Telling your problems to your husband

[abbi627 43]

This is not immigration related but something I deal with lately and wonder how others handle this. Do you tell all your problems to your husband knowing he is far away and can't help and it will only upset him? I'm not talking about problems about our relationship or anything like that. But say there are problems going on in your life that are stressing you out - and you want to talk to your husband about them - but then you start to feel like you never have anything positive to say. That's been me lately. A string of things that have gone wrong that he can do nothing about but has me super stressed. So when we talk it feels like I am always whining about something. And I decided I would stop doing that. So now when we talk I always say I am fine and there are no problems. But that is not being totally honest. He and I are both big on honesty. But really do I want to be whining all the time???? I don't think so. So how do I balance this. I want our conversations to be enjoyable.

I have had a health scare lately. I am fine but it was really scary and it scared me and it scared him. I am working 2 jobs almost 70 hours a week 7 days a week. I am getting ready to move into a new place. All this and other stuff - including the uncertainty of the visa process - has me super stressed out and suffering a lot of anxiety. I have one family member left who still speaks to me. I found out that she is dying and has very little time left. I feel like lately all I want to do is cry.

My husband is super about being supportive of me when times are tough. I know I can call him day or night and he will be there for me and I can tell him anything. But I know it upsets him to know that I am having problems and he cannot be here to help me. So I find myself not telling everything right now.

Anybody else ever deal with this? Thanks for listening. It is just one of those days.....

[indiana_sweetie 120]

If you don't tell him, and he finds out later, will he say "why didn't you tell me?" and feel left out? I'm sorry you are going through so much, especially with your friend.

[Happytobe 164]

This too shall pass.... I tell my husband everything. There are periods when there are many things that go wrong, and I, too, feel bad about sharing because I don't want to stress him out. However, anyone's significant other is there because they want to be, regardless of the good times or bad. They want to share all the experiences with you. (at least, that's how it should be) Hang in there, Abbi. Things will get better. You are an amazing person. If your family can't see that, it's their loss. Besides, they may come around someday. You know you can message me, if you need a shoulder to lean on. And be sure to take some time for yourself once in a while. I know working keeps your mind off of things, but everyone needs time to just "be" under those circumstances.

[abbi627 43]

Thanks for the replies and the support. I can never really get away with it anyway. This morning I tried saying that everything was fine even though I had a bad night. But he saw right through me. He will always tell me "I know you and something is wrong" so I end up telling him anyway.

[berber_wife 90]

It's such a huge part of building intimacy, you know? I mean it's what marriage is-being there for your partner through the good times and the bad and being there for them emotionally even if you can't actually do anything substantial to help them.

And your worries about worrying him when there's nothing he can do about it-well that's going to happen when he's in the states with you too. Job stress, family stress, health stress-it's not like he'd be able to magically take all those problems away if he were with you everyday. All a partner can do in many of those situation is playing the support role and that applies no matter how close or how far away he is.

You're a team now and I'm sure he wants to hear everything, both the good and the bad.

Hugs to you. Long-distance relationships are hard!

Edited September 21, 2013 by futureberberwife

[sparkles_ 456]

I feel the same way. It just seems my life is in chaos right now that is similar to yours, but replace work with university issues/courseload. Cross country move, child custody #######, etc. I literally have days where I turn on Skype and cry or don't want to talk really...he knows I already battle with depression as is. I tried the 'I'm fine' mess and my fiance also can see through me like no other so I gave up on that. He has told me before he feels helpless with the distance but I also explain the same things would be happening even if he was here since I don't want both of us falling apart with worry and stress. He has some ####### days in Egypt too, so I suppose we embrace the collective ####### if you will. It also helps us a lot by talking about the future, like a light at the end of the tunnel.

[FaithfulandTrue 6]

I always told my fiance everything.. I was honest from the get go..especially about life here in the states.. completely different from the Egypt I remember.. heck I fell in love with his country that I wanted to move there.. by all means, be honest.. what's the point of holding back.. they will find out anyway..please don't ever hold back or keep secrets.. a loving relationship is always about honesty.. maybe set aside some time to talk about serious matter and a time to talk about lovey dovey matters.. find out what works well for you and your spouse/fiance.. oh what about the church/mosque..do you have someone to talk to there.. it will balance out prayerfully for you

[Rebecca616 38]

Imagine it was reverse and your husband had kept something from you because he didn't want you to feel bad about not being able to help..... There wasn't a time when I considered not telling my fiancé/husband anything. He'd probably be more upset that I didn't say anything as you have also stated. Trust your husband with all your problems because who else are you going to tell them to? Let him support you even if he cant physically be in your presence, atleast he will know and might be able to offer some words of comfort to you. God bless.

[Cathi 5,621]

big hugs Abbi. I remember those days of being separated, it isn't easy. I told my husband everything while we were waiting for him to get here, and you are right, it made him worry. I don't regret telling him though. After your hubby gets here you will share every last detail of your life, you are just getting him prepared...LOL

[abbi627 43]

Thanks Mimolicious. I just got off the phone with my husband. I am having a bad start to the day and I told him everything. I might want to keep things to myself - but I never can LOL.

[Cathi 5,621]

Thanks Mimolicious. I just got off the phone with my husband. I am having a bad start to the day and I told him everything. I might want to keep things to myself - but I never can LOL.

LOL, that's a woman thing. Try not to stress if you can help it. Your hubby just wants to be here for you and he can't physically, but he can be emotionally. Hopefully your journey will go quickly and he will be here before you know it. My husband has been here almost a year(Oct 12) and looking back, this year and the visa process flew by.....

[Mithra 1,185]

While it's a good idea to let your husband know what is going on in your life, it's not a good idea to unload constantly. The wait is difficult but if all you're doing is complaining and being upset it becomes a burden to the person who has to hear about it every single day. This is why I didn't speak to my husband daily while we were waiting. Some days I would be sad and didn't want to make him listen to me whine. I tried to make our communications as positive as possible. Yes, he heard me and moan sometimes it wasn't all the time.