Do you spank your kids/step-kids?

[novedsac 355]

I sincerely hope you are joking

I don't have any kids, doubt I ever will, but I'd reply with "No". I was raised that way and, while I turned out alright (I suppose), I don't think it did me any good. I always valued communication and reason far above "because I said so". Growing up is a learning process.

True.

But sometimes communication just doesn't work - not saying a beating does - but talking repeatedly to a teenager is often a waste of time.

And the little ones just don't understand all the reasoning - they just need structure and to be told what to do within which boundaries. Little by little they learn to make their own reasonable decisions.

Sometimes you just have to say "I'm the Dad and until you're on someone else's payroll, you abide by my rules. That's just the way it is."

[funkymunky 11]

I don't actually spank her, more like gently tap her on the hand and say NO or pat her on the butt and sit her down in one spot (or try too) - it really depends on the behavior. I try to explain to her why she shouldn't do the said naughty thing but she's only 17 mo and doesn't quite understand. She's currently undergoing that rebellious toddler stage where when you tell her not to do it the first time, then she thinks it's funny and tries to do it again. She behaves 90% of the time so rarely discipline her.

[Ms Hogan 295]

Absolutely not. Might makes right? What a horrible thing to teach them! You are right but not because you are bigger and stronger. You are right because you are older and wiser. And hitting them will never teach them that.

I love this response! I am going to use these words when I explain myself to a mother who hits her kids! Thank you for this!

[Janelle2002 3,865]

I always give chances before resulting to some form of punishment. 3 chances, then take away all forms of entertainment, then last result spanking on the hand. This lets the child know persistent, negative behavior is unacceptable while it is okay to mess up once or twice. Life doesn't fall apart just because you mess up once or twice, but persistent carelessness can have a negative outcome.

Punishment without awarding is also very bad. I reward for good behavior, not every time, but enough. I do not believe in awarding for something an individual should do, but for children it is different.

[TBoneTX 43,123]

Off-topic/derailing text has been removed from the following post, which is now returned to the thread:

The guilt-tripping, shaming, isolation, withdrawal of affection, verbal abuse, etc. of the holier-than-thou non-spanking crowd is easily more abusive than spanking. It is not a question of spanking vs. no spanking. It is a question of appropriate level of discipline, regardless of how you are doing it.

We rarely did spanking before the end of age three with the boys. But it ended altogether there because they could be reasoned with decisively. We are even more sensitive about verbal abuse than we are about spanking, which was mostly a matter of getting their attention when we did it. With discipline the key is not to do it out of anger.

In terms of how you view childhood, we don't view it as correcting bad behavior, but rather encouraging good behavior. Telling the truth when the incentive is to lie - boy that is probably the best thing we have done. The truth is always rewarded, even when they have done something wrong.

[TBoneTX 43,123]

Post edited to remove derailing material and returned to thread as follows:

You can tell the difference between their reaction to Daddy, who gives no chances, and Mommy, who does.

We teach them what we will tolerate. It doesn't mean the discipline is severe. It means it is certain. They also talk back to Mommy: if she tells them to do something then they respond with a reason why they shouldn't have to. They never do that with me.

Eight off-topic/derailing posts have been removed. Stick to the topic of this poll.

TBoneTX

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