Why do people change their surnames after they are married?

[Cassie 8]

I thought about my choice long and hard, I even posted about it on the "old" VJ. I think that if we had decided to live in Canada, I would have hyphenated or Cheryl (maiden name)(married name), since everyone in my field knew me one way. Since I moved here with a "new start" so to speak, I went with married name all the way. That, and Jerry asked me to consider going with just my married name, and his reasons for that were important to me as well. It's a deeply personal choice, whatever you decide.

[Miranda&James 8]

[CarolineM 0]

sheesh - this isn't Springer!!

[john_and_marlene 162]

Will someone be sure and remind me what I'm really thinking when I type what I don't mean?

[pax 1]

Maybe I wasn't entirely clear. I do feel very strongly about this issue, and I also feel strongly that it's a personal choice that should be respected no matter what, so I'm going to try to be very explicit about my views on the subject.

A lot of ladies have posted here that they took their husbands' names because they felt it was important to them for whatever reason. Dixie Peach just posted, among other things, "Because I love him." Well, that's fine. But there's a difficulty with saying it that way. To say, "I took my husband's last name because I love him" might imply that women who do not take their husbands' names don't love them. Or don't love them as much. (And I'm not picking on Dixie Peach personally, or saying that she meant that. I'm using it as an example. So please, Dixie Peach, don't put up your dukes next!)

I'm all for people doing whatever they think is best in the names department. I'm saying here that I think it might be kinder and more sensible to say, instead, "I decided to take my husband's name because we felt it was an expression of how much we loved each other." Or whatever. I think that emphasizes the personal and subjective nature of the choice, more consciously stating that it is very much personal and subjective, and not excluding the couples who choose not to share a last name.

(And personally for me it's a moot point because I *do* plan to take Ewen's last name. Just goes to show ya, on Fridays when it's slow at work, I'll argue on principle alone!)

No hard feelings, okay?

[john_and_marlene 162]

sheesh - this isn't Springer!!

[MaryandMian 1]

everyone has their reasons for changing or not. no one is wrong either way.

I agree... i think politics, religion, and taking of a husband's last name can be pretty prickly issues... but, i agree with shon... everyone has their own personal reasons... neither right nor wrong... just a personal reason

I agree. I personally changed my name to my new last name. I think each person has the right to change the whole name, hypenate if they want or do nothing. Whatever you are comfortable with is how you should proceed.

[Sister Fracas 5]

I like being called Mrs.

[CarolineM 0]

Hehe. There were never any hard feelings - no worries. (From me anyway)

[babybunny 2]

this is to VJ springer.

wars about Cup size and Cronk size makes it VJ springer. lol

[CarolineM 0]

I like being called Mrs.

me too!!!

[Peggy 1]

this is to VJ springer.

wars about Cup size and Cronk size makes it VJ springer. lol

[ChristinaM 0]

It's funny, because I use my full name a lot because of my job but I've only been called "Mrs. Marsh" maybe twice. I don't dislike it, it just sounds weird to me because I don't hear it so often.

[Dixie_Peach 1]

Maybe I wasn't entirely clear. I do feel very strongly about this issue, and I also feel strongly that it's a personal choice that should be respected no matter what, so I'm going to try to be very explicit about my views on the subject.

A lot of ladies have posted here that they took their husbands' names because they felt it was important to them for whatever reason. Dixie Peach just posted, among other things, "Because I love him." Well, that's fine. But there's a difficulty with saying it that way. To say, "I took my husband's last name because I love him" might imply that women who do not take their husbands' names don't love them. Or don't love them as much. (And I'm not picking on Dixie Peach personally, or saying that she meant that. I'm using it as an example. So please, Dixie Peach, don't put up your dukes next!)

I'm all for people doing whatever they think is best in the names department. I'm saying here that I think it might be kinder and more sensible to say, instead, "I decided to take my husband's name because we felt it was an expression of how much we loved each other." Or whatever. I think that emphasizes the personal and subjective nature of the choice, more consciously stating that it is very much personal and subjective, and not excluding the couples who choose not to share a last name.

(And personally for me it's a moot point because I *do* plan to take Ewen's last name. Just goes to show ya, on Fridays when it's slow at work, I'll argue on principle alone!)

No hard feelings, okay?

Pax... no hard feelings... promise!

Yes... I agree... maybe I could have worded it better... I tend to type the way I speak... and the way I think...

The way I stated my response was a reflection of MY thinking... MY feelings... and what I feel and think in no way is a reflection on other women... what feels right for me, may not feel right for someone else...

I think you totally understood that... and I admire minds like yours... who can THINK around corners so to speak. I'm not that way... I tend to say what I think, even if it can be misconstrued by others...

The good thing about that, is that I love it when someone can generate an energy and give me pause to really think about what I am saying... thinking, feeling...

Yes... I will take my husband's last name for that reason... because I love Him... because i LOVE him... because i love HIM... all of those reasons... and more... the emphasis is different each time... and means something different with each way it is said... but i mean each and every one of those... some things i just KNOW... like how much I love him... and how much he loves me... and i just have to go with it... does that make sense?

Anyways... I did not feel a personal attack... I think that you have a very analytical mind... and I enjoy that... i look forward to that... and i can learn from that...

I think you will definitely keep Ewen on his toes!

*hugs*

^^^now that... really does mean *hugs*... what can i say? i'm a touchy-feely kinda gal... not in a bad way tho.... hehe

Blessings,

Lynne

PS: edited to add... I like being called Mrs. too...

Edited March 10, 2006 by Dixie_Peach

[john_and_marlene 162]

this is to VJ springer.

wars about Cup size and Cronk size makes it VJ springer. lol

We could always start a thread about whether the father should be forced to pay child support when his "baby's mamma" elects not to terminate the pregnancy when he wants her to.

I'll just sit over here in the corner and watch the debate.