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rawas

He is dating online!

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Hi, i live with my husband in USA, his character got changed along time ago, he left the bedroom for some "healthy" reason with no coming back, he become angry , busy, he don't answer his phone at house, he do not go out with me , he leave the house at 6 morning to work to come back at 6 evening , he started not respecting me and not caring about what i do at the house and what i do not do, he started putting his hand on me while he is upset for almost no reason, insulting me and not asking for any excuse , i know after hours and days he is not going to talk , i find myself talking to him even i'm insulted , i tried my best to works things with him, but , he feel comfortable sleeping alone, going out alone, i felt like he is cheating , so i asked him last week why are you cheating and i gave him some proofs, he said no, he is not cheating and if he cheat i mostly will receive a call from the women he is cheating with , this was his answer

everyday, although in the weekend he says he works, as soon as he come back from outside , he takes his laptop, for hours until he sleep,few days ago i wanted to look at his laptop i asked him to use his laptop in a few minutes , to find out he is using a lot of websites to date/ flirt and live tchat with live girls ,women, i do not know if he found somebody i just know for sure he is cheating ,i don't know what to do , i feel upset, and need some advice please, what do you do if you are in my place. please help

thank you

Edited by rawas

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From what you have written, I would divorce and move on. It doesn't sound like the healthiest of situations for you to be in and you sound unhappy from what you wrote. I don't know all the technicalities of what you next steps would be but if he is "putting his hands on" you, you should look for a battered women's center and look into getting some help before the situation escalates any further. Good luck!


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From what you have written, I would divorce and move on. It doesn't sound like the healthiest of situations for you to be in and you sound unhappy from what you wrote. I don't know all the technicalities of what you next steps would be but if he is "putting his hands on" you, you should look for a battered women's center and look into getting some help before the situation escalates any further. Good luck!

I asked him to divorce me, i talked about divorce , but it seems like he want to keep me living this unhealthy life, i'm very unhappy and since i moved to live with him and see how bad his life looks like, i feel like he has all the power to do anything he want and i'm just object, i cant do anything

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That is why I suggest looking for a battered women's shelter so that they can help you to take the next step. You do not need his permission to apply for a divorce in California and can do so whenever you choose. If you have been married less than 5 years and have no children you can look into a Summary Dissolution of marriage here: http://www.courts.ca.gov/1241.htm

He cannot force you to stay in a marriage that you are unhappy in and if he is physically abusing you then you should look into a restraining order on him to protect yourself. Do some digging in the website that I included the link to above. Your state is listed as California so that is the information I am giving you, please let me know if that is not correct.


K1 Visa AOS ROC
04-26-2012 - I-129F Sent 11-19-12 - AOS packet sent in 12-29-2014 - I-751 Sent
05-03-2012 - I-129F NOA1 12-07-12 - NOA for all 3 packets received via email 12-31-2014 - I-751 NOA 1
08-02-2012 - I-129F NOA2 01-03-13 - Bio Appt 03-04-2015 - Biometrics
08-06-2012 - NVC Received 02-20-13 - Interview and Approval 05-26-2015 - Approved
08-10-2012 - Left NVC 03-02-13 Greencard received
08-17-2012 - Consulate Received
09-06-2012 - Packet 3 Received
09-27-2012 - Interview Date APPROVED!!!!!
10-04-2012 - Visa Received
10-05-2012 - US Entry
10-29-2012 - Marriage

-Don't ever let fear hold you back.-

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It's so easy to say 'pack your things and leave him' but that's actually the hardest thing to do. I'm sure you know you have to leave. I'm sure you know things are not going to change. I'm also sure you're freaking out because leaving seems so scary and hard so you're trying to find some other options but unfortunately they don't exist. The situation you're in is so unhealthy for you and if you stay and choose to accept and tolerate everything, you'll end up ruining your health and your own sanity. There is no excuse for him to lay his hands on you in any way that is uncomfortable for you. If he's cheating or looking for chats and flirts online, refusing to sleep in the same room and bed with you, it means he has kind of given up on your marriage. You deserve to be happy and obviously you aren't and only you can change that.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do just please make sure to be safe.


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You know , I read this and this sounds like a lifetime channel classic saturday afternoon movie.

C'mon you already know what you need to do, you need no advice.

You need to make the ultimate decision, the brave decision....whatever that is for you

I for one if I was you and I was a woman I would leave before it escalates into more serious violence.

Everytime he hits you and you stay...you let him know that his behavior is accetable to you.

His behavior and level of violence will only get worse!

Put your big girl panties on, pack your Sh*t and leave.

