Sending kids to wifes parents to raise. Advice needed.

[Darnell 8,478]

Before you jump on this,

please learn what it will require (paperwork)

for them to be outside of the USA, for USA requirements and PI Requirements.

Here's what I suggest for USA Requirements:

You've 1 child born to both of you, make certain that child has a USA passport prior.

The other child, might qualify for USCitizen via CSPA, and if that's the case, get the USA passport nowish.

So, before you decide more about the jump,

get a really good understanding about the children's status in the USA, when leaving the USA, and their ability to return.

[Lingladyinred19 13]

she experience a postpartum depression, that's very difficult to handle.

let ur wife and the kids have a vacation in the philippines. stay there for a month

until she will feel better. then u and her decide what is the best for the kids and to both of you.

I experience a postpartum depression, homesick, getting crazy, u can't control the emotional feelings.

It's really difficult to raise the kids without the help of other relatives.

if that's your plan. gathered all the requirements.

[Juliet and Steve 93]

sorry i sound harsh , but why have children and send them off somewhere when you cant handle them.

What would you tell your kids when they get older. Why have kids at all if you cant afford them.??

i just get mad because i 'm my case i really really want kids but am waiting till we are financially set and one of us has a college degree.

Sounds like your wife has Postpartum Depression . She can get help and get medicine and will probaly end up feeling better.

Interesting post Pamala but harsh indeed!

Would you have this couple attempt to forcibly return the child somehow?

The children are here—it’s a done deal and the OP is caught in a bind that millions of other American’s (and other nationalities see):

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/515323/20131021/japan-celibacy-syndrome-sex-relation-survey.htm

The above article is instructive and mentions how American’s such as you (Pamala) are putting off having children. It is a problem. I wonder too, that America is largely becoming populated by children whose parents don’t bother to even consider support, parents who are often on the dole, when another mouth to feed simply means a bigger TANIF check (TANIF) is a form of welfare.

But back to the OP’s issue.

I do agree with Pamela and others that postpartum depression is a real possibility here and suggest that the couple attempt to deal with the possibility medically.

OP says that she cannot find a job.

Frankly, I find this difficult to believe. I’ll assume (which might be wrong) that she has a fair amount of English ability. Well, there are so many jobs that so many will not do—CNA/LNA (Certified Nurse’s Assistant) (and many places will train in house), hospital laundry, grocery store late night shelf stocking, security guard. It may be that she is depressed and that is the real issue—or not.

As for sending the children back to RP, I’m not at all surprised to see Americanized responses for essentially what is a Filipino issue.

The idea of sending a child away from mom and dad in America is anathema. What horrid parents would ever do such a thing? Well, that is understandable for most but look at where the children will go.

They will go back to grandparents who will likely love to have them. They won’t have mom or dad but were we (Juliet and I) to do this someday, I realize that they’d have about four dads and multiple moms because that’s the way it works in RP. Juliet’s brothers and sisters would, even without thinking step in to these roles—that’s the way family life is in RP. It is not that way in America.

To an American such a scenario (sending the children to RP) seems horrible. Yet millions of Filipino parents work overseas (either one parent or both) and leave their children to be cared for by relatives. Research often indicates that this is a bad thing, but most of the research is that done by and about industrialized countries--not—about RP. The fact is that there is no substantial research that indicates that children in RP suffer if they have loving caretakers other than mom/dad.

And let us not consider the negative effects upon children of any age being raised by stressed out mom and dads—unable to even avail themselves of what everyone else in America can—and routinely does: WIC (Women/Infants/Children), SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (Food Stamps) (which considers M&M’s and potato chips nutritious)) and other social supports. An immigrant’s petitioner is forbidden to use such programs—or will be billed for them—another can of worms.

When in Bohol or in Cebu I am constantly amazed by children who have so little and yet who are always happy. Their schools may be impoverished—but many learn and do well.

In America I am constantly amazed by the foul language, the arrogance and rudeness, and surliness of the many children that pass my house. Not all mind you, but many. I worry too seeing children in America with so much in the way of toys (electric scooters, iPhones, iPads) and cringe to see them constantly glued to some electronic device. Many are fat—yet I do not remember seeing one child in Bohol who was fat.

Putting this all together I’ll say to OP that considering RP’s cultural norm where children being raised by relatives will likely be happy and may turn out much better being raised in RP than in America—go for it.

Consider too people—we have Skype and the new ability to maintain contact at a distance.

OP you are not alone—this issue is one that millions of Americans and others face. These are difficult times and please ignore the advice of those who don’t know or have made no effort to understand how RP’s culture differs from American culture.

Good luck

[madtownguy 164]

I don't really understand why you would have kids if you planned to just send them away. I'm sure the kids would appreciate you struggling to keep them more than being sent to live in another country. I've seen others send their kids for long vacations or whatever, I just think it's the start of a dysfunctional family which will inevitably rip apart. There are so many programs to help struggling families in our country, why don't you try to use some of them so it isn't just dead beat ghetto losers sucking up all the tax money. I hope you think long and hard, there's so many ways to make money it's such an easy obstacle to over come.

