teenagers

[steph 0]

we have just put everything together but still havent sent anything off yet. I have 4 children aged 14 to 19 my 2 oldest are not coming to the us with me and my youngest son is 14 and he is ok about everything. The problem is my 15 year old daughter, she does not want to leave her friends, how do I persuade her to go, she has no adult to stay here with and i am desperate to take her as she will have a better life in the usa. I am worried sick.

[Miranda&James 8]

we have just put everything together but still havent sent anything off yet. I have 4 children aged 14 to 19 my 2 oldest are not coming to the us with me and my youngest son is 14 and he is ok about everything. The problem is my 15 year old daughter, she does not want to leave her friends, how do I persuade her to go, she has no adult to stay here with and i am desperate to take her as she will have a better life in the usa. I am worried sick.

doesnt she legally have to go with you?

ive no idea, im just speculating

~James

[trey 0]

I wish I had some solid advise for you. Really. Fifteen years old is an age where parents can do little to persuade. Perhaps if she had a 15 year old bf/chat friend from usa????

[RichiJenny 14]

I think she'd have to legally go with you, as she is not yet 16?

[Girona40 0]

No, she doesn't have to go. If she really was adamant that she didn't want to leave she could not be forced to leave. The Courts would look at her age and at 15 she would be considered old enough to make her own decision as to where she lived. They would not forceably remove a child from the jurisdiction of the court without her agreement. It can be hard - we think of them as children, a long way after reaching 15, but there are certain circumstances where the courts don't.

If she is absolutely destraught at the thought of coming to the US, could she not stay with her 19 year old brother? Not sure what the circumstances are, because you didn't put much informatin in your post, but is that a possibility.

My daughter was happy about coming to the US, she as 13 at the time, but she was worried sick about leaving her friends behind and how they were going to remain friends with such a distance between them. I told her that they could come visit her here, that we would pay for that. She would be visiting the UK several times a year, since her twin brother stayed there with his Dad, so she could see them then. She has been lucky and managed to keep 75% of her friendships alive - some promised to keep in touch and just didn't return e-mails, letters, etc. But her true friends have been just that 'true friends". I think you have to explain that true friends are just that, no matter where you live.

I was wondering, though, whether she will be finished with her GCSE's by the time you bring her to the US. I found that was the worst thing for my daughter, the transition from the English style of education to the American style of education. It was sooooo hard for her to adjust, but she did fine in the end. In hindsight, I feel that I shouldn't have moved her until she had completed her GCSE's at home.

[steph 0]

thank you very much for your response. She will be 16 by the time we go and she would have finished her gcse's. my son is in year 10 at the moment he is 14 and im worried about the change for him also in the school. he is quite shy and doesnt really give his feelings very well.

No, she doesn't have to go. If she really was adamant that she didn't want to leave she could not be forced to leave. The Courts would look at her age and at 15 she would be considered old enough to make her own decision as to where she lived. They would not forceably remove a child from the jurisdiction of the court without her agreement. It can be hard - we think of them as children, a long way after reaching 15, but there are certain circumstances where the courts don't.

If she is absolutely destraught at the thought of coming to the US, could she not stay with her 19 year old brother? Not sure what the circumstances are, because you didn't put much informatin in your post, but is that a possibility.

My daughter was happy about coming to the US, she as 13 at the time, but she was worried sick about leaving her friends behind and how they were going to remain friends with such a distance between them. I told her that they could come visit her here, that we would pay for that. She would be visiting the UK several times a year, since her twin brother stayed there with his Dad, so she could see them then. She has been lucky and managed to keep 75% of her friendships alive - some promised to keep in touch and just didn't return e-mails, letters, etc. But her true friends have been just that 'true friends". I think you have to explain that true friends are just that, no matter where you live.

I was wondering, though, whether she will be finished with her GCSE's by the time you bring her to the US. I found that was the worst thing for my daughter, the transition from the English style of education to the American style of education. It was sooooo hard for her to adjust, but she did fine in the end. In hindsight, I feel that I shouldn't have moved her until she had completed her GCSE's at home.

[raymaga 25]

My daughter was 17 when I first moved to the U.S. She stayed behind in Canada to finish high school and then came to the U.S. a year later.

She had many reasons why she didn't want to come, the biggest being missing her friends. She had met someone on a snowboarding site that lived near here, and is going to University in Oregon. That helped a lot and they are now boyfriend/girlfriend.

She is slowly getting used to living in the U.S. and has even applied to colleges in Oregon and Washington for September. She is now a Conditional Permanent Resident and is waiting for her Green Card to arrive. She just got her Washington driver's licence last week. Everything took a while to fall into place, but things are starting to work out for her.

Good luck with your kids. It's a hard decision to make.... I still miss my 22 and 24 year old sons who are back in Canada terribly and always will.

Edited March 3, 2006 by raymaga

[Ana Paula 2]

I think its really difficult, because i'll be leaving my friends and my family as well, but, i think a good conversation, telling her she is not just a little girl and she can make new friends and new life, school and new things would be as great as is living there in your country.

Maybe showing her pictures and introducing her to friend over internet that live in the same place you'll live would be cool to her.

She will know someday that you just did the best choice! Im sure!

Hugs

[LostInIllinois 1]

No, she doesn't have to go. If she really was adamant that she didn't want to leave she could not be forced to leave. The Courts would look at her age and at 15 she would be considered old enough to make her own decision as to where she lived. I doubt that it would be in the best interest of the child to make them a ward of the court.

How many people here think that we give our children entirely too much freedom to make decisions? By definition, minor children are exactly that, legally incapable of making important decisions.

The two poeple of majority age who are responsibility for the care of the minor child must consent to remove the child from a country through the K-1 Process.

This is not a custody dispute between parents. Hypothetically speaking, who thinks the courts would defer the decision to the minor's guardians?

Who thinks this would ever get to the courts if both parents agreed?

I don't think this is a legal issue, but rather the issue of what the parents think is best for the minor child.

If the mother and father of the child think that the child would have a better life in the USA, then the children are exactly that, children. They may think their friends are "cool", but they lack the capacity to understand the larger implications. This is what makes the parents important at this age.

OH BY THE WAY! The K-1 laws are changing in a few days! The American must now undergo criminal background checks. But there is some discussion that USCIS might "grandfather" in your petition if they receive it before the new law takes effect!

What does this mean? USCIS might be "Cleaning out the pipeline" before the new law goes into effect (March 6???). I received NOA2 approval in 2 days through NSC!

After the new law takes effect, there will probably be additional waits for criminal background checks. I can only imagine everything will sit for a while while USCIS comes up with a new procedure.

[Crazy_Brit 0]

If it is any help pm and me and i can get her in touch with my son who came here with me he was 15 and now is 16 and he now says he would never go back to the UK.

Crazy Brit

[steph 0]

hi sorry for the late reply but still cant find my way around sight very good. You are very kind. I have spoke to my daughter a bit more on the subject but she is still unsure can you send me your sons email and ill get her to email him if she wants. Thanks again Steph

If it is any help pm and me and i can get her in touch with my son who came here with me he was 15 and now is 16 and he now says he would never go back to the UK.

Crazy Brit