George Carlin's Solution to save Gas

[yogib37 3]

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline:

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using

so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11

million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring

our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal

immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and

ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve

a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax

him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he

defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal

patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a

solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life

for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without

the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. If you think this is a good

solution to both the problems,

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

It is bogus.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/carlingas.asp

[Ban Hammer 14,290]

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline:

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using

so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11

million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring

our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal

immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and

ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve

a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax

him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he

defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal

patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a

solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life

for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without

the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. If you think this is a good

solution to both the problems,

export our illegal problem? hasn't iraq been thru enough trauma?

there, i tried being a left winger

[homesick_american 1]

Another solution would be to...y'know...walk. My parents take the CAR to go to a cafe that is a BLOCK away.

[mawilson 2,133]

export our illegal problem? hasn't iraq been thru enough trauma?

:lol:

[Niels Bohr 72]

It's economy of scale my friends, economy of scale.

[Sheriff Uling 3]

It is bogus.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/carlingas.asp

It very well may be but it's still hilarious...

[mawilson 2,133]

export our illegal problem? hasn't iraq been thru enough trauma?

there, i tried being a left winger

In the meantime, Iraqis need a place to go themselves:

Some 50,000 Iraqis are fleeing their homeland every month, according to UNHCR,

which says the refugee crisis worsened dramatically after the bombing of an

important Shiite shrine in the city of Samarra in February 2006.

Campaign groups such as Amnesty International have been putting pressure on the

United States, Britain and other Western nations to increase the number of Iraqis

allowed to permanently settle in their countries.

Washington already has said it will allow about 7,000 Iraqis into the United States

this year - up from 202 in 2006 - and will pay more to help Iraq's neighbors cope

with the surge of refugees. The U.S. pledged $18 million Tuesday toward UNHCR

operations for Iraqi refugees, said Undersecretary of State Paula Dobriansky.

[~Chad~ 0]

It is bogus.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/carlingas.asp

It very well may be but it's still hilarious...

George Carlin is funny... ever hear him talk about flying?.....

As soon as they close the door to the aircraft, that's when they begin the safety lecture. I love the safety lecture. This is my favorite part of the airplane ride. I listen very carefully to the safety lecture, especially that part where they teach us how to use the seatbelts. Imagine this, here we are, a plane full of grown human beings, many of us partially educated, and they're actually taking time out to describe the intricate workings of a belt buckle.

The safety lecture continues. "In the unlikely event . ." This is a very suspect phrase, especially coming as it does from an industry that is willing to lie about arrival and departure times. "In the unlikely event of a sudden change in cabin pressure"--ROOF FLIES OFF! " . . An oxygen mask will drop down in front of you. Place the mask over your face and breathe normally." Well, I have no problem with that. I always breathe normally when I'm in a 600 mile an hour uncontrolled vertical dive. I also sh!# normally.

They tell you to adjust YOUR oxygen mask before helping your child with his. I did not need to be told that. In fact, I'm probably going to be too busy screaming to help him at all. This will be a good time for him to learn self-reliance. If he can program his f*** VCR, he could g**damn, jolly-well learn to adjust an oxygen mask. Fairly simple thing, just a little rubber band in the back is all it is. Not nearly as complicated as say, for instance, a seatbelt.

The safety lecture continues. "In the unlikely event of a water landing . . ." Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN!? ". . . your seat cushion can be used as a floatation device." Well, imagine that, my seat cushion... Just what I need -- to float around the North Atlantic for several days -- clinging to a pillow full of beer farts...

The next sentence I hear is full of things that piss me off. "Before leaving the aircraft, please check around your immediate seating area for any personal belongings you might have brought onboard." Well, let's start with immediate seating area--SEAT! It's a g**damn seat! Check around your seat! "For any personal belongings." Well, what other kinds of belongings are there, besides personal--public belongings? Do these people honestly think I might be traveling with a fountain I stole from the park. "You might have brought onboard." Well I might have brought my arrowhead collection--I didn't, so I'm not going to look for it! I am going to look for things I brought onboard, which seems to enhance my likelihood of finding something, wouldn't you say?

About this time, they tell you you'll be landing shortly. That sound to you like we're gonna miss the runway. Final approach is not very promising either, is it? Final is not a good word to be using on an airplane. Sometimes, the pilot will get on and he'll say, "We'll be on the ground in 15 minutes." Well, that's a little vague, isn't it?

Now we're taxiing in, she says, "Welcome to O'Hare International Airport . . ." Well, how can someone who is just arriving herself possibly welcome me to a place she isn't even at yet? Doesn't this violate some fundamental law of physics? We're only on the ground for 4 seconds; she's coming on like the f*** mayor's wife! ". . . where the local time . ." Well, of course it's the local time. What did you think we were expecting -- the time in Pango Pango?

"Enjoy your stay in Chicago, or wherever your final destination might be." All destinations are final! That's what it means, destiny-final. If you haven't gotten where you're going, you aren't there yet.

"The captain has asked . . ." More sh!# from the bogus captain. You know, for someone who's supposed to be flying an airplane, he's taking a mighty big interest in what I'm doing back here.". . . that you remain seated until he has brought the aircraft to a complete stop. Not a partial stop, cuz’ during a partial stop, I partially get up. "Continue to observe the no-smoking sign until well inside the terminal." It's physically impossible to observe the no-smoking sign even if you're standing just outside the door of the airplane, much less well inside the terminal. You can't even see the f*** planes from well inside the terminal"

[almaty 19]

i remeember that skit on flying..it was great...

[Saddle Bronc 124]

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline:

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using

so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11

million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring

our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal

immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and

ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve

a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax

him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he

defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal

patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a

solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life

for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without

the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. If you think this is a good

solution to both the problems,

export our illegal problem? hasn't iraq been thru enough trauma?

there, i tried being a left winger

Actually, it sounds like an excellent solution; if they're killed, well then the IRAQI insurgents are the ones with the funeral headaches.

[KarenCee 3]

Another solution would be to...y'know...walk. My parents take the CAR to go to a cafe that is a BLOCK away.

That might work if everyone lived within walking distance....not everyone is able.

[yogib37 3]

i remeember that skit on flying..it was great...

I listen to that skit all the time and every time I swear to god, I bust a gut laughing so hard. when I go on a plane and listen to the safety speech, I can't help thinking about that. And the sad part about it, it is so true..

[eric&gen 0]

George Carlin's Solution to Save Gasoline:

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using

so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11

million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring

our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal

immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and

ship him to Iraq. Tell him if he wants to come to America then he must serve

a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax

him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he

defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal

patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a

solution for the troops in Iraq and the aliens trying to make a better life

for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without

the canteen, rifle or ammo. Problem solved. If you think this is a good

solution to both the problems,

Sounds like a good idea to me lol

[homesick_american 1]

Another solution would be to...y'know...walk. My parents take the CAR to go to a cafe that is a BLOCK away.

That might work if everyone lived within walking distance....not everyone is able.

No, but if you're going to a cafe that's a block away and your legs work, there's no excuse for driving there.