Advice of Parents refused.....

[Lieram14 0]

Hello. Just got back from visiting my fiance for 10 days yesterday. Had a great time as always. I think I may have a problem with my fiance getting her parents to agree for her to leave.

A little background; I've been to the Philippines four times and I've met her parents three of those times. When we've gone to Quezon province to visit them I've slept in their home, drank with her father and friends and met a lot of her family and neighbors. I generally feel I have a good relation with her whole family with no indications of disapproval. I was there for three weeks last May and I asked her Father personally if I could marry his daughter. He and his wife both agreed it was good.

On this visit however, my fiance told me that her Mother had told her that she didn't want her to leave the Philippines. We only stayed in Quezon one night this time due to the short stay but that night I sat around with her parents and many neighbors drinking, good times, and the next afternoon there was a huge combined birthday party for her father and 72 year old Lola. For her Fathers birthday I paid 20K php to have the electricity installed in her parents house. They are very poor. At the party I talked to her Mother telling her how much I loved her daughter, that I wanted her to be with me in the US and we would visit often and plan to move to Philippines permanently later on. She has limited english but she understood enough to tell me 'No, big big no! You can be married but she needs to stay here in Philippines.'

As of now her Mother won't budge and her Father is of course taking the same stance. My fiance is 22 years old (I am 38) and my understanding is that she only needs to have Advice of Parents. I've seen the example letters on visaconnection-philippines (thanks Hank_) and my question is if my fiance signs and has notarized the Advice of Parents and indicates that advise was refused, without parents signatures, will this be OK at the CFO interview or will it be a show stopper?

We both believe that the reason her Mother is refusing is because she will miss her daughter. My fiance will keep talking to her Mother to change her mind but she may not be able to. They are close to the extent that they speak/text almost every day when her Mother has a load but my fiance hasn't lived with her parents in seven years. She has lived and worked three hours away in her Aunts bakery since she was 15 to go to high school. Two years ago she went to Hong Kong to work for six months, her parents were in agreement then by the way. My fiance has lived by herself in her own apartment for the last nine months and regularly sends money to her parents who cannot (read will not) work.

[Greenbaum 12,258]

Lieram14, on 28 Jan 2014 - 2:40 PM, said:

Hello. Just got back from visiting my fiancé for 10 days yesterday. Had a great time as always. I think I may have a problem with my fiancé getting her parents to agree for her to leave.

A little background; I've been to the Philippines four times and I've met her parents three of those times. When we've gone to Quezon province to visit them I've slept in their home, drank with her father and friends and met a lot of her family and neighbors. I generally feel I have a good relation with her whole family with no indications of disapproval. I was there for three weeks last May and I asked her Father personally if I could marry his daughter. He and his wife both agreed it was good.

On this visit however, my fiancé told me that her Mother had told her that she didn't want her to leave the Philippines. We only stayed in Quezon one night this time due to the short stay but that night I sat around with her parents and many neighbors drinking, good times, and the next afternoon there was a huge combined birthday party for her father and 72 year old Lola. For her Fathers birthday I paid 20K php to have the electricity installed in her parents house. They are very poor. At the party I talked to her Mother telling her how much I loved her daughter, that I wanted her to be with me in the US and we would visit often and plan to move to Philippines permanently later on. She has limited English but she understood enough to tell me 'No, big big no! You can be married but she needs to stay here in Philippines.'

As of now her Mother won't budge and her Father is of course taking the same stance. My fiancé is 22 years old (I am 38) and my understanding is that she only needs to have Advice of Parents. I've seen the example letters on visaconnection-philippines (thanks Hank_) and my question is if my fiancé signs and has notarized the Advice of Parents and indicates that advise was refused, without parents signatures, will this be OK at the CFO interview or will it be a show stopper?

We both believe that the reason her Mother is refusing is because she will miss her daughter. My fiance will keep talking to her Mother to change her mind but she may not be able to. They are close to the extent that they speak/text almost every day when her Mother has a load but my fiance hasn't lived with her parents in seven years. She has lived and worked three hours away in her Aunts bakery since she was 15 to go to high school. Two years ago she went to Hong Kong to work for six months, her parents were in agreement then by the way. My fiance has lived by herself in her own apartment for the last nine months and regularly sends money to her parents who cannot (read will not) work.

Looks like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place without their signatures. There is no way of getting around this situation legally. See the following taken from the USEM website:

A judge, a minister or any other person authorized by the Government of the Philippines can perform the marriage. Marriage applicants aged 18 to 21 must have written parental consent. Applicants aged 22 to 24 must have received parental advice. Philippine law prohibits the marriage of individuals under the age of 18.