[Hank_ 9,173]

- psst! Any program that would create a "public charge" will only turn around and become a BILL for the sponsor (husband)....

[Hank_ 9,173]

- psst! Any program that would create a "public charge" will only turn around and become a BILL for the sponsor (husband)....

[sheree 2]

I have kids on my own. 4 yrs old and 2 yrs old. I quit my job to take care of them full time. The first few months was amazing but after 2 yrs of the same routine drives me crazy and still driving me crazy. No family here, just me and my husband. I understand your wife's emotional breakdown. Been there too. But it was never an option to send them to PI. If you are located in Los Angeles area, the county has a program that is called LA UP. This will allow you to send your 5 yr old to school for free (even if you are earning high income). Have your wife call her friends to ask for help even an hour a week so she can have her "me-time". This always work! Trust me. Also pay a babysitter once a week for an hour so you and your wife can have a date maybe a movie or dinner.

And if money is the problem, have her sell stuff online. Few dollars will surely help.

But do not send your kids to Philippines. They are yours, not your inlaws children. Just saying.

[typo808 11]

Interesting post Pamala but harsh indeed!

Would you have this couple attempt to forcibly return the child somehow?by

The children are hereits a done deal and the OP is caught in a bind that millions of other Americans (and other nationalities see):

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/515323/20131021/japan-celibacy-syndrome-sex-relation-survey.htm

The above article is instructive and mentions how Americans such as you (Pamala) are putting off having children. It is a problem. I wonder too, that America is largely becoming populated by children whose parents dont bother to even consider support, parents who are often on the dole, when another mouth to feed simply means a bigger TANIF check (TANIF) is a form of welfare.

But back to the OPs issue.

I do agree with Pamela and others that postpartum depression is a real possibility here and suggest that the couple attempt to deal with the possibility medically.

OP says that she cannot find a job.

Frankly, I find this difficult to believe. Ill assume (which might be wrong) that she has a fair amount of English ability. Well, there are so many jobs that so many will not doCNA/LNA (Certified Nurses Assistant) (and many places will train in house), hospital laundry, grocery store late night shelf stocking, security guard. It may be that she is depressed and that is the real issueor not.

As for sending the children back to RP, Im not at all surprised to see Americanized responses for essentially what is a Filipino issue.

The idea of sending a child away from mom and dad in America is anathema. What horrid parents would ever do such a thing? Well, that is understandable for most but look at where the children will go.

They will go back to grandparents who will likely love to have them. They wont have mom or dad but were we (Juliet and I) to do this someday, I realize that theyd have about four dads and multiple moms because thats the way it works in RP. Juliets brothers and sisters would, even without thinking step in to these rolesthats the way family life is in RP. It is not that way in America.

To an American such a scenario (sending the children to RP) seems horrible. Yet millions of Filipino parents work overseas (either one parent or both) and leave their children to be cared for by relatives. Research often indicates that this is a bad thing, but most of the research is that done by and about industrialized countries--notabout RP. The fact is that there is no substantial research that indicates that children in RP suffer if they have loving caretakers other than mom/dad.

And let us not consider the negative effects upon children of any age being raised by stressed out mom and dadsunable to even avail themselves of what everyone else in America canand routinely does: WIC (Women/Infants/Children), SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (Food Stamps) (which considers M&Ms and potato chips nutritious)) and other social supports. An immigrants petitioner is forbidden to use such programsor will be billed for themanother can of worms.

When in Bohol or in Cebu I am constantly amazed by children who have so little and yet who are always happy. Their schools may be impoverishedbut many learn and do well.

In America I am constantly amazed by the foul language, the arrogance and rudeness, and surliness of the many children that pass my house. Not all mind you, but many. I worry too seeing children in America with so much in the way of toys (electric scooters, iPhones, iPads) and cringe to see them constantly glued to some electronic device. Many are fatyet I do not remember seeing one child in Bohol who was fat.

Putting this all together Ill say to OP that considering RPs cultural norm where children being raised by relatives will likely be happy and may turn out much better being raised in RP than in Americago for it.

Consider too peoplewe have Skype and the new ability to maintain contact at a distance.

OP you are not alonethis issue is one that millions of Americans and others face. These are difficult times and please ignore the advice of those who dont know or have made no effort to understand how RPs culture differs from American culture.

Good luck

You saved me from having to type all that on my phone. Well said.

I.know kids who are worse off with crappy parents. Wonder what the point of the original you responded to was? Soapbox?

Let's try to help these people.

"As benjamin Franklin, so adroit at handling people that he was named ambassador to France, said, any fool can complain and condemn, and most fools so. It takes character and self control to be understanding and.forgiving."