USC *WIFE* physically hits/abuses me

[Fandango 1,439]

Pictures are not proof of abuse, cos let's face it...anyone can take piccies.

You need to call the police on her the next time she attacks you. You need a police report.

Also, I agree about the tape recorder...laws in your state might prevent them from being admissible. But check it out anyway. Also, if she were ever to leave you a voicemail addressing her abuse, such as an 'I'm sorry' or anything like that, I believe those ARE admissible because she would know she was being recorded.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

Your problems would be less if you would simply call the police, then the abuse is documented otherwise its just hearsay on your part. You will never have proof of abuse until she is reported. I have an aunt who got in an argument with her husband, who we all knew was abusive to not only her but to his own child. She would never report him, and finally one day she punched him in the face.....guess what he called the police and she spent the night in jail. Since she had never reported him for all of his abuse, she was the one found guilty not him. You better cover your a** now, or you might pay dearly for it later if she decides to claim abuse agains you first!

[ELECTRAGLIDE 0]

Your problems would be less if you would simply call the police, then the abuse is documented otherwise its just hearsay on your part. You will never have proof of abuse until she is reported. I have an aunt who got in an argument with her husband, who we all knew was abusive to not only her but to his own child. She would never report him, and finally one day she punched him in the face.....guess what he called the police and she spent the night in jail. Since she had never reported him for all of his abuse, she was the one found guilty not him. You better cover your a** now, or you might pay dearly for it later if she decides to claim abuse agains you first!

I agree call police that way you have it as proof do it after next time you are abused . Sometimes the police will take pictures to show proof if they decide to arrest .

[strandedlost 0]

well, the next time that it happens, i'll call the police, im just wondering how everything will turn out however, weather i'll get kicked out and she'll start calling her family that are lawyers and start her #######.

Has anyone ever known of a Prima Facie case that was approved before??? how long? and what was the grounds and were there many difficulties??

[Lovetoteach 53]

well, the next time that it happens, i'll call the police, im just wondering how everything will turn out however, weather i'll get kicked out and she'll start calling her family that are lawyers and start her #######.

Has anyone ever known of a Prima Facie case that was approved before??? how long? and what was the grounds and were there many difficulties??

I have spoken to people (women mainly ) who have had their cases approved after receiving a Prima Facie. Even though one may recieve this , this however is not an approval. One woman I spoke to -it took just a few months. My case has taken 1 year and 4 months and I'm still waiting. To give you a very rough idea look at the processing times for I 360's in Vermont.

Cases vary, some include physical abuse , some just mental and emotionally and others both. Please do a search and read the VAWA manual 2002. I found it informative. It tells you everything you may need and illustrates scenarios. Contact the Catholic Charities as mentioned before. Please, please call the call the police if anything happens again. I like you was too scared to, I wish I had. You really need to leave this situation as hard as it may be, otherwise you'll end up having a breakdown like I did.

Shona

[diadromous mermaid 36]

well, the next time that it happens, i'll call the police, im just wondering how everything will turn out however, weather i'll get kicked out and she'll start calling her family that are lawyers and start her #######.

Has anyone ever known of a Prima Facie case that was approved before??? how long? and what was the grounds and were there many difficulties??

You are a conditional permanent resident, and passed the adjustment of status stage in the immigration journey. At the point that you were conferred conditional PR the Service was satisfied that the marriage appeared to be genuine. If the marriage was/is bona fide and you can place your hands on sufficient evidence that you resided together and co-mingled your financial affairs, self-petitioning on the basis of a good faith marriage that terminated in divorce would preclude the need for a prima facie determination.

[strandedlost 0]

well, as for now im building up my evidence, slowly but surely, i always wonder actually how many "men" this has happened to aswell.

[JayJay 4]

Wow - whoever you are (and I probably know you, don't I?! ) this is really very bad.