The best you can do is to continue to convenience them by your actions. Keep in contact and visit. Two years sounds like a long time to have to wait but if she is worth the wait then you will need to put in the time. I waited 5 years for my fiancé as we worked through all the issues that came with our relationship. We worked through all of them, one at a time, and a week ago Friday we were married.

This is your moment to shine. Good luck.

[jimmynug 13]

The parents agree that you can marry her, so marry her in the Philippines with their blessings, and then do whatever you both want.

[JbTin 51]

Correct me if im wrong but...theyre not allowed to get married in the Philippines since they are already processing the fiancee's k1 visa, right?? Unless they will just withdraw it, which is a huge waste of time and money. I think he was asking about the parental consent for the cfo seminar.

Lieram14, does she really need to have that consent to attend CFO even if she's already 22?

[Darnell 8,478]

well, you've certainly got a big problem to suss out,

having an IV Interview date of 3/19 this year.

does mom want her daughter to be an OFW instead?

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

I think it will just slow you down, not stop you.

PARENTAL ADVICE

The rule on parental advice is found under Article 15 of the Family Code. It states that any contracting party between the age of twenty-one and twenty-five shall be obliged to ask their parents or guardian for advice upon the intended marriage. If they do not obtain such advice, or if it be unfavorable, the marriage license shall not be issued till after three months following the completion of the publication of the application therefor.

A sworn statement by the contracting parties to the effect that such advice has been sought, together with the written advice given, if any, shall be attached to the application for marriage license. Should the parents or guardian refuse to give any advice, this fact shall be stated in the sworn statement.

However, if the marriage license is issued within the said three months and the parties were able to get married on the basis of such marriage license, the said marriage is completely valid but will subject the parties to civil, criminal or administrative liabilities in accordance with Article 4, Paragraph 3 of the Family Code of the Philippines which states that:

“An irregularity in the formal requisites shall not affect the validity of the marriage but the party or parties responsible for the irregularity shall be civilly, criminally and administratively liable.”

[Tahoma 2,291]

Practical solution: Your fiancée may be able to convince her parents that the only way she will be able to support them is to go to the U.S and marry you.

Impractical solution: Your fiancée could petition the court to grant the power of attorney to one of her cooperative aunts or uncles. Then, the aunt or uncle could sign the parental advice form.

Gambler's solution: Your fiancée could take her chances at the CFO seminar without the parental advice form. It seems that, since the CFO has taken over putting on the seminar, they aren't as strict as PRISM and St. Mary's were about parental advice. This could be a good option for someone who is confident and assertive, but it's probably not a good idea for the shy types because the CFO picks on them.

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

If they do not obtain such advice, or if it be unfavorable, the marriage license shall not be issued till after three months following the completion of the publication of the application therefor.

A sworn statement by the contracting parties to the effect that such advice has been sought, together with the written advice given, if any, shall be attached to the application for marriage license. Should the parents or guardian refuse to give any advice, this fact shall be stated in the sworn statement.

[Lieram14 0]

Looks like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place without their signatures. There is no way of getting around this situation legally. See the following taken from the USEM website:

A judge, a minister or any other person authorized by the Government of the Philippines can perform the marriage. Marriage applicants aged 18 to 21 must have written parental consent. Applicants aged 22 to 24 must have received parental advice. Philippine law prohibits the marriage of individuals under the age of 18.

The best you can do is to continue to convenience them by your actions. Keep in contact and visit. Two years sounds like a long time to have to wait but if she is worth the wait then you will need to put in the time. I waited 5 years for my fiancé as we worked through all the issues that came with our relationship. We worked through all of them, one at a time, and a week ago Friday we were married.

This is your moment to shine. Good luck.

I'm blue in the face from conveniencing them. I've always been super nice to them in person and taken care of almost every 'emergency' situation that comes up. I've paid for a funeral, provided food and electricity, money for phones and entertainment. I'm at the end of my rope with them.

Correct me if im wrong but...theyre not allowed to get married in the Philippines since they are already processing the fiancee's k1 visa, right?? Unless they will just withdraw it, which is a huge waste of time and money. I think he was asking about the parental consent for the cfo seminar.

Lieram14, does she really need to have that consent to attend CFO even if she's already 22?

That's kind of what my question is about. Since she is 22 she only needs advice. When she goes to CFO, if she doesn't have the Letter of Advice signed by her parents will she be rejected? She will have the top portion of that letter filled out and signed by herself certifying that she sought advice from her parents but that advice was refused. In my mind that's as good as gold since advice doesn't equal permission, consent equals permission.

well, you've certainly got a big problem to suss out,

having an IV Interview date of 3/19 this year.

does mom want her daughter to be an OFW instead?