Sorry if I come off to strong, but you did ask for opinions and advice!

yes , i did ask, if somebody asked me , i do not hesitate to tell: leave and move on , i need just the courage to leave , and the courage to make the brave decision like you said , i cry everyday about my situation and how my life become like a nightmare, i get up everyday with desire to do not get up because everyday seems like the day pass , he betrayed me, 5 days from my port of entry date , i saw in his laptop some live dating websites, it seems like he enjoy doing that

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You know what you need to do and putting it off is not going to make it easier... It will be hard but you will have a chance to actually be happy!


K1 Visa AOS ROC
04-26-2012 - I-129F Sent 11-19-12 - AOS packet sent in 12-29-2014 - I-751 Sent
05-03-2012 - I-129F NOA1 12-07-12 - NOA for all 3 packets received via email 12-31-2014 - I-751 NOA 1
08-02-2012 - I-129F NOA2 01-03-13 - Bio Appt 03-04-2015 - Biometrics
08-06-2012 - NVC Received 02-20-13 - Interview and Approval 05-26-2015 - Approved
08-10-2012 - Left NVC 03-02-13 Greencard received
08-17-2012 - Consulate Received
09-06-2012 - Packet 3 Received
09-27-2012 - Interview Date APPROVED!!!!!
10-04-2012 - Visa Received
10-05-2012 - US Entry
10-29-2012 - Marriage

-Don't ever let fear hold you back.-

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That is why I suggest looking for a battered women's shelter so that they can help you to take the next step. You do not need his permission to apply for a divorce in California and can do so whenever you choose. If you have been married less than 5 years and have no children you can look into a Summary Dissolution of marriage here: http://www.courts.ca.gov/1241.htm

He cannot force you to stay in a marriage that you are unhappy in and if he is physically abusing you then you should look into a restraining order on him to protect yourself. Do some digging in the website that I included the link to above. Your state is listed as California so that is the information I am giving you, please let me know if that is not correct.

No children, CR1 visa , entered to USA last year

he told me since i asked for divorce , when i started feeling unhappy and knowing my life is nightmare , he told me if i want to leave i can leave , or i can divorce , he said he is not doing anything and i cant do anything alone

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You have made it this far and can do anything you put your mind to. If you don't already have a job start looking and get one, start researching your options and look for a support group nearby. Make some friends that live nearby and develop a support system, but most of all get out of that relationship!


K1 Visa AOS ROC
04-26-2012 - I-129F Sent 11-19-12 - AOS packet sent in 12-29-2014 - I-751 Sent
05-03-2012 - I-129F NOA1 12-07-12 - NOA for all 3 packets received via email 12-31-2014 - I-751 NOA 1
08-02-2012 - I-129F NOA2 01-03-13 - Bio Appt 03-04-2015 - Biometrics
08-06-2012 - NVC Received 02-20-13 - Interview and Approval 05-26-2015 - Approved
08-10-2012 - Left NVC 03-02-13 Greencard received
08-17-2012 - Consulate Received
09-06-2012 - Packet 3 Received
09-27-2012 - Interview Date APPROVED!!!!!
10-04-2012 - Visa Received
10-05-2012 - US Entry
10-29-2012 - Marriage

-Don't ever let fear hold you back.-

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You have made it this far and can do anything you put your mind to. If you don't already have a job start looking and get one, start researching your options and look for a support group nearby. Make some friends that live nearby and develop a support system, but most of all get out of that relationship!

i thank you a lot , michonandRuben for your fast replies , for your support

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Glad to help a fellow in need. I would definitely look for a support group or a women's shelter and see if they can point you in the right direction. It is always nice to have people behind you for support.


K1 Visa AOS ROC
04-26-2012 - I-129F Sent 11-19-12 - AOS packet sent in 12-29-2014 - I-751 Sent
05-03-2012 - I-129F NOA1 12-07-12 - NOA for all 3 packets received via email 12-31-2014 - I-751 NOA 1
08-02-2012 - I-129F NOA2 01-03-13 - Bio Appt 03-04-2015 - Biometrics
08-06-2012 - NVC Received 02-20-13 - Interview and Approval 05-26-2015 - Approved
08-10-2012 - Left NVC 03-02-13 Greencard received
08-17-2012 - Consulate Received
09-06-2012 - Packet 3 Received
09-27-2012 - Interview Date APPROVED!!!!!
10-04-2012 - Visa Received
10-05-2012 - US Entry
10-29-2012 - Marriage

-Don't ever let fear hold you back.-

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tonyb919 made a lot of sense to me.

Ask around, find a good divorce attorney, close by.

The first visit, is a consult, free.

Tell this attorney everything going on, provide any proof you have.

Get it "on record" file for divorce, as soon as you can.

There are things that can be worked out in a marriage, but a ""man putting his hands on you cannot be overcome.""

Get away, start over before you get hurt, more physically than emotionally.

What is your home country?

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