k1 approval and break up

[Paul and Svetlana 21]

av8or1 said it perfectly. Russian women from Moscow are different than American women from New York. I wish someone would write a book or blog about it. Different culture, different world. I offered many times too give money too my fiancee but she always declined. Lucky me....Russian women are the best, just be careful the next time.

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

You are speaking with Bjorn, and I agree, women from many other nationalities "can love more unselfishly than american women", and more than Western women i general. That is a reason many Western men seek relationships with non-Western women, especially divorced men who have experience the lack of true, unselfish love from Western women.

That's because Western women are the WORST, right? As a Western woman myself, I know I am incapable of giving any man true and unselfish love, because my love is conditional on $$$$$.

[tonyb919 107]

That's because Western women are the WORST, right? As a Western woman myself, I know I am incapable of giving any man true and unselfish love, because my love is conditional on $$$$$.

Is that a question or a statement?

[mrsangie 1]

Sorry this had to happen, being a women my self it is obvious that she moved on

and is with some one else.So should you, good luck withdraw the petition so this wont affect you in the future. Good luck!

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Is that a question or a statement?

Both. The first sentence is a question, the second a statement.

[tonyb919 107]

Both. The first sentence is a question, the second a statement.

Well having 3 sisters I disagree with your question, and the second which was your statement, sorry you feel that way about yourself....

You do know I am F'ing with ya....right?

[AmyWrites 593]

av8or1 said it perfectly. Russian women from Moscow are different than American women from New York. I wish someone would write a book or blog about it. Different culture, different world. I offered many times too give money too my fiancee but she always declined. Lucky me....Russian women are the best, just be careful the next time.

I lived in Moscow a few years and you are right. There is no place on Earth more materialistic and appearances-driven than Moscow.

You know, it doesn't matter at all, whether OP was scammed or who scams more than who. What matters for OP is that his relationship is over and he should not pursue to fix this relationship.

Edited January 8, 2015 by AmyWrites

[Bjorn&lyne 20]

To think that all people online from all nations are the same seems extremely naive. Different cultures value relationships differently, including the online dating process. Why do you think for example Filippinas have much lower divorce rate than Western cultures, including in America? Because as a society and culture Filippinos value marriage much more than Western cultures! What I am saying is that all cultures are definitely not the same in the online process, regardless how much we think they are and that different cultures have different quirks. As a man, dating Western women is definitely not the same as dating Asian women, neither online nor in real person. The difference is huge.

Edited January 8, 2015 by Bjorn&lyne

[ehklei19 18]

I'm not sure where you get your info, but it couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, if you take a look around this site you will find that by FAR Filipino women have used men to get to the US. There isn;t a week that passes on this site where I am reading about Filipino women arriving in the US and claiming VAWA when there is no abuse, getting to the US and dumping their US husband/fiance for a boyfriend they have in the US who is Filipino, very young Filipino women marrying men 30, 40 and even sometimes 50 years their senior just to get here and dump the poor sap,the list goes on and on. Am I saying that the majority of Filipino women who come here are merely in it for the green card? No. What I am saying in my years on VJ I have witnessed by far much more fraud going on in the Filipino portal.

There are more Fil-Am marriages than many other countries so it will look like more have issues. You gotta go by the fraction; what % are fraudulent, not the total count.

[tonyb919 107]

And guess what?....................

USCIC STILL SUCKS AT PROCESSING OUR PETITIONS

I NEED MY WIFE HERE, ITS F'ING COLD IN NEW YORK!

[Bjorn&lyne 20]

By the way, in the Filippino culture, it is NOT strange that young women are married to older foreigners and there is real love. Westerners do not understand such as in the West we frown upon the idea that older men marry younger women. In Filippino culture, older foreign men are seen as more mature and responsible and better providers and as such, in Filippino culture no one thinks twice about older men being with younger women. It is us, Westerners, who see it as strange, not Fiippinos, because we apply our lack of understanding of Filippino culture when thinking about older men marrying younger Filippinas. Filippino culture is much more tolerant and open to age differences in relationships than Western cultures, and YES even if an age difference it is not uncommon that there actually is true love for the Filippina, and not some scamming scheme.

[James&Jhon 5]

And guess what?....................

USCIC STILL SUCKS AT PROCESSING OUR PETITIONS

I NEED MY WIFE HERE, ITS F'ING COLD IN NEW YORK!

hang in there friend! soon all we can be with our lovers!

[elmcitymaven 9,711]

Well having 3 sisters I disagree with your question, and the second which was your statement, sorry you feel that way about yourself....

You do know I am F'ing with ya....right?

As am I with you, my friend.

[ldt0423 9]

Having experienced relations with several Russian/Ukrainian women over the past few years, I suspect that she was in it for the right reasons at the beginning. And I suspect that she was sincere with you regarding her intentions. Ergo, there doesn't sound like much deception there to me. However your mistake was sending her that much cash and forking over the dough for those vacations. No self respecting Russian woman would have taken that much money from you nor gone on those vacations. But like everywhere in the world, some women/people can be tempted when it is offered. Sounds like she gave into that temptation and came out a different person on the other end. And that's the "good" scenario. The worst being that you were used the entire time, but again, strictly given what you have said, I don't think so. Regardless, the person she is now is not the person you knew and it's time for you to move on.

Finally, since you don't speak much Russian and therefore I conclude you know even less about the culture, I can tell you with almost no doubt that her words and actions mean that she has moved on. And I suggest that you don't even bother to "lay into her" about the time and/or money wasted, 'cause it means very little in Russian culture, but such actions on your part would convince her without doubt that she made the right choice. And to a certain degree that would hold true in any culture in the world, assuming that you did indeed express yourself in that way.