Thing is, when one is going through something like this, what one doesn't know is that the actions of the other person involved are twisting one's mind to think differently. You have to keep it simple right now, to avoid insanity; thus, know the following:

No matter whether it's a guy or a girl doing the abusing, please understand that people kill people all the time. That's the long and short of it. just because she's a girl, don't think she doesn't have the mental "balls" to accidentally go too far one day - especially with things like strangulation. let me make no bones about it - there are female prisons in this country and across the world who house ladies with all manner of convictions, including murder. You're right to think that men have a higher rate of violent crime than women, but let's face it, you're in a relationship with the percentage of violent crime being committed by women.

Don't be fooled by society's viewpoint or Hollywood films, who often portray the man as the "strong" one, able to defend himself against any woman because he's stronger than she is. Trust me, if the lady come out and garottes you in your sleep, you won't have a seond to think about it. I don't mean to frighten you, but it does sound like she has a few mental problems at the very least, and you need to realise that you're more precious than this: there's no need to lay down and potentially be killed or seriously wounded for the sake of someone else's mental problem. See what I'm getting at?

Now we've got that crazy part out of the way, let me just say that if you let this lady continue her rampage, untold amounts of mental hurt may be inflicted upon you - more than you know. Men are taught, for teh most part, from a very early age that expressing emotion is not a good thing to do - very "un-manly". If your mother dies, it's okay to cry, but other things like stubbing your toe, getting laid off, missing out on a promotion at work - all these are examples of when many men are taught to "tough it out" and not get upset. "Deal with it" or "solve the situation", just like that.

But in reality while there may be subtle differences between the way men and women think, many of these differences are in fact taught to us by the societies we live in; by our parents and by those we respect or are afraid of. The way this lady is speaking to you during an argument must no doubt be hurting you to the very core of your soul. I don't see you saying much about the exact words she's saying, but perhaps that's why - you need to be "tough" and "deal". But the hurt you are experiencing, you cannot just "deal" with. it's nothing to do with being weak, or un-manly, the crux of it is that what she is saying to you will cause lasting and deep scars within your heart and soul.

I know nobody's perfect, but living like this is going to change you if you don't get out and find somewhere stable to be - even if it's a motel room. I know you say that you fight WITH each other as well as her being violent with you, but right now you cannot see it from an outside point of view - you need to remove yourself from the situation and THEN you'll see what's really going on. Help yourself by gently packing a few things, gently walking out of the house and leaving her alone. She has some big issues here, but it's not your job to sacrafice your life, your heart and your soul to her. Your Mom and Dad would not want you to have to feel this pain.

From a distance, things can seem a lot clearer. You've lost a gigantic portion of your self esteem as a man and that's okay - now settle back and be alone for a few days, and you will find it coming back to you, and you'll know what to do. It's amazing to recover the power of self esteem - it will be like an elixir of new life to you.

I also lived for a while with a guy who enjoyed nothing more than choking me and dragging me around, restraining me and asphyxiating me - because he never used a closed fist on me, he rationalized it as "not abusive". When I left him, the very, very fist thing he did was panic. I had to leave in the company of friends, and I was so calm knowing I was safe at that moment. All he could do was watch TV and go quiet. The next day he called, BEGGING me to come back and telling me he'd do anything I wanted. I did not come back. Instead I told his family what he'd been doing and no longer kept it quiet. I told his friends. They all spoke to him and at first he was angry -that lasted about two weeks, but then he had to calm down because for the most part, it was a good thing everyone knew because finally he'd been made to face the demons that had been haunting him for much longer than I'd been there. This entire process meant he was FORCED to seek help.

What I'm saying is that it sounds like she's afraid as well - talking about all these high priced lawyers, putting on this big costume show of being very scary and lashing out in a physical way. People who are stable and have self esteem and who know they speak the truth don't need all these "props" to make them seem bigger and better - they are able to talk things out and sway people's respect toward them using the power of honestly and morality. I really think she's "having a fit and throwing the toys out of the pram" as it were, rather than being completely rational.

