Now what??? Help!!!

[Dave & Mong 29]

Well my fiancee has beeen here for two weeks tomorrow in the US. For the first two days she was eager to do things and meet people. But for the last week and a half she will not even leave the house. She will not go food shoping or meet friends. One of my friends came over and she would not even come out of the bed room. She says she is tired or sick, but no temperature. She wants a particular type of food and when I get what I thought she wants but I am worng, she just gets mad and shoves it away mad, so I said you come show me what to but and she says, no. She will not go clothes shoping and the only clothes she has were from Vietnam, so she will need more (North East). Any suggestions, Help???

[islandgirl80 28]

Maybe she is home sick...

[hennessey4747 1]

it's probably culture shock. it's tough adjusting to a new environment with a different culture especially if that person has never been outside of their native country before. Give her time and be patient with her. try to locate people she can contact that are from a similar background. See if she would go to a counselor with you or get her to communicate with you how she is feeling.

[A&S14 2]

Agree, she is just home sick. Make her call/skype with her family. She is probably just adjusting. Finding Vietnamese group in your area may help alleviate this. Hope things get better for you.

[SweetOpossum 55]

Well my fiancee has beeen here for two weeks tomorrow in the US. For the first two days she was eager to do things and meet people. But for the last week and a half she will not even leave the house. She will not go food shoping or meet friends. One of my friends came over and she would not even come out of the bed room. She says she is tired or sick, but no temperature. She wants a particular type of food and when I get what I thought she wants but I am worng, she just gets mad and shoves it away mad, so I said you come show me what to but and she says, no. She will not go clothes shoping and the only clothes she has were from Vietnam, so she will need more (North East). Any suggestions, Help???

I agree with giving her some time to adjust, but you also need to have an honest talk with her. What were her expectations? She moved to the US to start a new life with you and it think you should reiterate how much you love her, but also make it clear that she needs to cooperate, that you are committed to her 100% that she needs to contribute.

Listen to how she feels and her fears, for example she may not be ready to socialize and meet all your friends (That is the hardest part for some). I have been to the States several times, I was even a exchange students there at some point, but sometimes I still feel overwhelmed with meeting new people, even when his friends are nice I sometimes get embarrassed and uncomfortable with my pronunciation or grammar mistakes. Trying to adjust and to fit can be exhausting.

So my humble opinion, reassure her of how much you love her, listen to her, BUT ALSO MAKE HER AGREE TO COOPERATE IN THIS PROCESS AND TO SHARE HER STRUGGLES WITH YOU IN AN HONEST WAY.

[Dave & Mong 29]

Thank you for advice, anyothers? I think the same, sickness due to being home sick. The problem is, my neighbor is her cousin. She mad him mad a couple of moths ago when he was talking with her and telling her what she needst do, for the embassy. She replied, " I can handle this, you stay out". Since then, he has been alienating her and told me " she is your problem now ". She brought him gifts when she came over but he returned them, saying he does not want them. I told him to grow up and now he is pis**ed at me! He seems to be the type that a woman can not do without me, guess he was wrong! He is 20 years older than her, and refuses to speak with her now.

[clairegie 265]

Bringing gifts does not equate to an apology to a person who was trying to help and was told to "stay out". If she really wants to fix it, have her apologize to him. If he doesn't accept the apology, then you have done your part.

Besides the "getting settled" part, lets focus on the MORE IMPORTANT topic. How is her behavior towards your upcoming wedding? Still excited? Showing signs of regret? Cold feet?

[natalie.le 10]

I agree with SweetOpossum. The fact that she behaved differently after 2 days means that reality is different from her expectation. She might find that the language barrier is too big, embarrassed coz she can't communicate well, feeling nobody understand her etc. There's this Vietnamese website called webtretho where she might be able to find some Vietnamese living nearby. Ask her about this. It'll be easier if there's somebody who would potentially understand her and share her feelings. It's tough but remind her things will be ok, she's making a sacrifice for her children etc. Stay strong and hope it helps!

[Dr Fil 0]

Thank you for advice, anyothers? I think the same, sickness due to being home sick. The problem is, my neighbor is her cousin. She mad him mad a couple of moths ago when he was talking with her and telling her what she needst do, for the embassy. She replied, " I can handle this, you stay out". Since then, he has been alienating her and told me " she is your problem now ". She brought him gifts when she came over but he returned them, saying he does not want them. I told him to grow up and now he is pis**ed at me! He seems to be the type that a woman can not do without me, guess he was wrong! He is 20 years older than her, and refuses to speak with her now.

So if I got chewed/abused by my boss at work today, does it give me the right to go home and pour my frustration on my family members?

Sounds like your wife needs to "grow up" fast! She needs to think about other people, like you!

Personally, and this is pure speculation because I don't know all the details and from what you've been describing here in a few sentences, it sounds like your wife is about to have her monthly ordeal (yes, the women's hormone flunctuation thing). She might need a little bit of her own "private" time.

Give her some space and hope it will go away soon.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Dr Fil

[Dr Fil 0]

Well my fiancee has beeen here for two weeks tomorrow in the US. For the first two days she was eager to do things and meet people. But for the last week and a half she will not even leave the house. She will not go food shoping or meet friends. One of my friends came over and she would not even come out of the bed room. She says she is tired or sick, but no temperature. She wants a particular type of food and when I get what I thought she wants but I am worng, she just gets mad and shoves it away mad, so I said you come show me what to but and she says, no. She will not go clothes shoping and the only clothes she has were from Vietnam, so she will need more (North East). Any suggestions, Help???

In order for marriages to work for the long run/term, mutual respect is utterly needed. Only you can feel whether or not this element still any longer exists in your relationship.

Edited October 1, 2014 by Dr Fil

[SteveHa 0]

Well my fiancee has beeen here for two weeks tomorrow in the US. For the first two days she was eager to do things and meet people. But for the last week and a half she will not even leave the house. She will not go food shoping or meet friends. One of my friends came over and she would not even come out of the bed room. She says she is tired or sick, but no temperature. She wants a particular type of food and when I get what I thought she wants but I am worng, she just gets mad and shoves it away mad, so I said you come show me what to but and she says, no. She will not go clothes shoping and the only clothes she has were from Vietnam, so she will need more (North East). Any suggestions, Help???

Hello, i am Steve, my wife is also Vietnamese. She has been living here one year in November. Every Wednesday she goes to English Culture class in Washington PA. She willing to talk to your fiancee if she would like. And we are living in Bentleyville. Let me know.

[luckytxn 2,263]

Hello, i am Steve, my wife is also Vietnamese. She has been living here one year in November. Every Wednesday she goes to English Culture class in Washington PA. She willing to talk to your fiancee if she would like. And we are living in Bentleyville. Let me know.

I go through that area often and the culture difference has to be huge.

[Dave & Mong 29]

SteveHa,

PM me and I wiould like to meet since we are near.

[Dave & Mong 29]

lucktxn:

You lost mme???

[luckytxn 2,263]

I was responding to SteveHa. I drive through the area he mentions sometimes and can imagine the huge cultural difference she is having. Where I live it is a lot easier to assimilate as we have a big Vietnamese community here and in the last few years my wife is now a big part of that community. Even with this advantage we had my wife had a big adjustment that corresponds to what you are going through. My only advice is to remain patient and to do as SteveHa has offered. Good luck and God bless.

lucktxn:

You lost mme???

Edited October 5, 2014 by luckytxn