interview denied because the lady was tired and missunderstood my custody dicree

[Kosi Wahala 153]

12 minutes ago, Ebunoluwa said:

 

I do not get why some people still try to use tribalism as fact pointers to human behavior and put people in a box that

if A happens B must follow. Though tribal customs have a very general impact, we as humans are very diverse and not all

fit this "thus says the custom of this or that tribe" book. I don't see what where he lives or what tribe

he is has anything to do with this issue. He went to Dubai. She said she did not want to travel to Nigeria. She should have
to satisfy the CO but that does not make him a scammer or evasive, it was her choice. There is no wahala.

She does chat with family. Though for visa purposes it is important as even the outdated filed manuals still dictate how a

Nigerian man is supposed to act to be legit, it is their yard stick. There are

way too many modern Nigerian men who could care less to have the whole family involved from day one and if they
are they can be all scammers as much as one who does not have the whole family chatting up a fiance.
Every couple has their individual preferences and in time it will naturally happen. I would feel totally weird if from early
in the relationship the whole family would urge me to chat with them, especially from the first hour/day as you stated.
Siblings, parents, uncles....oh heck no.That to me would be a red flag.

Carried over from Colonial days there persists this idea that people feel compelled to put all Nigerians nicely
sorted out into categories and state if you live there you are and do this, if you are of this tribe then you belong there and do that.
This is just not true for all Nigerians or should I say the African man.
Customs being customs, some abide by it and some do not.

Why do westerners always try to stereotype Africans and place them into a box of a certain custom.

It is for the OP to decide what the relationship means to her and all she wants to know is how to proceed.
No offense but I just wanted to voice my thoughts on this from my past experience of being immersed in the African culture
for many years and to me it is a disservice to categorize all Nigerians as thinking the same way about family, a fiance/wife
and all that comes with it.

 

 

Wow, well, chill out a little bit. "Sterotype Africans?" I happened to be stating things in that post, as my husband and I were thinking out loud together about the OPs issue. 

"No offense but I just wanted to voice my thoughts on this from my past experience of being immersed in the African culture
for many years and to me it is a disservice to categorize all Nigerians as thinking the same way about family, a fiance/wife
and all that comes with it."

BTW - Actually, I am offended. You have also done some box cramming of your very own, with me. You are not the only person to have been "immersed" in the African culture. We may not share the same perspective, but that does not make my perspective rubbish. 

"It is for the OP to decide what the relationship means to her and all she wants to know is how to proceed." - Then why should she post here about her experience at all? I guess what you are saying is that since you didn't like my post, based on things coming from my husband's thoughts and from my years in Nigeria, then I should just be quite. 

 

Alright then. I will. 

O daaro. 

Edited March 4, 2017 by Kosi Wahala

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

9 hours ago, QueenComley said:

I though the same thing when I read this thread... I was waiting for someone to remark on this. Glad I wasn't the only one to find this really odd.

Nothing odd about it, happens all the time  when a description of the interviewing CO is

mentioned. Why would we not want to know exactly who interviewed as a significant other ?

It was discussed between my husband and I too.  Different CO's have very different styles and skin color was always one

way to identify who interviewed and what the outcome was since a name is often lacking.
 

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

2 minutes ago, Kosi Wahala said:

Wow, well, chill out a little bit. "Sterotype Africans?" I happened to be stating things in that post, as my husband and I were thinking out loud together about the OPs issue. 

"It is for the OP to decide what the relationship means to her and all she wants to know is how to proceed." - Then why should she post here about her experience at all? I guess what you are saying is that since you didn't like my post, based on things coming from my husband's thoughts and from my years in Nigeria, then I should just be quite. 

 

Alright then. I will. 

O daaro. 

No, you have your right to share what you want to share and since this is an open forum I have a right to respectfully disagree.
 

I do believe Africans are being stereotyped by tribe and region, yes I do.
If I had a penny for every time I heard 'all from this region and that tribe are scammers' ....I don't find it helpful.
She should post here to find out her next move in the process.
No, I did not say for you to be quite. No need to be defensive. We all can give input here and I don't have to like your comment and
neither do I expect you to like mine.

O daaro to you as well.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

Just now, Ebunoluwa said:

No, you have your right to share what you want to share and since this is an open forum I have a right to respectfully disagree.
 

I do believe Africans are being stereotyped by tribe and region, yes I do.
If I had a penny for every time I heard 'all from this region and that tribe are scammers' ....I don't find it helpful.
She should post here to find out her next move in the process.
No, I did not say for you to be quite. No need to be defensive. We all can give input here and I don't have to like your comment and
neither do I expect you to like mine.

O daaro to you as well.

Well, I did not indicate that any particular tribe was "scammers" - in fact, I didn't mention scammers at all. 

And, just because you find "red flags" in meeting someone's family very soon - I didn't. Especially since I was already aware of who the family was, and the position held by my husband's uncle. 

I don't expect you to think or see things the same way that I do, but you could tone down your post a bit - to indicate that you happen to have more "immersion" in African culture...well, whatever. To accuse me of stereotyping, and presuming I was going to tag any particular tribe as scammers? I'm not being defensive, but I will speak up when I am disrespected. 

[Boiler 43,859]

I just want to O daaro everybody.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

1 minute ago, Kosi Wahala said:

Well, I did not indicate that any particular tribe was "scammers" - in fact, I didn't mention scammers at all. 

And, just because you find "red flags" in meeting someone's family very soon - I didn't. Especially since I was already aware of who the family was, and the position held by my husband's uncle. 