She cannot have you thrown out of the country - that's utter ####### - so please don't worry yourself about that at this moment. Just calmly leave, find yourself ANYWHERE (and even a friend's floor) to just be totally calm, have a cry about things (it's very good for you, you know - even if you're a big toughie!) and try to collect yourself. THEN worry about the divorce and immigration.

There are laws that protect you just as much as they protect her - don't assume she can puppet your life like this because she can't. And plus please remember - USCIS use "corporate speak" much of the time, which is why they can be vague - it's to protect their a$$es! Don't panic. Everything will be okay - just get a good night's sleep in the full knowledge that you won't get woken up by arguing or screaming.

Sorry this post has been so long!

Edited March 11, 2007 by JayJay

[Niels Bohr 72]

If this thread topic is true, then I don't know what to say.

I have doubts regarding this thread. I find it very hard to believe that you are being abused by your wife. I think this thread is an indication that you want to get your green card and move on with your life. I find this technique of immigration maneuvering disturbing and unfair for all of us. If this thread topic is true, then you are on your own.

[KarenCee 3]

If this thread topic is true, then I don't know what to say.

I have doubts regarding this thread. I find it very hard to believe that you are being abused by your wife. I think this thread is an indication that you want to get your green card and move on with your life. I find this technique of immigration maneuvering disturbing and unfair for all of us. If this thread topic is true, then you are on your own.

Wow...and your problem is....??????

I think if you read back you'll find that he HAS his green card already. For your information, there are lots of men that this happens to. It's not just women who are abused. IF you can only offer sarcasm may I suggest you post somewhere else?

Sheesh...

[Niels Bohr 72]

Sometimes I find it weird how women now are very aggressive towards their husbands. Along time ago, it wasn't like this. I am a man, and young as well. I just find it very hard to believe how in the past men was the dominant figure than it is now. Yes, time and culture change. Society is a slow changing entity, so it will take a while for women to be more dominant and begin to force their husband into househusband. It's very weird.

Yeah, he already gotten his greencard. If you know what I was implying, I wanted to say that he " wants out after he received his greencard." It's just very hard to believe.

[KarenCee 3]

Sometimes I find it weird how women now are very aggressive towards their husbands. Along time ago, it wasn't like this. I am a man, and young as well. I just find it very hard to believe how in the past men was the dominant figure than it is now. Yes, time and culture change. Society is a slow changing entity, so it will take a while for women to be more dominant and begin to force their husband into househusband. It's very weird.

Yeah, he already gotten his greencard. If you know what I was implying, I wanted to say that he " wants out after he received his greencard." It's just very hard to believe.

I certainly hope you don't lump ALL women into your assumptions. I am not trying to be dominant of my husband and neither is he trying to dominate me. My last marriage was like this with my ex being the dominant one and there is no way in he|| I would do that to another living person. I am sure there are women like that, and it is sad. However, not all are nor do I see society as a whole turning towards the trend you imply.

[Niels Bohr 72]

Hmm....You don't see that society? Explain why women want rights equal to men? Hmmm....Yes, you see society is changing into that era where women has higher rights. That is what I wanted to imply into my statement. I hope you would be educated as to infer from my message. If you are, then you should understand why society is changing to that extent.

[KarenCee 3]

Hmm....You don't see that society? Explain why women want rights equal to men? Hmmm....Yes, you see society is changing into that era where women has higher rights. That is what I wanted to imply into my statement. I hope you would be educated as to infer from my message. If you are, then you should understand why society is changing to that extent.

You do not see women as equals? I am not implying at all that women should be placed higher than men. Nor should men be placed higher than women. It should be equal. What is wrong with women having equal rights? This sounds like something from the 19th century, where women were thought of as second class, the chattel of her husband, having no say in anything. I am quite educated as it happens but I cannot for the life of me see how this society is changing and going in the direction you infer.

[meauxna 15]

Explain why women want rights equal to men?

Uh oh.