The child I left behind

[Peggy 1]

Well I dont think we are being selfish.

This is the first time in 22 years that I have put myself first. I am lucky in a way that my oldest son is 21. It would be alot worse for me I know if my youngest didnt want to come with me. That would have been really a different story all together. When we were starting this process at home. My youngest was one minute saying he wanted to move, then the next month telling me he didnt want too. So this played on my head for a year while were preparing to come here. He doesnt have a relationship with his dad, not a good one anyways. Neither of my sons do. They love him I am sure, but they never talk about him. Jonathan hasnt talked about his dad in so long I forget when. They just came to relize that he had never been there for them and never will be. So that bothers me too that I am here, and my oldest sons father is just a dead beat. So he cant even rely on him for anything. Thats one reason I didnt want my youngest to stay at home with out me. I have always looked after them two boys. I told my oldest that the love I have for him and his brother is stronger than any love there is. A bond that is shared by the three of us and no one else.

I am thankful that my parents are good to Matthew and he loves them to peices. They are very close. So this helps me alot knowing that he has them in his life.

I have been here going on 10 months now. It does get easier, but it never goes away.

[mwfaith1971 0]

i left my 2 girls (6 and 4) in australia with their mum and there's not a day that goes by that i don't think of them and wish that they were here with my wife and i. at the end of the day i hope that they know that i love them and miss them. and i they ever need anything that they can call their dad and i will do everything for them.

matt

ps: here they are a christmas last year.

[snz1802 0]

"So, it doesn't really matter how far away you are from your children, they still know in their hearts who their mom is. That bond can never be broken even if you are miles away from each other."

.. so true, I read that line many times over..

It was pointed out to me not long ago that the bond I share with my son is stronger than some parents have with their children that they live with in the same house every day. Distance cannot change that. I am still able to get on him about his homework from here and tell him to clean behind his ears and give him advice about girls.. whether he wants it or not!

So with Spring break and summer vacation coming soon I am counting down until I can be with again. I was wondering if anyone has landed any wonderful travel deals for flying their children back and forth? What have your experiences been in that? So far we have only flown my son back to Canada. We used United and Air Canada. They both charged a $60 unaccompanied minor fee on top the seat fee and I had to have someone meet him in Edmonton for the transfer between airlines. It was a small price to pay to not have to worry about him getting through customs or being alone at all.

Fetara this is how my son and I are as well, he calls me when he needs help with his homework, he calls me when he is having trouble with anything. He is at that age now, puberty...oh my...so we are having to deal with that together. I have to say, he gets more support from me, being 1000 miles away than he does from his dad being right there under his nose. I mean I am not saying his dad is a bad dad, his dad takes care of him, he is just not the emotional type of person. He stays with me every summer and he looks forward to that every year, and it also gives him a break from his dad, so I think that is good. Even though we have been apart for 4 years now, he still knows who he can turn to know matter what, no what what the issue is and he knows he can talk to me about anything. The important key is to keep the communication lines open, I talk to him each and every day, and remind him that I am always there for him no matter what. He comes to me first when he has a problem even though I am not right there with him and that makes me feel great!!!!!

[lynny 0]

I also left my 2 children aged 19 and 23 back in Australia when I moved here 2 yrs ago, and I still dont know if I have done the right thing, My kids chose not to come here with me and both have their own lives but there are still many times that I feel that I have abandoned them, Their natural father has nothing to do with them and I am not close to my family so they are totally dependant on each other. We brought them here to USA over a year ago to visit and deep down i was hoping they would want to stay but both were happy to go home to their jobs, friends etc, and when I went home this xmas although they were so excited to see me they didnt seem to need me anymore and it hurt like hurt BUT like my hubby said, I should be proud that I had brought them up with confidence and independance that they can continue with life without me

I have had many people tell me that i chose with my heart and not my head when i moved overseas but my kids gave me their blessing

No one can make decsions like a lot of us have had to make without the regrets, guilt and heartache that have come with the decision but deep down we must know it was the right decision or else we would not have made it

Lynny

[Lizzy 0]

What an amzing thread........ i cryed when i read this.

Hugs to all you moms out there, i am trying to bring my 4 year old girl with me, i will keep you posted!

[Cdnwmn 0]

I have two daughters ages 26 and 23 who are back in Canada. Both work, have their own places but I miss them dreadfully. I keep telling myself that the girls are adults, they are independent but not being able to see them for a Sunday visit, on their birthdays, at Christmas, Thanksgiving etc still bites at me. How I wished we at least lived a few hours drive away from where they live. My son immigrated with me when he was 11 1/2 years old (he's now 15). He did not want to come here. His dad gave the permission for his son to immigrate so there hadn't been a problem with that. My son told me back then that I forced him to come to a place he didn't want to come to even though now he's fine. Now at least he talks of going back to Canada to "visit". If his dad hadn't let him come here back then, I probably would have not come myself.

I've mentioned it here a few times now that I've been talking to my husband about moving back to Canada in 6 years time when he retires. He's iffy on it but I'm working on it.

[Fetaria 0]

What an amzing thread........ i cryed when i read this.

Hugs to all you moms out there, i am trying to bring my 4 year old girl with me, i will keep you posted!

Best of luck with that. Are you planning on moving yourself and then your daughter to follow later? I so hope you are able to do so.

[Fandango 1,439]

Thank you all for sharing this stuff....it's amazing to see just how many people are in this situation.

D will be leaving behind two daughters...and it truly terrifies me how it's going to all work out.

