Man's Rules for Women

[Emo 0]

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your own oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape

[~Chad~ 0]

Lmao!

[brnidokiegurl 1]

War is now declared

[almaty 19]

good thread..i hope some of the vj sisters take notes...

[JenT 0]

good thread..i hope some of the vj sisters take notes...

et tu, brother dean???

[brnidokiegurl 1]

[GrenadianCrix 2]

Ain't it the truth.

You pretty much summed up what it's like to live with a guy.

....and I'm still laughing.

sue

:lol: lol:

[JenT 0]

That list has been around a while... just like this one:

Women's Rules For Men

1. Call.

2. Don't lie.

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss,"

and "B*tch" are bad.

11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better

in bed.

14. Her cooking is excellent.

15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

16. Dish soap is your friend.

17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and

warm does not equal clean.

18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never

going to end that conversation.

20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

21. Two words: clean socks.

22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're

all sweaty.

23. Burping is not sexy.

24. You're wrong.

25. You're sorry.

26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car

than you think she is.

27. Ditto for your discourse on football.

28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single

bound.

29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.

30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels

like at that particular moment in time, and it could change

without notice.

33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like

a complete jerk until she does it for you.

37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

39. Always, always suck up to her brother.

40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.

41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.

42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

43. Her haircut is never bad.

44. Don't let your friends pick on her.

45. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact

that she has to go through labor while you sit on your butt in

the waiting room, smoking cigars, isn't fair either, and it

balances everything.

[rebeccajo 14]

Becca's Rule For Men

Any 'rule' you give me is meant to be broken.

Got that?

[Jasman0717 9]

I'm printing this off and taking it home

[natty bumppo 297]

War is now declared

My turn?

This one has also been around a while ...

Words Women Use

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -- this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five minutes

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing

This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine."

Go Ahead (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."

Go Ahead (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Go Ahead (With Lowered Eyebrows)

At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Loud Sigh

This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

Soft Sigh

Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

Please Do

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

Thanks

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

Thanks A Lot

This goes much deeper than "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."

[Fandango 1,440]

Natty, so true! hahahah David could have written that list about me hahahahhaha

[brnidokiegurl 1]

And the old stand-by WHATEVERRRR

[Fandango 1,440]

And the old stand-by WHATEVERRRR

???

[brnidokiegurl 1]

In reference to what women say to men, nothing, go ahead, etc whateverrrrrrr