I don't expect you to think or see things the same way that I do, but you could tone down your post a bit - to indicate that you happen to have more "immersion" in African culture...well, whatever. To accuse me of stereotyping, and presuming I was going to tag any particular tribe as scammers? I'm not being defensive, but I will speak up when I am disrespected. 

 Think about how OP feels reading your post, you

indicated all may not be as it seems. I was not trying to be offensive with my post, your comment seemed stereotypical of regions and

tribes otherwise you would not have asked OP where he lives and what tribe he is.
An uncles position does not mean a thing.
No disrespect was meant as I said.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

I just want to O daaro everybody.

Ah, dat big wahala, oooooh. You be vexing me to timeout, ooooh.

[Ebunoluwa 6,136]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I just want to O daaro everybody.

You mean you want to wish everyone a good night.

[Boiler 43,859]

Just now, Kosi Wahala said:

Ah, dat big wahala, oooooh. You be vexing me to timeout, ooooh.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

1 minute ago, Ebunoluwa said:

 Think about how OP feels reading your post, you

indicated all may not be as it seems. I was not trying to be offensive with my post, your comment seemed stereotypical of regions and

tribes otherwise you would not have asked OP where he lives and what tribe he is.
An uncles position does not mean a thing.
No disrespect was meant as I said.

Like it or not, there are tribal differences within the three main ethnic groups. None of the differences have a thing to do with predisposition to scamming. I have never watched an Igbo friend prostrate himself, even half-heartedly to his elders, like a Yoruba. 

"An uncles (SIC) position does not mean a thing." - Okay, that shows a lack of knowledge on your part. My husband's uncle, whom he works for, is a Right Honorable - having been the Speaker of the House of Assembly. When I am in his home in a few weeks, I'll be sure to tell him his position means nothing as I fail to greet him according to custom. That should go over really well. 

[Kosi Wahala 153]

4 minutes ago, Ebunoluwa said:

You mean you want to wish everyone a good night.

Boiler knows that. Boiler meant for everyone to chill out. 

[Boiler 43,859]

2 minutes ago, Kosi Wahala said:

Boiler knows that. Boiler meant for everyone to chill out. 

Yup

 

Never having being to Nigeria I would guess you both have valid points, which applies in this case I have no idea. I am reasonably sure that the OP will have plenty of time to find out.

[Kosi Wahala 153]

Just now, Boiler said:

Yup

 

Never having being to Nigeria I would guess you both have valid points, which applies in this case I have no idea. I am reasonably sure that the OP will have plenty of time to find out.

The bottom line is, whatever came together for the OP at the consulate, just did not work out the way they wanted it to. Unless her congressmen are able to pull things back together (and I would suggest calling the congressional offices, not just emailing them), then the K1 is, most likely, going to be off the table. If that is the case, then marriage is going to be the next step - if she decides to go that route. 

Two things gave me cause to ask questions, and have a great deal of concern - 1. The OP wrote about a past abusive relationship. 2. The OP originally stated that her fiancé was escorted out of the consulate by security (I see she has not stated that she misunderstood, and that did not happen.) Anyway, for someone to lose their temper to the extent that they are excused from the building by security - I just wanted to give the OP somethings to consider.

Again, like it or not, the three main ethnic groups in Nigeria do have distinct customs and traditions. Perhaps, some of the younger men have lost interest in these things, but many have not. We are a product of the families we grow up in, even when we don't care to admit it. 

I still think the OP needs to spend more quality time with her fiancé, and, since they are most likely going to have to go into overtime in proving their case, the next time their file hits a COs desk, in Lagos...I would suggest that she consider visiting Nigeria, and meeting his family - smile for a million photos, eat some deliciously spicy soup and pounded yam.

 

The reason I asked where her fiancé is from, was solely based upon the OPs comment that Nigeria is a dangerous place to visit. Yes, some parts are, and some places are not. That's not stereotyping...that's being real. 

Okay...now, for real...O daaro. 

[ziggyzaazaa 14]

as the OP and the comments going on questioning my relationship and his families relationship is not what I posted about. I know and am very confident how happy we are together and his family loves me and my family loves his.. It may not be in the cultural tribe standards of the norm or the expectations from others, but it works with us! He or I have never had an issue with anything about mine or his family, tribe, color of skin, or stereotypes others want to place upon us. don't matter. In fact life is more interesting. We learn so much from eachother. all I know is I love him and its real. his family is close to me and its real. The love we have for eachocher is so real that I feel like Im greiving a death right now due to this visa denial.

 It hurts! I wouldn't care if he was green! I choose not to go into detail about his tribe and his parents and sibling details because that was not pertaining to anything in my original post. I am very heartbroken that I have been denied to the fullest extent and called a liar and a scammer by the embassy. The love between us is strong enough to keep us together from accross the world committed forever and that's all that matters. I am willing to do whatever it takes even if it takes my whole life to be with him. 

[Boiler 43,859]

I can only go on the very many similar cases I have seen on here related to the Consulate and some others like it.

 

Certainly no harm in going through the Congressperson route etc but I have not seen a case like this both re interviewed and be successful.

 

The usual VJ recommendation would be to go marry and go the CR1 route.

 

You do have a good idea of the issues people familiar with that Consulate see in your case as requiring attention and you have the time to address them.

 

As I said I have never been to that area, have been to a few places that might fall into the same category. Friend did IT contract work in Lagos for a few years and he would tell us a few stories. Obviously quite a few people have negative thoughts about going to Chicago and LA, and there are certain areas that you should avoid but that does not mean never go to either.