[MrMrsKnight 0]

I miss baking cookies with my 13 year old brother and I miss my 15 year old brother calling me "Monya"... (he called me that when he first starting talking and he still calls me that)....

this just made me think about how much I'm gonna miss my sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's 13 now and we're SO close..... I couldn't stop crying for days when I moved out of my parents' house to live with Dave while he was here in Brazil. I can't even imagine how much I'm gonna cry and hurt when I move to the US!

She calls me Inha (she called me that when she first started talking too and still only calls me that).

The other day we had a little fight (sister stuff ) because she didn't want to go to the mall with me. Well I told her that I thought it was stupid that everytime she wants to go somewhere I go with her but sometimes I have to beg her to do things for me. Then later I went to her bedroom and said I was sorry and we made up. That's when I felt tears running down her face.... I asked why she was crying and she said: "I just realized that someday, when I grow up and want to go out with you and do stuff with you, you won't be here anymore....."

That broke my heart in so many little pieces that I still couldn't put them together!

[Peggy 1]

Awwwwwww Hugs

Its hard thats for sure.

My oldest son called the other day and I was out, so my husband talked to him for awhile. He told Roger that he was so happy for me and his brother that we are here. He also thanked him for being so nice to us and taking care of us. He's such a sweet boy. I thought that was so sweet of him to say to his step father.

I was talking to his ex-girlfriend the other nite on MSN. She told me he misses us so much. She said everytime she talks to him he is so sad with out us there. He misses his brother so much. They were so close when we lived at home. It near rips my heart out hearing this, cause he trys to be so strong when he talks to us on the phone. I MISS MY SON SO MUCH Makes tears comes to my eyes as I type this. This part of this process sucks bad. I cant wait to see and hug him in August. I just want to see his beautiful smile.

Edited March 8, 2006 by pink_roses

[daisy16 0]

Awwwwwww Hugs

Its hard thats for sure.

My oldest son called the other day and I was out, so my husband talked to him for awhile. He told Roger that he was so happy for me and his brother that we are here. He also thanked him for being so nice to us and taking care of us. He's such a sweet boy. I thought that was so sweet of him to say to his step father.

I was talking to his ex-girlfriend the other nite on MSN. She told me he misses us so much. She said everytime she talks to him he is so sad with out us there. He misses his brother so much. They were so close when we lived at home. It near rips my heart out hearing this, cause he trys to be so strong when he talks to us on the phone. I MISS MY SON SO MUCH Makes tears comes to my eyes as I type this. This part of this process sucks bad. I cant wait to see and hug him in August. I just want to see his beautiful smile.

What a sweetheart! shows you how well he was raised

He sounds like he's a lot like my son - missing his mom like crazy but trying to be a man and deal with it.

[Fetaria 0]

Awwwwwww Hugs

Its hard thats for sure.

My oldest son called the other day and I was out, so my husband talked to him for awhile. He told Roger that he was so happy for me and his brother that we are here. He also thanked him for being so nice to us and taking care of us. He's such a sweet boy. I thought that was so sweet of him to say to his step father.

I was talking to his ex-girlfriend the other nite on MSN. She told me he misses us so much. She said everytime she talks to him he is so sad with out us there. He misses his brother so much. They were so close when we lived at home. It near rips my heart out hearing this, cause he trys to be so strong when he talks to us on the phone. I MISS MY SON SO MUCH Makes tears comes to my eyes as I type this. This part of this process sucks bad. I cant wait to see and hug him in August. I just want to see his beautiful smile.

How interesting that is, my son does the very same thing. He tries so hard to be the big man and ask how my husband is and make pleasant conversation all the time about how good things are. It almost makes it harder to hear him like that. Then again it is just as hard to hear him complain about his nanny and how he even misses my sandwhiches. When we say goodnight we often get into a little silly war like I will say, I miss you.. to which he will say I miss you more.. until we cannot go any further. Last night he said.. "Mom? I miss you more than anyone has ever been missed (which started me bawling) then he said.. no come backs no returns" so that I could not top it. Not that I could anyway.

p.s. love the pictures, thank you for sharing your little ones

Edited March 8, 2006 by Fetaria

[shayrene 0]

I do not have any children yet, but my fiance has 2 small children from his first marriage. I worry about him leaving them to move to the US for me. I tried living in France with him, but I couldn't find work. In reading your post, my heart goes out to you. My fiance tells me not to worry, they will come to visit, and we will go there. I can't help to worry because I don't want him to be unhappy when he comes here because he doesn't see his children. Also, we want to have children after we are married. I want them to know their brother and sister in France. I don't want my step children to think that they have been replaced. We have talked about our future and we have agreed to live in France when our future children are older.

It is so complicated. (I think that since his ex-wife keeps him from seeing the children, only if she is in a good mood, it won't be so different with him 4000 miles away) C'est tres dificil!

I am not sure what I can do to help it be easier for my fiance. I guess all that I can do it be supportive and listen to him. We can tell each other anything and I mean anything which helps.

Talk with your husband and share your thoughts. Don't let him think that everything is ok and you are tormented inside. Stress manifests itself. You will find comfort from him.

[raphael7546 0]

My Little girl is coming for Spring break ( 13 days!) on Sunday March 12th. ! We can't wait to see her, hug her and give her lots of kisses ! We talk on webcam all the time but its not the same as seeing her sweet little face!

[TracyTN 237]

Aww that's excellent news, Lily!!!