Not sure if Mom knows what she wants. She said that we could marry, that part is clear, but she doesn't want her daughter to leave. I tried to reason that a husband and wife should live together and she said I should move to Philippines instead. Even after I told her that I have to work in the US at least eight more years before I can get a military retirement she didn't budge.

I think it will just slow you down, not stop you.

PARENTAL ADVICE

The rule on parental advice is found under Article 15 of the Family Code. It states that any contracting party between the age of twenty-one and twenty-five shall be obliged to ask their parents or guardian for advice upon the intended marriage. If they do not obtain such advice, or if it be unfavorable, the marriage license shall not be issued till after three months following the completion of the publication of the application therefor.

A sworn statement by the contracting parties to the effect that such advice has been sought, together with the written advice given, if any, shall be attached to the application for marriage license. Should the parents or guardian refuse to give any advice, this fact shall be stated in the sworn statement.

However, if the marriage license is issued within the said three months and the parties were able to get married on the basis of such marriage license, the said marriage is completely valid but will subject the parties to civil, criminal or administrative liabilities in accordance with Article 4, Paragraph 3 of the Family Code of the Philippines which states that:

“An irregularity in the formal requisites shall not affect the validity of the marriage but the party or parties responsible for the irregularity shall be civilly, criminally and administratively liable.”

So reading this it sounds like my fiance should go to the CFO asap so the three month clock starts clicking early but it's still not clear since this talks about issuing a marriage license. She's technically not applying for a marriage license, just clearance to leave the Philippines to get married.

[Lieram14 0]

Practical solution: Your fiancée may be able to convince her parents that the only way she will be able to support them is to go to the U.S and marry you.

Impractical solution: Your fiancée could petition the court to grant the power of attorney to one of her cooperative aunts or uncles. Then, the aunt or uncle could sign the parental advice form.

Gambler's solution: Your fiancée could take her chances at the CFO seminar without the parental advice form. It seems that, since the CFO has taken over putting on the seminar, they aren't as strict as PRISM and St. Mary's were about parental advice. This could be a good option for someone who is confident and assertive, but it's probably not a good idea for the shy types because the CFO picks on them.

I like options one and three. 1. Even though she's not the oldest she's still considered the bread winner for the family. I'll never understand how parents can have so many kids and then pick one to be totally dependent on for support. 2. She has an Aunt that would be willing to go along with this but for now it seems unnecessary. 3. I've read so many time on VJ that it wasn't even asked for at CFO. My fiance is not the she shy type and would be more likely to argue the point rather than accept defeat and walk away silently.

[Hank_ 9,173]

CFO is very sporadic with asking for the parental advice (or consent) letters. When your fiancee goes to CFO for the seminar she should be very self-assured, confident and look them right in the eyes when speaking... they see that she is a strong and self-assured person they may forget about asking for some things. It is the shy and meek that are like blood in the water and the staff at CFO are the sharks circling...

What you are after at CFO is the certificate so that once she has her visa she can take her passport back and get the CFO sticker affixed.

[Jen90 5]

CFO is very sporadic with asking for the parental advice (or consent) letters. When your fiancee goes to CFO for the seminar she should be very self-assured, confident and look them right in the eyes when speaking... they see that she is a strong and self-assured person they may forget about asking for some things. It is the shy and meek that are like blood in the water and the staff at CFO are the sharks circling...

What you are after at CFO is the certificate so that once she has her visa she can take her passport back and get the CFO sticker affixed.

You are right Hank, when I went at CFO I was never asked for parental advice/consent, my feeling are because I was confident, relaxed and I had an eye to eye contact with Ms. (I forgot her name), lol.. And just be proactive. But we never know wether they will ask for it or not, but be prepared.

OP: I'm hoping that your fiancée's parents will sign the advice form..

Edited January 29, 2014 by Jen90

[Tahoma 2,291]

If they do not obtain such advice, or if it be unfavorable, the marriage license shall not be issued till after three months following the completion of the publication of the application therefor.

A sworn statement by the contracting parties to the effect that such advice has been sought, together with the written advice given, if any, shall be attached to the application for marriage license. Should the parents or guardian refuse to give any advice, this fact shall be stated in the sworn statement.

^^^. This does not apply. They are a K-1 couple planning to get married in the U.S.

[Tahoma 2,291]

My fiance is not the she shy type and would be more likely to argue the point rather than accept defeat and walk away silently.

l

Option 3 is looking better!

[DavenRoxy 1,073]

^^^. This does not apply. They are a K-1 couple planning to get married in the U.S.

I understand. But if they took the same info to CFO, they would probably treat it like the Govt does and issue the stamp.