trying to change the story won’t end well, of that I am sure. 

[geowrian 22,336]

I wouldn't worry too much about affidavits. They carry very little weight compared to pretty much anything else you could send.

 

The biggest issue I see is that you have been falsifying your address to make it seem like you were not separated. This was absolutely not the right thing to do and could have very negative consequences. The IO may request evidence of actually living together at those addresses, which won't exist since you didn't live there. And once they see one lie about the marriage, expect them to look closely for anything else that may be inconsistent.

Always tell the truth in immigration matters. Never try to make a story fit with untruths.

 

If you aren't ready to divorce and if you are called in for an interview, they will still expect the petitioner to be there since it is still a joint filing. He can show and you can explain the situation and that is permitted, although there is something to be said about putting your fate in the hands of somebody else from whom you are separated (they could not show, tank the interview, etc.). This is a situation in which only you know how risky it is...so far he's been on good terms and that's great.

If they didn't show, you could request a switch to a divorce waiver at the interview, in which case the IO would issue an RFE for the final divorce decree.

 

The other option is to divorce and request a change to a divorce waiver. Again, they will require a final divorce decree before approving the I-751.

 

22 hours ago, WanderlustBronco said:

1) he only divorced his previous spouse 3 years after separating when we wanted to get married, so he's kind of a lazy divorcer.

Either spouse can file for a divorce...him being a lazy divorcer is only half of it.

[WanderlustBronco 0]

3 hours ago, geowrian said:

I wouldn't worry too much about affidavits. They carry very little weight compared to pretty much anything else you could send.

 

The biggest issue I see is that you have been falsifying your address to make it seem like you were not separated. This was absolutely not the right thing to do and could have very negative consequences. The IO may request evidence of actually living together at those addresses, which won't exist since you didn't live there. And once they see one lie about the marriage, expect them to look closely for anything else that may be inconsistent.

Always tell the truth in immigration matters. Never try to make a story fit with untruths.

 

If you aren't ready to divorce and if you are called in for an interview, they will still expect the petitioner to be there since it is still a joint filing. He can show and you can explain the situation and that is permitted, although there is something to be said about putting your fate in the hands of somebody else from whom you are separated (they could not show, tank the interview, etc.). This is a situation in which only you know how risky it is...so far he's been on good terms and that's great.

If they didn't show, you could request a switch to a divorce waiver at the interview, in which case the IO would issue an RFE for the final divorce decree.

 

The other option is to divorce and request a change to a divorce waiver. Again, they will require a final divorce decree before approving the I-751.

 

Either spouse can file for a divorce...him being a lazy divorcer is only half of it.

Thank you for your input.

 

Regarding the address, yes, I also thought of that, however, since the beginning of the relationship we've had the address with a joint lease on the apartment where I live currently. And that was sort of home base, where we filed the original papers from when we got married, but he always had other addresses and we explained that at our initial interview. And I actually I did spend time at all the addresses he moved to after as we remained friends. I don't know how you prove that other than maybe with photos of you being there if you state you are currently separated but everytime I go to the city where he is now, I stay at his place, and I go there every few months. Even when we lived in the same city we both had so much stuff already that besides some clothes and toiletries we never had other personal stuff permanently at each others' place.

 

He is also willing to come to an interview with me, and when I say good terms, I mean we're friends. It was a real relationship and it was extremely hard to break up because we still care for each other even today but some things just didn't work out.

[kochtitude 1]

On 7/23/2018 at 12:44 AM, WanderlustBronco said:

Thank you for your input.

 

Regarding the address, yes, I also thought of that, however, since the beginning of the relationship we've had the address with a joint lease on the apartment where I live currently. And that was sort of home base, where we filed the original papers from when we got married, but he always had other addresses and we explained that at our initial interview. And I actually I did spend time at all the addresses he moved to after as we remained friends. I don't know how you prove that other than maybe with photos of you being there if you state you are currently separated but everytime I go to the city where he is now, I stay at his place, and I go there every few months. Even when we lived in the same city we both had so much stuff already that besides some clothes and toiletries we never had other personal stuff permanently at each others' place.

 

He is also willing to come to an interview with me, and when I say good terms, I mean we're friends. It was a real relationship and it was extremely hard to break up because we still care for each other even today but some things just didn't work out.

are your bills/bank statements not under your spouse’s address? or did you report another address? or did they do a home visit? i wonder how they found out you’re not really living there - and to your point, i’m not sure how you could prove cohabitation if lease is not enough

[OldUser 5,072]

38 minutes ago, kochtitude said:

are your bills/bank statements not under your spouse’s address? or did you report another address? or did they do a home visit? i wonder how they found out you’re not really living there - and to your point, i’m not sure how you could prove cohabitation if lease is not enough

You're replying to a zombie thread. Don't expect to hear anything from the user, who was was last logged in 2019.

 

Just a lease is not awlays enough to prove cohabitation. Financial comingling, shared bills responsibility and other evidence may help.

 

USCIS may not know for sure whether you live together or don't. That's the whole point of RFE.

 

[Ontarkie 13,957]

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