Look, the bottom line that I tell all guys who ask my advice about dating Russian women is that you cannot think like an American when you are with them. Russians are not politically correct, there is no feminism, there are no cr@ppy catch phrases like "think outside the box" and there is no pressure for everyone to be like everyone else so we can all be the same. When things go South in a relationship, they cut it off with a hatchet and move on with their lives. There is no "let's talk about it" or any of that cr@p. Although there are always exceptions, Russians generally speaking are much more hard-core than Americans. Heck, just a couple of days ago my fiancee told me that I needed to quit sight-seeing when we were walking from the metro station. "You walk like woman, like turtle. Kick your ### little boy!" And it was yet another time I realized why I like Russian women. Bwahahahaha! They don't dance around issues, they don't couch their feelings in PC terms and they don't suffer fools. And if I may speak openly, you are being a fool with this woman now. Sorry, but I can't avoid saying that and give you good advice at the same time, even though it will sound offensive to American PC ears (which I don't care about, seeing as how I am very much opposed to anything PC, but I digress).

Ok. The problem with that for American/Western guys is that they don't realize that Russian women are raised to let a guy down easily, and I mean they are taught that like religion. So when she's telling you "maybe [whatever], maybe we can speak" or whatever else, she's trying to tell you that things are over but to let you down easily as she was taught to do. Unfortunately most Western guys don't get that and they cling onto those words, which don't mean "keep trying", they mean "go away". And maybe she has found someone else, sure, but likely not. Either way, she has moved on from you already. Now you need to move on yourself.

If you attempt this again, I would suggest that you keep your wallet closed a little more. You can't give nothing or else you look like a cheapskate who has no heart nor soul. But there is a fine line. And unfortunately my friend you crossed it far too many times. And more unfortunately you didn't have a strong enough Russian woman to refuse you and to resist that temptation. And BTW, some guys I know use this give-her-money thing as a test really ... they offer and if the girl accepts then the guy moves on. That has merit but it can also generate a false positive.

Anyway. Bottom line, get the heck out while you can. Cancel the petition with the embassy or just let it lapse, your call. I very seriously doubt if she would turn up for the interview.

Some people may take offense to your assumption that men or women from certain countries are exactly the same. Other than that.... good advice.

Edited January 8, 2015 by ldt0423

[sidccc 6]

hey, OP here, someone said it was strange that i had not replied... sorry, about that. i have emailed a few individual posters and will continue... obviously some of these comments are off topic but mostly i want to thank everyone for their input. this forum and reading through everything is actually very helpful. it's cathartic and therapeutic to detail some things out and listen to what people have to say... so thanks to all of you and thanks to VJ for this forum

i've used this forum a few times to gauge visa times and i never really posted about our own, so i'll at least provide that if it's helpful for anyone. first, of course this is NY and russia, our NOA1 was 4.28.14, NOA2 was 9.12.14. she had her interview at the moscow embassy on 11.5.14. we went through the texas facility and then it was transferred to the california facility some months later... the NOA2 came quickly after that transfer

i think i noted before, she was approved but needed to fix her police report doc for some error, which she had to get from her hometown and was to take about a month to do that... as we all know, that's a mute point as this thing is over

i mentioned money before and i want to kind of be clear... most of that was for the vacations, it's not like i was sending her thousands of dollars every month. i sent her about 7k in cash over the last year, then i paid all visa related costs, etc, and the rest was taking trips. just to put that in perspective

i've heard a lot about no self respecting women would take that money... to be honest, i'm not sure about that, though i do think she was a bit selfish. she didn't really sacrifice anything during this process. but i can take some blame for enabling her. i don't know, i'd like to hear more about what people think about the taking of money or accepting vacation offers, etc. this idea i think you can't necessarily assume unless you know everything. but i agree that she probably asked for more that she should have and did not do enough herself to help or take care of herself

also, i think it is quite true that she was scared of making this kind of move... and towards the end i was not as supportive emotionally as i could've been. there's a lot more to that probably, to be honest i can go on and on for a while on all kinds of topics. but it was a long journey, and it's not easy to have an LTR in the first place. but the bottom line i think is that regardless of how she thought about my feelings towards her, or her doubts, etc, to the very end i was supporting her financially and obviously paying for the visa costs. at the end she had to pay the app fee and medical exam, and whatever, so as little as two months ago i was paying 1k for that stuff... and more for other things she may have needed.

either way, my issue mainly i think at this point is how it ended. if she was having doubts or was concerned or scared enough to make this decision, she should have talked to me specifically about those feelings. she sent a text to tell me her decision, and after that decision was made, it was like i never existed. that might be a bit overdramatic, but someone on here said russian women end relationships with a hatchet... well that's definitely what it feels like. like i made this decision and now eff off, it's not as bad as all that but it's obvious, as most of you have said, that she's moved on. maybe with someone else, maybe not... it's quite possible that she met someone though i would not think it serious at this point, but may have impacted her decision... who knows

that's what is hard. she was a major part of my life for a long time, and relevant or not, i invested a lot in this relationship, in time, stress, money, etc

i don't know what else to think about it... i'm trying to figure out what went wrong. was it me? was it her? both? whatever...

anyway, again, thanks to all for your posts, and i'm happy to continue if anyone has specific questions or whatever. it's helpful for me... so thanks